~*Chapter Thirteen*~
"I never wanted you to see that, Lees," he hurridly explained, snatching the letter from her hand.
He sat down on the bed, his face paling.
"Look, I know what it must seem like. It’s a whole Dawson scenario. But I never wanted you to find out cos I thought it would hurt you, and I could never do that to you. Please understand, Lees. I’m sorry you found out this way, but … I’m not sorry for my feelings. I…I don’t know how else to put it, except that I’ve always known that there was something between us, an unspoken connection that you never seemed to acknowledge. I had to do something, otherwise I would have gone crazy. And the letter was the only way I could do it," he explained, looking at the embroidered mattress he sat on, picking away at a loose thread.
Leesa, her heart in her mouth, sat down beside him. She’d wanted him to say this for so long… but not any more. Something had changed in her. Whether it was her relationship with Howie, or the whole Witch thing, she didn’t know. But it didn’t feel right. And she knew that she had to tell AJ… but she didn’t know how.
"AJ, I…" she started as the phone rang beside AJ’s bed. He didn’t answer it. It kept on ringing, as he looked expectantly at Leesa. She looked up at him.
"Answer it. What I’ve got to say can wait… just tell them you’re busy," she told him.
He reluctantly walked over to the phone.
"What?"
"Yeah, she’s here… I’ll get her for you," AJ said as he passed the phone to Leesa. "It’s some guy called Jason for you."
"Jason? I don’t know a Jason!" she said as she picked up the phone.
"Yes?"
"Leesa?"
"Yeah."
"Leesa, I want you to know that I’m watching you. I know where you are. I know where you live. I know your phone number… I know every thing about you… there’s nothing about you that I don’t have…except for one thing. But don’t worry, I’ll get that from you soon enough. Remember, I’m watching you," a gruff male voice told her, finishing the phone call with a click as he hung up.
Leesa replaced the receiver, her bottom lip trembling. AJ looked up from the bedspread, concerned.
"OK?"
"Yeah… just some weird guy. It’s ok though, I’ve had a few of these calls before.
There’s nothing to get worried about," she explained, holding back tears.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Now where were we?"
"You were about to tell me something," he replied impatiently, waiting for her reply.
"OK. AJ, I want you to know that I… respect your feelings. I used to have them myself … used to being the operative words. But now? I don’t know. It just seems weird. It’s not like you to be like this. I know you’re sweet, and cute, and everything else that all the girls see in you, but why me? Can’t we just be friends?"
"Why you? Why not you? Leesa, I think I’ve loved you ever since I saw you. And I know that I was only like 5 when we met, but I’ve always felt something. Like we were soul mates or something. I can’t ignore that," he told her, his heart pounding so loudly inside his chest that he feared Leesa would hear.
"AJ, I dunno. I dunno what to think. Can’t we just be friends?" she repeated, confused.
"I don't understand!" AJ told her, his heart in his mouth.
"I don't know, okay?! Why can't we go back to the way things were? Why can't we just be friends, AJ?"
"That's what you want?"
"Yes!"
"After all we've been through, just friends?"
"Yeah."
"If you don't understand why that can't happen, if you don't get that, you don't get me!" AJ cried, getting up off the bed, and walking over to the dresser.
Leesa got up from the bed too, and walked to the door. "AJ, I’m so sorry about this. But it’s such a big thing to drop on me. Just give me some space, ok?" Leesa asked him as she walked out of the door.
The door closed behind her. AJ looked longingly at the closed door and whispered, "You can have all the time you want."
*************************************
Leesa stumbled to her room, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Her hands trembled as she fumbled in her purse for her room keys. She found them, and as she pulled them out, they fell from her hand.
"Fuck!" she mumbled, her anger steadily increasing. She bent over to pick up the keys, and bumped heads with someone.
"Ouch!" they cried at the same time. Leesa straightened up, and came face to face with Howie. He looked deep into her eyes, as he absent-mindedly rubbed his bumped forehead with one hand.
"Are you ok?" he asked, concerned at the tears in her eyes.
"Yeah, fine… actually, I’m not. I really need to talk to someone, Howie. And I know that you think I’m crazy and a devil-worshipper, but can’t we put aside our differences for an hour or so and just talk? Cos I really need you," she whispered, unlocking the door.
"Sure, I’m here for you," he agreed, and walked into the room after Leesa, closing the door behind him. The truth was, he missed Leesa more than he wanted to admit, and had come to her room to ask for her forgiveness. But she needed to talk now, and Howie was more than willing to listen.
************************************
"… and then he said that he loved me. I dunno why I freaked, but I did. I guess it was because it was such a shock. I mean, I had that whole crush thing going on about a year ago, but not anymore. I respect his feelings, but I can’t help but feel that now our friendship is over, cos I know. I would have loved to stay oblivious, ya know? I don’t know what to do… I know that he’s hurting, and I want more than anything else to go over and comfort him. But this time I don’t think I can… what do you think?"
"I can’t say anything to make it better Lees. But the one thing that I do know is, if AJ says that he loves you, he must. He’s never said that before, to anyone, except maybe his mom. The only thing I can tell you is to trust your heart. Your head thinks too much. Just go with your heart," Howie advised her, not believing he was saying this. Losing the girl he liked to AJ? It always seemed to happen. But even if he got back with Leesa, it probably never would have worked out. There are just some things that cannot be overcome, and Howie was still reeling from the blow of Leesa’s ‘coming out’, and that was 4 months ago. Right now they were in Osaka, Japan, performing every second night.
"Thank you so much… you have no idea how much this means to me Howie. I am so glad that you want to be my friend again. I missed you, yeah?" she smiled through her confusion, and Howie reached over to hug her.
"I missed you too."
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