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SNIPPETS

Humorous Quotes, Quips and Bits of Wisdom
(In Buddhism, Silly Dharma)

  • "Life is far too important to be taken seriously." Oscar Wilde
  • "No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad."
    Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish historian and essayist.
  • "No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously." Dave Barry
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • "Where humor is concerned there are no standards--no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will." John Kenneth Galbraith
  • "The final illusion is power, while laughter is the final truth.” Peter L. Berger, sociologist
  • Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

    Television Snippets

  • "The answers to life's problems aren't found at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!" Bart Simpson
  • "I'm an individual and I can think for myself . . . that is if it's OK with everybody." Harold on The Red Green Show
  • "When the British organize a world series, we invite other nations to participate." John Cleese at the 1998 American Comedy Awards.
  • "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." Johnny Carson
  • "Find me someone who speaks fluent moron." from "Scrubs"
  • "I don't have anything against work. I just figure, why deprive somebody who really loves it." "Dobie Gillis"
  • "America is filled with people who don't know where they're going and are in a hurry to get there." Rev. Dr. Joyce Meyer, "Life in the Word"
  • "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." Monica on "Friends"
  • "It's very hard to criticize what you don't understand." Jerry Seinfeld,
  • "Brevity is the soul of wit and lingerie." From "Northern Exposure"
  • "Crime doesn't pay, except for the lawyers." Jay Leno referring to the O.J. Simpson trial.
  • "Art is a moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television." Rita Mae Brown
  • Spock: "I made an error in my calculations."
    McCoy: "Oh, this could be an historic occasion!"
    from "Yesterday Is Tomorrow", Star Trek, original series
  • "What happens when people who work for doctors get sick. When they call in and say they can't come to work, the doctor probably says, 'come on in and let me take a look at you'. Now, they're at work." Jay Leno
  • "I love collaborating with people; as long as they do exactly what I say." television producer Frank Oz
  • "I want to prove that I'm strong and independent, and I can't do it alone." Niles on "Frasier."
  • "I refuse to die with dignity! I've lived my whole life in shame; why should I die with dignity?" Character George Castanza in sitcom "Seinfeld"
  • "Guests on Jerry Springer's show have to sign a contact saying they will pay an $80,000 fine if they tell a lie. It's too bad politicians don't have to do the same." Jay Leno
  • Interviewer, "What's the secret to 46 years of marriage?" Larry Hagman, "Separate bathrooms."
  • "I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." Roseanne
  • "Pride is a powerful narcotic. But it doesn't do much for the auto-immune system." From Northern Exposure
  • "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." George Gobel
  • "The higher a monkey climbs, the more he shows his ass!" Martin Sheen at the 2001 Screen Actor's Guild Awards
  • Riker in Star Trek, Next Generation while on his death bed, "Dying's bad enough, but to lose my sense of humor . . . forget it."

    Movie Dharma

  • "When things are at their darkest, it's a brave man that can kick back and party." From "Inner Space"
  • "I hate this place! I'm in a hostile environment ruled by a maniac, surrounded by hideous, ugly creatures. It's like I'm back in High School." "Johnny Cage" in Mortal Kombat
  • "The most beautiful words in the English language aren't 'I love you' but 'It's benign'." Woody Allen in "Deconstructing Harry"
  • "All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it." from "Deconstructing Harry"
  • "A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow." from "The Edge"
  • "Face reality." "This is the 80's. Nobody likes reality anymore." from "Batteries Not Included."
  • "The outcome of our income is our income's all gone out." from "Babes in Toyland.
  • "90% of life is just showing up." Woody Allen
  • "Life is a banquet and most sons of bitches are starving to death." Mame
  • "People in hell want ice water, but that don't mean they get it." from "Sweet Dreams"
  • "No matter how horrible things are, they can always get worse." from "Executive Suite".
  • "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen
  • "If a cannibal used a knife and fork, would you call that progress?" from "G.I. Jane"
  • "Pornography [is the] result of geography." From Teahouse of the August Moon
  • "You can never be too rich, too thin, or too well armed." from "The Matrix"
  • "When I was growing up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide; we were all too unhappy." Woody Allen in "Crimes & Dismeanors"
  • "My heart says one thing, my head says something else. It's very hard to get one's heart and head together in life. In my case, they're not even friendly." Woody Allen in "Crimes & Dismeanors"

    ESPECIALLY FOR BABY BOOMERS

  • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • "Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you." The Old Farmer's Almanac
  • Middle age is when you've been there, done that, seen and heard it all, and can't remember most of it.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.
  • My wild oats have turned into Shredded Wheat.
  • I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • You don't stop playing because you get old, you get old because you stop playing!
    ___________,,,,_{τΏτ}_,,,,______________
  • These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

    "MODERN PROVERBS"

  • "People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." Dave Barry
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
  • “As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.” Josh Billings
  • The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 326 admonishments to heterosexuals. It's not that God doesn't love heterosexuals; He just thinks they need more supervision.
  • "Live each day as though it was your last. Some day you'll be right."
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  • It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  • "When in doubt, tell the truth." Mark Twain
  • "If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?" Steven Wright
  • "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." Dave Barry
  • "I used to be an agnostic, but I gave it up. They don't have any holidays." Rev. Dianne Edwards
  • "Thank God, I'm an atheist." Bud Sharp
  • It may be that your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
  • "I've given up my search for reality and am now looking for a good fantasy!" Ashley Brilliant
  • "Take my life, please." Henny Youngman's last words

    "Money Makes the World Go Round???"

  • "Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder." George Washington
  • "Virtue has never been as respectable in society as money." Mark Twain
  • "My poverty, but not my will consents." From Romeo & Juliet
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • "The worst thing about poverty is not having any money!" A Vickie Original
  • Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • Money can't buy happiness, but at least you can afford good therapy.
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  • I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
  • "There are only 3 things in this life of which we can be sure; death, taxes, and the fear of both." Woody Allen.
  • Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
  • Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
  • I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped." Steven Wright
  • "Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?" George Carlin
  • While you can't take it with you, they can't come get you for it either. You can die owing Mastercard a whole lot, and there's nothing they can do about it!
  • It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
  • Armed mugger to affluent well-dressed man in Washington, "Give me all your money!"
    Indignant reply, "You can't do this to me. I'm a United States Congressman!"
    Mugger, "In that case, give me my money!"

    POLITICALLY CORRECT???

  • I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
  • "Guests on Jerry Springer's show have to sign a contact saying they will pay an $80,000 fine if they tell a lie. It's too bad politicians don't have to do the same." Jay Leno
  • "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" - Former Vice-President Dan Quayle
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
  • I will defend to your death your right to my opinion. ___________,,,,_{τΏτ}_,,,,______________
  • "Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?" Steven Wright
  • My sexual orientation is... well, horizontal, mostly.
  • Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the Earth.
  • "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." - Former Vice-President Dan Quayle
  • Public opinion is what people think other people are thinking.
  • He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.
  • Mae West, "So, Honey, what do you do for a living?"
    Gentleman Caller, "I'm a politician."
    Mae West, "I know what you mean; I don't like to work either."
  • I'm not late; I'm promptness challenged.
  • "Of course, there are screwballs, lightweights and boobs in Congress. There are idiots in all walks of life, and we wouldn't want those people to not be represented!" Retired U.S. Senator Alan Simpson
  • "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." Dan Quayle, VP
  • "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another." George Bush, US President
  • "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." President Bill Clinton
  • "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
  • "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
  • "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." Former Vice President Dan Quayle
  • Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before!
  • "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." John Wayne
  • "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
  • "Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them." Lily Tomlin
  • "Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain
  • "Attending [the function] will be 300 of the finest minds in the country . . . plus some congressmen." Character "C.J." of "The West Wing"
  • "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." Former Vice President Dan Quayle
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

    "McBeAlisms" From TV show Ally McBeal

  • "The key to parenting is knowing when not to." Fishism
  • "You can measure the dignity of a person by how able he is to see the dignity in others." Ally
  • "Of course, I want to be an independent, liberated woman. I just want to get married first." Ally
  • "Every relationship begins with dishonesty. It sets the stage for marriage." Ally
  • "I know men. Why do you think I'm not with one?!" Renee to Ally
  • Regarding getting into therapy: "With everything I've got going, my insurance would never cover it. . . Even if I get past all my problems, I'll just get new ones. I like being a mess. It's who I am." Ally
  • "This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia. I'm used to being dumped." Ally
  • "If you hold out for everything, you may end up with nothing."
  • Sometimes we have to look at our choices and make the best ones."
  • "Richard thinks moral fiber comes in a breakfast cereal." Ally commenting about Richard
  • "The world is no longer a romantic place. But some people still are. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal." John Cage
  • "The worst thing for the heart is to be lonely." Ally
  • "Whenever I make a fool of myself, I feel better if I can blame it on the rules." Ally
  • "The problem with playing games is somebody has to lose." Ally
  • "Isn't it better to be crazy than deceitful?" Ally
  • Ally, "Does the world think of us as a joke?" Richard, "The world doesn't get the joke."
  • "You can't make a circle without making the ends meet."
  • "Do you want to have children? For the sake of their innocence, you might want to cling to your own, at least what's left of it." Ally
  • "We're lawyers. It's our job to distort things beyond all common sense." Ally

    "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet!"

  • "I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (The Grateful Dead)
  • Wasting time is like committing suicide in installments." Jitesh Sachdeva
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
  • I live in my own little world. But it's OK . . .they know me here.
  • I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. George Carlin
  • "It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man." Miranda Ingram
  • "I've always considered chocolate one of the basic food groups." A Vickie original.
  • "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." Paul Rodriguez
  • "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What's the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" Warren
  • "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" Dave Barry
  • Customs Agent, "Do you have anything to declare?" Oscar Wilde, "Only my genius!"
  • Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
  • I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • "The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them." Dave Barry
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." George Carlin
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away -- and barefoot.
  • "I always said I wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?
  • "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." Steven Wright
  • "Love teaches even asses to dance." French Proverb
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • "If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?" George Carlin
  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.
  • "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?" George Carlin
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • "The most powerful force in the universe is gossip." Dave Barry
  • Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
  • Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
  • "It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • "He who hesitates . . . is stoned!" Gallagher
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant a lot like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • "I don't think there's a smoking section in Heaven." Joyce Meyer
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • "Seek out the knowledge, go into college and stay there until you are through.
    If they can make penicillin out of moldy cheese, they can make somethin' outta you." Nipsy Russell

  • "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive." Steven Wright
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol!
  • I couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder.
  • "I took my car to a quantum mechanic to prove that it didn't exist to lower the insurance." Steven Wright
  • "My negative baggage is a pound or two over the weight limit."
  • "I'm not an active member of the human race. I don't go to meetings or carry a card." George Carlin
  • "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
  • "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Mark Twain (Samuel Longhorne Clemens)
  • "If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'." Dave Barry
  • "The truth is out there. Anyone know the URL?" Unknown
  • Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
  • "'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln
  • "It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then." Richard Armour
  • "When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts?' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?" George Carlin
  • "Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results." George Patton
  • "Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder." Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull
  • "Beauty is often in the eye of the beer holder."
  • "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time -- I think I've forgotten this before." Stephen Wright
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. ___________,,,,_{τΏτ}_,,,,______________
  • All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.
  • "You're only young once, but I can be immature as long as I want!" Marty Smoyer (my cousin)
  • Boldly going where everyone's already been, but at discount rates.
  • "I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . . and I also know I'm not blond." Dolly Parton
  • Constant change is here to stay.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Shift Happens!
  • "I think it's wrong to charge people for taking classes. Learning and improving one's self ought to be free. People ought to be charged for being ignorant and lazy. Wouldn't it be great if every person who didn't take a class had to pay $500 each semester?" A Vickie Original
  • "There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'." Dave Barry
  • "It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain
  • A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  • Some people only open their mouths long enough to change feet.
  • "Everybody's somebody's weirdo!"(sung to the tune of "Everybody's somebody's fool") Nancy Anderson
  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
  • "When you don't know where you're going, every road will take you there." Old Yiddish Proverb
  • "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" Steven Wright
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • Do it right the first time, and maybe you'll get to do it again.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • I'm getting tired, why don't YOU try being perfect for awhile?
  • I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
  • Dark is faster than light, otherwise you would see it.
  • "So what is the speed of dark?" Steven Wright
  • "Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?" Steven Wright
  • Danger! Attention Span Exceeded!
  • "The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first group. There's far less competition." Dwight Morrow
  • I'm too busy to insult you, but your humiliation is important. Please hold.
  • "Don't use an axe to remove a fly from a friend's forehead." Lao Tsu, founder of Taoism
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good!
  • Studies show ticklish people have higher IQ's.
  • "When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy." Dave Barry
  • If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • "No one ever says 'it's only a game,' when their team is winning." Steven Wright
  • "I think this society is totally barbaric to take money from sick people. After all, it's bad enough to be ill or injured; then your money is taken from you. Now, you can't afford food or shelter, and you can't work to earn more money, so you end up destitute, homeless, or dead. Our society is really backwords. People who are healthy enough to work and earn money ought to contribute a portion of it to health care. Then when a person got sick or injured and couldn't work, their health care would be paid and they could concentrate on getting healthy and functional again. . . I can't believe the idiots that argue against this by saying things like, 'If people didn't have to pay, they'd go to the doctor all the time and abuse the system.' I don't know anyone who gets up in the morning and thinks, 'Gee, it's a lousy day for golf and I can't get a hair appointment, so I think I'll have my gall bladder removed? If next week is really slow, I'll get some chemotherapy.'" A Vickie Original
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • I think Barbie ought to be more realistic. Have "Middle-Aged Barbie"; she should be overweight with greying hair and varicose veins. With her would be "Bald, Beer-Bellied Ken" and they'd come with a house that's mortgaged to the hilt. There could also be "Bag Lady Barbie" who comes with her own shopping cart, along with "Wino Ken" who's in a permanent prone position.
  • If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else. ___________,,,,_{τΏτ}_,,,,______________
  • When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  • It's hard to make a come back, when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • "Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
  • "Respect for the fragility and importance of an individual life is still the mark of an educated man." -- Norman Cousins, Saturday Review, 1954
    "Respect for the fragility and importance of all life is still the mark of the majority of women!" Victoria Gardner Placker, 1998
  • Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  • "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station." Steven Wright
  • Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • Nothing is fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
  • Quantum Express - When you absolutely, positively don't know where it's going or when it needs to be there.
  • Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • Reality is a cheap substitute for Prozac.
  • "Nobody goes there any more because it's too crowded." Yogi Berra
  • "True eloquence consists in saying all that should be said, and that only." La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims," 1665
  • "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." Stephen Wright
  • The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you're experienced, you're unemployable.
  • "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." Charles Schultz
  • A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." Baroness Edith Summerskill
  • "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." Gloria Steinhem
  • Reality is highly overrated.
  • When you have buns of steel, you get pains of iron.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  • The computer revolution is over. They won!
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Sometimes I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
  • It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  • "Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie." Dave Barry
  • "Clones are people two." Steven Wright
  • Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
  • Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
  • "I'd have an affair if I could figure out a way to do it morally." Cheri Beier
  • "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." Gilda Radner
  • "I know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm just not sure how or when I'll actually achieve it. I'm 52 years old, but much of the time, I feel about 19." A Vickie Original
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  • "In the circle of life, sometimes I feel like I'm circling a drain."
    ___________,,,,_{τΏτ}_,,,,______________
  • "Who ever decided everyone should be to work at 8:00 a.m.? There'd be no rush hour if everyone wasn't in a rush!" Steven Wright
  • "The early bird gets the worm; however, it's the second mouse that gets the cheese!"
  • "The early bird may catch the worm, but the early worm and the early fish both get caught." a Vickie Original
  • "Sooner or later, I'll be punctual." Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
  • I'm always late. In fact, my ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
  • Snooty Rich Woman, "Have your ancestors ever been traced?" Mae West, "Well, yes, but they were smart. No one could catch 'em."
  • The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Human Rights? Yes, I believe everyone has the right to be human.
  • "I wouldn't mind all the pain if it didn't hurt so much!" A Vickie Original
  • "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." Yogi Berra
  • "Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turn out OK." Steven Wright
  • Vital papers will demonstrate their importance by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • "God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind I will never die." The story of my life!

    No matter how tough life gets, a sense of humor can help you thrive!

    I use lots of humor in my classes, workshops, and seminars.
    Most gifted people have a great sense of humor! Learn more about gifted individuals.
    The American Association for Therapeutic Humor
    The International Center for Humor & Health
    Back to my home page.

    Email: DrVickie@att.net

    Email: cre8vity@att.net