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She ran her fingers under the faucet. She didn't see the steam that was beginning to coat the mirror in front of her, how could she, with her eyes clenched shut. She didn't want to look at herself. All she focussed on was the heat sinking into her palms, and the fact that it hurt. It hurt so badly, and yet she couldn't pull away. It felt right.

This was self-destructive, all of it. She knew that.

But she really didn't care.

This was how she was going to deal, with control. She was going to be in control. She'd say when the pain could come, and when it would stop. It wouldn't be Riley, and it wouldn't be Spike, or Dawn, or her mother, or her friends.

It would be her.

She plunged her arms in further, up to the wrist, and hissed as she did so. Gazing at the pink Schick razor on the edge of the tub, she felt the skin on her forearms flush and tingle. It wasn't time yet.

Her period was supposed to come next Wednesday. She could wait until then.

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"Call Xander and ask him to take you tonight." Spike bounded down the stairs, nearly crashing into Dawn at the bottom.

"I thought you were taking me."

"Change of plans. I don't want her here by herself."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter, I'd just prefer it this way." He was debating lighting his cigarette in the house, pulling the tobacco filled stick quickly back and forth from his lips. She was glaring at him, again. Her sister had taught her some things very well. "Look, it's nothing, really."

"Why are you all edgy then?"

"Because it's been hours since I had a smoke." That sounded plausible enough. "I'm going to go out on the porch and have this, and you call the whelp. If she does anything…anything wonky, come and get me, alright?"

"Why should I do that?"

"Why do you have to give me such a hard time Dawn!" He slammed his lighter against the doorframe, cringing a little when he heard the wood crack. "You came to me first, called me to come over here and help you, and now when I'm doing specifically what you asked, despite how much your sister doesn't want it, you hassle me about it. I'll go, right now if that's what you'd like, I don't need this. I'm not one of her bleeding friends."

"But you're the one that told me about her in the first place."

"Yea, because you're her sister. She doesn't hate you Dawn. Remember that little fact, that she hates me, that pretty much everyone does? I'm tolerated Bit. They come to me when they need some info, a little extra muscle power, but no one wants me around for the nurturing."

"I think Buffy does. I saw you two, out on the back porch, before Mom went into the hospital. I saw you sitting with her."

"Oh." His voice was flat. He didn't think Buffy had wanted anyone to see her breakdown like that, least of all with him in the picture.

"She didn't tell Riley did she, about Mom?"

"No, I passed along that little tidbit of information. Look, I'm sorry. I'm going to have this cigarette, and after Xander brings you back home, I'm going to go. You can call me again, or she can, but I think it would be better if I just get out of here for awhile." He turned the doorknob and stepped onto the dimly lit porch, lighting up almost immediately.

He'd give her until Wednesday. He could wait until then.

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