Explanations That May Not Help

Outlined below are explanations that adults may give to a child to explain why the person they loved has died. Unfortunately, simple, but dishonest answers can only serve to increase the fear and uncertainty that the child is feeling. Children tend to be very literal -- if an adult says that "Grandpa died because he was old and tired" the child may wonder when he too will be too old; he certainly gets tired -- what is tired enough to die?

1. "Grandma will sleep in peace forever." This explanation may result in the child's fear of going to bed or to sleep.

2. "It is God's will." The child will not understand a God who takes a loved one because He needs that person Himself;

or

"God took him because he was so good. The child may decide to be bad so God won't take him too.

3. "Daddy went on a long trip and won't be back for a long time." The child may wonder why the person left without saying good-bye. Eventually he will realize Daddy isn't coming back and feel that something he did caused Daddy to leave.

4."John was sick and went to the hospital where he died." The child will need an explanation about "Little" and "Big" sicknesses. Otherwise, he may be extremely fearful if he or someone he loves has to go to the hospital in the future.

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