The Mourning Process
There are stages of grieving which are
part of the natural response to a
traffic death or dehabilitating injury
of a loved one. These stages are similar
to the feelings experienced by a
victim/survivor of a traumatic incident.
These stages are marked by feelings
which may seem confusing or even "crazy"
both to the grieving person(s) and to
those around them. There is no absolute
time limit for any of the stages. The
duration of each stage can be affected
by individual situations and
circumstances. Grief and/or loss is so
painful that sometimes efforts are made
to deny or push the feelings out of
mind. Grieving "work" involves allowing
both fond and tragic memories to come to
mind, experiencing and sorting out the
grief (loss) from the rage
(helplessness), and eventually replacing
the helpless rage with some type of
positive action for the future. Does
grieving ever end? There is a basis of
reality in the expressions, "It will
take time" and "Time heals all wounds".
The pain of grief does lessen or change
with time, the open wound heals, and the
person is changed by the experience.
For those victim's and their loved ones
who must face and cope with permanent
disfiguration disability, or loss of
prior levels of mental and/or physical
ability, it may seem as though the "open
wound" or "pain" will never heal and, in
fact, becomes all consuming and
controlling of their future. It is for
these victims that an understanding of
the grieving/loss process is vitally
important. To understand these feelings
and their effect on the dynamics of the
victim's relationship with others, is to
gain control over the process, rather
than to be controlled and even destroyed
by it. Reaching out for help from both
friends and professionals is critically
important and often the most difficult
for these victims. The stages of
grieving are most often described as a
cycle including Feelings and Behaviours.
SHOCK AND NUMBNESS: (High level during
first 2 weeks)
Feelings may include: disbelief, denial,
anger, guilt.
Behaviours may include: crying,
searching, sighing, physical symptoms,
loss of appetite, sleep disturbance,
muscle weakness, limited concentration,
inability to make decisions, emotional
outburst(s), impeded
functioning.
SEARCHING AND YEARNING: (High level from
2 weeks to 4 months)
Feelings may include: despair,apathy,
depression, anger, guilt, hopelessness,
self-doubt, very sensitive to stimuli.
Behaviours may include:
restlessness, impatience, poor memory
and lack of concentration, social
isolation, crying, anger, loss of
energy, testing what is real.
Comments: In crisis, we become open to a
wider spectrum of stimuli in
our environment. We are susceptible to
over-reading stimuli. We need to talk
things out in order to refocus our
interpretations. We cannot get through
the mourning process alone. It is
important to reach out during the first
four months when motivation is high.
DISORIENTATION (Peaks at 4-7 months)
Feelings may include: depression, guilt,
disorganization, feeling that grieving
is a disease.
Behaviours may include: low
compliance with orders of physician,
resistance to reaching out or sharing
with others, urge to try to live as if
nothing has happened, restlessness,
irritability.
Comments: It is at this stage that an
awareness of reality and it's
consequences is very high. A weight loss
or gain of more than 10 pounds may
occur. The victim must beware of trying
to live as if nothing has happened or
giving into the urge to flee the setting
in which the loss occurred, for these
are temporary solutions to a permanent
situation.
REORGANIZATION (Takes 18-24 months to
stabilize after major change)
Feelings may include: sense of release,
no longer obsessed by loss, renewed hope
and optimism.
Behaviours may include: renewed
energy, stable sleeping and eating
habits, relief from physical symptoms,
better judgment making, increased
interest in goals for the
future.
Comments: All four phases peak on
anniversary days or your "significant"
days. We mourn loss, both through death
and major joyous changes (graduation,
wedding, new job). Depression is
nature's way of getting you to simmer
down. There is general agreement among
the experts on acute post-loss grief
that these phases are not discrete and
sequential. They do not follow each
other in any prescribed order. They
tend, rather, to overlap and to proceed
in a jagged pattern of a forward thrust,
then retreat to an earlier phase, then a
forward movement again. No two people
will react alike, and the same person
will not react in the same way to every
loss. However, each phase must be
experienced to a peak of intensity
before it can be resolved. Normal grief
is healthy and should, under favorable
environmental conditions, lead not only
to recovery, but also to growth and
healthy change.
NOTE: I cannot take credit for this
article. If this is your research,
please e-mail me and I will be happy to
give credit where credit is due or have
it removed immediately of you so wish.
SilverMoon
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