i am always told to dig deeper...
to see what lies inside...
i have a hard time doing that,
mainly because i do not always like what i find
in those deep, dark corners of my mind.
There is so much pain and anger in those places,
but there is also much love and compassion...
a lot of times it is a constant battle within me
to discover which side will triumph.
Will the anger win out over the goodness?

i was a person lost, with no guiding light...
until i met Master Joseph.
i would float through my world just existing instead of really living...
always afraid to feel too much...
sometimes afraid of not feeling enough.
With Master Joseph's guidance and wisdom,
i am no longer afraid to feel...
i cherish each emotion and sensation invoked in me...

i am a person that is constantly struggling with her own inner demons...
always changing and evolving through my life’s experiences
and the emotions those experiences invoke.

i am a scared and lonely child inside, one that fears everything...
one who just wants someone to care for and protect her...
one who wants unconditional love.
That is something few can say they have ever truly experienced...
there are always stipulations and requirements for receiving love...
at least in my own experiences...
that is why i have always tried so hard to be tough and hard.
That was my defense against the fear...
the fear that is as much a part of who i am as the air i breathe.

i am just a person trying to understand myself,
a person that is trying to make it through life the best way she can...
whether it be right or wrong.
i am an individual that is seeking to be the best that i can possibly be...
making discoveries, then changing who i am the more i learn and grow.

i close my eyes and try to see
who i really am and i see a person off the beaten path...
one that knows not where to go next...
a person afraid of being who and what she really is...
of letting go and letting the world see her for what she truly is...
and at the same time,
a person afraid of not letting her true nature shine through...

i see now that who i am is a very confused woman needing guidance,
love, compassion, understanding, and patience to find her true self,
to face her demons, then let them go.

Until i accomplish this, i will never be truly free.
Until i am free, i will never be able to discover the person i am meant to be.
Until i discover the person i am meant to be,
i will never be the person Master Joseph sees when He looks at me...

This is who I am.

*I wish to thank MasterJoseph for opening my eyes
to myself and the world around me.
There were so many things i never saw before He came into my life,
and still so many things i am unable to see now...
but at least now i have the courage to look
and to seek these things in my life...
and with that, to learn and continually grow.
For this i am eternally greatful.
Thank You Master Joseph...