Go read a book! You really think I have time to write a complete introduction to chess? Most beginners books need over 50 pages! I don't have that sort of time. Besides, if you can't play chess what on earth are you doing at a chess site! "Trying to find out how to play chess"? Good point! Well, all I can say is that you are really sad reading the ramblings of an insane chess friek! Are you still reading this? Expecting to find the meaning of life perhaps?! Well, I can tell you now that it is not here. Go away! Get lost! Go on! I don't want you on this page anymore. If you are offended by this then I think I should shirk the responsability. It's all his fault. That guy over there. You know who I'm takling about. The bald fellow with false teeth and really bad breath. He put me up to this! Go and complain to him. If he denies it or claims not to know what you are talking about then you'll know for sure it's  him.  Now leave me in peace. See this button just below this text. Click on it! Go on! If you don't I'll send you a really nasty file! I might have your IP address. Don't think I can do it? If you really want to find out then stay. Go on, I dare you! Drat! the reversed pschology and cheap threats didn't get rid of you. OK. What if I told you that right at this moment you are using up huge amounts of electricity and you are runnung up a collosal phone bill. Not only are you contributing to the destruction of your environment but you are also costing yourself a fortune. (I knew that would work!)