19. LIMERICKS
A Turkish merchant called Japhet
Always flew on his magic carpet.
But whether alone he flew
Or with a concubines few
Is the talk of the town - you bet!
From the wedding hall the bridegroom
Eloped with a witch on her broom.
The broom floating like a swan
Threw off this newly wed man
Saying," For two I have no room."
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
Demonstrate his fondness for paan.
He ate lots of it
So that he could vomit
And clean the stomach for more paan.
A pious man called Timothy Tate
Always said his grace before he ate.
Once when he shut his eyes,
There came some mice
And in a trice emptied the plate.
There was a fisherman called Dale
Who put out to sea on his sail.
But it was not the fish
Destined to be his dish;
He served a Jonah to the whale.
There was a sailor of Nottingham
Who captained the ship The Cryonam.
Bent on speed, he took a whip
And lashed the crawling ship,
And soon anchored himself at Bedlam.
There was a gypsy in ancient Rome
Who wandered far away from home.
And since she lost her way,
She roamed all night and day
Crying aloud,"All roads lead to Rome."
A pop singer called Bobby Jones
Once received a shower of stones.
He begged the crowd for time
To sing his own requiem.
Now all that remain are his bones.
A comic gaul called Obelix
Once thought he looked like Asterix.
Said the mischievous mirror,
"Fatso, you are in error
For I am not plain but convex."
A teacher kicked a guy called Jaws
For finding fault with Newton's laws.
Being kicked like a ball,
he flew and hit the wall;
But rebounced to affirm Newton's laws.
There was an indolent amoeba
Who wished to avoid pseudopodia.
So into a flying bubble
She got in on the double
And thus avoided pseudopodia.
An Arabian called Uncle Wog
Smoked a cigar beside a bog.
When he blew wreathes of smoke,
Frogs jumped through with a croak
And extremely pleased Uncle Wog.
There was an old man of Warwick
Whose right thumb was long and thick.
he said with a knowing wink,
"This thumb I hated, I think -
But now it is my walking stick."
In King Authur's time a lancer
Fought with virulent lung cancer.
He just wanted to know
How he could win this show;
But he died without an answer.
Pevious/
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