August8th,1999. My life consists of tons of medications, constant IV's, doctors, nurses, etc., etc. I faced my mortality years ago, I went through all the stages fear, anger, denial, more anger, grief at losing the person I was and turning into the person where the reality is that death is waiting right around the corner. I don't want pity or people to be overly sad, it's a fact of life and finally there is acceptance-coming to terms with the hand I've been dealt and making a plan for what time is left. Things can change, you always have to hold on to hope, but you also need to me realistic. I crack sick jokes--those of you who know me understand and have joined in with me during some of my darkest hours. To all of you I say THANK YOU!!! These are some of the things I have done to help myself, family and friends on this journey. For years I have kept journals that will be my sons, loaded with memories, history, what I was like as a kid, important lessons he will need going through life. How I felt the moment he was conceived and how I fought to bring him into this world. When the doctors told me to terminate the pregnancy I knew he was meant to be born I have never regretted my decision for he has turned out to be the shining light of my life and he has touched others with his joy for life and compassion. I've written him letters for different stages in his life, right now we are trying everything possible to get me to his graduation in 2000! But I've written letters for all of it, college, marriage, the birth of his first child etc. I'm sure you get the idea, even one for the first time a girl breaks his heart. Yes, I'm sad I may miss out on all of this but he will still have a piece of me to help him along the way. I have written to my family and friends, written down special memories, included pictures of some of our favorite times. And more important to let each and everyone know on a personal level how much I loved them and how special they are. I am a firm believer in planning. I have a Will, a living will and a Medical Advance Directive-this way there are no questions about my wishes. And when I am done on this journey there will be no funeral. Everyone will gather at the Beach (my favorite place) and release balloons in celebration of my life, for this has truly been an incredible journey!!!!! And I am so grateful for all the adventures, the bad as well as the good, because there was lessons in all of them.