VOICE MAILS
VOICE MAIL #1
MARK'S MOTHER
MArk are you there- are you screening your calls
It's Mom! We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here- send their love
Oh! I hope you like the hot plate!
Just don't leave it on, dear, when you leave the house
Oh and Mark- we're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say c'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian-
There are other fishies in the sea
Love Mom!
VOICE MAIL #2
MR. JEFFERSON
Well Joanne we're off
I called you at the office- they said you're stage managing or something
MRS. JEFFERSON
Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem need her legal help too!
MR. JEFFERSON
Call Daisy for our itenary
Or Alfred at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the State Department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for New Year's
Unless the senator changes his mind
MRS. JEFFERSON
The hearings!
MR. JEFFERSON
Oh yes- Kitten, Mummy's comfirmation hearings begin on the tenth
We need you- alone- by the sixth
MRS. JEFFERSON
Harold!
MR. JEFFERSON
You hear that? It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous
I am not!
MR. JEFFERSON
For Mummy's sake, kitten, no Doc Martens this time
And wear a dress
Oh and kitten- have a Merry
MRS. JEFFERSON
And a bra!
VOICE MAIL #2
MARK'S MOTHER
Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west your mother
HAppy New Years from Scarsdale
We're all impressed that the riot footage made the nightly news
Even your father says mazel tov, honey- call him
Love Mom!
ALEXI DARLING
Mark Cohen- Alexi Darling from "Buzzline"
MARK
Oh that show's so sleazy
ALEXI DARLING
YOur footage of the riots: a-one
Feature segment- network deal time
I'm sending you a contract
Ker ching ker ching
Marky- give us a call- 970-4301
Or at home try 863-6754
Or my cellphone at 919-763-0900
Or you can e-mail me at
darlingalexi@newscom.net
Or you can page me at-
VOICE MAIL #3
ALEXI DARLING
Mark Cohen- Alexi Darling- Labour Day Weekend- on the beach
Just saw Alex Baldwin- told him you said "hi"-
Just kidding
We still need directors
You still need money
You know you need money
Pick up the phone
Don't be afraid of ker ching ker ching
Marky sell us your soul
Just kidding
We're waiting....
VOICE MAIL #4
ROGER'S MOM
Roger- this is your mother!
Roger honey I don't get these postcards-
Moving to Santa Fe
Back in New York, starting a rock band-
Roger where are you? (repeats)
MIMI'S MOM
Mimi chica donde estas? Tu mama- esta yamando (repeats)
JOANNE'S DAD
Kitten wherever are you (repeats)
MARK'S MOM
Mark- are you there are you there- I don't know if he's there-
are you there are you there- I don't know if
he's there- are you there are you there-
I don't know if
ALL (except Mark's mom)/ MARK'S MOM
Please call!/ he's- call! Your mother!
