Note: this issue is narrated by Chad, so it’ll be a little weird.
Issue #7: Blessed Ignorance
(Chad is lying on top of his bed, watching the blades of his fan go around...and around...and around...)
CHAD- (thinking) Looking back, it was an unusually cool summer that year. Maybe it’s because I spent the majority of the season lying on my bed, watching the fan blades go ‘round. I’m Chad Twilliger, or Solar, if you want to cite my profession. Technically, I work for the god Apollo. But I serve a higher authority-
CHAD’S MOM- Chad, honey! Do you want a mini-fruit pie? (calls from downstairs)
CHAD- (Irritated) Mom! You just ruined my big dramatic debut!
CHAD- (to reader) Well, I may as well turn on the light. (he gets up) You may be wondering why I’ve secluded myself from the world. Well, it all started at the beginning of the summer...
(Tabby and Chad are walking home. We can see Ami walking away.)
TABBY + CHAD- Bye!
CHAD- (to Tabby) Wanna come over to my house later? We could play MONKEY GIRL 7 or something.
TABBY- Sure! (with heart)
CHAD- See you later!
(He walks into his house. Chad’s Mom [Mrs. Twilliger] is on the phone.)
MRS. TWILLIGER- Oh, hi Chad. I’m on the phone with your Aunt Connie.
CHAD- (helps himself to a beverage) Okay.
MRS. T- And guess what!? They’re moving into the house across from Tabby in two weeks!
CHAD- Wait...Aunt Connie...you twin sister Aunt Connie!?!? Chip’s MOTHER Aunt Connie!?!?! Nooooooooo!!!!
MRS. T- Chad! Take a breath before you pass out on the floor!
(Chad calms himself.)
MRS. T- Here. Chip wants to talk to you.
CHAD- No.
MRS. T- Chad!!
CHAD- I don’t want to. (Chad runs off)
(Mrs. Twilliger chases Chad around with the cordless phone.)
CHAD- No, Mom! I don’t wanna talk to him!
(Mrs. Twilliger catches him.)
MRS. T- Here. Talk!
CHAD- Hello???
CHIP- Hi, Chad. I’m back. And I’m nice ‘n evil now. I’m all nice and evil. Heh heh heh.
CHAD- Aaaauuuggghhh!!!! (He drops the phone and runs away.)
MRS. T- Chad! This is a long distance call!! Sorry Connie...
(It’s a while later, Tabby just arrived.)
TABBY- So...your mom took your video games away because you wouldn’t talk to your cousin? And she had to chase you?
CHAD- Yeah.
TABBY- That’s kind of pathetic.
CHAD- Well, if Chip was your cousin, you’d act the same way. Let me show you something.
(He leads her upstairs to the attic.)
CHAD- Here’s our family album. Here’s a picture of Chip and me when we were 2.
(The picture shows Chip pushing Chad into a mud puddle.)
CHAD- See?!! And look at this!!
(he shows a picture of him, as a 5-year old, crying.)
TABBY- What’s wrong with you in this picture?
CHAD- (eyes narrow) Let me show you the tape.
(They go downstairs.)
(Chad takes out a video that says: FAMILY REUNION: 1988 and puts it in the VCR.)
AUNT CONNIE- Oh! Carol! Its so cute! (Camera moves) Look how nicely Chip and Chad are playing!
MRS. T- Awh, how precious!
(Chip is beating Chad with a board.)
CHAD- Ah! Mommy! Why are you-ow-letting him-ow-do this?!!!
CHIP- (Starts to cry) Chad started it, Mommy! He called me mean!!!
AUNT CONNIE- (hugs him) Of course he started it, dear.
MRS. T- Go to your room, Chad!!! And think about what you’ve said to poor Chip!
CHAD- But...but...Waaaaahhhh!!!!
MRS. T- Go!!!
AUNT CONNIE- Here, Chip. Do you want some candy?
(She picks him up and carries him away. Chip grins evilly at Chad.)
(In the present: on the couch. Tabby is laughing hysterically.)
CHAD- It’s not funny!!!
TABBY- (laughing) But-you’re such a cute little kid!! Did you see the look on your face when he was- (tears start coming down.) That was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!!
CHAD- (narrating) Looking back, that was probably a bad thing.
CHAD- Sure, Tabby. Laugh at me.
TABBY- That's what I was just doing.
CHAD- That’s not an isolated incident, either. He’s beaten me with a board on nine non-consecutive occasions!
TABBY- And he never gets in trouble?
CHAD- Right! Here’s a picture of when he took my ice cream when we were 8.
TABBY- Maybe there’s something wrong with him mental-wise.
CHAD- No. He’s just an evil genius!
TABBY- I-don’t follow you.
CHAD- Of course not. You don’t know the hideous story of Chip’s birth.
CHAD- (flashback!!) Mom and Aunt Connie were thrilled that their babies had the same due date. *One of those babies was me; the other Chip. Growing up, Mom and Aunt Connie had been best friends, and they wished the same for Chip and me. But then, something went horribly, terribly wrong. About noon, Aunt Connie went into labor. It was Wednesday, the 11th. On the way to the hospital, 13 truck fulls of black cats crossed in front of the car while it was at a stoplight. Aunt Connie broke the 13th mirror of her pregnancy when she dropped her purse. Her compact rolled out and down the street, where it was promptly run over by a hearse. She was taken to the maternity ward in the Miss Fourtune wing of the hospital. It was the 66th room on the 6th floor. 36 hours later, Chip was spawned. He was born on Friday the 13th at the stroke of midnight in the hospital at 66 6th street of the 13th biggest city in California. The day Chip was released, the hospital burned to the ground. No one was spared, except for one crazy ol’ man, who said he saw the devil in the flames. I was born a week later.
(In the present, Tabby is looking at Chad funny)
TABBY- Chad, (takes off her glasses) that has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
CHAD- (narrating) I know it’s impossible, but I’m convinced that Chip was already working his evil on Tabby. Poor little Tabby. So sweet, so innocent, so trusting.
(Goes back to Chad in his room.)
CHAD- In those 2 weeks, I tried to convince Tabby, as well as everyone else, that Chip was pure evil. But I got about the same reaction every time.
OI-YA- Could you turn the volume of your voice-over down a bit, Chad? Some of us are trying to concentrate on their jobs.
CHAD- Sorry. Well anyway, the day before Chip came, Tabby and I, and the Lunarian + Solar, fought a battle with Hathor. But I was yet to know...
(Tabby and Chad, as their alter egos, are fighting in the aforementioned battle. Tabby is fighting the Lead Cupid, Chad is fighting other Cupids, and Hathor is standing on a bench, shouting orders.)
(The Cupids vanish, leaving Hathor. She sprays some purplish-blue liquid on Tabby and vanishes.)
TABBY- Eeew! She got a bunch of schmutz on me!
CHAD- Uh-oh. You should probably see Artemis about this.
CHAD- (narrating) We rushed Tabby to the Great Caves. Artemis took her into the back room. Apollo and I were worried; too worried to even play a challenging game of dominoes. The last time she needed special medical attention, no one really ever told me what was wrong. It was as if Hathor made Tabby-nah, that’s silly. But entirely possible...but not really.
ARTEMIS- (ushers Tabby out) The schmutz Tabby was sprayed with is...
CHAD + APOLLO- Yes?!
ARTEMIS- Perfume.
MILO- Perfume?
TABBY- Yeah, perfume. It took me forever to get that schmutz smell out of my clothes.
APOLLO- So...Hathor thinks you smell bad...(he starts cracking up.)
(Socrates, Apollo, and Chad laugh hysterically. Milo is sitting on the floor, frowning; and Oi-ya is using all her strength trying not to laugh.) (Apollo and Socrates stop laughing, but Chad keeps going. Tabby smacks him in the back of the head.)
CHAD- Thanks. I needed that.
CHAD- (In room, narrating) The next day, Chip arrived.
(Chad is sleeping. It’s a leisurely wake-up time of about noon. Chip is standing over Chad’s bed, watching him sleep. Chad opens his eyes. He rubs them. He blinks twice.)
CHIP- Good morning, Merry Sunshine. Mwa ha ha ha ha!
CHAD- (sits up) Augh! Augh! Aughh!! (He runs to the bathroom.)
CHIP- Ha! Still got it!
(It’s about an hour later. Mrs. Twilliger, Aunt Connie, Chip, Kenny, Chip’s sister Madeline, and Tabby are all trying to coax Chad out.)
TABBY- Chad, it’s me, Tabby. Come on out.
CHAD- Tabby? Is “it” still here?
TABBY- (to Mrs. Twilliger) What does he mean by “it”?
MRS. T- I’m not sure.
CHIP- (grinning maliciously) Everything’s fine, Chad. Just come out and I’ll make everything all better. Heh heh heh.
CHAD- Eep!!
KENNY- I just don’t understand what’s bothering him!
MRS. T- Chad, this is your mother! I order you to come out of there! I mean it, Chadress!!!
TABBY- Chadress??
CHIP- That’s what “Chad” is short for.
TABBY- Hee hee hee!
CHAD- Nooo!!
TABBY- Hee hee! Chad, you know I won’t let anything hurt you. (with hearts)
CHAD- What do you think I am, 6?
MADELINE- Mommy? Is Chad on drugs?
AUNT CONNIE- Madeline! What a horrible thing to say!! (aside to Mrs. Twilliger) Is he, Carol?
TABBY- This is ridiculous!
MRS. T- All right, Tabby. You’re his friend. Give me the drugs.
TABBY- You people are psycho!! Chad, get out here now!! I mean it!!
CHAD- Aw. Yessum.
MRS. T- I told him to do that. (she smiles proudly)
TABBY- Oh, for the love of-
(Chad comes out)
TABBY- You’re okay! (with hearts)
CHAD- Of course I am. (He and Chip glare at each other.)
(It’s about an hour after “the incident”. Chad comes downstairs.)
CHAD- Mom? I’m going to Tabby’s!
MRS. T- Take Chip with you. (Chip is on the couch. He looks up)
CHAD- But, Mom!!
MRS. T- Either take Chip with you, or you don’t go.
CHAD- Aw. Come on, Chip. You can meet all my friends.
CHIP- Thank you, Chad.
MRS. T- See? Chip is so polite. Why aren’t you more like him?
(They leave the house.)
CHAD- All right. Why did you do it?
CHIP- Whatever do you mean?
CHAD- You’re “all evil now”, remember?!
CHIP- Whatever you say, Chad. Mwa ha ha.
(Over at Tabby’s house) CHAD- Chip, everyone. Everyone, Chip. (introducing.) CHAD- (narrating) I was terrified. CHERRY- So, Chip, Chad’s told us some...er, interesting things about you. CHIP- Chad has a way of exaggerating. CHAD- Exaggerate?!! Are you mental?!! Do I have to show them the tape?! TABBY- Oh, no. Not the tape again. CHAD- (narrating) Before I knew it, Chip was the topic of conversation. MIRANDA- So, Chip, where are you from? CHIP- I’ve known you for two minutes, and I can already tell that you’re not worth talking to. Ever. ELIOTT- Hey, you’re pretty intelligent! It took a while for most of us to figure that out! It’s really pathetic when she draws a clown, gives it an emotion, and tries to get people to pay attention to her. MARY- Here we go again. ELIOTT- I could name at least 20 things that are wrong with her; the first being that she is a whiny little brat...(Eliott continues, and Miranda sits there like an idiot and taking his abuse with good humor.) CHAD- (narrating) This was bad. Chip had impressed Eliott so quickly, I hadn’t had the time to prevent it. The others soon followed, except Miranda; who would keep up the mandatory two weeks of hostility that all newcomers got. CHAD- (in room) The next day, I kept trying to reach Tabby on the phone. By the way, she’s the only one out of all of us with her own phone number. I kept getting the machine... TABBY’S MACHINE- Marcus, get out of here! Hi, this is-Hey! What did I tell you?! Put that down! This is Tabby-Marcus! What did I-Augh!!! The curtains are on fire!! Out! Leave a mess-*BEEP* CHAD- Hi, Tabby? This is Chad. The new MONKEY GIRL movie is coming out today, and I thought we could see it. Call me back. Bye! (an hour later) TABBY’S MACHINE- Leave a mess-*BEEP* CHAD- Tabby, it’s me again. Chad. So call me when you get back. (another hour later) TABBY’S MACHINE- Leave a mess-*BEEP* CHAD- Tabby? Are you there? Please pick up. If we hurry, we can catch the next show. (yet another hour later.) TABBY’S MACHINE- Leave a mess-*BEEP* CHAD- Tabby? If you’re there, please pick up. Are you mad at me or something? (Tabby’s Mom walks by Tabby’s open door. She hears Chad and picks up the phone.) MOM- Chad? How many times have you called today? CHAD- Mrs. Trapp??? MOM- She’s out with Chip. CHAD- What??? MOM- I’ll have her call you back. *CLICK* CHAD- (narrating) Tabby?? Out with Chip?? I was devastated. The rest of the afternoon, I sat by my window and waited for Tabby and Chip. At about six in the afternoon, they came walking up. Tabby had her hand on Chip’s shoulder, laughing hysterically. I ran downstairs and out the door. CHAD- And where have you been?? (to Tabby) CHIP- I took her to see the MONKEY GIRL movie. We had lunch, and then saw it again. TABBY- I showed him around town. Chad, you never said that Chip was this much fun! CHAD- But...you two saw the movie? Tabby, we were going to see it together. TABBY- You never said anything. CHAD- That’s no excuse! You were supposed to know anyway! We always do stuff together! Especially MONKEY GIRL!! TABBY- I’m really sorry, Chad. We could go see it... CHAD- Never mind! (Chad is by himself at the MONKEY GIRL movie.) CHAD- (narrating) So I went to the movie myself. I bought a small popcorn (NOTE- popcorn is huge; he can barely see around it.). It was very salty. Other than that, it had no flavor. MOVIE- MONKEY GIRL ATTACK!! CHAD- This just isn’t any fun without Tabby. (Chad gets up and walks out of the theater. Several pictures of Chad walking down the deserted streets in the twilight.) CHAD- (narrating; in comic store) I ended up in the Comic store. I bought several new ZIPPY TOASTER OVEN posters. CLARKE- Something wrong, Chad? CHAD- How could you tell? CLARKE- You’ve been walking around the block in circles for about an hour. CHAD- I’m having problems with Tabby. CLARKE- Oh? CHAD- She saw the MONKEY GIRL without me. She went with Chip. (Tabby and Chip come running into the store.) CLARKE- EVIL!!! (he drops to the floor) TABBY- Oh my gosh! Are you having a stroke??? CHAD- (narrating) I thought it was Chip. (The children run behind the counter to assist Mr. Clarke) CLARKE- Get the THING out of here!! TABBY- Chip, he must mean you! CHIP- I’ll wait outside. (He leaves. Mr. Clarke stands up.) CLARKE- Was that the devil? TABBY- What?!? CLARKE- I’ve only seen the devil once before. I saw him in the flames of a burning hospital about fifteen years ago. CHAD- I told you so! That’s my cousin Chip, the Antichrist!!! TABBY- That’s crazy! Chad, you’re crazy! CHAD- Tabby, I’m warning you. Stay away from Chip. TABBY- Who do you think you are?!? CHAD- Tabby, please. TABBY- What’s wrong with you? (She leaves) CHAD- (to Mr. Clarke) See? CLARKE- (he chuckles) Maybe more than you do. CHAD- (narrating; in room) That was the first of many nights spent alone, watching the fan. I couldn’t understand it. What did she see in him? It wasn’t that I was jealous; I just didn’t like Tabby spending time with him instead of me. OI-YA- Chad, that’s called jealousy. Humph! Moron. CHAD- Quiet, you; or I’ll pour Bleach in your bowl! OI-YA- You wouldn’t! Apollo would kill you! CHAD- (narrating) Tabby was out with Chip the next day, too. I ventured out to get the mail at about noon. I saw Milo struggling across the lawn in front of Tabby’s house. (Chad runs over and picks him up.) MILO- Chad! Thank goodness! Tabitha left at about nine, and I got a trifle bored. So I ventured about the house and fell down the stairs. The door was open, so I decided to run over to your house for a spell. CHAD- How long have you been out here? MILO- About an hour. CHAD- You have to be more careful. You could have been fried by the sun! (Chad carries him up to his room.) MILO- This is the second straight day she’s been gone! And quite frankly, I don’t approve. OI-YA- Hiya, Milo. CHAD- See, Oi-ya! Milo is concerned. MILO- She left without feeding me. (Socrates flies in the window) SOCRATES- I came to join the party! OI-YA- Party? Hmph! More like a funeral. SOCRATES- Whoah, Chad. You seem depressed. OI-YA- He’s having girl trouble. CHAD- Am not! Tabby’s not a girl! MILO- Then what is she? CHAD- She’s...um...a girl. (The animals look at him funny.) CHAD- But I mean she’s not a girl like that. She’s, well, my friend. So if I’m having a problem with Tabby, it’s not “girl trouble”. OI-YA- What is it then? SOCRATES- “Tabby Trouble”. OI-YA- Hey, Chad! Here’s an idea! Socrates could follow her around! CHAD- Oh, will you? SOCRATES- I will not stalk Tabby. OI-YA- No one’s asking you to stalk her; we just want you to hide yourself and follow her around! SOCRATES- Okay! (he flies out the window.) (Milo eyes Oi-ya suspiciously.) (Chad narrating in room.) CHAD- Socrates had nothing to report. The two of them did nothing different from the things Tabby and I do together. That made me mad. CHAD- (narrating) I was just about to tune in to the Fan Channel for the night, when Mom called me from downstairs... MRS. T- Chad, get ready! CHAD- What for? MRS. T- We’re going over to you aunt’s house for dinner, to introduce her to Tabby’s mom. CHAD- Will Chip be there? MRS. T- Yes! CHAD- Do I have to go? MRS. T- Yes! CHAD- Yessum. (About a half hour later, they have arrived at Chip’s house. Mrs. Twilliger knocks. Chip answers.) CHIP- Good evening, Aunt Carol. How are you today? MRS. T- Very fine, Chip. (aside to Chad) See what nice manners Chip has? CHIP- Would you like to come in? My mother is waiting for you. We have very much looked forward to your visit. (Chad glares at him.) (Mrs. Twilliger, Kenny, and Chad go inside. Chip stops Chad in the doorway.) CHIP- How are you, Chad? Mwa ha ha. Tabby is already here. CHAD- Tabby...Listen, you! Stay the Hell away from her. Because from now on, we’re enemies. CHIP- Is that so? CHAD- Why are you doing this?!? CHIP- She’s an asset. CHAD- Tabby? An asset?? CHIP- Anything I could take from you is an asset. CHAD- So...you’re just using her! To get to me! CHIP- And doing a fine job of it. Heh heh heh. (Chip and Chad go into the living room. Tabby has been amusing Madeline.) (Tabby looks up.) TABBY- Chad. (coldly) CHAD- Tabby, I- (Aunt Connie comes in) AUNT CONNIE- Time for dinner! (Tabby’s family, Chad’s family, and Chip’s family sit down. There is an empty seat next to Chad and one next to Chip. Tabby looks at Chad and sits down next to Chip. Chad looks at his shoes.) CHAD- (narrating) I didn’t get a chance to talk to Tabby until after dinner, when Tabby’s Mom was the topic of conversation. AUNT CONNIE- So, you used to be a model? MOM- Yes. Terri Giri Trapp. But now that I’m remarried, it’s Terri Giri Trapp-Lomay. AUNT CONNIE- Now I remember you! (Chad is talking to Tabby) CHAD- ...and it wasn’t that I was jealous or anything- TABBY- (laughs) Okay, Chad. I forgive you. (with heart) CHAD- You forgive me?!?? What for??! TABBY- You mean that you think this is my fault?!? (She storms out) CHAD- (narrates) I suppose I blew it again. (Chad, in room, watching ceiling fan) CHAD- All that week, I kicked myself. I don’t think that I’d ever been that depressed. There was only one way to get through to Tabby, and it was through Milo... (Chad is talking to Milo...) CHAD- Milo, only you can get her to believe that Chip is the evil that is Chip! Believe it or not, but she respects you. MILO- I don’t know. Meddling in Tabitha’s business...it just isn’t my style. OI-YA- Ha! CHAD- Oi-ya, be nice. OI-YA- Hmph! MILO- I will try my best. (Later, Chad is in the bathroom eating soap.) CHAD- (narrating) The only joy in my life came from eating the fancy soaps that Mom bought for the bathroom. Later that night, I got a call from Tabby. I suppose Milo was successful. (Chad’s Mom pounds on the bathroom door.) MRS. T- Chad!! Phone!! I know what you’re doing in there!! (Mrs. Twilliger busts the door down. Chad’s face is covered with suds.) CHAD- Close the door!! Close the door!!! MRS. T- Nooooooo!!! (Later) CHAD- (narrating) Afterwards, I got to talk to Tabby. TABBY- Hi, Chad? Can I come over? I want to talk to you. CHAD- Sure. I was really hoping you’d call. TABBY- I’ll be right over. *CLICK* (Chad hangs up the phone.) CHAD- (narrating) I went upstairs to my room to straighten things up. I looked out the window. It had started to storm. (A bolt of lightning flashes. Suddenly, Chip appears on the sidewalk in front of his house. Chad sees him. Chip grins evilly.) CHAD- Nooooooooo!!! (Chad flings open his window.) CHAD- (screams) I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY!!!! (Lightning + Thunder) (Chip starts walking toward Chad’s house) CHIP- HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! MRS. T- Chad! Tabby’s here! (Chad ran downstairs. He grabs Tabby’s wrist and pulls her up the stairs to his room. He slams the door and locks it. He closes the window and the blinds. He leans against the door.) TABBY- Umm, Chad. I don’t know what you think is going to happen... CHAD- Shh!! Get down!! “He” can see you! TABBY- Oh, yeah. I saw Chip coming. Shouldn’t we go downstairs to get him? CHAD- No!! Are you crazy?!? Didn’t Milo tell you that he was pure evil?!! TABBY- No! He just said that you missed me...Chad- (she walks over and puts her hand on his shoulder.) you know that no one could ever replace you, don’t you? (with hearts) CHAD- Maybe you should just go. TABBY- But Chad- OI-YA- Do you want to know what I think??? TABBY+ CHAD- No. CHAD- If he makes you happy- TABBY- You make me happy. (with hearts) You’ve just been a-a jerk. CHAD- I haven’t been myself. (There’s a knock at Chad’s door.) CHAD- This is all HIS fault!!! (Chad goes nuts! He opens his door. Chip is standing there.) CHIP- Hi, Tabby- (Chad socks him in the jaw.) TABBY- Chad!! CHAD!! (A really kewl fight breaks out between Chad and Chip. Tabby is visibly shocked.) CHAD- (narrating) I just snapped. I couldn’t stand him anymore. TABBY- Have you lost MIND?!! (the lights flicker off. Thunder booms.) TABBY- Great. We just lost power. (She grabs a flashlight and turns it on to reveal that Chip has Chad in a head lock.) TABBY- What are you doing?!! (Chad flips Chip over his back. He pins Chip down and punches his face.) TABBY- You’re fighting!! (Meanwhile, lightning has been periodically flashing, revealing the whole area. The rest of the time, Tabby’s flashlight is the only light.) (Chip breaks free and punches Chad in the stomach. While Chad gasps for breath, Chip whacks him in the nose. They continue to fight.) (Tabby walks around them, trying to break them up.) TABBY- Stop!! Stop it!! (Chad lunges forward blindly and punches. He accidentally knocks Tabby down the stairs.) TABBY- Agh! (She falls to the bottom, unconscious.) CHIP + CHAD- Tabby! CHAD- This is all you fault! CHIP- My fault?!? You’re the one who hit her! (They run downstairs.) CHAD- Tabby? Tabby! (The lights come back on. Mrs. Twilliger walks in.) MRS. T- Hey, the lights are back on...Oh, my. (Chad, Chip, Mrs. Twilliger, Tabby’s Mom, and a Doctor are in the hospital around Tabby, who is in bed.) DOCTOR- She should be all right. her ankle is severely sprained, but she’ll need these crutches for about two weeks. I’ll just prescribe something for the pain... (Tabby nods enthusiastically.) CHAD- (narrating) I felt horrible for knocking Tabby down the stairs, and having eaten $20 worth of soap didn’t help much. (Mrs. Trapp-Lomay goes out to talk to the doctor.) MRS. T- You’re in a lot of trouble, Chad. CHAD- I know, Mom. And I want you to punish me. MRS. T- What??? You’re weirding me out. But those soaps cost money, you know. And you’re going to pay for them. And the busted door! TABBY- Mrs. Twilliger? I’d really like to talk to these two alone for a minute. MRS. T- Sure. (She leaves) TABBY- All right, you two. I don’t like my friends fighting like that, especially when I get pushed down the stairs! So I want you two to promise me that you’ll be civil to each other. CHAD- I promise. (Chip thinks for a minute.) CHIP- Me, too. I also promise. TABBY- Good. Now could you hand me my crutches? (They do.) (Tabby starts beating Chad and Chip with them profusely.) TABBY- Augh! You pushed me down the stairs! I ought to destroy you both! (etc.) CHAD- (narrating) I guess I deserved it , even though I never meant to hurt Tabby. (Chad, as he was at the beginning of the issue.) CHAD- Now, if you excuse me, there is a fruit pie calling me. (He leaves. Oi-ya is in the room alone.) OI-YA- And it says, ‘Come, my little lemming. Come into the sea’. Oh, well...