Part 3 "I told you it was a hoax!" Paul said.
"No, no it wasn't! We've followed the arrow the wrong way! I knew we should've turned left at Albequrque....road!" John said with an exhasperated sigh. "Let's try this again." So, they walked to Albequrque road, where they turned left. About a block down, on the corner, was a huge sign that said "BSB evil headquarters here!"
"Well, isn't that special? We've found it! Let the mission begin!"
they walked in, glancing around to make sure that no one was looking at them suspiciously. They walked straight forward until the came to a huge room. They could see five figures huddled around a black pot.Each of the figures wore a black cloak and a black wizard hat.
"LOOK!" John pointed down. Then they noticed the crowd around them. thousands of glazed over eyes peered up at the five.
"Ew ekil elttil syob!!!" They yelled out loudly amongst the croud. They cheered loudly. "Ew pil cnys ot lla ruo sgnos esuaceb ew era snorom!!" 'they chanted somemore magical words, and a small explosion erupted through the room. The black pot sizzled. "Did ew noitnem ew era yag? ho sey, ew era etiuq ytiurf. Dna uoy lla kcus rof gninetsil ot ruo resop sDC!!! ahahahahahahahahahawb!!!" The Beatles shook their heads.
"How are we ever going to understand what they are saying in this secret language? Ah!" Ringo exclaimed. "I know!! I vote we get a really large stick and beat the living 'ell out of all of them!"
"Ringo, that might be the most brilliant thing you've said all day," John said. "But seeing that we have a lack of equipment, I don't really think we can." Suddenly, someone came up behind the backstreet boys.
"Good Lord!!" Paul gasped. "It's...It's.."
"No it's NOT!!" John exclaimed.
"Yes it is!!!"
"Actually, I think it looks more like-"
"No it DOESN'T!!! It HAS to be-" Paul paused. "TOM CRUISE!!!!"
"I MA Mot Esiurc, ruoy live redael!!! Ti Sah Emoc Ot Ym noitnetta taht ruof gnuoy sdal taht kool ylsuoicipsus ekil eht Seltaeb era gniyrt ot llik ruo live noitazinagro! Os rebmemer, nehw uoy ees eno fo eseht sdneif, teab meht htiw eht tnaig srebmucuc ew lliw edivorp uoy htiw ni a dnoces! Dootsrednu?"
"DOOTSREDNU!!!" The crowd Cheered.
"Well, I have a headache now. Let's get out of here!" John said, turning around.
"NOT SO FAST, BEATLE BOYS!" The Beatles whirled around to see one of the most feminine looking backstreet boys.
"Good Lord, he looks more like a girl in person!" Ringo said, shielding his eyes.
"YEAH he does!" George said.
"Oh, come ON I do not!!" he whined. He had on a name tag that said "Hello, my name is Howie."
"Yes you do! WHy, you're just the spitting image of Britney Spears!" Paul said. There was a pause.
"OKAY!!!!! So WHAT if I like to experiment with Passion pink lipstick?!?!? SO WHAT if I slip into a dress every once and a while?? WHO CARES if I own half of Kathie Lee Gifford's outfit collection? doesn't that still make me a human being??"
"No...that's really really sick..." ringo said.
"Look, just go get in touch with your feminine side! We won't tell! Only time will heal the wounds!" Paul soothed. They walked away, listening to Howie break down and cry about what he was going to tell the "girls" at the meeting tomorrow.
"How do you know?" George asked.
"Pardon?" Paul asked.
"How do you know that time will heal the wounds?"
"I........er.......that is I mean... I don't! I just said it so that we could get out of there." George eyed Paul suspiciously.
"I know about the collection of dresses in your closet, and the make-up in your bathroom drawer," George confessed.
"What? I-I....WHAT were you doing looking for dresses and make-up in my house?" Paul asked, as they walked down the street.
"I...I was looking for a dictionary.." George said quietly.
"Oh, a dictionary? WHY were you looking for a dictionary in my bathroom drawer?"
"Well....isn't that where people keep their dictionaries?" the conversation was dropped, and they walked on, desperately
pondering on what to do next. None of them realized that they were being followed by a pack of rabid, wild, cucumber carrying teeny bopper Backstreet Boys fans. AAAAHHHH!!!!!!
"Hey, John, do you hear something?"
"Why, yes, I do, Paul."
"Do you care to do us all a favor and turn around to see what is making that racket, John?"
"No I don't, Paul, why don't you turn around and look."
"Actually, I don't feel compelled to at the moment. George, won't you do the honors and turn around to see what is making that awful hideous screaming noise?"
"OKay," he said, turning around. "Um...would you believe me if there was a herd of wild screaming adolescent girls with large cucumbers in their hands...chasing after us?"
"Actually...yes..." John said, turning around. Sure enough, there they were. They were gaining speed, their cucumbers flailing with their hard work.
"I don't know about you, but I definatly don't want to stick around to find out what exactly they are going to do with those..." Ringo said, breaking into a run. The others followed him, and they ducked into the closest door. The crowd ran on without them.
"Hey, what are these?" ringo asked, bending over. He picked up four tickets.
"Tickets...to a show!" Ringo said.
"Well HOW convenient!" John exclaimed sarcastically. he grabbed one of them.
"Rosie O'Donnell...who in bloody hell is that?" Ringo asked.
"Don't know...let's go find out!" They walked around until they found a person walkking around aimlessly. He appeared to be a security guard.
"Pardon me, sir, but can you tell me where I can see Rosie O'Donnell?" he looked at them and bit his lip, trying to hold back laughter. He took out a strange little device in which he called someone on. About a minute later, another man showed up.
"Good GOD!" He said. "You-you look- JUST like the Beatles! Right this way!" He said excitedly, leading them a narrow hallway stretching quite a ways down. He stopped infront of a door and knocked a few times in what seemed like a secret knock. Then he entered, and gestured for the Beatles to follow him. They were brought into the dressing room of a lady.
"Good Lord! Beatle....look alikes...haha," she said with a hearty laugh. She seemed awfully excited for some reason.
"This will go WONDERFULLY with today's show! How would you like to introduce me today? Good seats...better than those you have in your hand! All you have to do is read a teleprompter..what do you say? The crowd will get a kick out of it, and you know how I LOVE good ratings!" The Rosie woman said, taking a bite out of a doughnut.
"Um...sure.." John said, with the thought of the possessed Cucumber worshippers in the back of his head.
"Go out and take a seat, and the show will start in about Ten Minutes. Someone will come up to you and tell you what to do! I am absolutely smitten!" She said. "Never have I ever seen impersonators looks so much like the real thing! GET OUT!" She said, turning back to her reflection in the mirror. Paul shrugged and ran out, finding the theatre not too far from the dressing room. They found their seats and sat down, with the crowd looking at them curiously. Finally they were cued. They were told to put on huge fake smiles.
"Hi, I'm John Lennon."
"Paul McCartney"
"George Harrison"
"And Ringo Starr, and this is the Rosie O'Donnell show!"
"With special guest muscians....NSYNC?!?!" Paul's voice questioned, but John picked up for him quickly.
"And...TOM CRUISE?!?!?!?!"John was about to do something drastic, so ringo and George picked up for him.
"And now heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Rosie!" She came out from behind the curtains, only to be greeted by four stunned Beatles.
"So, what are your names, really?" She asked. The Beatles looked at eachother and shrugged.
"I'm Bob Dole," John said, making up a name off the top of his head. Rosie laughed a small, polite laugh.
"Okay..." She said, apparently taken aback by the seriousness in his features.
"No, seriously, my name is John Lennon."
"So, do you boys play instruments and everything, or are you just a look alike."
"No, we play and write songs," Paul said.
"We'll have to get you out there with NSYNC later," Rosie said.
"NSYNC must be beat," George said, speaking up. "I think the best way for this to occur would be to smack them over and over again with a different cut of meat. Then I would be entertained, and the world wouldn't have to worry about their wretched music!" he said, beaming.
"That is the most intelligent and useful thing you have said all day!" Ringo exclaimed!
"uumm....Say hello to John McDee and the band!" Rosie said, trying to avoid such an uncomfortable situation.
"I think she is one of them," John whispered to George.
"Is she?"
"No she's not!" Said Paul. "She's just extremely mislead." Rosie read through her dialogue, and the whole time the Beatles sat in a very tense, upright position. No one knew what would happen when Tom Cruise came on the stage.
"Let's welcome my first guest, a cutie patootie indeed, TOM CRUISE!!!!" He came out, and Rosie about had a heart attack. She ran up to him and practically made out with him. John turned his head away and closed his eyes at the sick display. Tom sat down on a chair, and Rosie eyed the Beatles, her ecstatic look not leaving her face.
"HI TOMMY!!!" she said excitedly.
"Hi, Rosie, love!"
"Oh, the look of him is absolutely SCARRING!" Ringo said, hiding his eyes.
"I didn't know that he could speak English!" Paul said, amazed at his bilingual ability. Suddenly, Tom's eyes scanned the crowd, right over to where they were all sitting. A look of shock flooded his features, but then it faded into a disturbing grin. Rosie noticed this, and she got the same grin.
"We'll be right back with Tommy!" She said, and the show went to commercial. She got up and Tom nodded. She sighed abd reached under her desk. She pulled out a large cucumber, larger then any of the screaming girls had been.
"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" They screamed and they ran through the curtains with Rosie and Tom hot on their feet.
Nac Uoy Llet em woh ot teg ot Emases teerts!!" Rosie yelled in the same foreign tongue they had heard the others using.
"Ekat A Tfel dna ssorc Eulb Yaj Yaw!!" Tom yelled back.
"I wish I could understand what they were saying! What language is that, anyway?" George asked.
"I think it's French!" Paul said. They turned a sharp corner, and John fell over. Rosie caught up to him and began beating him senseless.
"Go on, lads, you go without me! I'll be fine *OW*!!! YOU ARE GOING DOWN, TUBBY BITCH WOMAN!!!" He grabbed the end of the cucumber and tried to yank it out of her hands, but it didn't work. Tom chased after the other three, who had left. He had his own cucumber. Suddenly, a side door opened, and Justin of NSYNC popped his head out.
"ROSIE! DOUGHNUT!"
"Where?" She asked, turning around. John grabbed the cucumber and ran into justin's dressing room. He locked the door.
"EVERYBODY BACK!! I have a cucumber, and I am NOT afraid to use it!" John threatened, when he heard Rosie's wild knocks at the door. Everyone in Nsync started laughing wildly.
"Am I supposed to be pannicked?" Justin asked. John knew he looked ridiculous, so he looked for a different weapon. Suddenly he had a brilliant idea.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"What are we going to do?!" George asked, standing against a wall. He was in a corner, hiding from tom Cruise, who was lurking in a corner.
"He's a nasty little heathen, that Tom Cruise!" Ringo said.
"I can't believe we left John back there! I hope he is okay!!" he said quietly.
"I KNOW you are here somewhere, you little Beatles fiends! I WILL find you!" He scoped the room.
"we can't stay here! he is sure to find us here!" Ringo said.
"I don't know! There are three of us and one of him...surly we can take him down..."
"I hear you, beatle bitches!" He snarled. Suddenly, Ringo rose.
"Ringo!" Paul said, but it was too late.
"I AM NOT A BEATLE BITCH!!!!!!" He yelled tackling Tom to the ground. Tom lost control of his cucumber and it fell to the ground. While ringo attacked Tom, George and Paul slipped into the closest room.
"Oh my God... look at all the meat!"
~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~
John grabbed a pair of scissors from the a near by table.
"You wouldn't dare!" Justin said, backing up. His other NSYNC collegues backed up, too."
"Oh, WOULDN'T I!!!" John said, clutching the cucumber, and opening and closing the scissors. He moved closer, and lunged at Justin. He grabbed Justin's blonde hair and pulled it. And then he went to work. There was nothing anyone could do to stop him. He cut Justin's hair until there was hardly anything left but a few spots of hair. John smiled at his handiwork and ran out the door.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He screamed at the view of his new hair cut. The other members of NSYNC could not muffle their laughter. It was clear that they could not take the stage.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"What can I do with all of this meat?" George asked, looking around. He peered into a large freezer filled with pork chops.
"She is a very hungry person if she has to keep a damn supply house full of meat in her damned studio!" Paul exclaimed. Suddenly, Ringo burst in the room with John.
"Nsync is still going on stage!" John said, but he was laughing. "Justin has no hair! I cut it all off!!" George looked at John in astonishment.
"BITCHIN!!" He exclaimed. He began to gather up different sizes of meat.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"All that I do, is not enough for you-" Nsync sang, jumping around the stage like monkeys on steroids.
"Ready? One..Two...THREE!!" He hurled a porkchop at Lance, and it hit him in the head.
"AGH!" he yelled. John grabbed a steak and threw it at Justin. It hit his wig that he had put on. The wig fell to the floor, and he stood, looking like a two year-old that had just wetted his pants. He ran off stage in a panic. Ringo threw a pork chop at J.C., and it hit him in a very bad spot. He collapsed in a fit of manly pain and didn't get up for five minutes. The Beatles ran away as fast as they could, proud of themselves for creating such chaos. They pushed open the doors, and ran right into a crowd of Tom Cruise supporters.
************ **************** ****************** **************
The Beatles walked down the road in a mass fury. There had to be some way to ruin the boybands. But how? How could they prove their suspisions.
"This is all crap! There has to be a better way to go about doing this!" Paul grumbled. Suddenly, John cried out "Look!!!" There was a large sign that said "This way to the Backstreet Boy's diabolically evil labratory in which they will be discussing how to take over the world."
"How LUCKY of us!" Ringo said.
"Let's go!" George said.
"Wait! It could be a trick..." Paul said.
"Honestly, Paul. They don't know about our suspisions. Let's go!" So, they followed the sign. Sure enough, there was a large convention taking place in a large building about a block away from the sign. The Beatles burst in and ran into the press room.
"WE'VE GOT YOU NOW!!!!" John yelled with gleeful laughter. Suddenly, he stopped laughing.
"It's the BIRD FROM the T.V.!!!!" George declared, pointing. That's right, Britney Spears. Slowly, the photographers turned around and began taking pictures of them.
"Umm....sorry...we thought you were the backstreet boys. You look kinda like that feminine one, you know," John said. Britney gasped.
"We'll...be leaving now!" Ringo said, and they all ran out of the building. They ran all the way back to the sign, panting.
Go To Part 4