(Where ISSUE #3 left off...)
TABBY- To the Lunarian...what the hell??
(Chad walks over to see what’s wrong.)
CHAD- Tabby, what is it?
TABBY- Too many people around...I’ll tell you after school. (She shoves note in her pocket) But there’s some freaky stuff going on...
(In Aphrodite’s palace.)
HATHOR- You sent for me, O queen?
APHRODITE- Yes. Where is Eliott?
HATHOR- Eliott?? Why? (worried)
APHRODITE- No reason. He should be here now. I’m unveiling phase two of my plan.
HATHOR- Oh. (relieved) He’s at school.
APHRODITE- Shiz. You’ll just have to clue him in late.
HATHOR- I will.
APHRODITE- Now to wait for Eros...
HATHOR- Your majesty?
APHRODITE- Hmm?
HATHOR- When will I get my freedom back?
APHRODITE- You see, Hathor, I need two good, shall we say, minions. If you can train Eliott to be as good and loyal as you, we’ll see about releasing you. But you realize, of course, I can’t really afford to lose you.
(Eros walks in)
EROS- Yes, Mama?
APHRODITE- Phase Two of our plan is about ready. We have to exploit the vulnerability of the Lunarian. Make her an offer she won’t be able to refuse...
(Tabby, Chad, Milo, Socrates, and Oi-ya are sitting in Tabby’s room, examining the note)
SOCRATES- It might be a note from the future.
OI-YA- Don’t be an idiot. Its obviously-
MILO- -an invitation to a duel. Someone’s questioning your honor, Tabitha.
OI-YA- That’s not what I was going to say.
MILO- It doesn’t matter. That’s the right answer.
SOCRATES- You suck, Milo. Leave her alone.
OI-YA- Yeah. (with hearts around her)
CHAD- We haven’t even read it yet.
(Tabby’s Mom enters with warm cookies and cold milk for Tabby and Chad.)
MOM- Is everything okay? I thought I heard voices.
TABBY- We’re fine, Mom.
MOM- Oh, good. That reminds me: Sean’s (Tabby’s Step-Dad) mother is flying out from Seattle in a few weeks. We’ll go see her.
TABBY- Fig.
MOM- Why are you so hostile towards him? Its not his fault your real father was eaten by a polar bear in Alaska.
TABBY- I know.
MOM- Try to cheer up. Chad’s father was also eaten by the polar bear, and you don’t see him being hostile.
CHAD- I don’t have a stepfather.
MOM- Quiet, you. That’s beside the point.
CHAD- Well, actually-
MOM- Quiet, you. Its a nice day out. Why don’t you go outside and eat that? Just don’t jump into any puddles.
(Tabby and Chad carry Oi-ya and Milo to the backyard. Socrates flies out window to yard.)
TABBY- So, where were we?
CHAD- We were just about to eat these yummy cookies. They’re yummy and good, and all mine!!
OI-YA- You have problems, Chad. You were about to read the letter to us, Tabby.
TABBY- (reading) To the Lunarian, As of this time, I have sent you several bizarre phone calls that make no sense whatsoever. If you are thoroughly confused, you are supposed to be. I purposely and ingeniously made them so random that you wouldn’t know what’s what. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
TABBY- He actually wrote that evil laughter.
TABBY- (reading) The point of all this is that I work for Aphrodite. I’m a friend, and I want to help you. When you were shot with that last Friday, you were given certain “feelings”. Chad, in all his incompetence, reported that the arrow was of “normal metal”. That arrow was actually a silver arrow, used to bring out hidden “emotions” so Aphrodite can exploit them. I am not at a very high rank, so I cannot give you any more information. I wish I could. For my own safety, I cannot even reveal my name. I just hope you can find an antidote...and the strength to forgive me. -A friend
(Eliott appears standing in front of the curtain)
ELIOTT- That doesn’t sound at all like something the person I represent would write.
VOICE- I needed to throw that in.
ELIOTT- Its lame.
VOICE- I don’t care. Its necessary.
ELIOTT- You smell like chili.
(It quickly switches back to Tabby’s yard)
CHAD- Silver arrows, huh? What emotions were brought out?
TABBY- Um, none.
CHAD- But it says-
TABBY- Napping. I’ve been napping more then usual.
MILO- Artemis should see this.
(The five from the yard are in the Great Caves.)
ARTEMIS- Oh, visitors!
APOLLO- But what about our challenging game of dominoes!? Its just Tabby and Chad.
MILO- This is important.
ARTEMIS- Oh? (Tabby hands her note. Artemis reads it) You’re right. But why didn’t the oracle warn us?
OI-YA- Apollo, have you been checking the oracle?
APOLLO- Yessum.
OI-YA- Everyday? Don’t lie.
APOLLO- Well, no.
OI-YA- When was the last time you checked it?
APOLLO- A week ago Wednesday.
ARTEMIS- You’re supposed to check it every day.
SOCRATES- You really blew it this time, Apollo.
MILO- I suggest we quarantine Tabitha.
CHAD- You’re sure?
TABBY- Really, Chad. Its for the best. But thanks for being concerned. (with hearts around her)
CHAD- Tabby?? When you said that, you looked...sick. Are you okay?
TABBY- Never better. (with hearts around her)
(Milo and Oi-ya gasp.)
OI-YA- (whispering) Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
MILO- (whispering) Tabitha and...
OI-YA- Yes.
MILO- When can we start panicking?
(Mary and Kay are sitting in front of Tabby’s house, hiding in the neighbor’s shrubbery. A man w/ hat walks out of the house)
MAN W/ HAT- Hey, you kids! What are you doing?
KAY- We’re stalking Tabby Trapp.
MAN W/ HAT- Oh. Sounds like good, clean, wholesome fun to me. Carry on.
KAY- See? The honesty thing gets them every time.
(Milo, Oi-ya, + Socrates are talking amongst themselves.)
SOCRATES- You’re sure?? I didn’t notice anything.
MILO- That’s because you’re stupid.
OI-YA- Don’t be so hard on him, Milo. You know he saves his brain for deep thinking.
MILO- Hmph.
SOCRATES- So, do you think Chad knows?
OI-YA- I wouldn’t count on it. Chad does seem a bit dim. I should know. He over feeds me all the time.
MILO- I’m not even sure Tabitha knows. She doesn’t seem to.
OI-YA- Tabby is a master at hiding her emotions from everyone. She’s probably so accustomed to squelching her feelings that she does it automatically.
SOCRATES- She seems to cry an awful lot.
OI-YA- That's different. She’s trying to make the whole world pity her. (sigh)
MILO- She is a strange girl. Not half as strange as Samantha was, though.
OI-YA- Shh, shh. That isn’t a pretty subject.
(Aphrodite is looking for Hathor)
APHRODITE- Eros, where is Hathor?
EROS- Probably in her Garden.
APHRODITE- Go fetch her.
(Eros walks through palace gardens to Hathor’s garden. He opens door and walks in.)
(Hathor is kneeling by the pond, pulling weeds.)
HATHOR- (Muttering) Ungrateful little...can’t afford to lose me? Ha! I’ll show that prissy little...oh, these stubborn roots!
EROS- Hey, plant lady! Talkin’ to your plants?
HATHOR- (jumps) Oh! Eros! I didn’t hear you come in.
EROS- The door wasn’t locked. (A pause)
HATHOR- I don’t know why I’m asking you, of all people, but have you ever felt like you’ve wasted your whole life?
EROS- Not really. Do you?
HATHOR- Of course, I love it here, but...
EROS- But what?
HATHOR- Sometimes I just feel like I have to go...find my smile.
EROS- You’re nuts. C’mon. Mommy wants you.
(Eliott is standing in front of the curtain.)
ELIOTT- I would like to point out that I think the author is a psycho.
VOICE- Shut up! (A pencil flies and hits him in the head.) I’m doing the best I can!
ELIOTT- You’re not getting this back.
VOICE- You’re mean.
(They are in the Great Caves. Apollo and Chad are playing a challenging game of dominoes.)
APOLLO- You have to match them, like this.
CHAD- I don’t get it.
MILO- What in blazes is so hard?!? There is a 6, here is a 6! Put them together!!
OI-YA- Don’t get angry, Milo. You’re not even playing!
MILO- Don’t you start with me, Oi-ya!
(In the next room, Artemis is talking to Tabby)
ARTEMIS- So, what do you remember about last week?
TABBY- There was a battle. I was fighting, and all of a sudden there was this sharp pain in my shoulder. I guess I passed out, and I woke up here.
ARTEMIS- And when you woke up-?
TABBY- I was very groggy.
ARTEMIS- There was probably a heavy sedative on the arrow. What else?
TABBY- Well, it was funny. Whenever I looked at Chad, I felt-well-sick. But not in a bad way. You know how you feel when you’ve eaten a lot of raw cookie dough?
ARTEMIS- No. No I don’t.
TABBY- Well, you feel sick, but in a good way.
ARTEMIS- And you felt like that.
TABBY- Yeah.
ARTEMIS- Uh-oh.
TABBY- ‘Uh-oh’? What’s with the ‘Uh-oh’?? Is there something wrong with me?
ARTEMIS- No. You only have the most common disease in the world.
TABBY- Am I going to die??? Do I have cancer???
ARTEMIS- Oh, Tabby. You’re so intelligent, but so dumb. Surely you know by now.
TABBY- I don’t! How could I?!?
(Artemis looks down at the floor. Tabby gets a look of realization on her face.)
TABBY- Oh. (She looks down)
(With Aphrodite)
APHRODITE- There is a traitor among us.
(Hathor and Eros look at each other. Eliott is not there.)
APHRODITE- I don’t know who it is yet. It could be one of you. It could be Eliott. But let the traitor be warned: Once I find out the identity of him or her-
HATHOR- He or she, your majesty.
APHRODITE- If I wanted a grammar lesson, I’d’ve asked for one! But all Hades will break out when I find out who.
(Kay and Mary are still crouched in the bushes, waiting for Tabby.)
MARY- I don’t think she’s going to show.
KAY- She will.
MARY- Maybe she’s not home.
KAY- Of course she’s home!
MARY- I can’t feel my legs.
KAY- Neither can I, but you don’t hear me complaining!
MARY- I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.
KAY- No! Never! As soon as we leave, she’ll come out! I know it!
(Back in the Caves, Chad is becoming even more frustrated with dominoes.)
CHAD- I’ll never get this!!
APOLLO- Of course you will. Just concentrate.
MILO- No, he won’t! Dominoes are hardly challenging!
OI-YA- (whispers) Bad move, Milo.
APOLLO- Stop it!! I will not hear another word against the dominoes!!!
(Whiles he yells, he stands up. Artemis walks in with Tabby.)
ARTEMIS- Sit down, Apollo.
SOCRATES- So, Tabby. What's the diagnosis?
ARTEMIS- It seems as if-
TABBY- (whispering) Artemis! No!!
ARTEMIS- Why can’t I-oh. Yeah. All that stuff. (to everyone) Tabby just needs to rest up while we try to find an antidote.
CHAD- An antidote for what?
TABBY- Nothing.
CHAD- But if you need an antidote for something, that means there’s something wrong with you.
TABBY- I’ll be fine.
(Tabby and Chad are returning to Tabby’s house. They are walking down the street.)
TABBY- (Looks is bushes) Hello, Mary. Hello, Kay. I see you sitting over there.
KAY- (to Mary) Augh! I was so close! They must’ve seen you!
MARY- What do you mean?! You don’t even know what you’re talking about!
KAY- The whole morning wasted!
MARY- I’m so hungry!
TABBY- C’mon in. My mom’s probably been baking. (They go in.) Mom!!! Mary and Kay and Chad and I are home!
MOM- Oh, good! Have some pie!
CHAD- Yay! I like pie. Yeah. Pie’s good.
(They sit at the table and eat pie.)
MARY- Tabby?
TABBY- Yeah?
MARY- Why is your mom obsessed with baking?
TABBY- She feels guilty about being at work all the time-
CHAD- -so on her day off, she bakes!
KAY- That’s kind of-weird.
TABBY- Yeah, it is, isn’t it?
(They finish pie + go outside)
MARY- That sure was yummy pie.
TABBY- It kinda makes up for having Macaroni ‘n’ Cheese for dinner every other night.
(Aphrodite’s perspective...)
APHRODITE- Now!! Release the babies!!
(A bunch of winged babies fly out of a window of Aphrodite’s castle.)
CHAD- So, what do you want to do?
MARY- I don’t know.
TABBY- I’m bored.
KAY- Oh, my God! What’re those things?!?
(They look where she is pointing. They see the winged babies)
MARY- They’re coming this way!!
(The babies swoop around their heads)
CHAD- They’re in my hair!! They’re in my hair!!!
TABBY- (Whispers) SWORD OF ORION.
(A sword materializes in Tabby’s hands. She swings wildly at the babies.)
TABBY- Chad! Help me! (Chad gets his weapon.)
MARY + KAY- Huh???
KAY- What’s going on??
(Mary pulls her into the safety of the shrubbery.)
(Tabby, Chad, and the winged babies fight)
CHAD- Augh! Put me down!!
(Tabby looks over and sees Chad being scooped up by the babies. One has grabbed his weapon away from him. Chad is kicking and squirming.)
(Tabby chases them until they’re too high up for her sword to reach [keep in mind, she never changed into the Lunarian]. Milo comes out of the house, panting.)
MILO- Tabitha! Hurry! I came as fast as I could! I looked out you bedroom window and I saw potential enemies coming our way! Find Chad! To battle stations! Babies with wings!
TABBY- They’re gone. They took Chad. All is lost. I could never, ever, catch up to them now.
MARY- (Whispers to Kay) Whose is that voice?? That old guy voice??
KAY- (Whispers to Mary) I think its-the turtle.
MILO- Tabitha, that’s loser-talk!! You do know what a ‘loser’ is don’t you?? You!! You’re just a big loser!!!
TABBY- Is this supposed to be a motivational thing, Milo? Because-
(Mary and Kay emerge from the bushes.)
MARY- Tabby?? What just happened???
KAY- What were those creepy flying things??
MILO- Great. Witnesses.
(Tabby, Milo, Kay, and Mary are in the Great Caves.)
KAY- What’s this place?
ARTEMIS- (walks up) Oh, Tabby. You do know that we can’t find positions for all your friends, don’t you??
TABBY- Chad was carried off by babies with wings!!
MILO- These two witnessed the attack.
ARTEMIS- I see. They need the normal memory-erasing treatment.
MARY- (Whispers to Kay) I don’t like the sound of that.
KAY- Unh-uh.
ARTEMIS- I’m afraid the only thing to do is wait for Aphrodite’s instructions.
(The five of them sit in silence for a while.)
ARTEMIS- So...is everybody...good???
TABBY- Yeah. (A pause) So...where’s Apollo?
ARTEMIS- Truthfully...I don’t know.
(Apollo is on top of a really high mountain, where his oracle has moved to.)
APOLLO- Put tab “Y” into slot “Z”, and I’m through assembling my oracle at its new location! Stupid modern society, force me to move! I should...
(Eros is behind him)
EROS- Apollo?
APOLLO- Eros! What do you want?!?
EROS- I come before you wit a proposition from my mother, the rightful Queen of the universe.
APOLLO- Rightful Queen, my breadmaker!
EROS- That is not the point.
APOLLO- Yes, it is. You started it.
EROS- Well, you’re a stinky-head.
APOLLO- Am not!
EROS- Are so!
APOLLO- Am not infinity! But I will hear your proposition.
EROS- If you ever want to see Chad again, you will send your warrior, Tabby, to a duel against Hathor.
APOLLO- And where is this proposed duel to be held?
EROS- The Astral Plane! Ha ha ha ha ha!! You have three hours to comply, or else Chad will have his brain washed. And, by the way, are so infinity-plus-one!!
(He disappears)
(Apollo runs into the room the others are in.)
APOLLO- The Other Side has challenged Tabby to a duel!!!
ARTEMIS- Been there, done that.
APOLLO- On the Astral Plane!!!
ARTEMIS- What?!? Tabby’s not ready!!
APOLLO- I know that and you know that.
TABBY- What’s the big problem??
ARTEMIS- Tabby, the Abyss is located on the Astral Plane!
TABBY- And...??
APOLLO- They could shove you in!
TABBY- Oh.
MARY- This is kewl, Tabby!
APOLLO- Who are you?!?!
KAY- I’m Kay, and this is Mary. We’re Tabby’s friends.
MILO- They witnessed the incident of Chad’s kidnapping.
APOLLO- Are we going to give them the syrem?
ARTEMIS- Yes, but we thought we’d let them hang around for a while.
APOLLO- Why?
ARTEMIS- It seems as if Spirit Falls is the most boring place in the world.
TABBY- It is.
APOLLO- I find your ideas intriguing, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
(Eliott + the curtain)
ELIOTT- Well, he finally did it. The person I represent is now officially smarter than the author.
VOICE- Do you have to tell everyone?!?
ELIOTT- Yes.
(Tabby and Artemis are in some kind of practice room.)
ARTEMIS- She comes up behind you and vaults to face you. What do you do?!?
TABBY- I dunno...throw a glob a mud in her eye??
ARTEMIS- No! You have to take this seriously!
(Milo walks in)
MILO- So, how’s it going?
TABBY- I’m going to die. (Nonchalantly)
MILO- Is this about my little pep-talk?
TABBY- Do you mean the “You are just a big loser” speech?
MILO- Umm...
TABBY- It isn’t. I’m just scared.
ARTEMIS- Of what?
TABBY- Of losing. Of losing Chad. Forever.
MILO- Don’t think about it. There comes a time when you have to conquer your fears and disarm your doubts. You have to-
TABBY- Don’t you know? All those notions are long dead. Nobody cares about that anymore.
MILO- Shut up, Tabitha. I’m on a roll.
MILO- You have to take command of your own destiny. Everything you’ve ever done builds up to this moment; when you realize you’re not some loser sitting is a box factory. When you breathe deep the sweet smell of victory. Disregard the old ideas of inadequacy. You have to get through like with a general belief that, in the end, everything will be all right.
TABBY- Maybe you’re right. (She walks off)
ARTEMIS- Just out of curiosity, Milo...
MILO- What?
ARTEMIS- Was that the same speech you gave Samantha before she died in the Great Battle?
MILO- I changed a few details.
(Now, Tabby is by herself on the Astral Plane. [The Astral Plane is a vast nothingness with weird things like cows and flying toasters + clocks.])
TABBY- Hathor!? Are you here?! Show yourself!
(Chad appears in a golden cage floating in mid-air a few feet away.)
CHAD- Help me!! Help me!! They’re trying to kill me!!
TABBY- Chad! Where’s Hathor?! (She runs to cage)
(Chad starts crying like a little girl.)
CHAD- I’m too handsome to die!!! (He sobs uncontrollably.)
TABBY- Chad? Chad! Chad!! Where is Hathor?!!
HATHOR- Right behind you, Lunarian.
(Hathor and Tabby proceed to fight. [Hathor has staff] Hathor is winning.)
HATHOR- You’re weak, Lunarian.
(They fight some more.)
HATHOR- Lets get out of here.
(She opens a portal and pushes Tabby into it. It takes them to a completely different place. There is really nothing. No cows, etc.)
TABBY- What is this place?! (Hathor ignores her)
HATHOR- I’ll get right down to it. Tabby, is it? You’re a valuable asset to both sides. We want you on our side.
TABBY- But...you “Queen” is evil!
HATHOR- You call someone who wants to spread peace and love-tra-la-la-la-throughout the world evil??
TABBY- You mess with people’s heads...and emotions. I should know.
HATHOR- Now that you mention it...we want to help you-and Chad.
TABBY- What?!
HATHOR- That’s why I didn’t just toss you into the Abyss. One hand washes the other.
TABBY- Huh?
HATHOR- We can make Chad love you! Look around, Tabby! If you join with us, this can all be yours.
(Tabby looks out into space, + sees a bunch of scenes. In one, she and Chad look like they’re on a “date”. They’re at a restaurant. Another scene shows them getting married, or something. Another shows a quite elderly Tabby and Chad sitting together on the porch of the rest home. Another shows tombstones with Chad Twilliger and Tabitha Trapp-Twilliger on them)
HATHOR- What do you think? (Tabby thinks)
TABBY- If you induced it, Chad himself would never love me at all!! It wouldn’t be the real Chad!! No deal!!
HATHOR- Fine, you ingrate. You and Chad can leave. But realize this: Chad doesn’t love you now, and he may never will. When you’re a lonely woman at Chad’s wedding someday, you’ll think of this and regret it with all your soul.
(Hathor waves her hand. All of a sudden, Tabby and Chad are standing, untransformed, in the city park. There are clouds. Tabby sheds a single tear as it starts to sprinkle.)
TABBY- Come on. Its starting to rain.
(Tabby, Mary, + Kay are in the medical part of the Great Caves, getting shots.)
(Apollo gives Mary + Kay the memory block syrem.)
TABBY- Send them to Kay’s house. (Apollo sends them)
(Artemis walks in)
ARTEMIS- So, how are you holding up?
TABBY- Okay. I’m ready for the antidote.
(Apollo gives her antidote)
TABBY- Ow. I hate shots. (Apollo leaves)
ARTEMIS- You know, Tabby, your feelings will still be there.
TABBY- They will? I was hoping...
ARTEMIS- I know.
TABBY- I was so scared. I just wanted-
ARTEMIS- Their side is stronger than one might think. And so is their magic. Your feelings will be less prominent, but... By the way, congratulations on your moral victory and first duel.
TABBY- It was nothing at all, just a little surprising.
ARTEMIS- I’d imagine.
(In Aphrodite’s palace, w/ Eros, Hathor, + Eliott)
APHRODITE- She refused us?!?!
HATHOR- She is a strong willed girl.
APRHODITE- She’ll not be as lucky next time. In time, her feelings will grow stronger. We’ll have other chances. Artemis has trained her guardian well.
APHRODITE- In other news, I’ve found our traitor. It’s Eliott. Eliott, seeing as how you are new here, I’ll be flexible. But answer me this question boy. Did anyone encourage you?? Name any accomplices.
HATHOR- I-
ELIOTT- No one did, your majesty.
(Hathor looks shocked)
APHRODITE- Well, then. You will need supervision. At all times, a pink esquilax will sit on your shoulder. Only you can see it. She’ll beat you with carrots if you do wrong.
ELIOTT- (mutters) That’s crazy.
APHRODITE- Her name is Ryoko. (She puts esquilax on his shoulder)
APHRODITE- She’ll report any wrong-doing on you part to me. You may all go now.
(Hathor runs up to Eliott)
HATHOR- You know, that was very noble, what you did back there. Thank you.
(Eliott shrugs and walks off.)
(At school, lunch on Monday)
KAY- You know what?
CHERRY- What?
KAY- I have no recollection of how I spent Saturday.
MARY- You know, neither do I.
MIRANDA- I bounced a rubber ball off the walls of my room all weekend.
MARY- (ignoring Miranda) Isn’t that strange. My mom says I was out with you.
KAY- My mom says I was out with you!
MIRANDA- Then, it took my arm off.
CHERRY- How is that possible, for you two to spend the day together and not remember a thing?
MIRANDA- Luckily, I reattached it. All by myself.
KAY- It isn’t!
MIRANDA- I hope infection doesn’t set in.
AMI- Miranda, what are you talking about?
MIRANDA- I don’t even know anymore.
MARY- That is really creepy, y’know? I don’t remember anything!!
(Tabby and Chad look at each other and laugh to themselves)
TABBY- (whispers to Chad) Do you think they know?
CHAD- (whispers to Tabby) Of course not.
ELIOTT- (Thinks) But I do.
*(footnote: through much of this issue + #3, Tabby has hearts swarming around her head, or she has a little thought bubble with a picture of Chad in it.)