Movie Reviews
Scale:
4 stars = Excellent
3 1/2 stars = Very Good
3 stars = Good
2 1/2 stars = Above Average
2 stars = Average
1 1/2 stars = Below Average
1 star = Poor
1/2 star = Total Crap
0 stars = Better off Killing Yourself
Bonus Stars:
Kiefer Sutherland has a role: +1 1/2 stars
Bruce Campbell has a role: +1 star
A shotgun is used: +1/2 star
Jennifer Love Hewitt has a role: +1/2 star
Notice, if you will, that if a movie has a Sutherland, Hewitt, Campbell and a shotgun, then that's 3 1/2 stars right there.
Negative Stars:
Freddie Prince Jr. has a role: -2 stars
Excess of Annoying British Accents: -1 star
Note: Even with bonuses and negatives, a movie may not exceed 4 stars or go below 0 stars.
The Movie: Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (fantasy)
The Players: Peter Jackson (director), Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortenson. Based on the book by J.R.R. Tolkien.
The Deal: A ring of infinite power must be destroyed before evil gets hold
of it and uses it to conquor Middle Earth.
The Review: Jackson does a superb job of adapting the Lord of the Rings book onto the silver screen. McKellen's Gandolf is the best pasrt of the film. While Jackson was not always true to the word of Tolkien's book, he was true to its spirit and it shows.
The Verdict: 4 stars
The Movie: The Matrix (Action Adventure, Sci-Fi)
The Players: Keanu Reeves, Lawrence Fishbourne, Carrie Ann-Moss, Hugo Weaving
The Deal: Oh boy. Thomas Anderson (Reeves) is yanked from the real world
becuase it's actually a computer program. Now known as Neo, he teams up with
Morpheous (Fishbourne) and Trinity (Moss) to kick ass against Agent Smith (Weaving)
while looking cool in black trench coats.
The Review: Just visually amazing. The slow-down style of fighting revolutionized the movie business.
The Verdict: 4 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars (excellent)
The Movie: Minority Report (Action Adventure, Sci-Fi)
The Players: Steven Spielburg (director), Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell
The Deal: In the future, murders are prevented by using "pre-cogs" who see visions of future murders. When John Anderton (Tom Cruise), the leader of the Pre-Crime inforcement squad is accused of a future murder, he goes on the run.
The Review: This fast moving action flick that has lots of, of all things, plot! Spielburg does well by keeping the audience guessing through much of the film as to what will happen next, and what the whole story is behind Cruise's future murder. A nice twist is also thrown in. The movie is very effective in a political sense becuase it deals with punishment for crimes that have not yet happened, a theme that resonates today becuase of the need to prevent terrorism.
The Verdict: 3 and 1/2 stars (very good)
The Movie: Spider-Man (Action Adventure, Fantasy)
The Players: Sam Raimi (director), Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe, Bruce Campbell
The Deal: Average joe Peter Parker (Maguire) gets bitten by
a genetically enhanced spider and thus gains many attributes of the spider.
He uses these powers to fight crime, the Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe) and do
a upside down smooch with his dream girl Mary-Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst). Based
on the Marvel comicbook.
The Review: A really fun movie. Maguire was a brilliant choice for Peter Parker, and the visiual style of Sam Raimi made for a truly enjoyable film. The focus on Peter Parker's personal life helped the movie move away from the "costume party" style of the past Batman movies. My favorite scene was Spider-Man chasing a car through downtown New York. A few scenes and lines were unneccessary, such as the Green Goblin singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." But the overall fun feel of the movie made for a great time at the theaters. Also, be on the look out for a quick cameo of Spider-Man creator Stan Lee when the Green Goblin grenades the building during the parade.
The Verdict: 3 and 1/2 stars (very good) + Bruce Campbell Bonus = 4 stars
The Movie: Vanilla Sky (drama)
The Players: Cameron Crowe (director), Tom Cruise, Penelope
Cruz, Kurt Russell, Cameron Diaz
The Deal: A rich playboy's life (Cruise) is turned upside down and backwards
after meeting the girl of his dreams (Cruz). The diffrence between life and
dreams is blurred as Cruise must deal with recooperating after a horrible car
wreck caused by a vengeful ex (Cameron Diaz).
The Review: Wow. I was blown away by the power of this movie. Not only did I fall in love with Penelope Cruz, but the theme of the movie resonated with me deeply. Vanilla Sky is a story about the little things in life and how you and you alone determine the outcome of your own life. Very moving stuff. Much of the movie has Cruise behind a mask, and Cruise remarkably gives a wonderful performance without the use of his face. Cruise also takes a risk by having his character's face being horrifically disfigured through parts of the movie.
The Verdict: 4 Stars (excellent)
Summary of all the movies I've reviewed.
Armageddon: 3 stars
Army of Darkness: 4 stars + Bruce Campbell Bonus + Shotgun Bonus= 4 stars
Ballistic: Eks vs. Sever: 0 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 1/2 star
Barbershop: 3 stars
A Beautiful Mind: 3 1/2 stars
Big Trouble in Little China: 4 stars
Billy Elliot: 1/2 star - British Accent Penalty = 0 stars
Black Hawk Down: 3 1/2 stars
Blade Runner: 3 1/2 stars
Boondock Saints: 4 stars
Bourne Identity: 3 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 3 1/2 stars
Brotherhood of the Wolf: 4 stars
Daredevil: 3 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 3 1/2 stars
Eight Crazy Nights: seen with friends: 3 stars; seen alone: 1/2 star
Emprace of the Vampires: 1 star
The Evil Dead: 2 1/2 stars + Bruce Campbell Bonus + Sotgun Bonus = 4 stars
The Evil Dead 2: 3 stars + Bruce Campbell Bonus + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
Finding Forrster: 3 stars
Full Metal Jacket: 3 1/2 stars
The Great Escape: 3 stars
The Green Mile: 3 1/2 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
Gross Point Blank: 3 1/2 stars
Heartbreakers: 2 stars + JLH bonus = 2 1/2 star
Heat: 3 1/2 stars + Shotgun Bonus: 4 stars
Highlander: 3 1/2 stars
Highlander: Endgame: 1 1/2
I Spy: 2 stars
Jurrassic Park III: 1 1/2 stars
Kung Pow: 4 stars
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring: 4 stars
Mad Max: 3 1/2 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
Mad Max 2: see "The Road Warrior"
Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome: 3 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 3 1/2 stars
Magnolia: 4 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
The Majestic: 2 1/2 stars + Bruce Campbell Bonus = 3 1/2 stars
The Matrix: 4 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
Memento: 3 1/2 stars
Minority Report: 3 1/2 stars
Mission: Impossible: 3 1/2 stars
Pulp Fiction: 3 1/2 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
The Recruit: 3 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
Red Dragon: 3 stars
Road to Perdition: 4 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
The Road Warrior: 4 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 4 stars
The Rock: 3 stars
Rounders: 2 stars
Run Lola Run: 2 stars
Serendipity: 2 1/2 stars
Seven: 3 stars + Shotgun Bonus = 3 1/2 stars
The Shawshank Redemption: 4 stars
Signs: 4 stars
Spy Games: 2 1/2 stars
Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace: 3 stars
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones: 3 1/2 stars
The Sum of All Fears: 3 stars
Swordfish: 2 stars
Tigerland: 4 stars
The Time Machine: 3 stars
Tombstone: 2 stars
The Tuxedo: 2 stars + JLH bonus = 2 1/2 stars
Unbreakable: 3 stars
Wonder Boys: 3 stars
X-Men: 2 1/2 stars
