Rocking Pegasus *Does Have* Reason
Posted by Maan on July 28, 2002 at 11:43:44: at the Poets India
bulletin board
In Reply to: ROCKING PEGASUS posted by NIRMALDASAN on July 28, 2002 at
06:24:22:. The review was reprinted in the Journalism Online newsletter (September 20002)

Greetings, Nirmaldasan.

Now this is a whole feast: enjoyable reading throughout, twists the
brain at some, touches the heart at other. A good collection to
savour, at par with what is going on in world poetry.(I have some
comments on the web design since this has been presented in the *web*
but coming to that later.)

A DOUBLE DACTYL

Witty, rhythmy self-portrait. There could have been some literary
comments but what naturally comes out from within is "Cool, man -
kewl"!

THE SCRIBE'S TALE

And none to judge our case, would be wasting our breath.

How about bringing the words in the same line like
##And none to judge our case, would be wasting our breath.##
Same about the last 2 lines - may be can come in one line.

Can the 2 stanzas each be condensed into classical limerick of 5
lines? Or may be it was wanted in the way it is?

A HAIKU

As they say haiku is the division of 17 syllables into three groups
of 5, 7, and 5 syllables and the inclusion of a seasonal theme....
Masaoka Shiki's reform...each haiku should have a kigo, a season
word, indicating in which season the haiku is set. Eg : cherry
blossoms ==> spring, sweat===> summer ( in India, oc) but Kawahigashi
Hekigoto said haiku would be truer to reality if there were no center
of interest at all.

Don't understand that much:( but your Haiku is fine. Why just one?
You sure must have more in stock.)

It will be also very *interesting* if you include our very own answer
to haiku that is "Mahiya" and "Boli"

Mahiya = triplet where the first line with/without any meaning
carries the rhythm leaving the other two lines into the subject.

Boli = small couplets but beauty and brains in brevity
eg
Hasdi ne phul mangia
Assain bagh havale Kita
{She asked for a single flower with a smile
I made over the whole garden}

I spend so many words as most poets here are ignoring "miniature"
poems. Thanks again for presenting haiku.

["Mahiya" and "Boli" and other such "oral poems" ( oral means they
are not in written form) are from Northern India.]

RIDDLES

Suspense - poetic suspense. Btw - what are the answers;)?

THE BIRDS OF TIME

Great - natural calls and sounds blending finely with words and a
*very* apt title

LITTLE PADINI

The acrostic is nice, albeit personal, but after reading it Padini
becomes sweetest in our hearts too.

RONDEAU

Stunning dramatic end but the theme little bit leaves us craving to
know in a few more lines/words why she breathes no more or what
happened to her? Agreed its description of a particular moment but
still...

CINQUAINS

...But a new born smiles also.

INRI

Good one.
"With five wounds In the flesh And a sixth In the heart" - piercing
words. And powerful too.

POLITICAL LIMERICKS

How about making some limerickal, poetical bending of names - it's
being done in international poetry - instead of Prasad Laloo - if we
make it Laloo Prishuu - people know who we are talking about as well
as the fun of poetic absurdity reaches a new height.

AN ELECTION SLOGAN

Yes.

CLEANLINESS SLOGAN

Since it's already a prize winner at Hindu contest....

ANTI-TOBACCO SLOGANS

These should have won more prizes.

GO TO HELL!

FaNtAsTic! Wish there were a few more like this one in this
collection. Praise and only praise for this.
Just curious to know the % /ratio of contributions of Andrew Veda and
Nirmaldasan ( may be a *pie* chart ) [ Pokes he his nose into many a
*pie* ;) ]

A MARRIAGE BENEDICTION

Good.

ADAM-EVE DUET

Very nice indeed. You can link a .mid or better still .ram file
of the music if you have.

ANAGRAM

Boy! Anagrams and acrostics were long being missed.
We want MORE.

AMPHIGOURI

Feel like stealing this one and publish under my name.

The merman cannot understand
Amphigouri for good or worse.
For she's not really a pretty lass
But in fact a kind of verse.

GOLDEN DROPPINGS

Good one.

TO ARCANUM CAFÉ JOE , A COUPLET FOR JOE LAVIGNE
A LIMERICK FOR ARCANUM CAFE POETS

ummm... cool and n i c e.

A CLERIHEW FOR SONNY VILLAFANIA

ummm... ok :)

TO TTI STUDENTS

ha ha! hi hi hi...larious!

Really "Tamil miss who now is mine."?? Must be lucky to get you:)

NARULA BLUES

Good.

SON OF JOB

Repeat Good.

A SHAKESPEARIAN CENTO ANOTHER CENTO

Boy! so it's not a lost art! We used to do that with Tagore poems.


PUNCHLINES

Ha ha! RTFL -->

2. 'My heart leaps up when I behold' (Wordsworth)
A mermaiden with breasts of gold.

Excellent punchs.

A VISUAL POEM

Won
der
ful
!

A TAMIL PROVERB

True.

ENNUM EZHUTHUM

Extremely well crafted # macaronic verse #

Kan are your two little eyes
That make you see and become wise:
Ennum ezhuthum kannena thagum.

Thagum is that neat equation
Between kan, ezhuthu and en:
Ennum ezhuthum kannena thagum.

CHAUCER'S MANCIPLE'S TALE

Excellent. It would be nice if these few lines are put in quotes in a
smaller font size in the intro. (such style is a well known one,
oc)

""Whan Phebus dwelled heere in this world adoun,
As olde bookes maken mencioun,
He was the mooste lusty bachiler
In al this world, and eek the beste archer.
He slow Phitoun the serpent, as he lay
Slepynge agayn the sonne upon a day;
And many another noble worthy dede
He with his bowe wroghte, as men may rede....""
May be a few less lines or one or two more lines.


THREE POEMS OF SHALOM

"Translated to prose" but sublimates again to fine poetry:)

BHARATI'S PANCHALI SAPATAM
(incomplete comments...)

Well brewed, classical flavour and makes for a solid,lavish reading
(... incomplete comments ... as I have made this post already too 
long)

A vast and wide range of themes, more importantly experiments (with
super successful outcomes) with the various forms of poetry should be
an inspiration to all aspiring poets. Poetry has many forms, can take
any shape and yet be distortions converted in beauty. Kudos to
Nirmaldasan - he has done it with great ease, grace and depth.

===========================================X=cut below this line=====

Comments on web presentation :

This part is really not essential particularly if the above is meant
to be read only as printed publication.
[so you can preserve it or *tear it off* along the dotted lines and
dump it into the bin or use as tissue;)]
However since the matter has been web-presented, here are my comments:
my apologies if I sound too loud:

Webpage
_______

# Colour of the page: no not this - what about plain white? or
something else taken from the websafe palette.
or
body bgcolor="#F4E9C4" or something in that range or just
"floralwhite" font color="#804000" size="2" face="Verdana" strong
It will look r e a l l y nice


#Make an index of the poems in the very beginnning of the page with
tags plus a "back to top" link beside each poem - please do this!
(that is links scrolling to the same page)

# Insert tags inside - believe me this will *help* a lot.

All the above can be done without increasing the kilobytes. If you
agree to add little more kbs some more suggestion can follow.

Newsgroup:
__________

Your newsgroup has an awesome membership of 300 + , and host of good
articles.
But this Yahoo stuff is sort of scattery - lay out and all. I *don't*
like. Plus to be greeted by a bikini ad is not what I was expecting
in a literary zone.(that ad is what my luck met as the ad rotator
script was doing its round)
Nowadays it is more of a trend to use non-threaded simple message
boards - and literary forums are going more for "open" type - that is,
though it is meant for a classified audience (in this case
journalism media students) the trend is not to limit your audience -
a journalism media student may be hidden in the mind of a 42 year
African female beautician too in this vast vast ww web. Forums
needing registration actually (in my opinion) puts off visitors who
have already their bag full with so many passwords. If you believe in
non-threaded open forums there are lots of php scripts which can be
run even from a free host.I mention php becoz perl is a system hogger
and may not be allowed by free hosts and even sometimes cause probs
in paid hosts.

That's all I hope. Did not I keep it short?

Thanks for the great work and giving us an opportunity to have a peek
too.
Keep us updated as you add more.