By Heather Martin

*You can lie to others. You can lie to yourself. But you can’t lie to your dreams .*

Spoilers- Grave

Disclaimer- Joss owns all the characters from Buffy TVS

Distribution- Sure, just ask

Summary- Anyone know what dissociative fugue amnesia is? Well, Spike develops such a case after his sudden shiny soul, along with the unexpected return of humanity. He just can’t cope, so he pretends to be somebody he‘s not. As for Buffy, she lies to herself that Spike’s absence hasn’t effected her. But at night, she cannot keep him out of her dreams. What will happen to these two lost souls? Will they ever find their way? And will it be together?

This occurs after Grave. The time between episodes are unclear. Pretend that everything after ‘As You Were ‘only spanned a couple weeks. If you think about it, that makes sense. Seeing Red, Villians, 2 to Go, and Grave all happened in a couple days.

Chapter 11

Buffy stood there for she didn’t know how long. Finally she snapped out of her angst thoughts and began to run. She pumped her legs all the way back to Gile’s house. When she reached the porch she wished there was more distance for her to run.

She entered the dwelling to find Giles immersed in a book. “Better not be worded out. We have a demon to add to our list of research topics. At least. . . I think it was a demon.”

The watcher pried his eyes away from the text. “You came across a demon while out on your walk?” Concern marred his expression. “Are you all right?”

She sighed. “Yes, Giles. I’m the slayer, remember. Touch with mega strength.”

“Yes, but you have never been, uh . . . in delicate condition.”

She laughed. “I’m pregnant, not breakable.”

“Yes, well. . . You really should be careful.”

“I know. And I should get checked out. I haven’t really seen a doctor yet.”

Giles nodded. “That should be your main priority. We’ll find Spike in good time.”

“Already pinpointed his location,” she informed.

“How did you manage that?”

“On my walk I met up with him.”

“Dear lord, you are telling me you found Spike and a demon on a mere walk around the block?”

A slight smiled tugged at Buffy’s lips. “Basically.”

He shook his head. “I only thought such a thing possible in Sunnydale.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I attract it.”

Glancing up at her, Giles said, “So, tell me about your walk. Why isn’t Spike with you?”

She plopped down on the couch. “He doesn’t remember me, Giles.”

Giles narrowed his eyes. “He has amnesia?”

“Either he got hit on the head or some spell was cast on him. All I know is I’m just some wacko he met on a walk.” Her voice held sadness.

“Wait, Buffy, it is only after noon. Spike couldn’t possibly. . .”

“That’s the wiggiest thing about all this, he’s apparently human now,” Buffy told him.

Giles opened his mouth and then closed it again. Buffy could clearly see that he was puzzling over the new knowledge. He shook his head. “That is impossible. Dead things can not be reanimated in the sense of breathing beings once again.” He paused, seeing Buffy‘s risen eyebrow, finding his error. “Yes, I know you are an exception. But there are no exceptions concerning the undead. It has never happened before.”

“There’s always a first time.”

“Are you sure he didn’t get a hold of a talisman warding against the rays of the sun?”

“I’m certain, Giles. I felt his heart. And he’s of the breathing. There is no doubt about it, he is alive.”

“Extraordinary,” Giles muttered.

“Uh huh, great. Except for the fact that he thinks he is the average Joe Shmoe. He even insisted on going to work. I arranged a meeting with him him there after he gets off.”

Giles pushed his glasses further up his nose. “This requires extensive research. Tell me about this demon. Maybe Spike’s sudden amnesia and this demon’s appearance are connected.”

“Well, he wore a long black cloak. His eyes were all glowy. Blue sparks came out of his fingers. That about sums it up.”

Her ex-watcher stood up from his seat. He set the book he had been reading down on the coffee table. “I just got a new volume. It lists far more species of demons than my previous collection combined.” His voice was full of enthusiasm.

“Ooooo, exciting,” Buffy teased.

She leaned forward to examine the book Giles had discarded. She scanned the page that it was open to. “Vampiric Mating Rituals?”

Giles returned with a large book that must have weighed twenty pounds. “Uh, yes. I was hoping that it would shed some light on your situation.”

She looked up at him. “Anything?”

“No, not yet.”

Buffy placed the book in her lap. “Well, let me have a go of it.” She had experienced it first-hand and would know more than he would.

“I made it a third through. There was no mention of vampire and human having . . . personal relations.”

Buffy snorted. He was embarrassed. She was surprised that he wasn’t cleaning his glasses over it.

If someone had told her a year ago that she would willingly do research she would have laughed in their face. But here she was, savoring the words of ancient recorded text. She was too determined to even get bored.

All of a sudden she came against a section that made her eyes go wide. She put her hand over her mouth to keep herself from losing control. So that is why Spike used his tongue so much, she thought.

(AN- just use your imagination, guys)

* + * + * + *

Spike stood outside the pub. He glanced at his watch. 6:12. So much for right on the dot. Maybe she wasn’t even coming. He scanned the area surrounding him. No sign of the stubborn bint. Well, he wasn’t waiting forever. He began to walk away.

He made it five feet away before he heard, “Hey, were do you think you’re going!?”

Taking in a deep breath, he turned to face Buffy. “So, you finally decided to show?”

“Sorry, I got distracted and lost track of time. But we found something. About you.”

A smirk came to his lips. “Really, about me?”

“Well, about that cloaked guy that’s after you. You’re coming with me to talk to Giles about it. He can explain it way better than I ever could.”

Spike looked skeptical, but agreed by saying, “ Fine, lead the way. But I got to get home by ten. Have to turn in by 11:30, and I get testy when I can’t squeeze in my shows.”

She shook her head. “I take it you finally got a VCR.” A memory of him begging Dawn to record Passions passed through her mind.

“Bloody brilliant invention. Are you telling me I didn’t have one before? I don’t think I could survive without it now,” he told her.

A smile came to her lips. He was still Spike, only in denial. Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Dissociative fugue amnesia. The disorder had been covered in Psychology class. She racked her brain for more details. Yeah, it all made sense. Spike couldn’t handle the guilt of a soul so he blocked everything out. Her professor had talked about how the victims would eventually regain their identity. A wave of relief swam over her. This wasn’t permanent.

It still didn’t explain his abrupt humanness. At least she had an idea for part of his current state.

Spike stuck his hands in his pockets. “Where’s this Giles bloke live?”

“Not far from here. Just follow me.”

They walked for a bit before anyone spoke. Not being much of the silent type, Spike spoke. “So, is this Giles your boyfriend?”

That made Buffy stop walking for a moment. She doubled over with laughter. Spike eyed her, puzzled at why the question was so humorous.

Finally Buffy straightened. She wiped the tears that had accumulated from her outburst. “N-no Giles is old, at least forty. He’s never told me exactly how old he is, but . . .”

“So, he’s your friend then?”

“Yeah, a very close friend. He cares for me like a daughter.”

Spike nodded.

They continued their walk. Both their moods had altered. Buffy’s was more light-hearted, and Spike’s more confused. His mind was a jumbled mess. He had no idea what to think or feel about this girl.

The pair made it to Gile’s place. They stepped inside. Buffy watched as Spike moved through the threshold without any hesitation. There was no indication that he had ever been repelled from entering a residence in his entire existence.

“Giles,” the slayer called.

The midde-aged man came to meet them. His gaze lingered on Spike, taking the bleached-blond in. “Bloody hell, it is true,” he breathed in amazement.

Buffy smiled widely. “See, told you.”

Spike glared at them both. “I’m not a bleeding picture show! Please stop your gawking.”

“Yes, but this is so remarkable,” Giles said. “Would you allow me to do some tests?”

“I’m not a damn guinea pig either!” Spike snapped. “The slayer mentioned something about you having information on the thing that is after me.”

“Yes, it is all in a book. If you please follow me.”

The trio went into the living room. A lamp was on, giving off dim light. On the couch was a pile of archaic books. One was opened. Giles snatched it up.

The book was shoved at Spike. “Is this what you saw?”

Spike peered at the page. It showed a sketch of a cloaked creature clothed in a dark cloak. His hands held sharp claw-like fingernails. His face was empty except for the eyes. “Looks like ‘im”

“You didn’t believe me,” Buffy pouted. “I’m not a good enough witness.”

Giles sighed. “I am simply being reaffirming your claim.”

“So, you have the dish on the bugger? What is he after?” Spike demanded.

“Well. . . to be honest. . . your essence.”

A snort escaped Spike. “My essence? Very original.”

“This isn’t a joke!” Giles exclaimed.

“Right, like I believe in demons wanting to steal my life force,” Spike mocked.

“It is fact.” Giles looked down and began to quote from the volume he held. “The eliminator. A being of hell dimension origin. The executioner of lost souls. The victim may be conflicted by the light and dark, but most are former allies of the darkness recently shying away to the light. The eliminator uses energy stolen from his victims.”

“So, that was the lightning he used!?” Buffy burst out.

“Yes,” Giles agreed. “He steals it from the people he wipes out. It also says that it is limited. He has to recharge it with more victims.”

Buffy looked over at Spike and then back to Giles. “That could be why he left to return later.”

“Very well could be.” Giles went back to the book. “ The unfortunate target’s soul does not transcend to the following plane. It is eliminated, essentially becoming nothing.”

Buffy grabbed the book. “What!?”

“I know, this is truly dire. This isn’t death or life, but the matter of existence.”

Buffy lifted her head. “But we can beat it. ‘I’ can beat it. Right?”

Their attention was shifted to Spike when he began to chuckle. “You both are out of your minds.” He pointed to the books on the couch. “Where did you get this stuff, a novelty shop?”

Buffy’s eyes softed. She took a step toward him. “Spike, I know you don’t want to believe this. Hell, I didn’t want to at first either. But you can’t keep living in this fantasy world you’ve created.”

“You’ve been watchin The Matrx too bloody much, slayer.”

She gestured toward him. “See, you’ve been calling me slayer. You don’t even know what one is. Face it, a part of you remembers that I’m a demon hunter and that you used to be a vampire.”

He shook his head.

“Yes, Spike,” she insisted.

He clutched his head. “No! I am William Shayne!”

“Maybe, but you are also Spike, the master vampire. The one who rampaged throughout the world killing innocent people. Who tried to kill me.”

“I don’t think . . .” Giles protested.

“Shh, Giles, I know what I’m doing,” she assured him. Then she faced Spike again. “Also the one who saved my sister’s life. The one who fell in love with me and changed his ways. Please, Spike, remember who you are.”

Spike was violently shaking his head now. His breathing was panicked. “NO!”

Buffy reached out to touch his arm. Her expression was pleading. “Spike, come on.”

He jerked away from her hand. “Leave me alone! I’m not a monster!”

“No, Spike, you’re not a monster,” she softly said.

“I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t hurt people. I didn’t hurt you, Buffy.”

His eyes got larger in realization. She had never told him her name. Spike gasped. He stumbled backwards and then spun around and fled out the door.

______________________________________________

Chapter 12

Spike ran. His muscles and lungs were on fire, but he didn’t slow down. Images passed through his mind and he tried to block them out by concentrating on moving his legs. He went faster and faster. Soon it became too much and he collapsed to his knees on the side of the street.

A moan escaped his throat. He felt as if he were going to explode. He couldn’t handle who he was or what he had done.

“Spike, you can’t run forever.”

His head snapped upwards. Before him stood a pretty woman with fair hair. She wore a long white dress, and had a kind face.

“Who are you?” His voice was dry.

“You know who I am,” she stated.

He shut his eyes. “No, no I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” she insisted.

“Glinda,” he whispered.

“Yes, Tara.” She knelt down beside him. She gently touched his arm. “Stop denying who you are, Spike. It is true that you’ve done terrible things. But you’ve also done good as well.”

A sob came from Spike.

“Go back to Buffy. She needs you.”

“N-no one needs me. Better off I were dead.”

“If that were true the powers would have let you die that night in the alley. You have important things to do.”

Her comforting touch suddenly went away. Spike opened his eyes to see that Tara had vanished. He had been left to suffer in turmoil alone.

The figure of the cloaked eliminator popped in front of Spike from out of nowhere. The creature stared down at the ex-vampire with disgust in his eyes.

“You are pathetic,” the eliminator proclaimed.

Spike gazed at the eliminator with blurry vision. He knew the electricity was going to come before it did. He made no move to avoid it. Pain spread through his entire body, and he accepted it.

* + * + * + *

Buffy grabbed her coat. “I have to find him,” she declared.

“Calm down. He needs some time to gather himself. He’s only in shock,” Giles told her.

She threw on her coat and then spun to face him. “And in the mean time he might get zapped by this eliminating thing. I can’t allow that. I’m going to drag him back here and he can deal without being in solitude.”

Nodding, Giles replied,” If that is what you think is best.”

Her face was full of determination. “I do.”

Buffy and Giles shared a final look before she exited the house. She had no idea where to go. She didn’t even know the address of his house. Desperate, she tried the alley she found him in earlier that day. It was empty. Next, she went to the pub he worked at. He was nowhere around. With no other locations, she searched blindly through the darkened streets.

After a while despair came over her. He had probably headed home. He never wants to see me again, she thought. But she wasn’t going to give up. She’d knock on every house and apartment if that was what it took. She wasn’t going back to Sunnydale without him.

A flash of blue light came up ahead in the distance. She jogged toward it. As she neared, she could make out the eliminator pouring electricity into Spike.

Buffy tackled the eliminator. She managed to catch him preoccupied and he landed on the ground. She hurried over to Spike’s side.

With worry, she gazed down at him. “Are you all right?”

(AN- This is where the soulmate principle comes in. It may be a tad confusing, but will be explained later on)

His cool blue eyes met hers. They pulled her in. It all happened in an instant. Neither of them experienced anything so intense. In a rush, warmth swept over them. Buffy wasn’t sure where she ended and Spike began. She could feel his emotions. All the pain and sorrow that were locked inside him came pouring out to her. Everyone of his memories were shown to her.

The fact that Spike was delving into her life force as well didn’t go unnoticed. He went through all the things she had to endure throughout the years. She sensed his startlement when he came across the baby. He recovered by sending a burst of love her way.

All this seemed to last hours to Buffy and Spike, but in the real world it was only a couple of seconds. They came crashing back, feeling cold and incomplete.

Buffy glanced around, her head jumbled. She didn’t get a chance to ponder over what just happened because she discovered that the eliminator had gotten to his feet.

“Very interesting,” the cloaked reaper said. His voice displayed amusement.

Buffy scrambled up off the ground. She placed herself in front of Spike. “I’m not letting you hurt him anymore,” she declared.

“Don’t meddle with things you don’t understand, little girl,” he warned.

“Oh, I understand. You want Spike to go bye-bye into nothingness. Well, that’s not gonna happen.” She went into her slayer stance.

Behind her, Spike struggled to stand. She risked a look at him. His appearance showed that he was weak and weathered.

“Step away, slayer. I can’t do away with your essence. You’re too pure, but there is something else I can take.”

Buffy’s eyes went wide. He was threatening her child.

“Buffy, please do as he says,” she heard Spike beg.

Anger ran through her. How dare this eliminator bring her unborn baby into the mix. It had nothing to do with this mess.

“Buffy,” Spike pleaded again.

She didn’t know what to do. Either the eliminator would take away her baby or Spike. There had to be a way to prevent it and keep both.

Growing tired of Buffy’s spectacle, the eliminator decided to take action. He aimed at Buffy’s stomach and shot blue fire. It came too quickly for her to dodge out of the way. Before it could hit her, however, Spike jumped in front of her.

Dazed, she took in what was happening. Spike was letting himself get hit by the power for their child. Tears sprung to her eyes. What would multiple blows in the same day do to him?

Now in slayer kick-ass mode, she stepped away to vanquish the eliminator. But before she could, the electricity stopped. Spike began to give way, and she grabbed him to keep him from hitting the hard ground.

She glared over at the eliminator. “You are going to pay,” she vowed.

“I don’t think so. You won’t likely come across me again. My job here is done.” With that, the eliminator was gone.

His last words echoed in her ears. His job was done?

She lowered Spike gently to the sidewalk. His skin tone that had gained color since his humanity was gone. His eyes were gray and glassy, opposed to their usual vibrant blue.

Buffy knelt and leaned over him. She ran her fingers through his hair. He’d be all right, she told herself. All he needed was some rest.

Spike grabbed her hand. “I’m a very bad man.”

She shook her head. “No, Spike, you’re not bad.” She shifted her fingers in his grasp so that she was holding his hand, instead of vice-versa. Then she brought his palm to lay on her abdomen. “You’ve done some very good things.”

The sound of him coughing ripped a path to her heart. “Rest,” she instructed in a soothing voice.

“Tell Tara I’m sorry. I won’t be able to do anymore good,” he whispered.

“Tara?”

“Yeah, she came to talk to me. Said I had more good to do.” He let out a choked laugh. “Guess I get to go a monster.”

Water flooded her vision. “Go?”

“Just tell Tara . . .”

“Tara’s dead, Spike.”

“Oh.” His mouth went upwards a little. “It was nice of Glinda to make and extra trip to see me then. If you ever see her tell her I’m sorry I can’t return the favor.”

“Stop it right now!” Buffy shouted. “Stop worrying about Tara. What about me? I’m the one that needs you.” Her voice cracked.

“Sorry, luv. You’ll manage without me.”

She touched his face. “I can’t.”

“You never wanted me in the first place, pet.”

“Yes I did. I’ve always wanted you, Spike. And now . . . I need you. You can’t go.”

He breathed deeply. “I think it’ll be all right. Twenty- eight as a human, one hundred and twenty-two as a vamp. I’ve way over my expiration date. Not existing will be a relief. No pain or suffering. No hunger. No depression.” He paused, taking in Buffy’s beautiful face. “No love.”

The tears turned into shattering sobs. Yes, going without love would be more of a blessing. All it ever did was ruin both their lives. Better not have it at all. Their hearts would be hollow, but they would be at peace.

“Things would be easier,” she agreed.

“They will be.”

“Stop! You’re not going to leave,” she insisted.

“Yes, I am,” he replied softly. “I can feel myself leaving little by little.”

Mad at him, she said, “You act as if you want this.”

“I don’t mind it much.”

She slapped him. “How dare you! You have to be like the others and leave. And not just me, but ‘our’ baby.”

“I don’t deserve to be a father.”

“Maybe not, but you are all the same. If you think abandoning it is gonna help . . .”

The sentence was cut off by Spike having trouble breathing. He pulled his hand away and started to gasp.

“Spike?” she asked in panic.

He calmed down a bit, but his expression was still contorted. “Buffy, I may not want to love you . . .”

“Spike?” She was afraid now. It seemed as if speaking was too much work for him.

“I can’t feel my body,” he murmured.

She made a move to lift him. “I’m taking you to the hospital. They can do something.”

“No,” he protested.

Tears streamed down off her cheeks and fell on his chest. Her body was shaking. She had never gone through this kind of agony. Not when she sent Angel to hell. Not even when her mom died. This was something new. A part of her was falling away. A piece she didn’t know she had until then. But it was important, so important. She wished that she had realized its significance earlier.

“I want to spend my last minutes with you,” Spike informed.

She was crying harder than ever before. Here she was, a slayer, powerful and strong, but helpless at that moment.

“Don’t do this to me!” Buffy yelled. “You’re not supposed to die!”

Ignoring her, he went on. “I may not want to love you, but it doesn’t change the face that I do. I know you’ll never love me. I know that I’m a monster. But you treat me like a man. I know I’ll never be one, even with the heartbeat. Thanks for treating me like one just the same.”

“You fool. You’re not a monster. You haven’t been one in a long time. And . . .” She took a deep breath. “I do love you, Spike.”

The tears blinded her. She wiped them away and looked down at Spike. She wasn’t sure if he heard her last statement, for his eyes were closed.

She shook him. “Spike!?”

He remained still.

______________________________________________

Chapter 13

Nobody could have as much water in their system as Buffy had. It kept coming out, drenching her face. She could even taste it on her tongue, salty and full of grief. Breathing was difficult, her lungs seemed to be clogged.

“Spike!?” She shook him again.

There was no response.

No, her mind cried. This couldn’t be happening. Spike was eternal. He was an essential part of her life, even if she denied it. He was crude, rude, and damn annoying, but he was always there. He understood her like no one else did. They were equals, two sides of the same coin.

She couldn’t bring herself to check for vitals. She was so frightened to find confirmation that he had really left. That this body wasn’t Spike, but rather an empty shell left behind.

* + * + * + *

The first thing he took in was the white. The whole place was bright with it, too much for his taste. He squinted his eyes. He had become accustomed to sun rays, but this was even more intense.

“Welcome, William, to the upper plane,” a feminine voice said.

He turned around. A lovely woman with extremely long golden hair stood there. She had on a cream-colored gown that resembled the one Tara had worn previously. Her smile was sweet and friendly.

“Upper . . . What? Shouldn’t I be nowhere?” Spike asked, bewildered.

“ You would if we hadn’t intervened,” the woman informed.

Spike glanced around. It looked as if they were in an ancient Greek temple.

“I’m still dead, though, right pet? You on high people brought me here for the afterlife. Am I right?”

She laughed. “This isn’t heaven. This is the realm of knowledge. The beings here serve the powers that be.”

Confused, he said, “Ok. Fine work ya got. So, why am I here if it isn’t the great beyond?”

“You’re not dead yet,” the woman told him. “We think that we may be able to save you.”

* + * + * + *

After a while the tears did stop. Her shoulders quit shaking and her body took over a silent calmness.

She sagged forward, burying her face in his shirt. That was when she felt it. He was breathing. Hardly, yes, but it was there. Little puffs of air, slight movement of the chest. A gasp escaped her. He was alive.

Buffy hoisted him into her arms, getting to her feet. She could still save him. With slayer strength, she carried the man to Giles’s house.

Bursting through the door, she barely made it through without dropping the mass in her arms. Giles, who was engrossed in a book as usual, abandoned it. He jumped out of the recliner. “Buffy, what happened?”

“Eliminator.” She deposited Spike on the couch.

“No,” the watcher said. “Take him to the bedroom.”

Buffy nodded at the offer. She took Spike’s weight once again and headed to the second door down the hall. She laid him down on Giles’s bed. Arranging the pillow and blankets, she attempted to make him as comfortable as possible.

She stared at the bleached ex- vampire. The sight of him was deeply upsetting. He was as pale as a corpse, even more than a vampire. His skin matched the white hair on his head.

“Giles, we have to do something,” she declared. She looked over with plead.

Giles sighed. “Buffy, I’m sorry, but there is no cure. When the draining session begins, as I can clearly see it has, there is no way to reverse it.”

Swallowing, the slayer turned her head away. There was a long quite between them. Finally, Buffy said, “Leave.”

The sound of the door shutting indicated that Giles had complied to her wishes.

Buffy took Spike’s hand in hers. It was cold. She remembered those same icy fingers roaming over her bare skin. The only difference was that they had belonged to a vampire before.

“Damb you, Spike. Why did you have to be all noble and go to Africa? If you were among the undead this would have never happened,” she whispered.

(AN- She knows about his soul searching from the mind merge)

* + * + * + *

Spike crossed his arms. “What if I don’t want to be saved?”

Surprised, the higher being said, “Really? What of the slayer you leave behind? Your daughter?”

His jaw clenched. “I have done enough damage during my existence. I don’t want to have the chance to bollix up anymore. Especially to Buffy. She’s better off without me.”

“And so you would abandon your own soul mate?”

He snapped his gaze to focus on her. “Soulmate?”

“Yes. Very few ever are fortunate to come across theirs. The other half that completes them. If they do, and they’re mate dies, it is almost impossible to recover.”

“What are you saying?” Spike asked.

“The slayer has already lost so much. She may not be able to handle another tragedy.”

Spike pondered over this for a moment. “I can’t be her soulmate.”

The woman laid a comforting hand on his arm. “Yes. Even when you were believed to have no soul. When a demon inhabits a body they take over, but it doesn’t drive out the soul as many think. It has control, yes, but what makes the original personality is still there.” A small smile came to her lips. “You, William, are different. Your demon shared the body with your soul. It didn’t keep it buried and even let it take over occasionally.”

Spike absorbed the knowledge. It all made sense. He never really had felt like his demon and William were separate entities. They both made up what he was.

“You didn’t stop there with the uniqueness. Vampires are not to have children, but you created one regardless,” the woman continued.

Spike smirked. “Yeah, me and the slayer aren’t much for following the sodding rules.”

“The soul mate bond you share seemed to allow you to reproduce. Such a thing has never happened before. It is amazing.”

“So, if you did send me back . . .” Spike began.

“Yes?”

“How would that work exactly?”

“Your human frailty is allowing the eliminator to take your life-force. If you were still a vampire the healing cycle would be able to replenish it. The powers are offering to vie back the demon that was taken away when you became mortal. This would allow you to recover.”

Self loathing came over Spike. “You want to turn me back into a vampire. Been there, done that, no thanks. At the time it was grand, but . . .”

“You misunderstand, William,” the woman told him. “We are not restoring you to a vampire with a soul, but a human with a demon.”

Spike stilled. “Oh . . . right then.”

“Do you accept our offer?”

He ran a hand through his hair. Then he raised his head. “Yeah, do the bloody thing.”

* + * + * + *

After a long emotional episode, Buffy fell asleep. She awoke, however, when she felt the body she was resting her head on move. Her eyes shot open and she jerked upwards.

“Bloody ‘ell!”

Her eyes widened. “Spike?”

She directed her gaze to the man beside her. He was now sitting up, breathing hard.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed. Her arms went around him. Sobs went traveling through her. “I thought you weren’t going to wake up.”

He moaned. “I feel like a train hit me.”

“But you’re alive.” She met his gaze. “And your brain’s all there, right?”

He held her back. “Yeah, luv, I member everything.”

She smiled. “Good.”

Suddenly, Spike seemed startled. “Cor!”

Buffy pulled back. “What?”

In a voice of wonderment, he said, “I can hear ‘er.”

Still confused, she questioned by going, “Huh? Who?”

He answered by touching her stomach. “Itzy Bitzy, I can hear ‘er heartbeat.” He searched her eyes. “It’s so much faster than yours.”

Buffy shook her head. “How is this possible?”

“They gave me back my demon, luv. The higher beings said I could live if my demon healed me. Apparently, I get the vamp senses along with it.”

“You really were dying?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed softly.

She shut her eyes.

Spike brought her close to him. He stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. The demon came with all the extra qualities of a vampire. His eyesight was sharp, his hearing picked up the faintest pitch, and his smell was keener than human. He was certain that his muscles would be able to break a demon’s neck if need be.

Buffy was silent and he was beginning to get worried. “Buffy? Luv, are you all right?”

“You all most died. If the powers that be hadn’t of interfered you’d be gone,” she murmured.

“But I’m not.”

Without warning, she crushed her lips with his. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth, begging to be reassured that he wasn’t going anywhere. When they parted both of them were panting.

“I love you,” she admitted in a rush.

His heart sped up. He was so overwhelmed with it all. Here he was, awake from a fatal coma and a returned demon, and now he was bombarded by the declaration of Buffy returning his love.

“Did you hear me, Spike?” Buffy asked.

“I heard ya, luv.”

Out of nowhere she hit him in the chest. It didn’t hurt much, but it still stung. “Bloody hell, slayer! What was that for?” He’d never understand the Summers women. And now it seemed like another one was on the way.

“That is a reminder to never leave me. And you can take it, you’ve got demon strength again.”

In a swift motion, Spike grabbed Buffy. He slammed her on the bed with great force, rolling ontop of her. He straddled her, holding her arms above her head. “That’s right, baby, the big bad’s back. Good thing, cuz otherwise I’d probably be sputtering god awful poetry instead of. . . This.”

Buffy let out a moan of pleasure as he began to assault her. The last coherent thought she had was that Spike most likely hadn’t processed the fact that they were on Giles’s bed.

_____________________________________________________

Chapter 14

Knocking on the door interrupted Buffy and Spike from their make-out session. Things hadn’t progressed that far along. Both still had their clothes on.

“Buffy, are you all right?” Giles asked from the hall.

Spike sat up. “Is that the watcher?”

A groan came from Buffy. She was annoyed at the absence of his touch. “Yeah.”

Spike glanced around the room, taking it in. “Bloody hell, this is his house!”

“Yeah.”

He gestured to the bed. “And we were gonna . . .”

A naughty grin appeared on Buffy’s lips. “Yeah.”

He raised an eyebrow. “God, Summers, and you say I am the evil one.”

The knocking grew more intense. “Buffy, can I come in?” Giles called.

Buffy straightened her shirt. “Go ahead, Giles.”

The older man opened the door. “Is . . .?” He froze when he saw Spike. His eyes bugged out with astonishment. “Dear lord, Spike?”

“Hullo, Rupert.” Spike put up a hand in greeting.

Giles removed his glasses. “You’re alive,” he stated.

“Uh huh, and we can say that literally now,” Buffy spoke up.

“I take it your memory has returned,” Giles said to Spike. He noticed the way the blond kept eyeing Buffy. He frowned at how it clearly read, ‘I love you, so let’s get it on.’

Spike blinked, and turned his attention away from Buffy. “Right. My brain’s intact. Member everythin. From Dru to Africa.”

“Excuse me, did you say Africa?”

A bright smile lit the slayer’s face. “Spike went to Africa to earn a soul. He couldn’t deal with it, though, and sorta blocked it all out.”

Gile’s head was spinning. “This is all very interesting, but I am still trying to process how Spike is breathing.”

“From the illness or before, mate?” Spike asked.

“Both, actually.”

“Well, ya see, this demon in Africa was supposed to give me a shiny new soul. He somehow got the bloody idea to add-on a beating heart and lungs. And how I’m not a corpse again . . . well, the higher beings took pity on me and returned my demon.”

Buffy raised her hand. “Which healed him. Oh, and he’s got the cool benefits of a vamp along with it,” she burst out.

Giles stood there for a moment. Then he turned. “I need a drink.” He went out, closing the door.

The slayer glanced over at her mate. “Think he’ll be okay?”

“Right as rain, luv. A brandy can work wonders.”

She giggled.

“But it might be awhile.” His expression showed lustful intentions.

She swatted him. “Ewwww, Spike, this is Giles bed!” She rolled off the mattress and to her feet.

Irritated, Spike reciprocated the action. “Hey, a minute ago . . .”

She spun, smashing her mouth with his. It was far too quick, leaving him wanting. “Later, on ‘my’ bed,” she promised, turning away. She went out of the room.

“Come on! Sunndale’s on the other side of the bleedin planet!” he called.

* + * + * + *

When they came out, they found Giles in the dining room. He was sitting at the table, scribbling in a leather-bound journal. A bottle of alcohol and a half-full glass were next to him.

“What’s up?” Buffy questioned.

Giles looked up, startled. He apparently hadn’t heard the two walk in. “I’m recording Spike’s remarkable humanity and recovery. And uh . . . the other circumstance.”

“It’s okay, Giles, you can say baby. He knows.”

The watcher nodded. “That makes things easier. Before you return home we should try to uncover this last puzzle. A vampire procreating is remarkable enough, but a slayer is even. . .”

“Yes, Giles, I remember us having this conversation before. This is some kind of miracle.”

Spike moved to lounge in a chair. “No need to find all the pieces of the puzzle, I already got them.”

Giles peered at him with curiosity. “What are you talking about?”

“This higher being explained what’s goin on to me. Simple really. Always knew me and the slayer were connected.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy said, “Out with it, Spike, what is going on here?”

“We’re soulmates. Ya know, that rare occurrence where one soul completes another,” Spike went on.

“You didn’t have a soul when we . . . ya know,” Buffy pointed out.

“Yeah, I did, luv. See, the higher being told me that all vamps have them, but the demon hides it away.”

Giles took a long gulp of his drink. “Oh, dear,” the man said. “This would change the whole vampire philosophy.”

“Right on, Rupes,” Spike put in.

Buffy shook her head. “I still don’t get it. What does that have to do with me getting pregnant?”

Spike shrugged. “It baffled the higher beings as well. Guess our mingling of souls set off a trigger.”

Giles directed his gaze on Buffy. “Truth is, Buffy, I don’t think anyone knows all the answers. It would be wise to be cautious. This child could be important in our world’s future.”

“Yeah, yeah. Important, gotcha. Moses and all.”

“You haven’t been to the doctor’s yet have you?” Giles asked in a parental tone.

She sighed. “Uh. . . No,” she replied, guiltily.

Spike raised his eyes. “You haven’t gone to the doc’s? This is my kid too, ya know?”

She gestured to him. “Well, I was too busy worrying about you! If you wouldn’t have run off I wouldn’t have had to come find you!”

“If you recall, luv, I was getting my soul ‘for you‘. ”

“Which you didn’t need. You already had one.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know that at the time, now did I?”

She crossed her arms. They both stared at each other, challengingly.

Finally, Buffy relaxed. “I’ll go as soon as we get home.”

“Better, or I’ll drag ya there my self.”

She couldn’t help but smile. He was so cute when he showed how much he cared. She had to admit that he would make a good father. Well, besides the whole music and tv choices he would push. Oh, he better not smoke anymore.

“Wha!?” Spike asked, seeing her expression.

“Nothing,” she told him. She turned to Giles. “So, can we go back to California now?”

____________________________________________

Chapter 15

A few days went by before Buffy and Spike could leave England. Giles insisted on recording every single detail on their experience. Also, there was the matter with Spike’s home. It was impossible to pack all his stuff in a suitcase and carry it on the plane with them, even if he did own few things. Giles agreed to arranging the house itself for sale. The possessions Spike desired to keep were to be shipped over after the pair arrived back in Sunnydale and had settled down.

At the moment Buffy was preparing to call home while Spike packed. He was having a hard time deciding what to squeeze into two traveling cases.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up. “Hello?”

“Dawn?” Buffy replied.

“Buffy? Is everything okay?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah, everything’s great. I’m coming home.”

“Should we meet you at the airport?”

The slayer glanced at Spike. He picked up a CD, put it in the suitcase, then thinking better of it, took it out and replaced it with another. A smile tugged at her lips. He was so adorable. Why hadn’t she realized that before? Well, actually she had. He had always been pleasing to look at, but she had never got tingly fluttering feelings in her stomach when doing so before. That part was new.

“No, that’s not necessary. We’ll meet up at the house.” No need in causing her friends to have a heart-attack, which they certainly would if they saw her step off a plane with Spike in broad daylight and not becoming a crispy critter.

“Ok.”

“So, how’ve you been?” Buffy asked with a more chipper tone.

“Oh, uh, fine. I’ve been spending time with Xander a whole lot. And, Cleo’s pretty nifty. She can light candles with her hands.”

“I’m glad you’re having a good time, Dawnie. Wait a minute, Cleo‘s been showing you spells?”

“Don’t worry, she’s not teaching me to do any magic. She just shows me what ‘she’ can do.”

There was a pause. “Buffy, did you find him?”

The slayer gripped the pone tighter. “Yeah, I . . . I did.”

A squeal was heard on the other end of the line. “Oh my gosh! So, is he coming back with you?”

Buffy watched Spike close a suitcase. He looked up at her and smiled.

“Pretty sure, “ Buffy answered.

“That’s . . .” Dawn seemed to suddenly remember how she was supposed to be mad at him. “I’m happy that he’s coming home, but I haven’t forgotten what he’s done.”

“I know. I don’t think he is likely to make the same mistake again, though. Even if he tried.”

The last part had been said lowly. Spike caught it with his acute hearing and raised an eyebrow. She acted as if she didn’t notice.

“How do you know he has changed his ways? That’s what we thought before. That he would never hurt one of us.”

“Trust me, I know. And, Dawn . . .” She sighed. “He would never hurt you. He didn’t even mean to hurt me.”

Buffy saw Spike’s expression full of guilt. She moved to sit next to him on the bed. She took his hand and squeezed.

“Don’t tell the others I’m bringing Spike home with me, okay?”

“Wha . . . Why?”

“Please. It’s my news to break.”

“Whatever.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Yeah, love you too. Tell Spike . . . Never mind, I’ll talk to him when he gets here.”

“Bye.” Buffy hung up the telephone.

She turned her head in Spike‘s direction. He was staring at the wall with a blank stare. She stroked his palm with her thumb. “Spike, are you okay?”

He took in a deep breath. “The bit holds ill feelings toward me I take it. Hell, the whole lot, right?”

“It’ll be all right. They’ll forgive you when they learn how sorry you are.”

He let out a snort. “Sure, the whelp’ll invite me to play pool and chug beer with him after we explain ‘everything’,” he said with sarcasm.

She knew he was talking about the baby. She nodded her head with understanding. He was speaking the truth. When Xander found out about her pregnancy there was no idea how he would take it. One thing was sure, however, and that was that he wouldn’t take it well.

“This isn’t going to be a picnic, that’s for sure,” she agreed. “But we can’t stay hidden away on the other side of the earth. Whatever happens, we’ll get through it. Because, we have each other.”

Blue eyes fell on her. His gaze was so intense that she felt as if she were drowning in them. Not being able to take it any more, she drew him close to her and kissed him. When they pulled away, she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“I feel so scared. But at the same time, I’m excited as well. Everything has changed for us. We have a new future,” Buffy professed.

His arm wrapped around her. “That’s right, pet. We have a whole life ahead of us. I say we make the most of it.”

She took her hand and placed it over his heart. The thumping she felt filled her with confidence.

* + * + * + *

“Bye, Giles,” Buffy said. She hugged the man with feeling.

“Goodbye, Buffy. Don’t hesitate to call me if there is anything you need,” he informed.

“I won’t,” she replied, stepping back.

The two males were left eying each other awkwardly. After a moment, Spike stuck out his hand. Giles took his hand and shook it.

“You’ve been given something not many receive, a second chance at life. I suggest you don’t waste it,” Giles told the ex-vampire.

Spike didn’t know what to say or do. He ended up ruining the moment by saying, “Bye, Rupes. Or should I say, Grandpa?”

Giles released his hand.

Buffy rolled her eyes. She grabbed Spike’s arm and tugged. “Come on, Spike, let’s get on the plane.” Why did Spike always have to mess with a good moment?

The couple began to walk away. Spike called back, “We’ll be sure to bring Itty Bitty back for a family visit.”

Buffy pinched his arm.

He sent her a glare. “Hey!”

“Why did you have to do that?”

“What?”

“He was trying to be nice and you had to get smart.”

“Sorry, pet, couldn’t resist.”

They boarded the plane and sat down. Spike insisted on having the window seat. He kept his gaze out the window most of the flight.

“Spike, how is it that you act as if this is the first time you’ve seen the sun? You’ve been human for two months now,” Buffy stated.

“Yeah, but I didn’t remember being a vamp then. Now I do and I know how amazing this all is.”

About half way there, Spike said,” Buffy, as soon as we get home you have to make a doctor’s appointment.”

“You and Giles are so the worriers. I went before to confirm the pregnancy.”

“Yeah, but that was before you came to England. Before the eliminator,” he pointed out.

Her hand went to her stomach. “Oh, my god! What if something did happen? I mean, that electricity was pretty severe.”

“No need to panic, luv. I’m sure she’s fine. I would know if there was anything drastically wrong. I still got my senses ya know.”

Buffy smiled. “Sure it’s a she then, huh?”

“Come now, this is a Summers.”

“It’s also part Shayne. “ Her upward mouth faltered. “That is your real last name, right?”

“Sure is. William Alan Shayne.”

“I like that.”

The rest of the trip went smoothly. Buffy managed to not get sick this time, which she was very grateful with.

Spike was carrying his two suitcases as they walked. “Buffy, maybe you should have let the others meet us. My arms are hurting me.”

“Don’t be a baby. You’ve got vampire strength. And how would you have liked to hop off the plane and be confronted by Xander first thing. He wouldn’t have let you even get out a word before he punched you in the nose.”

“Speaking of vampire strength,” Spike reminded her,” I could have punched him right back. With more force. Problem solved.”

Both of them halted. They set down their luggage and stared ahead at the house. Neither wanted to move from that spot, afraid to death of what lay inside for them to face.

“Did the bit say she was going to be home when we arrived?” Spike asked.

“She didn’t say,” Buffy answered.

They picked up their suitcases again and went up the driveway. Buffy entered the house first. She was surprised to be confronted by five other people. She dropped her suitcases, startled.

“Uh. . . Hi, guys,” she stammered.

The door opened behind her and Spike came inside. At first his face showed alarm, but then he hid it with a smirk. “Hello all, miss me?”

Xander stepped forward. He pointed at Spike while addressing Buffy. “What is he doing here!?”

“Uh, well . . .” Buffy began.

“Aw, Harris, no hug?” Spike remarked.

With fury in his eyes, Xander threw a swing at Spike. Spike reciprocated the motion. Then he turned to Buffy.

“See, luv. We could have just gotten that over with at the airport.”

_________________________________________________

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