It was early in the morning, not even light out, when something brought Brianna out of her sleep. In the dark and still a bit in shock from the previous day it took her a minute to figure out where she was and what had woke her. That something was actually Nick. Every few seconds she could feel his shoulders shake slightly. Not much but that combined with the wetness she now felt on her shoulder she knew that he was crying. What she didn’t know was if he was awake or asleep.

In a whisper she spoke to him. “Nick? Honey, you awake?” A sniffle and a nod of his head told her he was indeed awake. “You wanna talk?” He shook his head no. “That’s okay. Whenever you’re ready I’ll listen. You know that, right?” Again he nodded his head. She closed her eyes and gave him a hug leaving her arms around him letting her fingers play with his hair. It was nearly 30 minutes later when he actually said something.

“Why?” She wasn’t even sure she heard him speak or if she imagined it, the question was so quiet.

“Why what, Nick?”

This time he lifted his head and looked at her. “Why does it feel like the entire world has been turned upside down?”

With the light from the early dawn she could see his eyes swollen and tears on his cheeks. She had to look up for a second to try and control her own tears. “I don’t know, Nick. But no matter how bad things seem they eventually will always get better. I know you can’t see that right now. Hell, it’s even hard for me to see it. You just gotta believe and keep livin’ day to day.”

“He wouldn’t listen to us. Not even Amanda or his mom. Why? Why’d he let himself get this bad?” His voice was cracking and he was having a hard time speaking. But he had actually leaned up on his elbow now looking down at Brianna. She was surprised but happy that he was actually talking.

“When you’re in the middle of it you can’t see it, and you don’t want to believe anything is wrong. No one could tell him he had a problem and needed help. He needed to realize that for himself. He did that. He took the hardest step. Now he’s somewhere where he can heal and learn control. Nick, sweetie, I know inside you’re hurting and so confused. If it was you, I’d be in the same state you are in, if not worse. But you gotta step back from it for a second and understand that this is a good thing.”

He squeezed his eyes tight trying to get some control. “I know. I mean my head knows he is gonna get better. But my heart is still stuck on the fact that he was hurting so much inside that he had to do that to himself. It still hurts that it took so long for him to finally admit that he needed help. And that it was only after this huge blow up between all of us that he finally came around. Why’d he make us get mad at him? Just so many Why’s and not enough answers for them all.”

After that Nick drifted off into thoughts of his own and Brianna didn’t interrupt him. This was going to take time, lots of time for all of them to heal. However, he had started drawing little circles over her belly and that was distracting her from thinking. She looked up at him and knew he wasn’t even paying attention, his eyes staring out the window, completely lost in thought. He still looked so tired. Smiling a little she realized he also needed to shave, but she wasn’t about to point that out. She felt his hand flatten against her belly and his thumb moving back and forth. Then, out of no where he took a deep breath and pulled her back into a hug with his head on her shoulder.

“Thank you Brianna. Thanks for being here.” He whispered into her ear.

<~ Chapter 26 or Chapter 28 ~>

In the End

Karina 2003