“Oh God, Brianna I’m so sorry.” He was saying as he literally jumped off her and out of the bed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Oh God.” He was running his hands through his hair and looking everywhere except at Brianna. “This is wrong. We can’t do this. I won’t do this. Not to you.”

Her heart fell.

“Brianna, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me. This just isn’t gonna work. I need some time alone. I’m gonna go crash with Roc or D. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was rambling as he put on some clothes and made a beeline for the door.

“Nick, wait…” Brianna tried to stop him.

“I shouldn’t have done that to you. I need to get control of this, this, inside me. I’ll see you later. I’m sorry.” He stammered as he quickly walked our of their hotel room.

Brianna found herself talking to a closed door. “Nick its okay.” She said. Then in a whisper, “I love you.” But he was long gone and never heard her. He was too busy beating himself up over his actions.

Brianna was left with a bottomless pit of self-doubt, sorrow, and loneliness. “Not to me?” The first tear fell. “So, that’s it?” The second tear fell. “That’s the truth of it. He doesn’t want me.” The tears began to stream down her face.

Nick spent the night in Brian’s room. Thankfully Brian knew enough to not ask any questions. He just let his friend have some piece and quiet. Though he tried, sleep would not come to Nick. Over and over his mind kept replaying the earlier events. His body still ached from wanting her. It took all his control and respect for her to stop. Even as much as he regretted starting it, he equally regretted stopping. He was so confused. He thought he could handle the just friends part. Thought he had better control over himself. Apparently, he was wrong. Now he was in a terrible situation with someone he never wanted to hurt in anyway. Why is life so fucking complicated?!

Brianna cried until she had no more tears. Her chest hurt to breathe and her eyes burned from the salty tears that overflowed them. Finally calming herself she came to the conclusion there was only one thing to do. She had to get out of there; away from him. Away from this situation that was driving them both crazy. If he didn’t want her then she didn’t want to be there. It had been obvious since she got there that she was in his way. His actions had blatantly showed her that. As she the plane took off one sentence kept echoing in her head…

“Not to you.”

<~ Chapter 73 or Chapter 75 ~>

In the End

Karina 2003