Very Deep Thoughts

The most dangerous animal, isn't a lion or a tiger. The most dangerous animal is a shark, riding an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.

If they make corn oil out of corn, and olive oil out of olives, then what the hell do they make baby oil from?

That thinker guy needs to put some pants on.

Where the hell do all the paperclips go?

If grocery stores are opened 24 hrs. a day then why do they have locks on the doors?

If our legs bent backwards then what would chairs look like?

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
every letter of the alphabet.

It's impossible to lick your elbow.

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables.

If there was no water in the world nobody could learn how to swim. And then everybody would drown.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

No one looks cooler in sun glasses then Peter Fonda.

In college, napping is an art form.

I figure that when you die and God starts asking you why you did so many bad things in your life the only way to b.s. your way through is to answer every question with "No speaka English."

Duct tape truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Naysayers don't really say "nay." They say "sucks." So naturally, it should be sucksayers.

I don't know why a computer keyboard doesn't have a "you know what I meant" key for the times when you type espn.col and it sends you to some firewall or "site does not exist" page. I just want to be able to hit a key that says: "C'mon, you know what I meant."

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Where exactley did the phrase "the whole nine yards" come from? Does anything in life have to do with nine yards? If it has to do with football, shouldn't it be "the whole ten yards?"

Note: my bud Bear from Wake has discovered the origin of "nine yards." It seems that a common type of machine gun turrent ammo is seperated into nine-yard-long rounds. So if one says that "he gave'em the whole nine yards" it means that he threw everything he had at them, like unloading an entire round of ammo.

Why do sportscasters say things like, "Barry Zito flirted with a no-hitter." Did he wink at it and say things like, "Hey, no-hitter, you're kind of cute. Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?"

If I ever found a place devoid of war and hate; I'd attack it because they'd never see it coming.

If I were sky diving and my parachute didn't work; I'd find a convertible and land in the shotgun seat. I bet the driver would be pretty freaked out to see some guy fall from the sky and land right next to him.

"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."- the immortal Jack Handy