Claudia looked up from her lap top when there was a knock at her door. "Who is it?"
"Uh, it's Taylor.. .can I come in Claud?"
"Sure.. door's open." She called. Her bedroom door opened gingerly and Taylor appeared behind it. It occured to Claudia that this was the first time he had been in her room. "Whats up?" She asked him. Taylor took a deep breath.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Uh huh."
"Well... how long have you known Cammie for?" He asked. Claudia smiled, knowing where this was going. Taylor was standing in the door way, she gestured for him to sit down on her bed. He did so.
"A little while... long enough... why?"
"Well.. heres the thing.. I like her... a lot... and I thought she liked me to.. I mean, we went out last night after school and we really connected.. but today she told me that she basically wants nothing to do with me.. that she found out something that will stop her from taking things further with me.. I don't know what it is and she wont tell me.. "
"And you want me to find out for you why the sudden change of mind huh?". Taylor nodded. Claudia shook her head. "Fraid not... ". Taylors face and shoulders fell.
"Why not?" He asked, confused.
"Cammie is my friend. If she wants to talk to me she will, but I'm not about to push my nose into something that isn't my business. Also, if she does talk to me, I'm not going to come running to you with all the juicy information. Like I said, Cammie is my friend and I'm not going to go behind her back and tell you what she's told me. Look, Taylor... if she wants to tell you whats going on in her head.. she will. I'm sure she has a very good reason as to why she doesn't want to tell you the full story behind her decision. You have to respect that." Claudia told him. Taylor understood.
"I guess... thanks anyway Claud." Taylor got up from his seat on the bed. As Taylor closed the door behind him, Claudia turned back to her lap top. She read over what she had written.
Of course theres always the fear that he will come back. He was never caught. That scares the hell out of me and very well could be a reason contibuting to my nightmares. Are my nightmares a peminition of the future? God I hope not... If I'm out alone, which doesn't happen very often, I am forever looking over my shoulder... could he be lurking amoungst the shadows where I can't see him?... Maybe I've met with him and not even know it. I still can't remember his face. Every nightmare I have, his face is a blank void. It's so frustrating to not be able to tell my parents or the police who my attacker is.. tell them what he looks like so they can search for him. Who knows, maybe writing this will trigger some sort of flashback I've pushed aside in my mind and I'll see his face. Thats what Kevin is hoping anyway... I'm not so sure it's going to work... but I have to admit, writing this has helped quite a lot. In here I can write my true feelings. Kevin told me I only have to show him if I want to. Maybe I will... maybe I wont.. I havent decided yet. The nightmares still continue to torment me in my sleep. I haven't slept a full nights sleep since the Hanson's arrived. Kevin feels that I could be having them again due to my insecurity about my apperance where the boys are concerned. If it were just Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, things would be ok... but having the three boys here, I have to admit, made me want to hide in my room for ever. That was when they first arrived. Now, things aren't so bad... Taylor and Isaac seem to be able to look past my scars... but Zac worries me. He resents me for what I am.. who I am... he believes the stories told to him by the kids at school... and seeing as I haven't told him different, who am I to blame him? I'm hoping he will come around sooner or later and realise how stupid what he believes about me is... how could one possibly do the torturous things done to myself...
Thats where she had gotten up to before Taylor had knocked at her door. Claudia read it over again and decided that was enough for one entry. She shut down her lap top and closed the lid.
Isaac sat, slumped on the sofa. He was watching something on TV, but had long stopped following it. He had began to let his mind wander through his jumbled thoughts. He stared at the space where Claudia had been seated next to him earlier that day, when everyone was out. His parents were house hunting, the Walshes were at work and his brothers were at school. Yep. It was just he and Claudia. Alone. Together. And he blew it. Big time. Isaac couldn't believe his stupidity, but under the circumstances, he had forgotten completely about her past. When he looked at her, he didn't see the scars, or the pain and fear in her eyes. He didn't know what it was, but he was beginning to like Claudia. More than he had ever for anyone else. Shaking his head, Isaac took hold of the remote and turned the TV up louder. He didn't want to think about Claudia or the afternoon anymore. He only vaguely noticed when someone walked into the room and slumped down into an arm chair to Isaac's left, he looked over and saw Taylor.
"What's your problem?" Isaac asked after Taylor had gotten up, turned on the light, flashed a glare in his brothers direction and slumped back down in the chair again. His face was set in a scowl as he watched the television.
"Nothing, and if I did have a problem, I wouldn't tell you anyway" Taylor mumbled.
"Well good. I don't really want to hear your problems. I've got my own"
"Like they could be any worse than mine"
"They are... beleive me..." Isaac said, not taking his eyes from the TV. Taylor looked over at Isaac and saw that he actually looked pretty miserable.
"What's wrong?" He asked, sounding concerned.
"Don't worry about it. Haven't you got homework to do or something?" Isaac asked, annoyed. He actually wanted to be alone. Taylor nodded.
"Yeah, but it can wait" He said just as another person walked into the den where the boys were. Both Isaac and Taylor looked up to see who their new companion was.
"Hi.... do you guy's mind if I join you?" Claudia asked, standing just inside the doorway.
"Sure you can" Taylor said, motioning for her to sit down. Claudia smiled and chose to sit in the other arm chair. Isaac couldn't help but stare at her. But he wasn't staring at her scars. Claudia noticed him staring.
"What are you staring at?" She asked quietly. Isaac shook his head.
"Nothing..." He said. He glanced at Taylor and saw he was watching the TV, not paying attention to either Isaac or Claudia. Isaac moved over the sofa seats so he could be closer to Claudia. "Listen, Claud... I'm really sorry about this afternoon... I wasn't thinking... it wont happen again" Isaac said in a low voice. Claudia didn't look at him.It wont happen again... great, now you've blown any chances with him you idiot! she thought unhappily.
"Okay Isaac... but I really don't think we should talk about this with Taylor here..." She said. Isaac looked over at his brother again but as before, he was wrapped up in the televison.
"He's not listening to us... we could go to another room... I want to apologise"
"You already have Isaac. I'm over it and you should be to." Claudia said a little harshly before getting up and walking out. Isaac watched her go and then groaned as he flopped back onto his back on the sofa.
"What happened between you and Claudia this afternoon?". Isaac heard Taylor's voice ask.
"Nothing"
"Don't lie"
"I'm not lying!"
"Then what did you apologise for?"
"Nothing Taylor, stay out of it"
"You tried something on her didn't you?"
"No"
"Yes you did! You like Claudia?"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard what I said." Taylor said, grinning. He could tell that Isaac liked Claudia. Isaac sat up and eyed his brother. "You like Claudia... am I right?". Isaac stayed silent. "Ha! I knew it! What did you do to her? She obviously doesn't want to be around you..."
"Shut up Taylor... it has nothing to do with you." Isaac snapped. Taylor laughed. "I'm not joking Taylor.. whats wrong with you anyway?" He asked, trying to change the subject.
"Hey... nothing now.. you've cheered me up.."
"Glad to help"
"Did you try to kiss her?"
"Taylor!"
"Ok! ok.. I wont say anything else.." Taylor said, taking great delight in his brothers situation. "Wait.. I did want to talk to you about something... I think Zac skipped school today.". Isaac looked at him, eyebrows raised.
"Zac skipped school?" He asked.
"I said, I think he did... I don't know for sure.."
"What makes you think he did?"
"I don't know.. I just didn't see him all day and yesterday we were practically joined at the hip.."
"Did you ask Zac about it?". Taylor nodded. "What did he say?"
"That he was there the whole time.. but he got really uppety and defencive with me about it... wouldn't look me in the eye... I thought maybe you could talk to him..."
"Right.. he's closer to you than me.. what makes you think he'll tell me anything?"
"Your his big brother... you can beat it out of him.." Taylor said, grinning. Isaac smiled.
"Sure... why can't you do it?"
"Well for starters, he's as big as me and I'm not proud to admit... probably stronger... where as you-"
"Taylor.. I'm not going to beat up Zac..."
"Ok.. it was just an idea.."
"What was just an idea?" Zac asked, walking into the room. He picked up the remote from the arm chair next to Taylor and proceeded to flip though the channels on the TV. Taylor and Isaac looked at each other. Reaching over, Isaac took the remote out of Zacs hand.
"Zac.. we have to talk..."
