My Moon
Last
summer was coming to an end when I met her the first time.
Pretty much a coincidence. Guess the biggest changes always come
when you don´t expect them.
I can´t help but to wonder though, what my life would be like
today if it hadn´t occurred.
Somehow, things were so easy that summer. When we became
friends.
She was with me the night August (still my nephew) was born.
It´s almost a year ago now.
Doesn´t feel like it.
I remember us longing for summer together during the winter
months.
And summer´s here now, but things are not the same. It seems
like somehow, we lost what we had somewhere along the way.
Sometimes, it feels like she has her own world, a world filled with
Leonardo diCaprio, Ricki Lake, MTV, Glamour, happiness and
beauty.
A world of jokes and entertainment, a world disturbed only by
the possible lack of nice hairdos and pretty nailpolish.
A world of which I can never be a part.
But not when I think about what we had, when I read our logs
and remember what we did. It makes me miss her, miss what we
used to have. I´ve always been afraid of that, that all left to us
would be memories.
I looked forward to Hultsfred, to meeting her again.
See, I´m in love with her, and didn´t really know how things
were
between us.
Hultsfred came, and she made it pretty clear.
I remember telling her I needed to talk to her, at Thomas´ place,
the preparation party.
I really needed to. Needed to know. She didn´t seem to notice
me, hear me, know me...nothing. So I had to tell her.
Oh, in a minute.
She said, and disappeared. She was drunk of course. She claims
to remember a lot of things. Does she remember that?
Really great timing. But I couldn´t stand it, sitting next to her,
without being seen, she turned away from me, to Thomas.
Her feet in his knee again, his hands on her legs.
Slimy, right.
It´s a soap opera.
She once told me I frightened her, being too serious, wanting a
too big piece of her life, getting too involved.
Caring too much?
Sharing too much?
I don´t know.
She told me she´d always felt attracted to guys who took life a
lot less seriously.
Guess I´m not the one for her. But it hurts me.
My Moon.
We are the dust of
stars
We must do as stars do
You must attract me
And I must burn for you