speeding down a highway, she looked ahead, never back. the hill met the sky and nothing was visible past it. nothing exists beyond that, i'll drive over that and disappear, fall off the earth, that car just fell off the earth, i wish i could take a picture of this, just like the ocean
don't think about that

she drove in one big circle, going over the familiar roads, this is home, driving down the one unfamiliar stretch of highway, seeing the edge of the world, i survived past the edge

going about the routine, mechanical. ignoring the way home, taking another to another place, still familiar, but not home. home is not there. they could be there. they're childish, i hate the way they act, i wish they would stop blaming us, we didn't do anything

depressed by routine, feeling stuck. i'll never escape this place, not ever, what about..?
no, don't think of that again, no one will ever help you, help yourself
i don't want to go away, this is home.. sometimes.

all day avoiding home, driving on the highway that never changed. always the same stretch of road going off to nowhere
except once it ended up at the ocean and you did see the edge, but you couldn't go over it and see that it wasn't really the edge, could you? you never will. you didn't even try. you regret it, don't you?
no, i never regret anything.
bullshit.

eventually coming home, feeling better. they shut up, if she sleeps, things will be ok, i believe in god now except not really, I can't explain, son of a preacher man, he's not even christian, he's like me, i'm going to end up loving him, i don't want to love again, it's wrong wrong wrong
you will get hurt
so?
you're stupid
and delusional, but happy, with a simple kind of life. achieved "simplicity for the complex", he should be proud
forget about him already, he's dead, or should be, he isn't, is he? you'll never get away, he's part of you, you were wrong, he can hurt you, wound you, scar you, break you, more easily than any human on earth
all men are pigs, I'm stronger. because of him, but still stronger. i am the strongest one, and it only gets better
worse
what's the difference anymore?
you are delusional, that's it, don't you hate what you've become?
I AM HAPPY
can't handle this voice anymore, must I sleep now?
yes, you must, you are much too much too bad for me, just wrong, you are him and them and all the rest internalized, i'm not schizo, my superego is too well-developed, herd instinct, baaaaaa

..take it easy, baby, take it as it comes..

at least it all makes sense now

grateful, not bitter. sad, pity, wanting to help anything, knowing the only way to help is to keep silent, hates herself for showing a reaction

..this is the end, beautiful friend..
..this is the end, my only friend..
..I'll never look into your eyes again..
..it hurts to set you free, but you'll never follow me..

if someday ever comes again, or even if not, always know that you are loved, more than you can imagine, love never dies, if there ever was..
no if's anymore
don't let bitterness ruin memories of happiness, don't hurt, i'm always around, even in silence, even in love, even in death. goodbye.