Simply "Ass-tounding"
How Mr Ass plans to become #1
He wore see-through trunks at Fully Loaded. He presented the "People's Ass" to the world. He made a statment, an impact. Now, how does Mr Ass get to that "next level"--The rarified air inhaled by Stone Cold Steve Austin, Undertaker, The Rock, Mankind, Triple-H and others? Over the last few months we've seen him elevate his game. In the World Wrestling Federation Magazine, I have called the former tag team specialist everything from selfish to egotistical. Now I'm ready to call him champion. Mr Ass's time is now.
Imagine a four point plan, a blueprint of future success that will catapult Mr Ass to the top. One lesson he has learned along the way is that talent alone won't get it done. His athletic achievements have been lauded in this publication ad nauseum. It's time to write something else about Mr Ass. A recent role model that Mr Ass could follow is Triple-H, who now calls the next level home.
Kick Ass-One thing that Triple-H showed is that an increased level of offensive intensity became the "foundation" of his next level home. When he was in DX, Triple-H was entertaining. After Wrestlemania xv he became downright nasty. One Federation official who has requested anonymity said that Mr Ass has all the tools, but he needs to make his offensive more offensive and make himself less open to all the comeback. Triple-H had the tools as well, but when he put the icepick in X-Pac's heart and the sledgehammer against Mankind's knee, he showed that the mean streak in him burned white hot and it hasn't cooled yet.
For Triple-H it was a matter of respect. He felt that the front office had held him back and never saw him as a true main-event player. Has Mr Ass been cast in the same role? He certainly put some doubters to rest with his preformances against the Rock. But, then again some might say that the "Great One" just made Mr Ass look good. For years Mr Ass has made opponents look good in the ring. Now he needs to start making them look ugly by perhaps rearranging facial features or snapping bones. Drastic measures like these will get everyone's attention.
Kiss Ass-While Mr Ass needs to turn up the offensive intensity on his oppenents, a dose of charm served up to anyone named McMahon wouldn't hurt either. That's right! A healthy dose of butt-smootching never hurt anybody. Generally abrasive to everyone he comes in contact with, perhaps Mr Ass should take a page out of Dale Carnegie's book and learn about winning friends and influencing people.
It would require him to become something he is not--two faced. I have the utmost respect for Billy in that capacity. He has never liked me and has never been shy about telling me so. But to those in power, an occasional suger coating might not be a bad idea. If the idea sickens him that's cool. He just needs to keep telling himself that it's good for buisness. Kissing ass will help his "bottom" line.
Sell Ass--Only on a rare occasions does a stay in the Federation penthouse come without added responsibilities. You have too be marketable to the masses. You are also looked upon as a leader of the lockerroom. It just can't be all about you; the rest of the teams pace is dictated by you.
Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Undertaker and Triple-H are part of the handful of guyswho are leaders. Mr Ass needs to step up to this level and be willing to except all that goes along with it.
It's all about minding the store, everything from the way you carry yourself in front of the media to pointing out areas of improvement you see in fellow competitors. Your every move will be scrutinized and a thick skin to critics is a must. The last year has been great preparation for Mr Ass in these areas. Now that the lessons are complete, it's time for "the Perfect, the Primo, the Premier" to be just that. Tie in kissing ass and selling ass becomes a whole lot easier.
Be a Pain in the Ass--Not to anyone in the office, of course, but to the foes in the ring and the fans about ringside. Mr Ass has a pleasant dilemna; female fans love him and male fans hate him. Either way, emotions are strong when he comes through the curtain. The reaction Mr Ass get's is similar to Shawn Michaels, circa 1995, when the Heartbreak Kid was the "boy toy" the ladies pet and the man's regret.
For months, World Wrestling Federation Magazine tried avoiding using his name in print. How many different ways can you say "Ass?" The critical part of Mr Ass in-ring persona is controuversy. He forces you to say a word that at one point was taboo. If he conqers all the other areas of this plan, he will be allowed to continue kicking, kissing and selling ass while every evoking strong emotion from the ticket buying public. Mr Ass becomes more in demand than ever and happily accepts, as long as the fat patchecks and title shots are attached.
The four part formula is not foul-proof. Just like any critical lab expirememnt with consumable elements, there is always a risk that the wrong combination of ingriediants will blow up right in the chemists face. But Mr Ass is like a time bomb with no disarming mechanism. It is only a matter of time before he explodes and one wonders who will get hit with that shrapne!
World Wrestling Federation Magazine is pleased to feature Mr Ass on this months cover. He deserves it. Yes it's edgy. Some might even say controversial. But that is what Mr Ass is all about.
