Title: Once More, With Giles 1/2
Author: Gileswench and Joanna
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com or ficbot@usa.net
Date: 1/28/02
Spoilers: Through Once More, With Feeling
Summary: What if the big musical secret wasn't about where Buffy spent
her summer vacation?
Rating: PG-13 for a few mild sexual references, British swear words
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Sillyfic/songfic
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now.
All others, ask and ye shall receive. Oh, and Joanna's web site, of
course, at www.geocities.com/masked_spangler
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly
sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. We
just let them have all the fun Joss won't. We also do not own: Patrick
Stewart, Charisma Carpenter, Robin Williams, Star Trek, Chex mix or
unmixed, Skittles, The Beatles, The karate Kid, Mork and Mindy,
Hamburger Helper, or much of anything else. We own nothing except our
twisted minds which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Notes: This was Joanna's idea, and she wrote the lyrics. Gileswench is
responsible for the dialogue and stage directions, as well as the Chex
mix motif. Don't ask her what it's about, she doesn't know either.
The scene opens on a sunny tableau as seen through a window: a park, some trees, little children, and the cemetery looming behind it in the background. Dogs frolic merrily in the grass as twilight slowly falls.
In extreme close-up, a tattered curtain lowers over the glass and hides the happy scene. Meanwhile, the overture, offering hints of music to come, plays over the credits (Guest stars Robin Williams as Tweet, Patrick Stewart as the Bellhop and special appearance by Charisma Carpenter as minion #3).
The scene slowly widens to reveal a dank, ugly hotel room, where Giles sits at the table drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. A bellhop is fiddling with a room service cart, and the first strains of "Going Through the Motions" begin.
Giles puts the bottle aside and picks up a strategically placed photograph of Buffy. He runs his fingers gently over her features as the music swells. He pays no attention to the Bellhop who sneaks a swig of whiskey and looks over Giles' shoulder.
**
Giles: Every single night, the same arrangement, she goes out and does patrol.
And I know I should be pleased because she's
Kind of doing well, kind of on a roll
She goes out and keeps the town from vampires, and she's never guessed
That I've been going through the motions
Meeker than a dove
Wanting to admit that I'm in love...
Bellhop pats Giles comfortingly on the shoulder.
Cut to Buffy, patrolling in the cemetery. A vampire leaps out from behind a gravestone. Buffy dispatches it in a bored manner. As the dust clears, she sighs deeply and pulls a swatch of tweed out of her pocket. She strokes it softly.
Buffy: I know I am smart and getting stronger, but there is a missing gap
Lately, I suspect that slayer strength is kind of in the way, kind of a bum rap.
See, it scares the guys away, and lately I've found one I want to win.
So I am going through the motions, keeping my mouth shut
Wishing I could only tell him, but...
Cut back to Giles, munching distractedly on some French fries.
Giles: Will I find a way to manage?
Bellhop: I once heard this great old adage...
Giles: Will it help me out?
Bellhop: Not-as-such...
Giles: Then I don't really care...
Going through the motions
Wishing she were here
Even though I know
She does not love me so
I sort of want to have....her near!
Giles takes one last, long look at the photograph. Bellhop holds out his hand in hopes of a large tip. Giles crosses to the door and ushers him out.
**
Cut to Int. Magic Box, morning. Close up on bell above the door as Buffy enters. Camera pans back to reveal the Scooby gang in all their glory. Anya stands behind the counter fondling stacks of money. Willow and Tara stand beside a display, discussing the magic items inside. Giles and Xander lounge at the tarot table eating donuts and reading comic books. Dawn stands to one side holding a flashing neon sign reading: "look at me, dammit!" over her head. Nobody does.
Buffy: So...what's up today? Anything Hellmouthy going on?
Xander: Nope. Nothing going on. Like anything strange would ever happen in good old Sunnydale, land of the relentlessly normal.
Others all nod in assent except for Dawn who does a series of cartwheels across the room in hopes of drawing somebody's attention. Nobody notices her.
Buffy: Good. So...um...
Giles rises to his feet and hurries to her side. He whips off his glasses in a manly way.
Giles: What is it, Buffy? Is there something you know about?
Buffy: No! It's just...did anyone here...burst into song last night?
All begin to babble simultaneously about intimate uses for couscous, back up orchestras, frolicking demons, and suchlike disturbing concepts.
Anya: Is it just us? If it's only us it's probably a spell.
Buffy crosses to door, opens it and looks out into the street. She sees a young couple dancing as a chorus around them sings joyfully and throws rice.
Crowd: They're off...to Vegas...now!
Elvis Impersonator: Thank you, thank you very much.
Elvis Impersonator drapes his scarf around the Bride's neck and leads the couple to a Limo.
Buffy closes the door.
Buffy: It's not just us.
Pizzicato violins are heard as Giles returns to the table and picks up a jelly donut. He begins to sing...again.
Giles: I've got a theory
That we're all singing
Well, not a theory then, more like an observation
Sits with a thump. Willow crosses to the table to join him.
Willow: I've got a theory
Somebody's wishing
And we're all stuck inside their wacky situation.
Giles: I've got a theory we should work this through
Anya: Cause if we don't there won't be any stuff for us to do...
Dawn climbs on the table. Nobody sees her.
Dawn: It could be crazies
Cause we once had those
But not that I would know cause I stayed in my room and kept out of the way.
Shrugs and retreats to her corner when she sees that nobody notices what she sang.
Anya: I've got a theory it could be field mice...
The plucking of violin strings is suddenly replaced by wailing electric guitars and Keith Moonesque drums as the camera zooms swiftly in and out on Anya. Laser beams and small explosions fill the air as she gesticulates wildly.
Anya: They're almost just as bad as wacky little crazies
What with their cubes of cheese and stupid little mazes
And what's with all that science,
Why pick them over other animals anyway?
Field mice, field mice, it must be field mice!
Everybody stares. Pizzicato violins resume and Anya sits sheepishly on Xander's lap.
Anya: Or maybe bunnies...
Willow heads for a bookshelf and begins distributing volumes.
Willow: I've got a theory we should go and look
This might be something we can't really solve without a book
Giles catches Buffy's eye and smiles. The music swells as the pair lock eyes. She smiles back.
Giles: I've got a theory it doesn't matter...
What can't we face if we work through it
What can't we solve if we get to it
And anyway, it could be worse
Xander: How so?
Giles: I'll share...but you go first
Xander: I'll search the books, if there is free beer
Buffy: (suspicious) There's something else that's going on here
Giles: There's nothing we can't face...
Buffy: Unless there...is.
Buffy and Giles hold their look for a long moment, then blush and begin to read. Each sneaks peeks at the other when they think nobody is looking.
Dawn sighs and tosses her neon sign in the trash.
**
Cut to night scene. Graveyard. Buffy and Giles walk together through the headstones. They match step and stick very close but they don't actually touch. Buffy toys in a most Freudian manner with a stake.
Buffy: Thanks for coming with, Giles. It's been such a freaky day, I didn't want to patrol alone. You...didn't have...any plans, did you?
Giles: (A little too quickly) No, no. Nothing planned. Just a cup of tea and a book.
Buffy: You so need to get out more. Don't you ever, I dunno, have a date or something?
Giles: Not in some time, actually. You?
Buffy: Are you kidding? I was dead, remember. Sorta puts a crimp in the guy meeting department.
Two vampires walk by. They ogle Buffy. Giles shoots a Ripper glare at them. One explodes into dust just from that. The other runs away.
Giles: Pillocks!
Buffy: (cluelessly) Huh?
Giles: They were looking at you. Those vampires were...ogling you.
Buffy: (mock excitedly) Really? Wow, it's great to be the undead's favorite party girl.
Giles: Buffy?
Buffy: Yes, Giles?
She looks up at him expectantly. He fiddles with his glasses nervously.
Giles: Buffy...I...that is to say...Look out!
Another vampire appears on the scene. He takes up a fighting stance as Buffy runs toward it, stake held on high. As she attacks the beast, the action slows to an almost balletic look. Music swells. The camera focuses on Buffy fighting. Giles walks into the frame in realtime. This is meant to symbolize his thoughts as he watches Buffy fight. Audience appreciates the subtlety of the symbolism.
Giles: I lived my life encloistered, I never gave her a look
I always locked my feelings, hiding inside of my books
Now I'm not her boss
So I can tell her, because
I'm under her spell
I don't think she'll mind
After all, I'm smart and kind
I think I've earned her trust
Now I'll have my chance
Make my first advance, because...I must
Buffy slays the vampire. Another attacks Giles from behind. Now his motion slows (get the symbolism? geddit?) as Buffy circles the brawling pair.
Buffy: I have a funny feeling, something is trying to be said
If I could only focus...can't get him out of my head
I don't think he'd know
My feelings have started to grow
And I'm under his spell
Now I'll really pay
Cause this is something I can't say
Too bad it cannot be
Because he's smart and kind
And overall a perfect guy...for me
**
Giles manages to maneuver the vampire to stand with it's back to Buffy. She stakes it cleanly. The two stand, panting, looking intently at one another as the dust clears.
Giles: Well done, Buffy.
Buffy: Thanks. You okay?
Giles: Yes, yes, I'm fine.
Neither notices Dawn in the background being carried off by three minions in big head masks. One stops to remove her giant head and waves to Buffy and Giles. She looks oddly familiar, and the audience can't help but marvel at the brilliance of the clever writers, who remembered that Charisma Carpenter has a dance background, and recruited her for this episode.
Charisma: Hey guys! Yoo hoo! Baddies carrying off Slayer's little sis over here!
Dawn: Buffy! Help!
Neither Buffy nor Giles looks up. Charisma puts her giant head back on in disgust and returns to carrying off Dawn.
Dawn: Great. Guess I'll have to save myself.
The minions knock Dawn unconscious. They cart her off.
Buffy: Were you saying something?
Giles: Hmm? When?
Buffy: Before. Y'know, right before the vamp attack? I thought maybe you were going to say something.
Giles: No, nothing important. Um, I really need to go now.
Buffy: I thought you didn't have any plans.
Giles: I - I - I think I left the kettle on. Bye.
Rushes off into the night. Buffy stares sadly after him.
**
Buffy: Great. I thought at least Giles liked me.
Turns and bumps into Spike.
Spike: Hallo, pet.
Buffy: What are you doing here?
Spike: Well, I am a vampire. I do live in this cemetery. What are you doing here?
Buffy: I am the Slayer. I do kill vampires here.
Spike: You need better writers, love. Time was you'd have lobbed a really good one at me for that.
Buffy: Sorry. I'm a little distracted.
Continues to look in direction Giles fled.
Spike: Well, I could distract you some more.
Buffy: (Annoyed) Was that another lame come on?
Spike: No. There was nothing lame about that come on.
Buffy shoots him a withering glare and starts to leave. Spike gets in her path.
Spike: Look, I don't know what's going on in that miserable excuse for a brain of yours, but you'll feel better if you work it out a bit. So come on, hit me.
Buffy: Hit you? Just like that?
Spike: Not like you've ever needed a reason before, is it?
Buffy: Go away, Spike.
Spike: Buffy, I love you.
Buffy: Well get over it 'cause it's never gonna happen.
Buffy gazes off into the distance where Giles fled again. Spike glowers and takes a swing at Buffy. She fights with him in a distracted manner.
As the music rises, Spike rolls his eyes in disgust, but cannot help singing. Buffy does not seem to hear him.
Spike: I'm not ready to let you go
But now he loves you, do you even know?
And you love him, but can you tell him so?
And I...
Buffy lands a vicious kick to Spike's gut. He sputters and coughs for a moment, but manages to keep the meter of his song.
Spike: I must admit he's a better match
Alive, for one, but then there's still a catch
Cause he won't tell you what's inside his hatch
But I...
Spike Hits Buffy hard and knocks her down. Buffy gets back to her feet immediately. She looks longingly in the direction Giles went.
Spike: I wish I could play the cupid
And help you see the truth
Wish I could be that righteous, I did it in my youth
Wish I could fix you up with Sir Long-in-the-tooth
But I'm evil, don't you see?
I'm just evil...don't you see?
Spike flips a two fingered salute at Buffy's back and walks off into the darkness.
