~*Chapter One*~
This morning I woke up to the muffled drumming of heavy rain on the roof and the persistant beeping of my alarm. The hour was early for a day that was supposed to be for mourning, and it struck me that during the night the month had turned into October. Winter isn't far away, another year gone. Opening the shades, I looked out at the day. Petals from my roses in the garden were beaten to the ground, the river swollen and flowing around rocks that looked as black as night.
The apartmen complex in which I live has become a tenement for those families in the area that could no longer afford more comfortable surroundings. I find myself too often in this position, and it's beginning to depress me enormously. I often think of high school, and being voted "Most Likely To Succeed". "Ha, no longer," I think sadly, looking around at the pitifully small apartment, and the tiny collection of possessions I have accumulated over the last three years since moving to Florida.
The more I think about it, the more depressing my life seems. But, there is one bright spark in an otherwise dismal existence. And that is my boyfriend, Brian. He is a struggling musician, but I know that with his talent he will definitely make it big one day. His storng faith has kept his spirit up these last three years, but I know that it is waning slightly. I keep him going, though. I always tell him that I believe in him. And he knows that I only tell the truth.
He is supposed to be coming over soon, to take us to Nick's place. Nick is having a hard time dealing with Kayti's death. Understandable, it would be hard for a 17 year old to deal with his first love dying so tragically. It's hard for me too, Kayti was really the only one that I could talk to, amongst our friendship group. I never considered her my best friend, byt we were close though. However, I don't want to burden the guys with my grief. Nick needs the help more, and I am going to do everything to help him pass through this tough time. See, I know how difficult it is to lose someone close to you. My previous boyfried, Eryk, died of complications from a heart problem. He knew about it for a while, but he never told me. I guess that's why I had to get away from it all. See, I used to live in South Africa. My family is over there still, but they knew that I had to get away from everything. Unfortunately, that meant I had to leave my modelling contracts and all that kind of stuff behind as well. But, like I said before, no one over here knows about taht, except kayti. And now that she's gone, well, I feel like part of me has gone too. But, I'll get over it, I like to think I'm a strong person. I dealt with Eryk's death pretty well I think, I and like to believe that what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Except for green peas, cos they're just gross, period. Anyways, I digress.
It's depressing reading over my previous entries in my other diaries. But I like the way I've kep a record of my life, ever since Eryk died. I guess it hels me to remember not to take life for granted, as so many people do. They don't realise that like is so fleeting, and that you have to take every chance in life. But enough philosphizing on my part. I tend to do that - over philosophize. But that's ok, cos no one will ever read this, except when I'm dead. And then I don't care what people think of me.
Anyways, I'm gonna get ready for Brian to come over. You know the drill, I'll write later.
Back To Wishes
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