“Hey Taters....” Nick stood at the grave sight cautiously. “It’s kind of weird, being here to talk to you when I know you’re not going to answer.” Nick’s words were choked, as if he were trying to remain calm but was at the brink of breakdown. “I um... I guess I have a lot to say to you. I don’t know quite why you did it... I mean I know why you did... because of me...” Nick stopped briefly to wipe his eyes. “... Tatum, I never got to explain... I was so drunk, and I’m so sorry. Sorry doesn’t do shit though.”

Nick stopped, and pulled a polished, black hand gun out of his heavy coat. “That’s why, I’m coming to be with you Baby. Maybe then you’ll understand, maybe then I can explain, make things right. Then I can deal with things with you. I love you so much, I can’t live. Things have been crazy the last two week without you. I can’t deal with it. I hope you understand now.”

Nick placed the end of the gun in his mouth. That was the difference between suicides attempters, and suicide doers; if you placed the gun at your head, there was a possibility you may not die, but if you placed it in your mouth, it went straight to your brainstem, and you’d be dead within a mere second. Taking a deep breath, Nick whispered, “I love you Tatum.” And with that, the gun was shot off, ending another life, another one’s hopes, dreams, love and so much more. As his body hit the grass, a life was taken in a mere second, so much more to learn, grow and cherish, stopped in an instant. All for love.

Nick Carter had welcomed love with open arms, he’d welcomed alcohol with open arms, and now he’d welcomed death with open arms. Just as Tatum had welcomed his love, his alcoholism and her death with open arms. Both caught in a torrent of lies, deceit, unfaithfulness, and harsh acts. Never to be taken back, never to be repeated, but always be remembered.

Author’s note: I wrote this from close personal experience, and all should know that suicide is not the answer. I have tried (successfully I hope) to capture the emotions that go along with occurrences just like this. Please know, as shallow as this may be, that this is not the answer, and when you take your life, you’re taking something precious not only from yourself, but from everyone that knows you.