Death Of A Child, So....You Think You Are Loosing Your Mind?
1. Because you find yourself
reading the obituaries since your child
died, searching for names and ages of
others who have died too young?
Well if this is a sign you are
losing your mind you have lots of
company. Some people are drawn to the
obituaries because they seek to know
that they are not alone in this
seemingly endless maze. There are others
out there who know the horror of losing
one of their children and they need to
identify with them. Not everyone has
this need, but many do. It may be
bothersome to your spouse and they may
see it as a sign of morbid, abnormal
grief. You may do it for a time but
eventually most people stop. Don't worry
about it.
2. Because you have a bad time with
the time of day and the day of the week
on which your child died?
Here again, in the beginning,
you may find this a problem. It may seem
that if you can stop that particular
time of day or that day of the week from
coming, you will be able to stop the
death from having happened. You fail,
but it doesn't stop you from having a go
at it next week. This, too, will
eventually stop bothering you and one
day you will realize that the particular
day and time have come and gone and you
have made no note of it. You may find it
hastens the process if you make an
effort to do something on that day to
keep your mind occupied and to change
the scenery. This could be as simple as
a window shopping trip to the nearest
mall, or a look at new machinery at the
local hardware store.
3. Because you find yourself going
over and over in your mind what you
imagine your child felt or thought as
they faced death?
This seems to be a particularly
bad problem for those whose child died
accidentally or as a result of a suicide
or murder. You may feel almost a
compulsion at times to try and picture
the thoughts and feelings that your
child may have had. It really is a
universal problem and you may have more
trouble putting this one aside. You
will, as a rule, get better about it and
later on it will not occupy your
thoughts as much as in the beginning. It
is normal. Some find it helpful to find
out as much as possible from anyone who
was connected with, or may have
witnessed the death, while others have
no desire to know any of the details. It
is an old story, but we all do it
differently and the way that fills your
needs is right for you. Just know that
it is normal to have it on your
mind.
4. Because you find yourself
thinking that it would be easier to join
your child in death than go through the
pain of living without them?
The telephone friends hear this
from a lot of bereaved parents who get
so tired of the hurt. It frightens the
parents that they are entertaining
suicidal thoughts, but it is a normal
reaction for some to consider this as an
alternative. Many parents, as they
speak, are quick to agree that they are
too responsible to really consider this
as an answer to their problems. They
realize that there are people who love
and need them, and that they could not
purposefully put someone they love
through the very hell they are seeking
to escape. They are able to realize that
suicide is not an answer. Should you
have these thoughts and you are not able
to put them aside, you would be wise to
seek professional help.
5. Because you keep seeing someone
who reminds you of your child?
Well, many of us do, and you may
even find yourself following along
behind someone, just to be sure! The
impulse may be to take them home with
you. This may be all a part of the
denial process, but I suspect it is just
because we miss them so much.
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