Back to Previous Part

"You have to eat something. The pills specifically say to be taken with food."

"I'm not hungry." He waved the spoon in her face again, but she sat there, arms clamped around her chest. "I'm not a child, I can feed myself."

"I know you can feed yourself Buffy. And I know that you know when you're hungry too, but you have to do this so that you'll get better."

"What if I don't want to get better? What should I do then?"

"Don't say that. I know you don't mean it." Spike went to touch her face, but she pulled away.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch me."

"Alright pet, whatever you like."

"Don't call me that either. I have a name."

He wanted to yell at her that she didn't seem to care when they were downstairs, and that she only seemed to stop sobbing when he held her, but she was hurting, and if this was how she stopped, than he'd let her. "Ok Buffy. Are you going to have any of this or what?"

"Or what." She said defiantly, laying down in bed again, trying to hide her face from his.

"I'll leave it on the dresser." He placed the lukewarm soup down and plinked the spoon into the bowl. "Your sister is going to see your mother later, what is she supposed to say to her?"

"You told Dawn?" She'd gotten real quiet again, and he saw her eyes misting over when she turned.

"No, but she has some speculations of her own."

"Don't tell her anything, please. And not my mother…Oh God, what is she going to think? What are they all going to think? You can't tell anyone, you can't. Please Spike, please, don't let anyone know."

"You can't hide something like this Buffy. You need to talk about…"

"I don't want to talk about it. Why can't anyone accept that? I'm dealing with it." She raised her voice a little, not wanting Dawn to hear her. She didn't know where her sister was, and if she guessed right she was probably outside the door with her ear pressed to it.

His stupid mouth took control before he could stop it, and no matter how he tried, the words kept coming. "So this is dealing?
Locking yourself in your room and refusing to take care of yourself? Bawling your eyes out? Avoiding everyone? This is the patented Buffy method of dealing?"

"I was raped Spike! Or did you happen to forget that was how I wound up here. He raped me and they, they think there's a child growing inside of me, a child Spike! I'm not ready for a child, especially not one from force and violence," She began to whisper, very quietly, and pulled her knees up towards her chest, "and he raped me. He raped me. I'm so stupid. How could I have been so stupid?"

"Whatever he did was not your fault in any way Buffy. You're not the stupid one."

She snapped out of her trance almost as quickly as she fell into it, stating "I want to go take a shower. Leave the soup over there; I might want some of it later. Thank you for making it."

"You're not stupid Buffy. Don't let anyone tell you that you are."

She climbed out of bed, reaching for a towel hung over the chest at the foot of it. "Tell Dawn not to put in any wash for awhile."

"You're not stupid." She continued to ignore his words and walked out right past him. He stood there and listened as she turned on the tap, but he didn't hear her crying.

Title Page
Author's Page
Next Part