Please Let Music Upload
The Top Emmy Award
Calling All Porkers ;-)
Ben Laden we'll get you where it hurts
mmmmmmmm yummy yummy for there tummy
No No No Not that
Not the pigs
The Pigs are coming from everywhere
WASHINGTON – Pigs, hogs, swine, porkers, barrows, trotters.
When Americans aren't eating them – hot dogs, bologna,
spareribs, pig's knuckles, ham, bacon, pork chops –
they're adoring them on TV or the big screen. Hollywood
has transformed the stinky, snorty critters into lovable
pink-bellied icons known affectionately to all of us as
"Porky Pig," "Arnold" or "Babe."
In short, most Americans love pigs.
But to Muslims, they are just stinky, snorty critters, the
quintessence of uncleanliness.
Indeed, Muslims are forbidden to eat pork by the Koran,
their holy book.
To knowingly eat pork is to commit an act of sin which
could jeopardize their ascension to Paradise.
It's not just meat they have to be careful about eating.
They also have to check that cheeses and yogurts – even
cake frosting – don't contain "unclean" byproducts such
as pork lard.
When traveling on American jetliners, orthodox Muslims
typically order vegetarian meals to avoid the chance
encounter with one of Arnold Ziffel's relatives.
On Arabic airliners, they ask for a "blessed" meat
called halal.
Such non-pork meat has been drained of blood during
the slaughtering and butchering process. The Koran
forbids the consumption of animal blood (which makes
pig's blood virtually radioactive, an observation our
military might find useful, as I'll explain further on).
So averse to pigs are Islamic fundamentalists, that
even coming in contact with them – or any part of them,
such as their hide – means defiling themselves. It's not
a sin to touch, say, a pigskin football, but if they
do, they are advised to wash their hands immediately.
Pig-fat products are on the list of items Afghanistan's
ruling Taliban militia has declared to be against the
sharia, the ruling clerics' interpretation of Islamic law.
So, you see, pigs are to Islamic terrorists – such as
Osama bin Laden and his henchmen – what kryptonite is
to Superman, or what garlic is to Dracula.
Take Mohamed Atta, for example.
The suspected ringleader of the Sept. 11 hijackers
was so careful not to eat pork fat that he scraped
the frosting from cakes. Here was a man more afraid
of eating a hint of pork in a dessert than flying a
jet full speed into a skyscraper.
See where I'm going with this?
Few in Washington want to admit it, but these Islamic
fanatics have baited us into a holy war. And like it
or not, we'll have to use their religion against them
to win.
Psychological warfare
U.S. forces should start by dropping leaflets over
Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan, warning residents,
in their native Persian tongue, that we've enlisted
Afghani moles to contaminate their water supplies
with pig's blood.
The propaganda would also warn that American soldiers
have greased their bullets with pork fat. We could tell
them, while we're at it, that we've ordered special
pigskin-lined fatigues for this mission.
At night, we could bombard bin Laden's camps with
recordings of hog-snorting. If he and his fellow
terrorists won't come out of their caves, send pen-loads
of trotters in to nuzzle them.
Can't find bin Laden? Force-feed Taliban clerics pork
rinds until they give up his location. If that doesn't
work, air-lift pigs into their homes.
In the meantime, airlines could reupholster plane seats
with pigskin, and cover cockpit yokes with the "unclean"
hide to repel future Islamic hijackers. For insurance,
serve passengers bacon bits instead of peanuts.
If their religion is driving them to hate Americans,
and rewarding them to kill our people, then it's hardly
indecent to use their faith against them to protect us.
Hit them where it hurts. They hit us where it hurts –
and they're already planning to do it again.
They're not afraid of death.
However, they are afraid of pigs.
Send in the porkers, lock them out of Paradise,
and watch them surrender.
Return To Main Menu
Thank you for visiting my site
please come back again
let others know of this site
Please Note
All of the poems and graphics
on my pages are (copyrighted)
others or myself Please do not
use any of the poems , music
or graphics without
(written permission.)
Thank you
Music
The Lone Ranger Theme Song
