Disclaimer: I don't own these characters they were invented by J.K. Rowling the fourth greatest writer in the world. BUT! I did invent one of them, and this story. [By the way, I'm in this…sorta.] OH YEAH!! The song is copyright 99 by KoRn, written by Jon Davis.

* * * *

"Keep knocking…No one's there.

Pouring down, Near people…

* * * *

Severus slumped against the cold moonlit wall, his pant leg rolled up to his knee, he grabbed a pin from inside his robe and absently started slashing. He didn't know why he did it really. But he'd been doing for as long as he could remember. Sometimes, it would all just become too much, nothing seemed fair; he had no control over himself. Severus stuck the pin into his shin, pushing it in as far as he could. Sort of a game he could play with himself: to see if he could get it far enough in to stand up by itself.

Suddenly, the pin hit a sensitive spot, (which was rare because his legs were practically all scar tissue.) Severus let out a slight whimper and kicked the floor with his heel to relieve some of the feeling in his leg.

Soothingly Severus ran his palm against his shin; it was scabbed, scarred, bruised, and right now, slightly wet with blood. Severus chewed his lip, breathing in and out with the pain. Mercy. He thought, relishing the few moments he had now, a time for him to be free of all pressures.

* * * *

My head, By myself…All alone.

Ripping my head off!

I hurt so bad inside,

at least you can see the world through my eyes.

It stays the same…

I just wanna live again!

* * * *

Severus sighed and sat down on the flag stone floor the astronomy tower. Lately, things had been going badly. He really couldn't place it; it was just that everything seemed to be going down hill from here. Severus started to roll up his pant leg, but stopped. Even this wasn't really working anymore. It wasn't right. Nothing was anymore.

He jammed his pant leg down. Severus stomped on the floor, and stood up. Bitterness surged through him. IT WASN’T FAIR! Suddenly, he grabbed a chair and flung it across the room with all his might. It landed with a crash. Shaking, Severus sank down against the wall again, he must have woken the whole bloody school.

Wistfully, he traced a vein in his wrist. The skin there looked paper thin and almost transparent. He could just imagine the blood streaming in a purple blue jet, under the thin layer. Would it hurt a lot? He wondered, wishing he could see the results in advance.

Filled with horrible fascination, Severus began to make small pricks up and down his wrist. He made a few deeper cuts across. Suddenly, there was blood on the pin; and all over the tips of his fingers holding it. Then Severus started to wonder if it was too much.

* * * *

Keep hoping, nothing to spare.

So my life … isn't quite there.

Feeling like a whore.

A dirty whore …such a whore.

Dirty…

* * * *

Severus pushed himself down the hallway. "Move!" He yelled at a third year that just would not get out of the way.

"Hey!" she cried, tripping and loosing all her books and papers as they bounced into the rushing crowd.

"Why can't you act human?" demanded a voice behind him.

Severus rolled his eyes and turned around to face Harry Potter.

"What?" he asked irritably.

"Help her get her stuff, you pushed her--" He started.

"Oh spare me your egotistical self righteousness --twenty points from Gryffindor -- I'm going to be late for my class," Severus sneered and started to head away. Out of the corner of his eye he could still see Harry glaring at him. God he was obnoxious.

* * * *

My head … by myself.

All alone,

Ripping my head off.

I hurt so bad inside

* * * *

After class, Severus started to head toward the astronomy tower; he couldn't take it anymore. All those stupid fakes, whispering and laughing, and laughing and whispering…He just couldn't go on. So much hate, inside him, at them, at those smirking idiots. But it was mostly at himself. That voice, muttering in his ear, telling him he'd never be good enough, telling him nobody cared. Severus pulled open the door; he could feel the pin in his pocket. He'd been scraping his thumb on it all period to cope.

Suddenly he heard someone yell

"HEY! WAIT UP PROFESSOR!"

Genuinely surprised, Severus turned and saw the third year hurrying toward him. Groaning inwardly he faced her, not bothering to mask his distaste in talking to a little Gryffindor of all people.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"Um…" She looked a little nervous. Severus glared at her impatiently.

"What was the homework?"

"It's back on the board, go see for yourself," he growled.

"Well, ugh…I can't find it, can you show me where it is again?" she asked, looking at him pleadingly.

"You've been coming every period for the past seven months."

"Well, um, I'm scared to go down there by myself," she said lamely. For a second, Severus almost believed her, then he realized she was probably trying to stall him from finding out about a prank or something.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," he said flatly.

"Why?" she didn't look particularly angry, but still, she was demanding a reason.

"For lying to me. I won't tolerate lies, why don't you want me to go in there?" he demanded.

"I'm not trying to stop you from going in there…" she trailed off, apparently debating how much to let out.

"Well?" Severus sneered, he hoped she would get intimidated and make some excuse to leave him alone.

"Will you help me with my homework?" she asked suddenly.

Severus was getting sick of this. "No. I will not. Please do not ever waste my time again," he said curtly. He started to go around her, but she blocked the way.

"Excuse me," he said angrily. Trying to get past her.

"Two months ago, in February…I-I got caught after bleeding for an hour," she said, glancing at him.

Severus blinked. "W-what?" he asked, slightly stunned.

The Gryffindor started to roll up her sleeve. Severus nearly choked; up and down her inner wrist was a criss-cross of scars.

"It hurt more then I thought it would," she said quietly, looking at the floor.

Severus eyed her, unconsciously running his thumb over his own wrist.

"W-why would you want to die?" he blurted out, feeling a bit foolish.

"Funny you should ask," she said sardonically.

"Alright, but what do you want from me?" He asked.

"I saw you in class, slashing up your finger in your pocket…I do it all the time. " She replied.

Snape just barely managed to hide his shock. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said stiffly, hoping he could get away. Maybe he could come back later tonight, or else just do it somewhere else.

"Oh that's crap. I saw your wrist when you smacked me," she snapped, suddenly grabbing his arm and pushing the sleeve back to reveal scabs up and down his wrist. Severus jerked away, he felt exposed.

"It's none of your business, and show some respect," he hissed furiously, but now, he wasn't sure he still had his nerve.

"Fine," she said in a choked voice, "you can tear your veins out for all I care, Professor." Then she turned and started down the stairs.

* * * *

I'll die again. I'll die again. I'll wilt again.

Into you.

You dirty little fuck.

Dirty little fuck.

You dirty little fuck.

Dirty little fuck!

You dirty little fuck__…

I will take It.

* * * *

For a second, Severus just watched her start to go down the stairs. Now was the time. Breathing deeply, Severus sat down and fished the pin out of his pocket.

Bad. Bad. Bad. This is not what good boys do. You’re a failure. You always will be.

Severus stared at his wrist until his eyes were watering. Nobody cares. You're all alone. Die. I'm not worth it….Not worth it….just not…

"Oh FUCK!" He yelled, his voice echoing off the walls.

"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE!" he cried, he didn't want to die alone. Not like this. But he wasn't sure if he could live. But maybe he could. And maybe…just maybe someone did care. That was all he needed. Just a little.

* * * *

I hurt so bad inside.

I wish you could see the world through my eyes_….

It staYs the sAme.

I jUst WannA liVE AgaiN!…___."

* * * *