Day 174--

Kathryn Janeway stalked into her shelter muttering under her breath. "Damned-- Infiltrating-- Insufferable. Argh--" She growled giving the door a kick to close it. She continued her triad, unaware that the door didn't latch and had bounced back open a couple of inches. "He thinks, he can run my life. Well, I don't take orders from anyone. How dare he, tell me what I should do and how to act." With a low snarl, Kathryn picked up the nearest breakable object, a vase, spun and hurled it. A low whistle accompanied the shattering impact on the wall near the door. Kathryn let out a gasp as she saw Tom Paris standing in the doorway.

"Whoa-- When did the war break out?" He quipped as he took a step into the room.

"Tom-- What are you doing?" Kathryn demanded as she pushed her hair back and glared at him. Or at least she tried. To Paris, she looked ready to break into tears. And that shocked him the most.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I heard part of what Chakotay said."

"You heard-- Everyone in the dining room heard." Kathryn groaned as she dropped onto her bed. "God, it all seems so stupid now."

"It usually does," Paris commented as he pulled up a chair to sit opposite her, "when the fight is over and realize what you actually said."

"I just didn't expect him to say he was leaving. I mean, he's been spending all this time with Tuvok, I've barely had a chance to see him. Then when I do, he says he's going to the lake, presumably to check on Neelix. I feel as if I've been left out of something important. Even though I'm sure it involves me too. Yet, I supposed to understand." Kathryn glanced up at Tom and shook her head. "I thought, after we decided to pursue a relationship, things would be easier."

"Oh come-on, Kathryn, that's wishful thinking and you know it. Truly good relationships romantic or otherwise are never smooth. That's what makes them strong and worth fighting for." Paris admonished gently as he reached across to take her hands in his. "Look at B'Elanna and me, especially this last five months. You try living with a pregnant Klingon. But let me tell you, even after all the battles we wouldn't change a thing."

Kathryn's lips quirked into a slight smile as she squeezed his hands, "Tell me Tom Paris, when did you become such a wise man."

"It weren't nothing, ma'am. Just following in the footsteps of a beautiful and wise woman, hoping that she'll take some of her own advice." Paris said pointedly and sincerely. "Besides, you and I have been through a lot together. It seems right to look for counsel in each other.

Kathryn stared at him for a moment a bit startled of what she saw in his eyes, a look coupled with respect and adoration. She pondered his words for a moment. Yes, they had been through a lot. Much of it had been hashed over many a time but one thing stood out as unresolved. Kathryn gently pulled her hands from his and stood up. Walking the short distance to the window, peering out yet not really seeing anything.

Tom watched her movements silently. Knowing where her thoughts were, he waited for her to broach the subject. Kathryn hugged herself tightly as her mind followed shadowy corridors that perhaps were best left untrodden.

"Do you ever think about them?" She whispered suddenly.

"Sometimes, more so the last few months with B'Elanna being pregnant. Sometimes, I hate Chakotay for leaving them, other times I understand his reasoning."

"I know. Do you think they remember us?"

"I doubt it. But--"

"But you hope, that maybe just a little inkling of us, remains with them."

"Yeah--" Tom sighed pushing his fingers through his hair. He rose to stand just behind her. Both stared at nothingness for long moments.

"Sometimes, I wonder--" Kathryn spoke softly. Tom had to strain to hear her, only to gently urge her on.

"What?"

"If I would have been a good mother."

"Hey--" Tom empathized as he embraced her from behind, laying his hands atop her folded arms. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he spoke tenderly but firmly. "What do you think you've been doing for the past five years? You're more than just this crew's captain. A great mother, absolutely, as well as a sister, a daughter and a friend. And yes, perhaps even a lover though platonic in most all cases. Your caring and compassion forged a family from a group of misfits and malcontents. But--" He said turning her to face him his hands resting lightly on her shoulder. "--to me, you will always have a special place in my heart as the mother of my first born children. Nothing can sever that bond between us.

"Sometimes, I wish--" Kathryn spoke softly slowly raising her gaze to meet his. Tom was again little taken aback by what he saw. In truth it scared him. He had never seen Kathryn Janeway cry. Not really. Under duress she had always been tough as nails. She even seemed to thrive on hard decisions. But then again, this hadn't been her choice. Chakotay had made this decision for both them. Silently, Tom gathered the suddenly fragile woman against him and together they wept for lost children.

After a while, they pulled back from each other. Kathryn kept her eyes downcast, until Paris gently placed a finger under her to make her look at him. "Kathryn, what could have been is past. We both know it wasn't entirely out of our hands to leave our children behind. We could have done something. You could have ordered Voyager back to the planet. But you didn't and I didn't ask you too." Kathryn said nothing but nodded knowingly. Paris continued as he gathered her again to his chest. Her head resting against his shoulder, Tom tenderly stroked her hair as he spoke. "I mean, really, what kind of life would three little lizards have had on a starship. They're safe where they belong. And we, well, we're right where we need to be and life goes on. I have B'Elanna and you have Chakotay. Our bond has evolved. We're like a family, a brother to sister and I'm happy with that. How about you?"

"I think--" Kathryn began as she pushed back and looked at him. "I can live with that." A small but mischievous smile quirked her lips. "Little brother, that has a nice ring to it."

"Hey--" Paris pouted then smiled back at her, "you know, Sis, this could be really fun."

"I know, I'm looking forward to the reactions we're going to get." Kathryn said as she grasped Tom's hand and together they walked to the door. "Tom, thank you."

"No, thank you." Paris hesitated for a moment then leaned in quickly. Kathryn gasped as his lips touched hers for just a second. When she opened her eyes he was again looking at her. "Just had to try it just once." He winked at her and was out the door. Leaving Kathryn chuckling softly to herself.

Day 175--

The sun was curving to the high point of midday, when a familiar form entered the outskirts of New Hope. The prodigal son had returned from his self imposed exile. Once he was spotted, a shout carried quickly through the village. The first to greet the traveler was the youngest of them all. Her exuberance mirrored her elders own.

"Neelix, you're home--" Naomi Wildman shouted with glee as she threw herself into outstretched arms.

"Naomi, my dearest. Oh, how I've missed you." The Talaxian murmured as he hugged the child tightly against him.

"I missed you, too." Naomi answered solemnly as she brushed her face against his whiskers. "Please don't go away again."

"Never. I promise." Neelix proclaimed squeezing the girl even tighter. The emotional reunion was broken then by a gentle voice.

"We all missed you, Neelix. Eight weeks is a long time to be alone. Kathryn Janeway said placing a gentle hand on the rotund man's shoulder.

"I know, thank you, Captain--" The Talaxian said as he set Naomi on her feet.

Kathryn wagged a finger at him, "It's Kathryn, remember." Neelix nodded with a weak smile. Sensing, the man needed something more, Kathryn impulsively hugged him. "Welcome home, old friend." She whispered in his ear.

Neelix was startled by his former captain's display but appreciated it nonetheless. He was glad to be back among friends. He found himself genuinely smiling as he returned the hug. "It's good to be home . . . Kathryn."

The auburn-haired woman smiled gently as she stepped back to allow others to greet their wayward morale officer. Slowly, everyone wandered away leaving only Neelix and Naomi standing with Kathryn in the increasingly chill air. With an unspoken agreement the threesome headed for the central meeting hall.

"Kathryn," Neelix said reaching into his jacket as they neared their destination. He pulled out an envelope and handed it to the former captain of Voyager.

"What is it?" Kathryn inquired taking the envelope.

"Chakotay asked that I give it to you."

"Then he's not coming back today." Kathryn said quietly sounding a bit disappointed.

"He said the letter would explain and he hopes you'll understand."

Kathryn nodded absently turning the letter over in her hands. Then she looked from Neelix to Naomi not sure what she should do. Neelix picked up on this subtle gesture and saved her the trouble of asking.

"I'd like to spend some time with Naomi. She can stay with Seven for a couple of nights and me during the day. We need to work out an arrangement everyone is comfortable with in the long term."

Kathryn looked at Neelix with surprise then slowly nodded, " Thank you, Neelix." Then to bent and scooped up Naomi giving the little girl a tight hug. "Be good, Sprout. I love you."

"I love you, too, Aunt Kathryn. Have fun with Uncle Kotay and come home soon." Naomi exclaimed giving Kathryn a smack on the cheek and then waggling out of her arms. Only to quickly latch back onto Neelix.

Kathryn smiled at the child and clasped the Talaxian's shoulder fondly before heading for her own shelter. The letter was like fire in her hand as she hurried through the village. She was almost home free, when a voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

Captain, might I have a word with you?"

Kathryn sighed as she turned slowly to face the bland face of her former Security Chief.

"Of course, Tuvok. What can I do for you?"

"Perhaps, this is something better discussed behind closed doors. If you don't mind?" The stolid Vulcan suggested politely, yet firmly.

Kathryn arched an eyebrow at him before ushering him inside with a sweeping gesture of her hand, "After you, old friend."

Once inside, Tuvok stood before his former captain seemingly at attention with his hands clasped tightly behind his back. Kathryn was both concerned and intrigued by the Vulcan's manner. The silence between them lengthened until she could stand it no longer.

"Tuvok, what is it?"

"Captain . . . Kathryn, I--" He stopped as that carefully maintained emotionless facade dropped for a split second. Kathryn took a step backward as if shocked by what was revealed. The letter from Chakotay slipped from suddenly nerveless fingers and drifted like a feather toward the floor.

Neither of them moved until finally Kathryn gathered herself together enough to speak, "Tuvok, why now?"

The Vulcan looked momentarily confused, then he realized what she must have seen in his face during his brief loss of control.

"Kathryn, I apologize, it was not my intention to--"

"No--" Kathryn shook her head, "No, don't try to deny it. I know what I saw. Tell me why. How?"

Tuvok turned away from her and walked several paces to the small window of the shelter. Steeping his fingers, he took a moment to coalesce his thought processes. Then slowly turned back to face his former commanding officer.

"Please understand that had we remained on Voyager, I would have kept what I am about to say to myself. And rightly so. However, in light of the growing relationship between Mr. Chakotay and yourself, I must be truthful."

"Tuvok, you're scaring me."

"Again, that is not my intention, Kathryn. I apologize."

"No, that's not necessary. It's just I've never seen you like this. In the almost nine years we've known each other, I have never felt anything but respect and a certain fondness. Yet--" Kathryn paused as she blue eyes connected with black ones. "I must admit, there has been an attaction. Not romantic, but something deeper than just friendship."

"Yes, that is exactly it. I am without words to express the emotion." Tuvok caught the mock look of shock on his companion's face. "Yes, I am familiar with emotion. I was not always a student of the Kolinahr. I once was young and idealistic. Once, before I bonded with T'Pel, I fell in love and even reveled in it. However, logic prevailed and I found balance. To have emotions is not the bane logic, it is the inability to control them. To be controlled by the irrational goes against what for me is natural."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at." Kathryn returned her tone edged with a bit of anger

"I believe you are," Tuvok incited calmly as he stared his former commanding officer down. "I have often seen how you go against your nature. How you hide behind the calm mask of logic, denying the emotion that is your due. As a human, and to quote the Doctor, this is not healthy."

"But sometimes necessary." Kathryn said quietly.

"Yes, but that time has past. To quote one of Mr. Paris' twentieth century notables, a balladeer, I believe. You are a 'hard-headed woman in love with a sweet-talkin' man'." The Vulcan recited in perfect deadpan. Kathryn couldn't help the low chuckle that issued forth.

"That I am, old friend. that I am." She replied, then looked her old friend square in the eye as comprehension dawned like a supernova. "You're giving me, us, Chakotay and I your blessing."

"As any father, proud father, would."

"Tuvok, I don't know what to say. I mean, I thought, that I--"

"You believed my interest to be something more." Tuvok observed rather reluctantly as he lowed his gaze for a moment. Then he raised a hand to very gently touch her cheek as his dark eyes clouded slightly with emotion. "To be truthful, were our situation different and I was not bonded to T'Pel nor you to the Commander. I would have pursued that avenue. For I am not immune to your charms and they are great to be sure. Yet, I know I must concede to logic and circumstance, and be only what it is possible for me to be. Your consul and trusted friend."

Kathryn placed her own hand over the one her cheek and smiled as tears slipped slowly down her face. Her other hand rested over the Vulcan's heart as she spoke. "I am truly honored by your words and actions. I will do everything I can to make you proud of me." Kathryn paused for a moment as her looked up into the eyes of the man before her. Her lower lip trembled slightly as she spoke, "Father--"

The barest wisp of a smile curved Tuvok's lips as he took Kathryn's small hands in his own. Gently he showed her how to place two fingers against his. The traditional Vulcan way of exchanging greetings between loved ones or close family, "Peace and long life, my daughter." With a squeeze he released her hands and stepped back. They stared at each other for moment, then Tuvok bowed slightly and exited the shelter. Kathryn's watched his retreating back with a small smile permanently etched on her face.

Tom Paris whistled softly as he slowly walked up the path to his home. Deep down he wasn't sure that he wanted to get home. The last two months had been hell in the Torres-Paris household. But then, living with a Klingon wasn't the easiest thing in the world under the best of circumstances. Now, that was multiplied ten-fold with his beloved Klingon being pregnant. Mood swings, hell, try thinking of it as hormone induced schizophrenia. One minute B'Elanna was trying to rip his head off, the next she was sobbing in his arms.

Paris sighed deeply as he pulled his coat tighter, noting absently that it was getting cooler. As he reached the front door of his home Paris thought he heard loud singing or something that resembled it. Cautiously, he placed his hand on the door and slowly swung it open. Peering into the foyer to gauge his likelihood of coming upon an unknown element, Paris stepped over the threshold.

"Tom, is that you?" The voice of B'Elanna Torres carried to well-tuned ears.

"Yeah Hon," Paris called back as he closed the door and shed his coat.

B'Elanna was in his arms the minute he turned from the closet. Their lips locked in a passionate kiss that promised many things.

"Whoa, what did I do to deserve this?" Paris said as he broke the kiss with a gasp for air.

"Just glad to have you home. I've been going nuts here all by myself." B'Elanna answered with a bright smile.

Paris eyed her suspiciously, "Okay, out with it Torres. What's going on?"

B/Elanna didn't answer as she freed herself from his embrace and strolled into the living room. Tom followed, more bewildered than ever. The half-Klingon dropped onto the sofa and presented her husband with a smile. Paris looked at her warily then shrugged as he joined her.

"So, what's going on? What did the Doctor say?"

B'Elanna continued to grin as she snuggled close to her husband. After a moment she spoke, "Well, I was kind of wondering what you thought about naming our baby after Sam Wildman."

"Fine with me but what if it's a--" Tom Paris stopped suddenly and turned to look his wife squarely in the eye. "Sam as in Samantha . . . our baby's a girl. But I thought--"

"That we decided to wait for the surprise. Well, you can blame the Doctor, he blabbed while he was scanning me."

Paris shook his head in awe and disbelief, "A girl . . . wow." He took B'Elanna's hand in his and gently laid them both against the slight mound, where their child slept. "Everything else is okay. Right."

"Absolutely, perfectly normal. So, How about Dad?"

Tom Paris grinned, "I love it. Samantha is beautiful. Would you mind if we called her Kathryn too?"

"After the captain," B'Elanna smiled and shook her head. "No, I wouldn't mind."

Paris gathered his wife into a tight embrace then dropped to his knees and laid his head against her stomach. "Hey there, Samantha Kathryn Paris, you've got quite the image to live up too. But your mom and I and all your aunts and uncles will be here to help. So, sleep tight, little girl. There's lots of love here just waiting ya."

Silent tears slipped down B'Elanna's cheeks as she laced her fingers through her husband's hair. She never thought it could be like this and she could only hope it never changed.

Kathryn sat in the middle of her bed, legs drawn up, her chin resting thoughtfully in her hand. Chakotay's letter lay on the bed beside her still unopened and unread. The last twenty-four hours had been emotional and enlightening. She knew it was getting late but she felt there was something else that needed doing. Kathryn was about to call Chakotay to tell him she wasn't coming, when there was a knock on her door. She called out entry and was surprised by the face she saw.

"Captain, am I disturbing you?"

"Sarah, of course not, come in." Kathryn answered as she rose quickly and meet the young woman.

"Captain, I--" Ensign Sarah Hickman paused not quite sure how to continue. She had never been in Kathryn Janeway's quarters before. Not here and certainly not onVoyager. This was going to harder than she thought.

"Sarah, is this about Harry?" Kathryn asked finally when the young woman seemed reluctant to continue.

Sarah's head jerked up with surprise. Maybe, things would be alright after all. "As a matter of fact, it is. Or at least partly."

"I see, will please sit down and tell what's on your mind."

"Well, it's kind of has to do with you, too."

"Me?"

"Yes, and how Harry feels about you. Frankly, Captain, it's putting a bit of a crimp in our relationship."

Kathryn was taken aback by the hostility in the other woman's tone. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"God, don't you get it. Harry loves you. Sometimes I think the only reason he started paying any attention to me was because, I remind him of you."

"That's ridiculous. I'm old enough to be--"

"His mother. Yes, I know. That's where it all started." Sarah sighed dramatically as she dropped into a chair and buried her face in her hands.

Kathryn sank in the chair opposite, stunned and puzzled by what she had heard. With effort she found her voice, "Sarah, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. I treat all young members of my crew equally."

"Really--" Sarah drawled and let out a sharp laugh, "You can really say that, after the way you've treated Harry."

"The way I--" Kathryn mouthed back appalled the insolence in the blonde woman's voice. "You're actually saying, there's something WRONG with the way I treated him. I have done nothing to Harry. I would never intentionally harm him or any member of my crew."

Sarah's bravado vanished in an instant as she saw genuine hurt in her former captain's face. "Yes, you . . . No, I." Sarah stopped as she suddenly realized how she must be sounding. "I'm sorry, this isn't coming out right. I only wanted-- Oh hell, Harry's going to kill me."

Kathryn smiled weakly and reached across to put her hand on the young woman's arm. "Tell me, what's really going on?"

Sarah took a deep breath as she watched Kathryn closely, looking for any signs of insincerity. She saw nothing but open and honest concern. But she just couldn't put her feelings into words. Finally, Kathryn saved her the trouble.

"Sarah, let me tell you something about the relationship Harry and I have. It started the moment I met him, he was all stiff and new. A boy straight out the Academy and I did my best to put him at ease."

"At ease before you sprain something." Sarah murmured.

"Yes--" Kathryn acknowledged with a crooked smile. "It broke the ice a little and garnered a shy smile from him. I think from that moment our bond became unique and later necessary. Sarah, he's been through so much. The Caretaker, the Holodeck malfunction during his Beowulf program, the Vidiians and the duplicate Voyager where he replaced himself, Species 8472 and the Borg. All the other times when he was injured or Voyager was in danger. How many times can you face death and not have it scar you in some way? We all have our demons and scars. But Harry's been through more than most." Kathryn sighed softly as she rose and walked to the window. She stared out for moment then turned back to the young woman. "I've always tried to be there for him, sometimes it hard because so many others depend on me and I feel responsible for them all. Yet, when he became ill a few months ago, I didn't think twice about staying by his side, then we lost Sam and I felt guilty for it."

Sarah got up quickly and stood before her captain, comprehension beginning to dawn, "You couldn't have know about the problem with the water filtration system, it wasn't your fault Harry and the others got sick."

"I know," Kathryn nodded jerkily, "but I still feel that way. Harry's a sensitive young man and he takes things easily to heart. My preoccupation with protecting my crew, may have sent him the wrong message at first. For, that I'm sorry."

"I'm not--"

"The two women turned quickly to see Harry Kim standing the open doorway.

"Don't you know how to knock, Kim?" Sarah scolded.

"Hey, learn how to keep you voices down. I could hear you ten feet away from the building."

"And you had to stop and listen." Kathryn returned as she crossed her arms, giving him a stern glance.

Harry shrugged, "Heard my name and couldn't resist. Now, tell me what brought on this little meeting of the minds."

"I'm afraid, it's my fault." Kathryn started. Sarah cut her off.

"No, it's mine. I guess, I'm a bit jealous. You two always seem to get along so well and sometimes I feel like a third wheel. I had to find out it I had anything to worry about." Sarah explained with a shrug.

"You could have just talked to me." Harry said as he put his hands on her upper arms.

"Right, and have you think I was loony."

"I would have understood. I do understand and you have nothing to worry about, okay."

"Really--"

"Really," Harry answered as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and turned to Kathryn. "Captain, I meant what I said, I'm not sorry. You've been the best, I couldn't have survived all the things that have happened to me in the past four years, if it weren't for you."

"Harry, I--"

"It's true, I look up to you. But more than that, I have a deep respect and affection for you. Both as a friend and a mother figure. Your opinion is very important to me as is your happiness." Harry paused and stepped away from Sarah. Holding his hand out to Kathryn, he was a bit surprised when she took it with out hesitation. "So, what do you say, Captain, am I worthy to be your surrogate son?"

"On one condition," Kathryn began as she gripped his hand tighter, tears threatening to fall. "You have to call me, Kathryn."

"I don't know, that doesn't feel quite right. How about Cap'n or KJ?"

"Hey, why not Mama Kate?" Sarah volunteered, only to receive mock scowls from both.

Harry thought for a long moment as he stared at the woman before him. Noting the bemused look reflected in her blue eyes, he blinked as it came to him. "Ma-- That sounds about right." He smiled at Kathryn as he asked. "Is that, okay?"

"I would be honored to be your Ma. Your 'Mother' would be proud of the man I see before me." Kathryn told him as she enveloped the young man in a tight hug.

"I hope so--" Harry whispered in her ear, then he kissed her lightly on the cheek before stepping back. "Well, we better get out of here. Thanks again, Ma, for everything."

"Behave yourself, Harry, son of Janeway--"

"He will." Sarah affirmed with a smile as she reclaimed Harry's arm. "We will. Thank you for everything, Capt-- Kathryn--"

"Goodnight, you two--"

The two young people quickly departed with Harry bestowed an adoring smile on his foster mother. Kathryn slowly shook her head as she stood the doorway of her shelter. A perfect ending to a very strange and heartfelt two days. She now, had more family then she knew what to do with and the fact was after everything there was still one element missing.

Faced with really nothing better to keep her there, Kathryn put on her coat. Pausing only to pick up Chakotay's letter and tuck it in her pocket as she headed out the door. She had gone about 6 yards when she heard her name being called. Almost instinctively, Kathryn knew something was wrong.

"Kathryn, thank the great spirit, I caught you." Neelix huffed as he tried to catch his breath.

"Neelix, slow down. What's wrong?"

"Naomi, she's gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Kathryn demanded her captain's tone coming on naturally.

"I thought she was with Seven but when I went check in on them, Seven hadn't seen her. No one's seen her since lunch." The Talaxian related ringing his hands with worry. "There's a storm coming in. Captain, we have to find her."

"And we will." Kathryn affirmed as she patted his shoulder, "Now, tell me how she was before she took off."

"Well, quiet, which in itself is strange for Naomi. But then I haven't been here for weeks, perhaps I should have been. Gods, I feel selfish--"

"No, don't do that. You needed time as much as she did. Time to heal. Time to remake your lives. No one is going to fault you for that. Believe me, I understand that kind of need. That kind of pain. No one can share in a loss, it makes or breaks you. Most of the time you become stronger for it. Sometimes, it takes a little more than you're able to give. That's where friends and family come in."

"But it's getting colder." Neelix continued clearly not wanting to hear any comforting words.

"I know," Kathryn sighed as she did a visual scan of the area around the settlement. "We'll get a search started. You go back to the meeting hall and get everyone else there. I'm going to check a couple places. I'll meet you back here in about an hour." Neelix nodded and trotted off.

Kathryn hurried back to her shelter, grabbed a tricorder and her commbadge. When she stepped back outside a gust of wind hit her. It was a stinging cold, that sent shivers through her being. Pulling up her hood, Kathryn set out.

It was almost dark when, Chakotay arrived at the settlement just 15 minutes after Kathryn had left. Not finding her home, he headed for the meeting hall. Halfway there Tom Paris caught up with him.

"Chakotay, I thought you were at the lake."

"I was. I expected Kathryn to join me a couple of hours ago. When she didn't show, I figured she didn't get my note or something was wrong."

"Why didn't you contact her from there?"

Chakotay looked a bit sheepish, "I forgot to bring extra power cells with me for communications and with the wind blowing commbadge signals aren't getting through."

"Yeah, it's creating a static field." Paris said as they joined Neelix near the entry of the hall. "It's going to make finding Naomi even harder."

"Naomi, what happened?" Chakotay demanded.

"She's run away." Neelix informed him sadly. "It's my fault, I should have saw the signs."

"Neelix, don't--" Paris said quietly shaking his head. "We all thought she was doing so well. Even Kathryn, she won't have let her out of her sight otherwise.

"That's right, Neelix. Now, our main concern is finding her." Chakotay said as he looked around for Kathryn. Seeing this Neelix spoke up.

"Kathryn is already out looking. She said she knew of a couple of places where Naomi might be."

"She went searching . . . alone--"

"And WHO was going to stop her, Chakotay." Paris answered pointedly.

Chakotay gave an exasperated sigh, "I know, she'll always be the captain." Paris and Neelix bobbed their heads at the same time in affirmation. The former Maquis' shook his head to quickly clear it as the tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum image flashed through his mind. "Okay, I'll go after her. I have a couple of ideas myself. In the meantime, set up a grid search pattern and try to enhance communications."

"Got it, that should be right up Seven's alley." Paris affirmed.

"Good, hold the fort. We'll ALL be back soon."

With a nod at the twosome, Chakotay headed back up the trail toward the lake.

Thirty minutes into her search, found Kathryn stumbling along her head bent into wind. She had checked every place she could think of and now, it was getting much colder and a light snow was making the trail difficult to navigate. If she didn't find Naomi soon, they both would be in trouble. Calling the child's name brought nothing but the howl of the wind in return. Hitting her commbadge rewarded Kathryn with a new wave of frustration and anger. "Dammit--" She muttered under breath as static crackled across the open comm line. Stopping she tried to gauge her position but the tricorder wasn't helping. It too was being interfered with by the storm. Kathryn sighed, If I'm out here much longer, they're going to be looking for me too. Deciding on a direction, she trudged off, hoping all the while that Naomi was alright.

As it turned out, Kathryn needn't have worried. Forty-five minutes after the search began, B'Elanna Torres-Paris came bursting into the meeting hall, Naomi Wildman in tow. The little girl not run away after all she had simply wanted to visit B'Elanna and talk about the baby. The lost had been found but an hour later when everyone else had returned to check in, two didn't . . .Chakotay and Kathryn, all they could hope was that they were together.

A good three hours later, Kathryn Janeway was lost and she knew it. Everything looked so different in the dark with the snow swirling around. She was about to collapse to the ground in a forlorn heap, when she caught sight of something through the trees. A boxy shape loomed almost directly in front of her. With renewed hope, Kathryn plunged forward through the deepening snow and soon found herself directly in front of a cabin. Not even wondering who had built it she made for the heavy wooden door. Her hands were stiff with the cold as she fumbled with the latch until finally it gave.

Kathryn all but fell through the doorway of the cabin. Using the last of her strength to push the door shut. Sliding down to the floor, she sat there for a long time trying to regain some clarity and perspective on her situation. Through, a muddle of thoughts it dawned on Kathryn, she had to get warm and quickly. Slowly, struggling to her feet, she cast a look around the room she was in. It was larger then she had first thought and was still under construction. But there was a fireplace and heat was what she needed. Kathryn just hoped it was finished and worked. Shaking violently, she searched and found everything necessary but she couldn't get her fingers to work.

She was about to give up when the door banged open behind her, allowing wind and snow to enter again enter the cabin. Kathryn didn't care, her eyes were on the dark figure that stood in the doorway. A whispered name slipped past her lips as darkness closed in around her.

Chakotay was startled and delighted, when he saw Kathryn huddled in front of the fireplace. It was amazing she had found her way here at all things considered. Alarmed when she didn't acknowledgment, Chakotay secured the door and quickly moved to her side. One touch of her cold skin told him, he had to get her warmed up as soon as possible.

A half hour later Chakotay had a fire going and the interior of the cabin was warmer. He had bundled Kathryn in blankets and laid her near the hearth. He thanked the spirits as she began to show signs of waking. Moving to her side, he knelt down and took her hand in his as she opened her clear blue eyes and smiled at him. He was about to speak, when their commbadges sounded simultaneously. A voice distant but clear came forth. It was Harry Kim.

"New Hope to Chakotay-- Kathryn, if you can hear this? Naomi is safe. She was with B'Elanna. Odds are you won't be able to answer this message. Seven, used Voy-Com to enhance our signal. So, just listen. Somehow, we know that you have found your way to each other. Don't allow petty arguments to dissolve what you two have together. It is right. Contact us when the storm has past, or we'll come looking for you." There was a pause as whispering ensued over the open commline. Finally-- "Okay, so you take care of each other. Ma, I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, Sis, later--" The voice of Tom Paris added.

"Yes,--" Tuvok affirmed, "Peace be with you, my daughter, and you, Chakotay have found your secret--" The Vulcan was cut short as Chakotay slapped his commbadge to break the connection.

He looked down at Kathryn saw the question in her eyes. Hell, he had a couple of his own. But at the moment, the truth was he had given her all his blankets and was freezing. Yet, she hadn't offered to share or maybe she just hadn't thought of it. MAYBE, it was time one of them spoke.

"Kathryn--Chakotay--" It was simultaneous. They chuckled quietly.

"I'm relieved Naomi is safe." Kathryn said finally as she edged up on her elbows only then noting she was only wearing her underwear. Hastily, she pulled the blankets closer

"Me too and you. You had me scared there for a while. Don't ever do anything like this again, okay."

"Okay," Kathryn murmured.

A brief silence fell over which could be heard the chattering of teeth. Realizing it was Chakotay, Kathryn shyly offered him a place in her blankets. Quickly and with as much modestly as possible the dark man shed his outer clothing and slipped in beside the woman of his day and night dreams. Long quiet moments past with each lost in their own thoughts.

"Chakotay--" Kathryn asked suddenly.

"Hmmm--"

"The letter you wrote me, I haven't read it yet."

"So, I noticed." Chakotay answered as he reached for Kathryn's coat. "I found it in your pocket." He handed the envelope to Kathryn who sat up pulling one of the blankets around her. Chakotay copied the action and sat facing he. "Please read it now, aloud. I would like to hear my words on your lips." Kathryn smiled a little and her hands trembled as she unfolded the paper. The scrawl was bold yet elegant much like the man himself. Finally, taking a deep breath she began--

Kathryn,

"I wish to tell you how much I love you'
and I hope that you know that I do.
I wish that the words that I speak so tenderly,
could be heard from my heart to yours gently.
I wish, that they would carry the same meanings,
and the soft feelings from deep within me.

More than you know . . .
I love so many things about you.
Your strength, your tender faith, your deep wisdom
and your gentle caring for others.
I enjoy your warmth and the way I feel when I'm with you.

But I'm at odds how to express my heart,
So, for you, I chose the words of a long ago ballad.
I hope you can see what we have is real and true.
Read on, my love--"

Kathryn paused her throat constricted with tears, she was unable to continue. Never had she been so moved. Chakotay gently reached for her, drawing her close. Near her ear in whispered song, he spoke the words written on the paper.

"I knew from the very first time;
that I looked into your eyes . . .
You were someone, who'd been through
a few too many goodbyes . . .
No doubt about it.

Darlin' now you're safe in my arms--
You've found your future at last.
All of those years and those tears,
are a part of the past.
So believe, what I'm telling you . . .

From this day on --
You're gonna be loved . . . perfectly.
From this day on--
You're gonna be loved, the way you deserve to be.
All your fears can be gone
From this day on --

Darlin' please trust what we've got--
and where it's all leading to . . .
You're in good hands--
gonna cleanse in cherishing you--
And I'm just getting started--

From this day on--
you're gonna be loved perfectly--
So perfectly, baby--
From this day on--
. you're gonna be loved the way you deserve to be.
All your fears can be gone--
From this day on . . .

Now, I'll be here beside you--
From this day on . . . you'd better believe--
From this day on . . . we'll always be together--
From this day on . . .
Girl, you've got yourself a lover and a friend
We'll be good lovers and friends
You're looking at forever . . .
Here's where our dream begins--
and I promise; It's never gonna end.
No . . . no . . . no . . . no . . .

Drawing on the love that was so plainly evident in words and on the face of the man before her Kathryn finished the letter.

So, there you are forever in my heart,
Maybe, I'll sing it to you one day.
But if I'm not too late, please join me.

Yours with love,
Chakotay,

Kathryn's voice broke as she finished. Chakotay hugged her tightly then drew back.

"Kathryn, why didn't you read my letter before now?" Chakotay asked taking her gently by the shoulders. She looked up at him with sad eyes on the brink of tears.

"I was afraid of what it might say. You disappeared so quickly after the row we had. I thought maybe you had had enough."

"Of you . . . never--" Chakotay told her vehemently as he quickly gathered her against his chest. "I DO love you, Kathryn. Wholly and completely. One little fight isn't going to change that."

"Promise," Kathryn whispered as she brushed her fingers lightly down his cheek.

"I Promise--" Chakotay declared as he dropped his head and gently kissed her. He felt his love shudder in response as one of his hands tangled in her hair, while the other slid beneath the blanket that encompassed them to pull her tightly against him. Tonight was just for holding each other they both knew that but it held the promise of untold delights to come. Tomorrow would come and a future together with their love a secret no longer.

The end of 'Secret Love'. Next 'First Steps' by Delta--

'From this Day on' is from the CD 'One Life to Live-The Best of Love'

Return to Picture This