"Oh man that show rocked!" Zac yelled as we raced off of the stage, the fan's screams still ringing in our ears. He was hot and sweaty but loved it. His face was stretched into a wide grin as he tossed a drum stick into the air and caught it when it came down again. All three of us were pretty pumped. It had been a fantastic show, the crowd had gone wild for us. We were in London and were about to start our French leg of the tour the next day. I went into my dressing room and closed the door. Humming to myself, I wiped my face with a dry towel and started to get changed outta my sweaty clothes. My eyes drifted to a framed picture of Allison and I. I was standing infront of her, my arms around her big belly. The picture had been taken about two weeks ago and I took it everywhere with me. We spoke on the phone daily and I wrote her numerous letters. She was due in another two weeks but she had told me that her Doctor had said she could deliver any day. We were all prepared for it. Evylen was going to call my Mom's cell phone when Allison went into labour and she and I would fly back to Tulsa so I could be with Allison for the birth, then I had to leave again the next day after our daughter was born. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the arrangement but it was better than not being with my wife at all. A loud knock on the dressingroom door startled me from my thoughts.
"Honey? Are you changed?" Mom called out. My heart leaped up to my throat as I flung open the door.
"Almost, why? Has Ally gone into labour?" I asked as I threw a clean shirt over my head. After that, I was fully dressed again. Mom's face was flushed and she had a huge smile so I knew the answer.
"Yes, Evylen just called me. Allison's going to the Tulsa Memorial Hospital. We're flying there tonight."
"Oh my god.... when? When are we flying?" I asked frantically, grabbing the overnight bag that I had kept packed for exactly this.
"Not for another three hours. It's the first flight your father could get. We're leaving for the air port right away though, incase we can catch a earlier flight" Mom said.
"Three hours? I'll miss it! I won't be there in time!" I complained as Mom and I made our way out to the waiting car. Mom laughed.
"I don't think you'll miss it honey. I was in labour with you for forty eight hours. Evylen said the Doctor predicted a long labour with Allison. We'll make it" She said. We ended up having to wait for the three hours before we got onto the flight. The journey home took forever, and being on a plane, I couldn't use my cell phone to call Allison to see how she was doing. I had no idea how she was. I knew she'd be loving it though, she had been looking forward to the birth. It took forever but we finally made it to Tulsa. Mom and I were driven straight from the air port to the hospital. As soon as the car stopped, I flung open the door and leaped out, leaving Mom behind.
"I'll meet you up there!" I yelled behind me as I ran into the hospital. I raced up to the information desk. "Maternity ward!" I gasped. The nurse behind the desk beamed at me.
"Floor twelve. Someone will be able to help you there" She said.
"Thanks!" I called, racing for the elevator. I pressed the button and waited.... and waited. "Come on" I muttered, hoping from one foot to the other. I wanted to get up there! I had a feeling that Allison had already given birth. I hoped not, but she probably had. Finally the doors opened and I stepped inside. I thumbed the button for the twelfth floor and waited for the elevator to take me up there. The doors opened and I found myself facing the Maternity ward information desk. I raced up to it.
"Allison Hanson.... where is she?" I asked.
"Taylor?". It was Evylens voice. I turned and saw her down the corridor behind me. I left the desk and raced to Allison's Mom. She was crying. At first I assumed it was tears of joy. I missed it! I thought, dissapointed. I looked at Evylen closely and saw that she wasn't crying because she was happy.
"Whats wrong? Where's Ally? Is she alright? Is the baby alright? I got here as soon as I could... Mom's on her way up. Can I see Ally?" I asked without taking a breath.
"Taylor... honey... there's been a complication-"
"What!? Where's Allison! Is she okay? What about the baby! What complication?" I cried, feeling the blood drain from my face.
"You have to calm down.... the baby's okay. She's beautiful. Allison delivered her about fifteen minutes ago. But Taylor, you, you can't see Allison"
"Why not? Is she okay?" I asked, wishing that Evylen would get to the point already. I knew it couldn't be good. Evlyen shook her head, fresh tears running down her cheeks.
"Oh Taylor... she didn't tell you did she?"
"Tell me what?"
"There was a chance that Allison wouldn't make it through the birth, she had very thin blood and it wouldn't clot when it was supposed to. Honey, Allison lost to much blood while giving birth, she lost to much blood" Evylen stoped talking, sobs taking over her body. Automatically I wrapped my arms around her small frame. The words hadn't sunk in yet. She wouldn't make it? Why didn't she tell me? I thought.
"Tay? Is everything okay?" I heard Mom's voice from behind me. I turned my head and then shook it.
"Something's wrong with Allison..." I said, my voice trailing off. I stepped away from Evylen and Mom lead her away. I looked around me and saw a row of hard looking green plastic chairs behind me. Slowly I sat down. I watched Evylen explain to Mom and saw Mom shake her head, start to cry and then wrap Evylen up in a hug. I felt so small and alone, sitting in the hard green plastic chair. My thoughts suddenly turned to my baby. I hadn't seen her yet. I got up and walked over to Mom and Evylen. "Uh... where's my baby?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse. Evylen looked at me through bloodshot eyes.
"She's in a humidiy crib, she needed oxygen but she'll be fine. Taylor, she's beautiful."
"Where is she?" I asked again. Mom walked over to a nurse who then lead me to where my daughter was. I'm a father. I have a daughter! My God... The nurse pointed out which baby was mine. Evylen was right. She was beautiful. So tiny. Wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket, all I could see of her were her hands and face. She was sleeping. Smiling down at her through the glass that devided us, tears filled my eyes. "Can I hold her?" I asked.
"Of course, follow me." The nurse said. After washing my hands I followed the nurse into a small room. "Wait here, I'll go get her for you.". Mom and Evylen had waited outside. After several minutes the nurse returned, carrying my daughter in her arms.
"Did Allison name her?" I asked. The nurse shook her head. "Did she get to hold her?"
"I'm afraid not Mr Hanson. You're wife died minutes after giving birth." The nurse explained. She gently placed the tiny sleeping baby into my outstretched waiting arms. I could feel her body heat through the blanket.
"Thankyou." I said. The nurse nodded.
"Just press this button when you're ready." She said, pointing to a big green button near the door. I nodded. She left me. I stared down at my babys tiny pink face.
"How am I going to take care of you with out her?" I asked quietly. It still didn't seem real that Allison was gone. My wife, the mother of my daughter. I kept my eyes on my daughter. "I need to give you a name don't I?" I said. I tried to think of the suggestions that Allison had come up with but my mind was drawing a blank. "You're so beautiful... just like your mom... just beautiful.". Then I knew what to call her. "How do you like the name Bella?" I asked as I placed my fingertip in her palm and watched with delight as her fingers closed around mine. "Hope you like it cause that's your name now" I said quietly, pleased that I was able to come up with a name for her. I reached over and pushed the green button near the door that the nurse had pointed to. I needed to say goodbye to Allison.
"You're ready to put her to bed now Mr. Hanson?" The nurse said after returning. I nodded and stood up. "Aww, you're such an angel aren't you? Sent down here for your Daddy" She said to Bella as she took her from my arms. I watched as the nurse placed Bella back in her humidity crib. Half an hour later, I was standing at the door to Allisons room. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped in. She was lying in the bed, her eyes closed. Somehow she looked peaceful. She looked as though she was only sleeping. I walked over and sat down in the hard plastic chair next to her bed.
"Hey baby. You did good. She's beautiful. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you... I should have been here..." Before I could say anymore I broke down. Sobs wracked my body. After several minutes, I calmed down enough to talk. "I uh.... I named her Bella. Just so you know, thats Itialian for beautiful. She looks just like you... Alli, you don't have to worry. She'll grow up knowing that her mother loved her very much. I'll always talk about you to her... so she knows who you are. I'll show her pictures... I wont let her forget you. I wont forget you. Baby, I don't know what to do. How can I bring up this little life by myself? You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me huh?" I asked, reaching over and taking her hand in mine. It was cold and it hurt when her hand didn't hold mine back. I started to cry again. "I love you Ally... so much" I sobbed. My vision becoming blurry because of my tears. It had sunk in that she was gone. My best friend, my wife was dead. Pain errupted in me and I felt like it would rip me in half it, was so intense. "I can't go on without you Ally! My life is meaningless without you in it!. You're so much stronger than me. I need you."
