Title: Once More, With Giles 2/2
Author: Gileswench and Joanna
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com or ficbot@usa.net
Date: 1/28/02
Spoilers: Through Once More, With Feeling
Summary: What if the big musical secret wasn't about where Buffy spent her summer vacation?
Rating: PG-13 for a few mild sexual references, British swear words
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Sillyfic/songfic
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive. Oh, and Joanna's web site, of course, at www.geocities.com/masked_spangler
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. We just let them have all the fun Joss won't. We also do not own: Patrick Stewart, Charisma Carpenter, Robin Williams, Star Trek, Chex mix or unmixed, Skittles, The Beatles, The karate Kid, Mork and Mindy, Hamburger Helper, or much of anything else. We own nothing except our twisted minds which you really don't want. Please don't sue. Notes: This was Joanna's idea, and she wrote the lyrics. Gileswench is responsible for the dialogue and stage directions, as well as the Chex mix motif. Don't ask her what it's about, she doesn't know either.

Cut to The Bronze. Dawn lies unconscious on the pool table. As semi-balletic dance music begins, she wakes up. Three minions in big-headed masks drag her from the table and begin to dance with her, miming her abduction and her fruitless attempts to flee. Everybody wave hi to Charisma...

As the dance builds to a climax, a demon in a Hawaiian shirt and blue jeans appears on the stage. This is Tweet. He waves his arms and yells.

Tweet: Shazbat!

The minions stop dancing and push Dawn toward the stage.

Tweet: Woah! What we got here? Slayer's little sister, huh? (begins to speak in a series of bizarre voices and accents of indeterminate origins as he turns different colors) Not much of a family resemblance, is there? Hey! What you saying? What did the mailman look like? You take that back! Hey, I'm only saying....

Dawn: Who are you already? Why did you kidnap me? My sister is so gonna kick your ass...as soon as she figures out I'm gone.

Tweet laughs wildly as music for a soft-shoe number fills the air. The Minions dance gracefully. Tweet starts to dance but finds himself hampered by his running shoes. They just don't shuffle the way he wants. He gives them a disgusted look, but continues dancing anyway.

Tweet: Well, hello little miss
I really like your...style
And I'm glad you're here
Hope you'll stay a...little while
Cause I'm trying to lure the slayer
Cause someone loves her, and I'm gonna make her
Realize that she really loves him too!

Music changes slightly to the bridge tune.

Tweet: See, it's not healthy to be repressing
It smothers the heart like a glove
And this I'm sure they will realize
As they try to save you, love...

Dawn: So this is all a trick? You're trying to help them?

Tweet: I come here when hearts come a calling
To help folks realize theirs are a falling
And I use...whatever little tricks...I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

Tweet raises his arms on the last (endless) note as the Minions dance themselves into a soft-shoe frenzy and end surrounding their master, panting, arms raised and all looking expectantly at Dawn. She stares at them for a long moment. Realizes they won't break their position until she reacts.

Dawn: Um...yippee?

Tweet and his Minions all look very relieved and break their pose.

Tweet: Oh, no, really, you're too kind. (takes overblown curtsey) Hey, Minion, bring us some Chex mix and a Parcheesi board, will you?

Charisma removes her Minion head, rolls her eyes and leaves to get the requested items.

Dawn: So all this is because Buffy's in love with someone? Who?

Tweet: (shaking his head) Oh dear, oh dear. Look honey, it's obvious. Can't you see?

Dawn: No. Who is it?

Tweet: (raises his hand) I'd like to buy a clue, Vanna. (makes rude raspberry noise) Oops! Time's up! Guess you'll just have to wait for the answer until after this - hopefully - brief commercial interruption. (Minion returns) Have some Chex mix, kid. If they're as dumb as you, this could take a while.

Tweet tosses a handful of Chex mix roughly in the direction of his face and catches what he can in his mouth, allowing the rest to fall unheeded to the floor. He sets up the game board. Dawn rolls her eyes and nibbles delicately at a Rice Chex square.

Inspirational power chords ring out as the scene fades to a montage. Scenes of Dawn, Tweet, and his minions playing Parcheesi and nibbling on Chex mix are intercut with images of Buffy training and Scoobies doing apparently urgent research. After the requisite four minutes of intense activity set to turgid music, cut to close up of Tweet.

Tweet: Man! Those two are dumber than I thought! They're still not here! Are these people brain damaged?

Dawn: Well, Giles does get knocked on the head a lot. Still, I can't believe it. I've been here a week and they haven't found me yet.

Tweet: More like five days. Have some more Chex mix.

Dawn: Don't you have anything else to eat around here?

Tweet: That's it! When the houseguests start complaining about the grub, it's time to throw them out!

Dawn: (eagerly) So I can go now?

Tweet: No way, Jose! I still got a job to do. (gestures to minion) You, go give those two clueless wonders a roadmap.

Minion leaves. Tweet passes bowl to Dawn.

Tweet: Here. Have some Chex mix. It's yummy.

Dawn rolls her eyes.

**

Cut to Magic Box. Int. Buffy comes out of the training room, still dressed in her exercise clothes. Giles follows, towel draped over his shoulder to prove he sweats manfully in his sessions with Buffy. Willow, Tara and Xander sit around the tarot table playing rock, paper, scissors for no apparent reason. Anya fondles money in the background.

Buffy: Well, I guess I'd better get home and make some dinner before patrol.

Giles: (whipping off his glasses) Do be careful, Buffy.

Buffy: No worries. Got it covered. Hamburger Helper is rarely demon-infested.

Giles: (replacing his glasses) I'm just trying to keep you safe.

Buffy: I know. (Heads for door, stops, turns back to her friends) There's just this one thing...

Willow: What is it, Buff?

Buffy: It's probably nothing, but I've had this funny feeling for days now that there's something...missing.

Giles: You ought to have told us at once so we could research the phenomenon.

Xander: Yeah, Buffy. Give us something to do.

Anya: (looking up) Hey! You already have something to do: me.

Tara: What do you think is missing?

Buffy: (shrugs) I don't know. But I think it's something important...something key.

Door bursts open and one of Tweet's minions enters.

Minion: Look, you dummies! We've got the Slayer's little sister at The Bronze. You guys have to come and save the kid.

Willow: Dawn's missing? When did that happen?

Buffy: (bursting into tears) Ohmigod! Dawn! I have to save her!

Minion: About time! You were there last night and you didn't even notice us!

Giles: Well...Buffy's had a great deal on her mind of late.

Minion: Look, just get over there and save the kid, will you? You're throwing off our whole schedule.

Xander: (to Minion) Hey, haven't we met before?

Minion leaves shaking her massive head in disgust.

Xander: So let's go. Let's saddle up the troops. I got a hankering to kick me some demon booty.

Buffy: No. Dawn is my sister. I need to do this alone. (looks puzzled) Did I just say that?

Anya: I heard it.

Giles: Buffy are you sure? Didn't the minion say we should go together?

Buffy: (looking deep into his eyes) I think this is a solo job.

Buffy heads out the door as the others stare after her, stunned.

Xander: You're not gonna let her go out without backup, are you, Giles?

Giles: It's Buffy's decision. She doesn't want us along.

Anya: When has that ever stopped us?

Willow: If we let her go alone, we don't get to show off our talents and then why are we here at all?

Tara: And what will she do if none of us are put in danger this week? It would throw off the cosmic rhythm of our group dynamic.

Giles: Yes, well, you all make good points, but Buffy told us to stay here, and she must have had a good reason.... Besides, with everything that's going on out there...it would be too dangerous.

Xander: What? The smoochie factor in the streets? It's okay, Giles. We're all paired off already. I don't think it affects us.

Giles: (cleaning three pairs of glasses simultaneously to demonstrate how embarrassed he is) Not all of us, Xander.

The other four look at him in disgust.

Anya: Sure you are, Giles. You're just too repressed and pigheaded to get the smoochies.

Giles: (huffily) I've no idea what you're talking about.

Willow: (rolling her eyes) Meshuggenuh!

The others look confused at her.

Willow: Hello, still Jewish here.

Tara: Giles, you need to talk to Buffy.

Anya: Then you need to give her orgasms.

Xander: Lots of them.

The others all look at him now.

Xander: What? I may be getting some, but I'm still horny guy. That's my very special role.

**

Cut to street scene. Buffy walks alone as couples hug kiss and...well...couple in the background. Buffy doesn't notice them. She begins to soliloquize.

Buffy: (sighing) Oh Giles, if only I could tell you how I feel. I'm just so verbally and emotionally challenged. Not that you're exactly Mr. share, either. If only you'd give me a hint, I could talk myself into rejecting you. (sighs again) But I really, really don't want to.

A plaintive piano is heard as Buffy steps over a couple rolling on the ground seemingly engaged in trying to devour one another with kisses. Buffy begins to sing.

Buffy: I touch the fire, and it frightens me
It's pushing me out on a limb
I go for Dawn, but as I walk along
I only think of him

Pulls out swatch of tweed and strokes it against her cheek.

Buffy: Now, through the smoke, I find my way
I walk the path without a guide
My task is clear, but I just want him near
He should be by my side
So I will walk through the fire
Because I have no choice
And I will walk through the fire
Toward his...

Cut to Magic Box. Int. Giles sits at tarot table and stares ahead blankly. Out of nowhere, a whiskey bottle appears at his elbow and he takes a hearty swig.

Giles: I feel her heart, it frightens me
For I'm afraid to follow through
If I'm game, and she doesn't feel the same
I don't know what I'll do

Cut to The Bronze. The Minions are now force-feeding Chex mix to Dawn in the background as Tweet sings onstage to a crowd of appreciative young people of both genders.

Tweet: So he will walk through the fire
And hope she'll know his choice
So he will walk through the fire
Toward her...

Cut to Magic Box. Int. Giles stands and whips off his glasses. He is wearing another pair underneath.

Giles: I know that this fight will be key
Would she go if demons had me?
Are tears for Dawn the only tears she cries?

Xander: We don't have time to work this issue
Damn it, man, it's not about you

Anya: Not that we don't sort of sympathize

Xander/Anya/Willow/Tara: We'll go with you
So we can prove she loves you too
Cause we are caught in the fire

The Scoobies take Giles bodily and steer him out into the street. They sing as they push him toward The Bronze.

Cut to Buffy reaching the door of The Bronze. She looks at the door in determination.

All: We cannot yet rejoice
So we will walk through the fire
Toward her voice
Toward her voice
Toward her voice

Tweet: I love a romance!

**

Buffy pays the cover charge and enters The Bronze.

Cut to The Bronze. Int. Buffy walks slowly through the SRO crowd. She pushes her way toward the stage.

Buffy: (searching the crowd) Dawn? Where are you?

Dawn: Buffy! Save me! Did you bring any jelly donuts? Skittles? Anything?

Buffy leaps to the stage over the heads of several surprised club patrons and lands gracefully mere inches from Tweet with her hands on her hips.

Buffy: Okay, game's over. Give me my sister, and nobody gets hurt...except you.

Tweet: (searching the crowd) Where's your better half?

Buffy: Huh? Better half of what?

Tweet: You know, the guy with the sexy specs. Tweedman? Book guy?

Buffy: You mean Giles? I left him at the shop. I didn't want him to get hurt. Now if you don't mind, I'll take my sister and be on my way.

Tweet: (makes rude buzzing noise) Wrong answer! I'm sorry, but no partner, no prize.

Buffy: That's dumb. Look, I'm getting my sister and then I'm gone. If you know what's good for you, you'll be gone by the time I get back.

Buffy turns to rescue Dawn, but finds herself trapped by an invisible wall that surrounds her. This not only allows us to see her during her captivity, it also saves on the set and props budget, which had to be drastically cut to pay for our guest stars.

Buffy: Let me out of here!

Tweet: No can do. Only you can break down the barriers.

Buffy: Okay, Zenmaster Karate Kid, I've had about enough of this!

Tweet: Hey, wax on and wax off as much as you like. You ain't getting out of there until you figure things out.

Buffy pummels the invisible barrier despite the demonstrable futility of the act.

Dawn: (rolling her eyes) Great. Now I'll never escape the Chex Mix diet.

Buffy: (to Tweet) When I get out of here, I'm going to rip your lungs out and feed them to you!

Tweet: Then it's a good thing you're not getting out of there anytime soon.

Cut to the crowd. Willow, Xander, and Tara, push Giles toward the stage as Anya kicks, elbows, and punches patrons out of the way.

Jonathan: Ow! Quit it!

Anya kicks his shin again, just because.

Xander: Buffy! What are you doing just standing around? Dawn's right there!

Buffy: (punching invisible wall) Duh, brainboy! I'm trapped. Giles, help me!

Giles rushes to the stage and peers thoughtfully at the invisible barrier surrounding Buffy. He runs his hands over it, lingering at her chest level.

Giles: Good lord. When did this happen? Buffy, can you get out of here?

Tweet: Not by herself, buddy.

Giles turns on Tweet and grabs a handful of Hawaiian shirt. Tweet is suddenly nose to nose with Giles. Cut to shot of Tweet's feet dangling in midair.

Giles: What have you done to her, you pillock?

Tweet: You guys just don't get it, do you? I didn't do that, she did. And hey, buddy, check out the one around YOU.

Tweet falls to the ground. Giles is also in an invisible trap. He runs his hands over the borders.

Giles: (curiously) Curious.

Willow: We have to save them! Tara, let's do some mojo and save the day.

Xander: Hold it, Will. Walls? This looks like a job for construction guy.

Anya : (squealing in delight) Xander's going to be manly. I love it when he does that.

Tweet: Forget it, you guys. This is something these two wacky kids have to work out for themselves. They built the walls, they're the only ones who can tear them down.

Tara: (nodding) Of course. It makes sense now.

Xander: What makes sense? I see no sense here.

Willow: (pouting) I don't get to do a spell?

Tara: Buffy! Giles! These walls aren't literal at all.

Buffy: (still pummeling the walls) They feel pretty literal to me!

Giles: Of course! Tara's right!

Buffy: (stops hitting walls) What do you mean?

Giles: They're created out of a mystical energy that has been slowly building into a wall around our...our hearts...our emotions. Buffy, when was the last time you laughed? Or...or told someone you loved them?

Buffy: (thinking hard) I don't remember. Maybe sometime early in season five?

Giles: And I...well, let's just say it's been even longer for me.

Buffy: So all we have to do is laugh? Quick! Someone tell a knock-knock joke!

Giles: I don't think it's that easy.

Buffy: (grumbling) I knew you were gonna say that.

Tweet: (holding hands with Bellboy and jumping gleefully) Come to Papa, yeah! (sings) You can work it out!

Minions all edge closer and look very encouraging despite the painted faces on their masks.

Giles: I think we have to...have to...express some honest emotion of some sort. Reach out to one another...or something.

Buffy: Couldn't I just laugh at you?

Giles: Concentrate, Buffy. This is the only way we can get to Dawn and save her.

Buffy: (with great conviction) I love Dawn. (checks walls; they are still there) I love jelly donuts. (again, no good) I - I - I love Will and Xander. (still no effect) It's not working, Giles. What do I do?

Giles: (quietly) I love you, Buffy.

Giles steps free of his walls. He crosses to where Buffy is still trapped.

There is a long pause as Buffy and Giles look deep into one another's eyes. At last she smiles and speaks.

Buffy: I love you, too, Giles.

Buffy reaches out tentatively and discovers she is now free. Giles holds out his hand to her. Buffy stares at it for a long moment, then turns and gets Dawn who has been released from her captivity.

Buffy: You okay, Dawnie?

Dawn: I never want to see Chex again as long as I live. But I'm okay. What about Giles?

Buffy: What about him?

Dawn: He saved us, Buffy, and you said you love him.

Buffy turns and looks at Giles where he stands dejected several feet away. A guitar begins to softly strum in a minor key.

Buffy: Where do we go from here?

Cast: Where do we go from here?

Giles: We told the truth, and it made a mess
But that's kind of good, I guess
Where do we go from here?

Buffy goes to Giles and takes his hand with a small smile.

Buffy: What do we do with this?
Making up time we missed

Giles moves to embrace Buffy. She holds him tightly as the audience cheers. Tweet kisses the Bellboy on the cheek. Bellboy blushes becomingly.

Cast: There's still a chance that we'll all advance
If we put our hearts in gear
Where do we go from here?

Giles pulls a jewelry box from his pocket and slips a diamond ring on Buffy's finger. The music changes as the two smile happily at one another.

Buffy: I touch the fire, and it comforts me

Giles: I need...

Buffy: The candle's glow will light the way

Giles: To love you...

Buffy: Although it's true
I'm not sure what to do...

In answer, he kisses her. The music swells to the dramatic refrain "Where do we go from here?" Drums roll, cymbals crash, and strings soar climactically.

**

Tweet: Don't they make an adorable couple?

Bellboy: (nodding) And I love it when they end up this way.

Tweet: How's that?

Bellboy: (gesturing with his hand) Engaged.

The Scoobies throw rice and make merry around Buffy and Giles as they continue to kiss.

The end