 
  In 1966 I was full of wonder just as any other six year old child would be. Thoughts of tomorrow were so far away in my mind. Concentrating on the day at hand was really all that mattered unless there was a special occasion coming up that would take my thoughts away from play.
It just so happened that there was a special day coming and that day was filled with so much excitment and anticipation. I could hardly wait for momma and daddy to get home with the new baby. When I saw the car coming down the road I couldn't even tell you what I was doing at that time. Playing I'm sure, but at the site of the car, all I could think about was getting to see Victor for the very first time.
He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Playing little mommy was so much fun and I formed a bond with my brother that day. A bond that is stronger than anything imaginable and something that will last for all eternity. That's what I have to hold on to along with precious memories and photos of days gone by.
Days that Victor was here with us. Days that I could hear his laughter and see his smiling face. Days I could reach out and touch him and know he was there beside me. That first day, the day I looked into his eyes for the very first time, was the beginning of the rest of my life and that early May morning back in 1990 was the ending of my life as I had known it. A new way of living had only just begun for us all.
Our days would no longer be filled with Victor's laughter or little jokes he told. No longer would I be able to reach out my arms and give my baby brother that hug I so long for to this day. God only knows how much I miss him. If I had only known he was going to be in my life for such a short time, I would have done so much more. I would have told him I love you until he didn't want to hear it any longer. I would have hugged him until he said let go. I would have done, I would have done so much more if only I had known what the 31st of May 1990 was going to bring our way. So much heartache and sadness that I couldn't even begin to discribe.
Victor lived his life as though tomorrow would never arrive. He was so full of wonder for life. He was so young when that fateful day came, he had only just begun to really live his life as an adult with responsibilities and two young children. It broke my heart to know that they, Dustin and Kendall would not have their daddy in their life. How were they suppose to understand, where did daddy go? Why isn't daddy here with us? They were only three and four years old when daddy went away. Too young to really know the why's and I as an adult still don't know those answers. I have never felt so much sorrow and pain as I did that day. My heart was so heavy that I thought it was going to drop from my chest any moment.
Victor and the two other passengers in that car with him were at the mercy of their driver that night. They had no control over his actions. Through numerous pleads for him to slow down, stop and let them out, all their cries went unheard. To this day I wonder if Scott, the driver of the car, ever thinks about what his actions have done to Victor's family and friends.
I have never spoken to him but I would sit down with him in a heartbeat if that chance would ever arise. I had and still have so many questions unanswered. But I try not to think about that fateful day and all the things that are associated with it too much. If I did, it would make me crazy. So, I go on as best I can. Living my life without my brother but knowing in my heart that I will see him again in God's good time. That keeps me going enough to get through my days and nights on this earth. I love and miss my baby brother so much.
Celebrating the "BIG 40" in Heaven
December 7 2006
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Sonya, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the beautiful poem.
You always seem to keep my heart smiling with your kindness and love. I love you dear Angel friend, Patricia
 Dear Brother,
Today you celebrate your 40th birthday in heaven. Please know that I am celebrating it with you in my own little way here on earth. I know you will have a glorious and grand day up there with all your angel friends and family that were there waiting to take your hand when you arrived sixteen years ago.
I'll wait patiently to see your smiling face once again and in the meantime dear brother, I'll go on the best I can without you here with me. knowing that you are happy and at peace in a wonderful wonderful place brings great peace to my heart.
Having you as my brother here on earth for almost 24 years made me so proud to be your sister. And having you as my angel in heaven for sixteen years has been really hard, but none the less I will always be proud to be your sister. You are my brother even though you carry a set of wings upon your back now.
The bond we shared on earth is still with me. And although you're millions of miles away, the bond will always be right here with me for all eternity inside my broken heart. I love you more than the air I breathe.
Happy birthday baby brother, I miss you so so very much.
Your Loving Sis, Patricia
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