How Do Men Learn To Hate Women And How You Can Help Yourself
In the previous pages, Dr. Forward, has been very empathetic in her judgement of the misogynist. She has called the behavior of the Misogynist insensitive, abusive, unacceptable and cruel. All this is true - but now, it is time she makes the portrait more complete.
Doctor Forward, PH.D, explains: Once we begin t oexamine the forces that drive the misogynist, we find that much of his abusive behavior is a cover-up for his tremendous anxiety about women. He is caught in the conflict between his need for the woman's love and his deep-seated fears of her.
This man needs, as we all do, to feel emotionally taken care of, to be loved, and to feel safe. As adults, we fulfill these yearnings through physical intimacy, emotional sharing, and parenting. But the misogynist finds these yearnings terribly frightening. His normal needs to be close to a woman are mixed with fears that she can annihilate him emotionally. He harbors a hidden belief that if he loves a woman, she will then have the power to hurt him, to deprive him, to engulf him and to abandon him. Once he has invested her with these awesome and mythical powers, she becomes a fearful figure for him. In an effort to assuage these fears, the misogynist sets out, usually unconsciously to make the woman in his life less powerful. He operates from the secret belief that if he can strip her of her self-confidence, she will be as dependent on him as he is on her. By making her weak so that she cannot leave him, he calms some of his own fears of being abandoned. All these intense, conflicting emotions make the misogynist's partner not only an object of love and passion but the focal point of his rage, his panic, his fears and inevitably his hatred.
Helping Yourself
Dr. Forward goes on to explain that if we are in a misogynistic relationship, we shouldn't be discouraged. There is hope. Dr. Forward has designed some exercises that have been tremendously successful with many of her patients. Some of this work is painful but the rewards will be lasting and worth whatever discomfort we experience. Most important, these skills will help us find much of the self-confidence you thought you had lost. Through these exercises, Dr. Forward will help us reclaim the self-confidence and reinstate it into our lives.
Our feelings are our best sources of information bout ourselves. They are our greatest guides to who we are, what we need, and what is meaningful to us as individuals. To begin to understand what has been happening to us, we must first identify and take inventory of our feelings about ourselves, our lives and our partners. The following list of questions is designed to help us do just that. The feelings mentioned in the questions are the ones Dr. Forward hears about most often from clients who are in misogynistic relationships. Please answer each question with a yes or no. If you have other strong feelings that are not covered here, write them down.
Do you feel sad most of the time? Yes No
Do you feel afraid of your partner? Yes No
Do you feel hopeless and overwhelmed? Yes No
Do you feel enraged much of the time? Yes No
Do you feel confused and bewildered about how you are supposed to behave? Yes No
Do you feel overpowered by your partner? Yes No
Do you feel guilty and always in the wrong? Yes No
Do you feel self-hatred? Yes No
Do you feel frustrated? Yes No
Do you feel trapped?
Yes No
On the next page, Dr. Forward, discusses her successful strategies if you are in a relaionship with a misogynist.
