Title: It's Good-bye 1/1
Author: Danielle
E-mail: PrincessCashew@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up and through The Gift
Summary: Spike reflects on the night of Buffy's death
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway.
Distribution: Whoever wants it can have it, just e-mail me first so I can come and visit.
Author's Note: This is the first fanfic that I ever wrote, and the first piece of writing I ever posted on the internet. I'd just like to thank everyone who sent feedback, because it is for you that I continued to write. So thanks!

It was 1 am. And still he stood there. Staring at her, his defeated Slayer. She had fought the good fight. He should be proud of her. But all he felt was empty. Cor, she was beautiful. He wanted to touch her, but he knew she wouldn't have liked it. She would have been too cold anyway. He couldn't stand to feel her and have her be freezing. He was watching her alone. Everyone else had wandered off, he recalled hearing the word hospital and he had wondered why no one had taken Buffy. She was growing paler; her lips were no longer as red. Good-bye to the Buffy he knew.

It was 2 am. Some men came to take her away. They put her in a bag, and zipped her up. Placed her in the back of an ambulance and drove silently away. No sirens for the protector of the world. He didn't want to leave her, not yet, but there was no way he could follow. Giles had come and led him away. There were no words. He strayed from the older man, not wishing to invade the mourning of others he knew were closer to her than he would ever be. Good-bye to the friends he had almost inherited.

It was 3 am. He walked past headstones, wondering what hers would look like. Would it say her middle name on it too? Was there some little quotation she wanted etched below the years? He gazed at the dates that appeared on them. Were there any other 20-year-old girls for her to lie with for eternity in the same ground? He hoped there weren't with as much passion as he hoped there were. He didn't want her to be alone here. But those girls should be at university, dancing on Friday nights, kissing boys. He'd wished he'd kissed her before all of this happened. Good-bye to the lost opportunities.

It was 4 am. He fingered the little tubes of lipstick and bottles of nail polish. No black. This was her room. And she'd never be in it again. He wanted to pull all of her clothes from their drawers and smell her on them. Wanted to lay on her bed and feel her sheets the same way she must have felt them as she lain on them. To take something to carry around with him. But he couldn't do it. It wouldn't be her place anymore if he did. Good-bye to the place she called her own.

It was 5 am. Dawn had found him standing aimlessly in the room. She had come and sat down by his feet. They just stared at each other for awhile. Neither knew what to say. He hated her a little. She was so close to her sister. She was the reason he was standing here lost without his love. But her eyes were too sad and empty for him to feel that way for long. Good-bye to the girl who was finally finding security in her world.

It was 6 am. He sat on the back porch smoking a cigarette. He threw his duster over the railing. He remembered the night she found out about her mother for the first time. He'd never seen her like that, not even tonight. She had trusted him to comfort her. She had trusted him to protect her sister. He would do so, until the end of the world. Too bad his world was ending. Sunrise. Good-bye to the man who loved her.

Title Page
Author's Page