Title: A Mile In His Moccasins 15/26
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

Buffy checked herself in the mirror one more time. She was still Giles. She was surprised at how much that still startled her whenever she looked. After all, she was a foot taller than she used to be and had male body parts, so she had no idea why she should still expect to see her own face looking back out of the mirror. But she did.

She took off her glasses and cleaned them again. She put them back on her nose and looked at herself again. She smoothed her hair and straightened her collar one more time.

"Great, Buffy. You're never going to impress him with his own face."

And yet she wanted to impress Giles. She wanted to make him want to stay with her so maybe she could make him see how she felt about him.

At least she could show him she was taking good care of his body during her impromptu stay in it.

His body.

She began to half hope she could talk him into trying romance while they were still switched. Not that he'd be likely to want that, she reminded herself, but just because it must be so...different to have sex as a man. She wondered what it would be like. Guys always liked it so much, after all. Once in a while, she'd actually wondered if she would like sex more if she was a man. Now here she was being a man, and it didn't look of the likely that she would find out.

At least she thought she'd learned something about guys by being one. She'd found out in the shower that some touches were more erotic in this body than she'd expected.

Then again, that might be something only about Giles, and she didn't dare ask him in case he was embarrassed.

Okay, time to be honest. She wasn't sure she could work up the courage to ask him, either. It wasn't like she wanted to let him know she didn't know what was normal and what might be particular about him when it came to guyness.

After all, why would he be interested in her if she didn't know whether it was something normal or odd that he seemed to have very sensitive nipples?

Besides, to ask him things like that might encourage him to ask her some very embarrassing questions in return.

What if he'd heard the squeak she couldn't help making whenever...but he wouldn't have done that.

Would he?

Buffy pushed that thought to the back of her mind. It was too embarrassing to even consider. After all, it had made both Riley and Spike laugh at her. She wondered if Angel or Parker would have laughed if they'd done the thing that caused that reaction. She really didn't want Giles laughing at her.

Anyway, he couldn't have heard the squeak. She couldn't do that to herself, so that meant he hadn't.

She sighed in relief. Her secret was safe.

Then she frowned.

Was that what she really wanted? To be safe from Giles? Was that part of why she'd turned to Spike so many times when Giles had last been around? Now that she thought about that time, she had to admit there was a pattern emerging. When she was angry with her friends or when Giles tried to prod her back onto her feet, she turned to Spike. When being a grownup seemed too difficult to handle she turned to Spike.

When Giles showed her tenderness and understanding...she walked away and turned to Spike. When Dawn needed her to be the mother she didn't know how to be, she turned to Spike.

When she did or said or felt something she thought she shouldn't, that was when she sought out the vampire.

Now that she'd actually talked to Willow and made her promise to let go next time, it was like a huge weight had rolled off her shoulders. Another had gone when she admitted she did find Giles attractive.

Still a few boulders left to deal with, but having just two of them gone had already made a huge difference. She had to admit that Giles had taken care of a third when he quit her job.

Best of all, she didn't want to find Spike over any of it. She realized what she'd really been using him for; why she put up with all his manipulation and ran again and again to someone so obviously bad for her. Why she'd treated him so badly, too.

She couldn't wait to tell Giles what she'd figured out.

But she didn't have long before he'd be home. She needed to set the mood.

*****

When Giles walked in the front door, he heard music playing. He recognized the singer as one Buffy had spoken of as romantic. He was puzzled.

Sitting on the coffee table was a teapot and a pair of cups along with a plate of cookies.

Giles smiled slightly. He remembered how much he'd enjoyed his late night cups of tea with Buffy in the days when she used to check in with him after patrol.

"Buffy?"

"Hey, Giles."

He looked at her sitting on the sofa. She seemed oddly nervous. He raised an eyebrow and sat on the coffee table next to the tea tray.

"All right," he sighed, "what have you done now?"

"Done?"

"Is it a piercing, an alarming mode of transportation, or a date?"

"None of the above, Mr. Suspicious. I just thought some tea and post patrol bonding might be sorta...nice. Wouldn't it?"

"Well...um...yes, it would be nice. Thank you, Buffy. That's very...thoughtful of you."

He moved to sit next to Buffy. She scooted a bit closer as she leaned over to pour the tea.

"It's been too long, Giles. I missed just sitting and talking like this. I - I've missed you."

Giles smiled tightly and set his teacup down.

"Buffy..."

"No, please. Don't say anything yet, okay? We've been sort of dancing around this whole thing ever since you got back. I know I drove you off last time..."

"You hardly..."

"Oh yes I did. I really did. The mess I was in...I didn't know how to do anything else. And then Spike..."

"You don't have to explain that, Buffy. I - I can understand. After all, Spike is...is good looking and, as you say, he's always there. It's not surprising that..."

"Giles. Shut up. You're not getting it. I didn't really get it until just a little while ago, so there's no way you can understand it. Spike was my punishment."

"Punishment...? For what, precisely?"

"All of it. Being mad at my friends. Not wanting to deal with Dawn. Being such a big loser I can't even die right. Making you go away. That was...it wasn't until you were gone. I even held out a few days after you left, just in case you changed your mind and I didn't have to be punished for that."

"You didn't make me go away, Buffy."

"Maybe. But I sure couldn't talk you into staying, could I?"

"If anyone could have, it would have been you."

Buffy stood and moved to the fireplace.

"And I blew that one, didn't I? My fault. See?"

"It's hardly..."

"Let me finish, Giles. I know I didn't exactly welcome you back with open arms, and I know I've been a pain the whole time you've been here. But in case I haven't made it clear, I want you to stay. Y'know, after...we get back where we belong in body terms."

"I can't..."

"You get your turn later. Right now, I'm doing the talking. Look, I know you left so I'd have to grow up and deal on my own. And I know I said I couldn't do it without you. I said it and said it and said it. And I believed it. I don't anymore. I can do this on my own. I can be the Slayer and be strong and battle evil without you...as soon as I get my body back. You were right. I don't need you. Maybe I never really did. I mean, Will can do the research and Xand can whittle stakes with the best of them. And if a prophecy in Latin or Greek or Ancient Sumerian comes along, Wesley's just a phone call away. So I'd be okay if you left again. I just don't want you to go. Right now, even if I'm a little freaked being a guy and not being the Slayer, this is still the happiest I've been since Willow resurrected me. And it's because you're here and we're...being friends. So I'd really like you to stay, Giles. Please? Will you?"

Giles stood and stuffed his hand in his pocket. He massaged the back of his neck with the other as he crossed to her.

"Buffy...I...as pleased as I am to hear you say all that, you must understand...I can't just...pack up and move back here because you want to be friends. It isn't that simple."

"I don't see why not. All the time you lived here before, you almost never got in touch with anyone in England. And you have the Magic Box here. You should be here to keep an eye on your investment. Unless...you don't have another Slayer over there in England, do you?"

"No, I don't," he smiled. "Nor do I have any romantic entaglements in Bath, in case you were going to ask about that."

"Must've read my mind. And even if I don't need to be Watched all the time, you're still my Watcher. Aren't you supposed to be Watching me at least sometimes?"

"You begin to sound like Quentin."

Buffy glared at him.

"Wash your mouth out. I just don't see why you can't do this. I thought...I thought you liked me."

"I do, Buffy. I always have done."

"Goes both ways, y'know. Even when I don't say it...or even show it, I really do care. A lot."

"I know."

"Then what's the holdup? Why can't we just cut to the happily ever after?"

"H - happily...Buffy...?"

"Oh. I guess I forgot to say the part where I'm sorta crazy about you in a man/woman sort of way, too. Which I kinda am. So what do you say?"

*****

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