As I traveled here,
I noticed each town's population signs...
one particular town whose population
had just increased by one.
My loss...
their gain.
But tonight, this town's population is just ONE...
just me.
Me and my friend, the sea...
drifting,
but going no place...
just chasing seagulls across the shore...
enjoying the blissful solitude...
Until I saw a couple standing arm in arm
in the moonlight...
carving indentions in the sand
as they huddled closely.
He took her face in his hands and gently kissed her...
and suddenly,
my blissful solitude turned to loneliness.
Looking away,
I am reminded of the times that I have briefly held you...
and the times I wished I could hold you forever...
like the sea holds the moonlight...
at a distance,
yet so close.
I close my eyes
and open my mind to the sea.
It understands my silence.
You are so real when I think of you...
yet, so far away when I touch myself.
I remember coming here as a child...
running & skipping along the water's edge...
always weary of going out too far...
overprotective parents lurking close behind.
I remember watching the waves
as they carelessly tumbled ashore...
erasing carvings left in the sand by previous lovers.
Life was so simple then.
I was so pure...
so innocent...
so young.
I wish I'd known you then.
For a brief moment just now,
I was back there.
I saw myself...
young and carefree...
long hair blowing in the breeze...
arms and legs covered with sand.
I saw myself building a sand castle...
suddenly realizing that I couldn't read the name
in the sand of who had captured MY heart
that particular summer.
Now,
I'm much older...
much too wise for sand castles.
My castles are across the sea...
but very much right here beside me.
The shock of cold foamy water on my feet
brings me back to reality,
and I realize I've been crying.
I looked down...
and for a brief moment,
I thought I saw your name written in the sand.
I hurried to write my name under it...
realizing that I've never seen our names
written together before.
Many days have come and gone since I arrived here,
and today is YOUR day.
I took a flight on the wings of a seagull this morning
and searched for someone like you among the beach people...
but you weren't there.
No one came even close.
I realize the handicap I am under
by missing you so much.
Now, I skip along...
allowing my youth to kick newly washed-up shells
back into the water...
but I hesitate in my steps.
You see, I've stumbled before.
And I don't plunge right into the water...
because...
well, I've strangled before.
The sun catches in the trees...
it follows me along the beach...
watching my every move.
It's the same sun that pushes me from bed each morning.
And now...
the sun is years from going down...
and I feel like today will last forever...
as I search for time
on a watch with no hands.
Thinking of you intermingles
with all the sights and sounds of the ocean...
the washing of the waves...
rhythmically rolling the velvet sand
into a thousand sensuous forms.
I hear the distant wailing of seals...
the pleading music of seagulls.
I see the shimmering seaweed
trembling in the shallow water.
I lose myself in the spiritual mystery of this place...
the endless ocean...
and you.
I think I need distilling of a kind
that the sun, sand, and water can't handle.
Perhaps a bottle floating at sea
will release the magic that I am searching for.
Now,
this day is ending as it began...
with you.
I left my heart down on the shore
to dance among the waves.
I think I see it...
washing out over the ocean.
I talked to you earlier this evening.
I must have thought your voice could save me
from the darkness of this night...
as I cry into my pillow...
for me...
for you...
and the bond that's wider than this ocean.
Even now...
in the darkness of my closed eyes...
I can see you...
and I realize that you will never
completely leave me.
The moments we are sharing together
are forming the memories that will give me strength
and courage to make it through the future.
I'll hold my memories of you through the night.
And for some strange reason,
I'll feel safe lying here in the arms
of the one I love...
who feels remarkably like a pillow.
