--Only morons get mad when you call them a moron

--You never die a vergin because life always screws you

--Belive in mericals... Don't depend on them

--It takes 126 muscles to frown, but only 14 to have sex

--Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start agiain?!

--I used up all of my sick days, so i called in dead.

--Life is a Great Surprise. I don't see why death shouldn't be and even greater one.

--a peach is a peach but a pum is a plum... whats a kiss without the tongue? so shut your eyes and open wide and give your tongue some excercise!

--i dont need your attitude, i have one of my own!

--be yourself- who else is qualified?

--excuses are like buttwholes... we all have them and they all stink.

--if god didnt forgive, heaven would be empty.

--there are two types of people in this world, athletes, and those who wish they were!