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TITLE: Buckets Kicked, Candles Blown Xander stood shaking his head. "I dunno, Dawn," he said at last. "I've never seen this kind before. I think this is a job for WatcherMan." "Okay, but not today," the girl replied. "Not on Alex's birthday. Buffy'd freak." "Looks like the birthday curse has been passed on to a whole new generation. Is that unfair, or is that unfair?" With that, Xander took the head and shoulders, and Dawn the feet of the defunct demon and hauled it down to the basement to hide the body. ***** "Who's a big boy?" Buffy crooned happily to her son. "Who's having his first birthday today?" "I doubt he'll answer you," Giles smiled over her shoulder. "Eeiw. He just did," she said wrinkling her nose at the unfortunate smell emanating from her baby's diaper. "Your turn to change him." She handed Alex off to his father. "I have birthday plans to plan, and a cake to bake. From scratch. Nothing but the best for my guy!" "As I recall, my last birthday cake came from the bakery." "I didn't have time," Buffy shrugged. "And anyway, I can't make it up to Alex the way I did to you. I'd be arrested." Giles blushed deeply at the memory. "I-it certainly was an...effective apology, I must say. Go. Bake, before I give in to the urge to repeat the experience." He shot a significant look her way, then turned to take care of the diaper situation. Buffy indulged herself in a short pause to watch her husband and son. She loved how careful, how gentle Giles was with their baby. She adored his broad smiles and eternal fascination with the small person they'd created together. She shook herself together. That cake would never get baked on its own. She headed out the door and downstairs to the kitchen. ***** "What happened?" Willow asked. "Did it attack you?" Kennedy shook her head as she stared at the prostrate body of another demon. "No, it was like this when I found it. What's it doing here, anyway?" "That's what we wondered about the last one," Dawn said. "Last one?" Willow gulped. "Xander and I hauled it down to the basement. Maybe we should put this one with that one. I don't think Buffy needs to see this today." Just then, the three girls heard footsteps on the stairs. "Quick," Dawn hissed to Kennedy, "take it down! We'll cover you!" Kennedy dragged the moribund demon down the stairs into the basement. As soon as its feet had disappeared, Dawn slammed the basement door shut and leaned back against said door in a faux-casual attitude. Willow hurriedly poured a cup of coffee and pretended to have been drinking it all along. "What was that noise?" Buffy asked as she entered the kitchen. "What noise?" Dawn squeaked. "I didn't hear a noise. Did you hear a noise, Willow?" "Nope," the redhead said emphatically. "No noise. This house is quiet as a mouse. Quieter. Like a mouse with laryngitis." "It sounded like a door. But maybe I'm hearing things." "I bet it's a side-effect of Slayer senility," Dawn taunted. "You're so past it." "Never piss off the deranged person who's baking the birthday cake," Buffy said breezily. "We have so many things that would be bad to put in it, and you still love to lick the beaters." Opening her cookbook, she began gathering ingredients. She looked in the cupboard and made a small noise of frustration. "What happened to the chocolate chips? I know I got some last time I was at the store." "Don't look at me," Willow piped up. The others did just that. "No, really, don't look at me. 'Cause I didn't make any chocolate chip cookies for Kennedy last night when you were out patrolling. And she'll back me up on that." "Where is Kennedy, anyway? I didn't think either of you went anywhere without the other. You didn't have a fight, did you?" "No, of course not, Buffy. But you'd probably better get those chips right away. No chips, no birthday cake, right?" "You're not wrong about that. I'll be five minutes. Don't let Rupert give Alex any of his presents early. He's been threatening all week long to give him a Nerf broadsword behind my back." Buffy grabbed her purse and her jacket and headed out the door. Dawn flung open the basement door. Kennedy and Xander peeked out. "Okay, guys," Willow said, "the coast is clear." "Clear of what?" All four nearly jumped out of their skins at the sound of Giles' voice. "Hey," Xander said as he quickly shut the basement door behind himself, "it's my namesake and the manlette of the hour. Can I hold him?" "Of course, so long as you promise not to drop him on his head." "Give me a break, Giles. That was eight months ago." He took the child in his arms and grinned at him. "You've forgiven your Uncle Xander, right, Alex? Of course you have. It's just the quality of mercy was strained right out of both your mom and dad. You'll have to make up for it." Alex began to wriggle and yelled in Xander's ear. "Put him down, Xand," Willow suggested. "I think he kinda takes after his parents. Anyway, he probably wants to walk as much as he can." "But watch him," Dawn warned. "He goes about a mile a nanosecond." Xander put the boy down. Alex promptly raced out the kitchen door into the backyard. "Oh well done, Xander," Giles bit out. "Now he'll get into the flower beds and it'll be my job to clean him up before the party starts." He glared once more at the younger man and headed out the back door to stop his son from committing any mayhem. Just as he got outside, Anya entered the kitchen. "Hey," she announced, "there's a dead demon on the front porch. Are we having a demon barbecue? Is that traditional for the first birthday of a Slayer's child?" "Have there been enough for there to be traditions?" Kennedy asked. "It's slightly uncharted territory," Willow said. "Xander, I think this is a job for you." "Why me?" "Because you've got a car. You can take it somewhere far away where Buffy and Giles won't see it." "What if it's something they need to know about?" Kennedy asked. "What if it's some sort of big badness brewing? Shouldn't they be on the case?" "Not today," Dawn said. "Tomorrow, okay, but not today. It's Alex's birthday and they should get to have it apocalypse-free." "Or, I could just lug it down to the basement with the others," Xander suggested. "There are others?" Anya asked. "How many others?" "Two, so far, and baby on the porch makes three." "But what if Giles comes back in while we're taking it down?" Willow asked. "We can't tell him not to look. It'll just make him look harder." "Someone could distract him," Dawn suggested. The others all looked pointedly at her. The girl sighed. "Me and my big mouth. Okay, I'm on Giles-distracting duty." She headed out into the garden as Xander and Kennedy hurried to the porch to drag yet another dead demon down to the cellar. ***** As the morning progressed, the Scoobies found another three demons and dragged them down to the basement behind Buffy and Giles' backs. It was getting harder and harder to come up with reasons to get them out of the way in between party preparations. At last, though, the cake was done and frosted. The living room was resplendent with balloons, crepe paper streamers, and Sesame Street character cutouts. A mound of presents sat on the dining room table waiting to be unwrapped, and a dozen playgroup moms and their babies had arrived. There hadn't been a demon corpse for more than an hour. Xander sighed in relief. It looked as though they'd managed to avoid alerting either parent to the emergency. He looked over at Buffy, talking animatedly about teething rings and Teletubbies with another recent mother. In another part of the room, Giles blushed happily and stuttered out a vague, terribly British answer when two young women crooned over how much Alex resembled his father. This was how it was supposed to be. Proud, happy parents delighting in their child and one another, sharing their joy with their friends and family. Xander was roused from his musings by a tap on his shoulder. "Hey, Anya," he said. "This is great, isn't it?" "I'm not so sure about great." "Why not?" "There's another dead demon. This time it's in Dawn's bedroom. I have no idea how we're going to get it to the basement. We'll have to come straight through the party, and then everyone will know what's going on. That would be bad. None of Alex's little friends would be allowed to play with him anymore. Human parents are quite unreasonable about this sort of thing." "You can't blame them, An. They worry something's going to happen to their kids." "But these demons can't hurt the children. They're dead. They're not even moving. And most of the kinds we've found haven't been very dangerous types, anyway. Mainly they look scary, but don't do much unless attacked. I'd be a lot more worried about what's killing them than about them." "Right now, all I'm worried about is getting the body out of sight into the basement. Get Willow. I think we're gonna need some magical reinforcements."
Part 2 Buffy adjusted the squirming bundle in her arms. "Hang on, Alex," she said. "Just let Mommy open the door, okay?" Alex gave a wordless shout and twisted himself around in her arms. "Hold still, little guy." She pasted a nearly real smile on her face when she saw who was there. "Robin, hi. Look, Alex; it's Robin. And she brought Sarah Kathryn with her. Why don't you and Sarah Kathryn play for a bit?" She put her son down. He immediately waddled unsteadily over to the girl baby. They giggled and cooed in Toddlerese at one another and Sarah Kathryn bounced excitedly. Buffy watched them for a moment, laughing at the comical sight. When she looked up at Robin again, she could tell she'd made a mistake. "His hands are dirty," the other mother informed her. "I don't want my daughter to get her dress covered in mud." "I don't think he could *cover* her in mud..." Buffy began. "Sarah Kathryn has never had a cold. I don't want her getting sick because you don't wash your child enough." She pulled a wad of anti-bacterial moist towelettes out of her handbag and attacked Alex with them, scrubbing until his little hands nearly sparkled. "There, that's better." She swept away. Buffy glared after her. "If she wasn't my sons' best friends' mother, I'd Slay her," she muttered. "In fact, just give me a reason, Robin. Just give me a reason." ***** "Does everybody have their candles?" Willow asked. The others around the circle nodded. "Okay, then, I guess it's showtime. Let's see if we can fold reality and send this puppy down to the basement." "It's not a puppy," Dawn objected. "It's not even furry." "It's ears and tail are," Anya said helpfully. "And its nose is certainly cold." "You guys," Kennedy hissed urgently, "we don't have time for this." "Oh, I think you have the time," came a voice from the doorway. Everyone started guiltily. "G-Giles," Willow said. "We didn't know you were right there." "Obviously not. What are you all doing with that Gosharra demon?" "Ex-Gosharra demon," Anya corrected. "It's dead." "Yes, of course, that makes such a difference," Giles said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Nevertheless, I'd like to know what you're up to now." "Getting rid of it," Willow admitted. "And I suppose you were intending to do a spell to fold a piece of the universe in on itself to move the body out of the way of the party?" "Well...yeah, we were." "It'll never work." "Yes, it will," Willow bristled. "I can do this, Giles." "Not with dried sage, you can't. You need fresh." "I told you," Anya said. "I said it would never work without the real thing." "It was all there was in the spice rack," Willow muttered. "Did you think to look in my herb garden by the back fence?" Giles asked pointedly. "Apparently not. Dawn, go gather some fresh sage." "W-why?" the girl in question asked. "We're still gonna do the spell?" Xander hazarded. "You're not gonna tell Buffy?" Willow asked. "Oh, I'll tell Buffy," Giles said. "But later. It's our son's birthday party and I think the mystery of one dead demon in the house can wait another hour or so until our guests leave." "Seven," Anya said. "What?" "Seven. Dead demons in the house. There have been seven." "Seven? Seven dead Gosharra demons in my house and nobody thought to tell me about this?" "They weren't all Gosharra demons," Anya said helpfully. "One was a Hoorlinka, and one was a Frostroul, and oh, there were two Vrinzalas..." "An," Xander interrupted, "this isn't helping." "We were gonna tell you guys later," Willow said in a small voice. "We just didn't want to spoil Alex's birthday. 'Cause you guys get so few ordinary good days. You deserve this one." "Anyway, all the other moms and dads would never understand this," Kennedy added. "They'd freak and never let Alex play with their kids again." "Really," Dawn said, "this road was paved with nothing but good intentions. And we would have said later. After the cake." Giles looked around the circle of nervous faces. The Watcher in him wanted to be angry - was, in point of fact, quite upset - but the father, husband and friend in him won out. He tugged off his glasses and wiped them vigorously on his spotless handkerchief. He cleared his throat. "Dawn," he said at last, "why don't you get that sage now? And would someone please get me a candle?" He settled himself on the floor between Anya and Willow. ***** Alex shrieked with excitement and dived after Sarah Kathryn. Buffy couldn't repress a small giggle watching them. The two were joined by another little boy named Adam. The toddlers marched about, determined on some goal the adults couldn't possibly comprehend. As much as a piece of her missed the tiny infant who had curled up so contentedly in her arms when he was born, the rest of her was pleased that he was growing up so independent and outgoing. Sarah Kathryn explored Alex's face with a chubby hand. She giggled when he blew an emphatic raspberry against her palm. Buffy snorted with laughter, which she tried to change into a discreet cough when she suddenly became aware of Robin at her side. "You should teach your son not to do things like that. He'll spread germs everywhere." "They're playing. Kids play. They get dirty. They even get sick, Robin. It's all part of growing up." "Part of growing up is also learning to control one's self." With that, Robin snatched up her daughter and took her to a corner where she had set up some educational toys and shooed away other children who might contaminate her pride and joy. Buffy clenched her fists at her sides and reminded herself that Slaying the guests was not the way to win friends and influence people. ***** Willow shook her head to clear it and took a deep breath. "Did it work?" she asked. "I don't see a demon here, anymore," Kennedy said. "It must have worked." "But I'll check the basement, just in case," Xander said, fitting the action to his words. "If any more demons appear, let me know," Giles admonished them. "Right away," Dawn assured him. "Or if we get any clues about why they're showing up in the first place." Giles shook his head. "I really don't understand what anyone thinks to gain from this...this prank," he said. "In fact, it reminds me of nothing so much as...a cat leaving dead mice for its master." "What cat?," Willow asked, "Did somebody give Alex a cat? 'Cause I didn't even think about doing that." "Some cat," Kennedy muttered. A strange giggle emanated from a corner of the room. The Scoobies all looked as one. "Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?" the new voice crooned. "I've been to London to visit the Watcher...but he wasn't there. He was here." "D-Drusilla...?" "Yes, my lovely Watcher." "How did you get in here?" "I was invited. I must always be invited; you know that." The vampiress emerged from the shadows. Her low-cut red gown accentuated her feminine curves. Giles admitted to himself that she would have been wildly sexy if only she wasn't so entirely insane. "Who invited you?" he asked sharply. Drusilla just giggled and swept her hands up and down her sides, swaying her hips the entire time. "She didn't know it was me," she said. "She would never have invited me if she knew. But she thought I was a Girl Scout, selling cookies late at night, all alone." Giles whipped off his glasses. "Who bought Girl Scout cookies?" he demanded. Kennedy timidly raised her hand. "I - I thought, y'know, good cause, yummy treat." "And it didn't occur to you that it's entirely the wrong time of year? The cookie sale is in the Spring." "How do you know that?" Willow asked. "You never know American stuff." "Dawn was in the Girl Scouts when she and Buffy first moved here. I once agreed to buy ten boxes of cookies so Buffy would patrol instead of going to The Bronze." "She always did drive a hard bargain," Dawn said. "I didn't know she was a vampire," Kennedy said, shaking her head. "How did I not know that?" "Oh you did, at first," Drusilla explained, "but I made you forget all about it." "She has hypnotic powers," Giles said. "Q-quite powerful ones..." He trailed off miserably at the memory of what she'd made him see; made him tell her so long ago. "We played a game once, you and I," the vampiress crooned softly as she approached her prey. "You were such fun. Miss Edith said you were the most amusing thing. And your lips were sweet, like cherries." Giles turned his gaze to the floor in shame and disgust. Drusilla took his chin roughly in her hand. He pulled away, his eyes flashing. "Your tongue was strong and nimble. I wanted another taste." "Y-you kissed Drusilla?" Willow asked. "Giles, you couldn't have kissed Drusilla." "He did," the vampiress giggled. "His passion nearly drowned me. I forgot all about my Spike. It was never the same after that. I searched and searched for it, but nobody gave me what the delicious Watcher did." "That's why you started cheating on Spike?" Willow gulped. "He was that good?" "He is," Anya sighed. Everyone looked at her. She blushed slightly. "It wasn't really cheating. We didn't know who we were." Giles pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his glasses emphatically. Xander chose that moment to return from his mission to the basement. "Hey, Big G, I think you'd better get downstairs before your wife - holy freaking Moses! What's Drusilla doing here?" "Leaving mice - I mean demons - for Giles," Willow explained. "Did you know he kissed her? I didn't know that." "Giles kissed Drusilla? When?" "Her, too," the redhead added. "Maybe it's time to stop talking about who kissed who and start dusting this vamp," Kennedy said. She casually dropped a stake from her sleeve into her hand. "No," Giles told her calmly as he replaced his glasses. "This is my job. She's here for me. She made me betray Jenny's memory and my duty to the world. She made me betray Buffy. She did what...what Angelus couldn't." Comprehension dawned on Xander's face. "That's what you were talking about, wasn't it? When I got you out, you said they showed you things you wanted. That's how, isn't it? That's how Angelus found out how to make Acathla work." "He wanted her," Drusilla said. "Wanted what he'd never had with the bad witch. So many naughty thoughts, he had. So much imagination. We could have played such fun games together." "No," Giles said sadly, "we couldn't. And we won't." No one was quite sure where he'd been hiding his stake, but it did its work efficiently. In mere seconds, Drusilla was no more than a pile of dust and a bad memory. For a long moment, everyone just stood, looking at Giles. At last, Xander went to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" he asked. "Yes," the Englishman said at long last. "I rather think I am. Would somebody please clean that up?" "Sure," Willow said. "We'll take care of it." "Hey guys, what's everyone doing here when there's a party downstairs?" came Buffy's cheery voice from the doorway. "It's getting late, and Alex wants his cake." "Let's party, then," Dawn said. "Come on, guys. Last one down's a rotten vampire." As the Scoobies filed out of the room, Anya surreptitiously dropped her sweater over the pile of ash on the floor before Buffy could see it. "Is anybody else hot in here?" she asked loudly. "Oh yeah," Xander said, looking at her flimsy blouse. "Things are definitely heating up." They shared a smoldering look and left the room. Buffy giggled. "Finally! It's about time those two got back together." "They haven't yet," Giles reminded her. "Maybe not, but it's only a matter of time. Sort of like we were." She slipped her arms around her husband's waist. "So, are you coming downstairs or are we moving the party up here?" "I'll come down to watch Alex blow out his candle," he decided. "Then, later, when everyone else is gone, we might have our own private celebration up here." "Celebration?" Buffy asked. "What are we celebrating, husband of mine?" "Precisely that: that we're together, and that nothing will ever change that." "Mushhead," she giggled, nestling her cheek against his chest. "And you're right. Nothing will change that, ever. Unless I get my birthday wish and you let me Slay Robin. She's been a pain the whole time. But if you let me deal out summary justice, it might get messy and I guess I'd be hauled off to prison, so maybe it's not the best idea, after all. Still, can I?" "No Slaying, Buffy. Not today. As your Watcher, I'm giving you the day off from killing things." He bent and kissed her, his lips lingering softly aginst hers for a long time. "Now, let's go down and celebrate our son's birthday." "I like the sound of that." Hand in hand, they went downstairs. ***** Later that night, they lay in bed, side by side. Giles read a book of parenting tips while Buffy chattered on about highlights of the party he'd missed. At last, Giles bookmarked his page, took off his glasses, and rolled over to caress Buffy's shoulder. "I'm glad the party was such a success, and I'm sorry I...well...I disappeared on you all that while." "No big," she said nestling closer to his bare chest. "You were there for the important parts. And I know little kiddie parties aren't your thing. Alex knows you love him, and I know you love him. That's what matters." "I suppose it is, at that," he said with a wide smile. "And I love you, too." "I know. Right back at you. And do you have any idea how cute it is that you still blush when you say that?" "C-cute?" "Mmmm, and sexy." She reached up for a kiss. "Rupert?" "Yes?" "Do you remember when Alex was born?" "Of course I do. It was...amazing. You were amazing." "You weren't so bad, yourself. But do you remember what we said?" "We said several things that day. I remember that you threatened me with emasculation if I thought I was ever putting you through that again." "Well, that was then. This is now. And...well...if you wanted to...I think I could guarantee the safety of your man bits." "Are you saying...Buffy, do you want another child?" "If you do, yeah. I'm crazy about my big boy, but I sort of miss my baby, too, if you know what I mean. So, whaddya say, Dadman? Should we go for seconds?" "Ought we to consult with the others this time? After all, your pregnancy affects them all. They have to patrol, and..." "Already talked to them," she interrupted. "The gang's down with it. In fact, Willow even offered to find a sure-fire way to make sure it happens right away." "Sh-she did a fertility spell?" "Panic not, sweetie. I said I thought the hit or miss method was good enough for us. Hell, it worked out pretty well last time. So what do you say? Are all systems go, or what?" "What do I say?" he asked. "What do you think I say?" "Well?" Giles growled and rolled atop his wife. "I had a feeling you'd say that," she giggled.
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