St. Spyros

I see St. Spyros Kyprianou has been busy lately. His suprise announcement to the world several days ago was that he came up with a brilliant, personal, all his own idea, plan to release the U.S. servicemen held hostage in Yugoslavia. The international media coverage was overwhelming, and St. Spyros loved every minute of it. In fact at one point he looked so excited at getting all this attention, that he let go of himself and actually smiled for the cameras like a newly elected president who has just been told that his term is for life!....you wish!!! His "mission impossible" was to get in and out of Yugoslavia and bring the guys back to Larnaca where he would hand them over to anyone President Clinton wishes. Yeah, alright, as if President Clinton was going to call St. Spyros and have a chat........even though he probably expected it!! It's funny though how this personal humanitarian mission came about when President Clerides was out of the country. In fact the President himself said on his return that it wasn't even St. Spyros's idea, but that of the Yugoslav Ambassador Ivan Mrkic. Now why doesn't that suprise us? We all know that there is no love lost between the two of them, and this would have been a great opportunity for St. Spyros to put one over on the President.......had he succeeded!, but of course...he didn't, and returns to Cyprus to continue his various jobs. Oh well, at least he had his five minutes of fame....after tomorrow he will be forgotten, his brief encounter with the corridors of the Whitehouse will be a distant memory to President Clinton and the name Spyros will be no more.

Pile up on the Information Super Highway!

The internet. Probably the 20th Century's most famous word. Most people have it, use it, or know about it, but is the novelty slowly wearing off? While more and more people gain access to the internet, for a variety of reasons, the bugs, faults, and irritations are beginning to show. We've all heard of road rage, but the new kid on the block seems to be "NetNarc", short for Net Narcosis. This is a condition which all netties seem to suffer from sooner or later. The symptoms are irritability, pouding temples, raised voice and clenched fists. What causes this? Speed. Yes, simple as it may sound.....but it's all down to speed. The internet is slowing down. So many people are using it now, that the servers that channel all this information to you and I are getting clogged up. It could be your ISP (the company with whom you have an account with) being overloaded, or it could be the server which holds that particular web page. Either way, you could be sitting infront of your screen for an age wating for a page to downlaod! What can you do about it?? Well you could buy a super duper Pentuim lots of MHZ system full of RAM, and an ISDN line, but this won't help one little bit if the server who provides this information has had a pile up! It would be okay if this was not a common occurrence, but it is......and then you get pages where the "URL no longer exists!", which pushes you right over the edge. In Cyprus the internet is BIG...and I mean REALLY BIG. Internet Cafes are springing up faster than a Presidential pardon, and each one is full to capacity with people waiting to experience the knowledge of the net. Each of the Local ISP's claim to be faster, bigger and better than the other...when all of them are as slow as an Immigration officer handing out a visa :) So what is the cure for NetNarc? Well, it's called a button.....no...not the chocolate one, even though the idea sounds rather inviting, that one on your computer....turn it off now....and go and have a nice cup of tea.

Bully Boys

Police brutality and the Immigration Department. One bullies you physically, while the other does it mentally. Which is worse I ask myself? Yet we see ANOTHER accusation of police brutality, this time against a helpless teenager! The other is a case of an Indian family who were harrassed by the Immigration Department upon entry to Cyprus, and fed a load of rubbish about what is correct and what isn't. Okay, let's deal with the police first. If they wish to portray themselves as a hard, brutal and undisciplined force, then so be it, they will not get any sympathy from me, or be spared ridicule or attack. This police force needs a good kick in the behind, and given one hell of a shake up!! Time and time again we have seen police commissioners replaced, and Justice ministers shuffled, and yet everything stays exactly the same! I have never seen such an undisciplined, antiquated, lethergic and pathetic excuse for a force in my life! They are laughed at by most civilised countries in the world, ridiculed by visiting tourists, and put up with by the locals. So, who's to blame for this? well your guess is as good as mine, the Government, politicians, our culture....perhaps a combination of all three, but something has to be done about it NOW, because the public will not put up with it forever!! Now let's turn our efforts to the misguided, seemingly racist, incompetant, harsh Immigration Department. Sounds more like a comparison to the military dictatorship of a third world country doesn't it??? Think again!! These people who call themselves immigration officers have about as much sense as a penguin in the sahara!! If only they thought first before opening their irresponsible mouths, half of the problems tourists face would be eliminated. Do they actually know the immigration laws? I think not, otherwise we would not see such blatant misuse of power, and obvious cock-ups. Power, now that's an appropriate word. Immigration have to learn that they have to do as they are told and act within the constraints of Government guidelines. They cannot go around excercising the belief that "what they say...goes" and if they make a mistake, that it was "their best judgment at the time." They do not have carte blanche on who has entry into this country! They MUST adhere to strict guidelines as we all do, and should learn to stop waffling and listen for a change.

About time!!

Finally! The Government of Cyprus has made a statement condemning the atrocities being carried out in Kosovo by the Serbs. Albeit over a week late, they seem to have seen sense, and have followed suit after a similar statement by the Greek Government....surprise, surprise! Even though they have conveniently left out of the statement who they are condemning, by the way, that's Slobodan Milosevic, they have nevertheless agreed that killing lots of innocent people is a bad thing!! The Greeks appear to have bowed to pressure put on them by the Americans due to the fact that Greece are also a part of NATO, and thus should be SUPPORTING military intervention and also CONDEMNING the atrocities! The Cyprus church however goes ahead with it's fund raising for the Serb cause, yet makes no mention or expression of sympathy for the massacred, murdered and displaced Albanians. I'll let you decide on your own opinions of that!

Unbelievable!

Now let me see if I have got this right, are there some people now saying that they are willing to go and fight in Yugoslavia?? I can't believe what I am hearing. Okay, so perhaps Kosovo does belong to Serbia, but does that justify or give anyone the right to ethnic cleanse, muder, torture, and displace 500,000 people?!!, because if these "people" are so eager to go and defend such a "cause", then they better be prepared to do all of the above! Let us not forget the whole picture here, which alot of people in Cyprus seem to be conveniently forgetting. NATO forces were sent into Yugoslavia to protect INNOCENT people!. This organisation was set up as a common defender of what is right! To protect a person's basic human right to life, thus not affecting the stability of any region. To think that NATO is intefering in a countries domestic affairs is very narrow minded indeed. To keep on comparing every incident around the world to the Cyprus problem of 1974 is not a constructive one, and to make NATO our enemy because of what didn't happen in 1974 is no excuse or justification for supporting the WRONG cause. Nowadays we live in a civilised world, where we do not sit idly by and watch our neighbours get massacred, and to complain about anyone defending the right to life is an insult!

Irritation....I mean Immigration

What have they been up to now?? Deport this, deport that, my the Immigration Department has been busy lately. By the time they have finished they won't be any foreigners left in Cyprus! Is there a quota they have to maintain each month, or are they just bored? No doubt you heard about the case recently of 2 Sengalese chaps who were invited to a conference in Cyprus, only to be told by Immigration to go away, because "we don't believe a word you are saying, and refuse to believe the documentation you have supplied." Hello....but is there any intelligent life forms there? You can just picture the scene now can't you. Alot of jumped up officials trying to look important, waving their arms about and thinking that these two normal businessmen are Saddam Hussein & his henchman in disguise trying to get into Cyprus. Please.....Immigration really have to get their act together and stop acting like the Gestapo....and use a bit of common sense, as, hey guys, the EC is just around the corner...and lots and lots of foreigners will be coming here to live and work, and you won't be able to touch them...so....get a life and stop behaving like bullies!

Let's have another party!

Well it looks as if Dinos "ordinary civilian" Michaelides is going to start his own political party. (YAWN) Excuse me, but I cannot think of anything more boring that yet another political party. As if we haven't already got enough! The man just does not know when to give up. Any normal person would have gracefully retired by now,...but not in Cyprus, where the Dinosaurs of politics just keep on going and going and going. No wonder nothing changes, with the same old faces in the same places year after year. So what's Mr Michaelides reasons for starting yet another party? Aspirations to be President, or does he want his ministerial BMW back?, or perhaps he's on some wild revenge trip and intends to take over the world and destroy all those who accuse him of not putting the seat down on the toilet. Okay, let's not get carried away here. Well it seems anyone can just set up a political party....perhaps I should start one....hey...I couldn't do any worse...and at least I am a whole lot younger than "Jurassic Park." Now what would I call my new party???? How about "New Life On The Horizon" or "YADAHHOB"...Young And Dynamic And Has His Own BMW!!...sorry, couldn't resist that one.

Clocks went forward....REALLY?

Yes....didn't you know?.....Sunday 28th March, they went forward 1 hour. Mind you, looking out the window now.....the street lights are STILL not on...someone forgot!! I rang up 195 this morning.....early!! after 3 am, ok...I got in late!! Miss speaking time had also forgot!! Some of the newspapers also forgot!! Had it not been for my computer politely informing me I would have been none the wiser!

LSO..sounds posh

Xtimatoloyo.....well that's the nearest phonetically I can get to it! Land Survey Office as they call it now.....what's that I hear?...people running out of their rooms screaming and being violently sick. I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you....I know this subject should have a public health warning attached to it...but try and be calm, take some deep breaths, and read on....you never know...you might be cured...and even have a chuckle along the way. You know what I'm talking about don't you??? It was cold day, the clouds darkended, the wind whistled through the trees like some devilish scream, when suddenly an erie silence fell. You are about the enter the abyss of the LSO....."Leave Sanity Outside." The doors swung open to reveal a mass of terror and confusion, high pitched screams come at you from all directions boring through to the inner depths of your mind. You approach what seems a figure dressed in black, terrified by it's face of stone, you ask it a question. Here is an object that can kill you with one lash of their tongue, and with the abilities of Medusa, you therefore slowly, but carefully hand over your wrath of documents when suddenly it unleashes it venomous sting and corners you. You are now under the control of the LSO, and are powerless. You must provide the creature with all that it desires or you shall be consumed in beurocracy for all eternity. There is no escape, no second chance, you have to act now, or the forces of evil will conquer the earth forever. Lower your head, and bow to the awe of presence. Raise your voice and you shall be destroyed by fire, argue, and you shall be consumed by the tape of the red one. For if you are cunning you may be able to survive the might and power of this creature who has existed unchallenged for centuries. To defeat is not to question, to survive is is a matter of fact!

Strike....still??

Strike.....the employers worst nightmare! Not according to Constantine Lordos, who looks as bothered as a man who just lost the top off his toothpaste. Yes, for those of you who have your head buried in the sand, the strike continues at the Lordos Hotels in Larnaca, with the strikers now attempting to "enlighten" the tourists on the beaches in a last desperate attempt to inform people of their plight. The fact that there are hardly any people on these beaches, and more important, the tourists that are, don't really care, seems to be irrelevant to them. Well, can you imagine how boring it must be for these poor strikers, sat outside a hotel for weeks, with nothing to do except eat, drink, and talk. So, they fancy a change of scenery, and why not, I hear the deserted beach is rather peaceful this time of year.....and at least they can get to build some sand castles...... unless of course that is not in their job description.

Bang, bang.."freeze"

I think it should be the other way round....."Freeze......or I'll shoot." Have you noticed that?? In Cyprus, the police seem to shoot first...then ask questions later. Ok, let's get this into perspective. It is a principle, and law, in most countries, that police forces should not even consider taking their gun out of the holster unless they, or a member of the public's life is at risk. Agreed? So why do we keep on hearing incidents of policemen using their weapons to...shoot out tyres.... shot's fired in the air....car's being shot at....when all of this could...and I stress should have been dealt with in other ways. Do these people not realise that a stray bullet can kill an innocent bystander?....which has happened in other countries before. The whole point of having a weapon is the actual threat of use, a deterrent if you like.....rather than the actual use. Unfotunately, our police seem to unholster their weapons frequently, and are willing to use it at every possible opportunity, which is extremely dangerous. In other countries, if a policemen were to act in such an irresponsible manner, there would first be a public inquiry as to why shots were fired, and then the policeman would probably be suspended pending further investigation. If the police force in Cyprus are to be trusted with guns, then it is imperative that they act in a manner worthy of such a responsibility.

Lend us a fiver

Money.....nowadays you can't seem to live without it. People say "as long as you have your health." Yeah, alright.....tell that to the tax man!! So, what de we do when we need some extra cash? We get a loan, for a number of reasons, ranging from an exotic holiday..to buying a house, or starting that new business. So we go and see a bank. Don't laugh......that's what they're there for......isn't it? We have all been there... first the interrogation.....


BANK: "What do you want the money for?"...then the collateral..."what are you borrowing against?".....and then the crunch question, "WE NEED THREE GUARANTORS."
CUSTOMER: "Say what??? 3 guarantors......but I haven't got anyone....well, no-one who's willing to put their hard earnt living on the line."
BANK: "Well...you can't have a loan then!"
CUSTOMER: "Three guarantors....that's rather alot of signatures...I only want to borrow £2000.00!!"
BANK: "Look here, if you are not willing to sign your entire assets over to us, and get 3 guarantors, then you're not getting a penny from us!!"
CUSTOMER: "But I want to open a business, here is the projected income, it's a really good idea which I have every faith in, the loan will be paid for by the income from the business."
BANK: "Look I'm sorry, but we are not willing to take the risk, we've only known you for 20 years, this is a bank, we only want your money!!!


So, here is the scenario. You've recently come to Cyprus, let's say with your wife, you brought over your furniture, your car and a little bit of money and you're renting a house. Your parents are no longer living and you don't know many of your relatives here. A year has passed, you've got a steady job, and now you want to start yout own business, so you go to the bank and ask for a loan. They ask for collateral....forget that, rented accomodation. They ask for 3 guarantors....forget that....you haven't got any family, and you don't know people THAT well. So what does this mean.....you can never have a loan?? Well it looks like that doesn't it! If you do not have collateral, or guarantors then I'm afraid you're stuck. Getting an unsecured loan in Cyprus is impossible. Unfortunately there are a great number of people in Cyprus who cannot get financial support from institutions who should be giving it, unless you meet the exact critera as stated by them. In this modern day though, criteria are changing all the time, something which the banks should be adapting to. They should learn to place some trust in their clients, and just take that little "bit" of a risk, rather than sitting in their ivory towers and dictating the terms. The antiquated guarantor system has to "go out of the window" and implement a "start up" loan, unsecured, for people that need it. Banks are going have to learn to start trusting people. There are plenty of honest people out there who want to earn and decent living, and are not afraid of working for it...but they need help....The banks are only making a rod for there own back by tying up a good percentage of the population in this "guarantor" system. It's a false economy, because at the end of the day if the guarantors cannot bail out the "friend" then what will the bank do? Go to the trouble and expense of taking the guarantors to court? If this is the case, then why not just give the "unsecured" loan to the person in the first place, and if HE then falters on payment...take HIM to court as you would have done with the guarantors What's the difference, because a person has a guarantor, you can automatically trust him? At the end of the day, guarantors only sign for you, not because they can afford to bail you out should you screw up, but because it's a requirement of the banks, and the friend is doing you a favour. If it came to the crunch, the guarantor would claim bankruptcy rather than pay YOUR debt. It's not really fair of the "institutions" to place such an unfair responsibility on others, who only "sign" up as a matter of courtesy. The banks should be placing this responsibilty on the person taking the loan, and as such will make the individual more inclined not to falter on payments, rather than having his friends carry the can for his debt.