The Loss Of A Spouse, Understanding Your Grief

Grief is a perfectly normal response to the death of your loved one. It is an adjustment process which allows you gradually to accept your loss. The process is the same whether you are grieving the loss of a spouse, child, parent, brother, sister, or other significant person. However, since the most important of all relationships is usually that which exists with one's spouse, the grieving then is likely to be more intensified. Psychologists state that the death of one's spouse is frequently the most traumatic of all events with which a person has to cope. During the grieving period certain predictable events will take place. You may discover that your feelings are often very uncomfortable and even frightening, unless you realize that these feelings are normal and are similar to the feelings that nearly all bereaved persons experience. Whatever you do, don't feel that you must be stoic, and that you shouldn't be burdening other family members or friends with your grief. The death of your loved one is a great loss and it is necessary to acknowledge it not only to one's self but also to others. The adjustment will be easier if all family members, including children, feel free in expressing their grief. Generally, family members feel a bond of unity and are supportive of one another as they openly grieve together. To avoid talking about the loss is merely delaying a process which is necessary before you can effectively adjust to an altered life.

IMMEDIATE REACTION TO DEATH

During the first few hours up to a period of several days following the death of your loved one, you may experience feelings of numbness, shock and disbelief as well as a sense of unreality. A widower's comment, "It was almost as though it were happening to another person and I was merely an on looker," depicts the emotional insulation which initially protects you from the overwhelming reality of your loss. Other people have described these emotions as a bad dream from which the dreamer would awaken.

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