Joey nodded and left Chris in the hallway. When Joey disappeared Chris walked to the door of Mari’s room. He watched her for a minute before blowing her a kiss and mentally telling her he was sorry. He then moved to Roni’s door. He glanced around the room and its machines before moving his gaze to Roni. The sight of her in this condition hurt his heart. He wanted to run to her side, but he had something he had to do first. He turned when he heard a pair of footsteps down the hall. He sighed as JC stood before him, looking none to pleased.
”What do you want, Chris?”
Chris sighed. “I know you’re mad at me. You have every right to be.”
”I do?” JC raised an eyebrow.
”Yeah, you do.” Chris leaned against the wall. “I guess I was using Mari in a way. It wasn’t on purpose or anything. I’m not malicious.”
JC sighed. “I know that, Chris.”
”But you still have every right to be mad at me. At least take solace in the fact that you were right. About everything.”
”Everything?”
”Hey, guys,” Joey cut in, “Lance just showed up and I’m going to tell him what’s going on. Lily’s in no position to.” He left after receiving nods from his two friends.
Chris sighed and looked past JC into Mari’s room. “Yeah, everything. My real feelings for both Mari and Roni.”
”You’re admitting your feelings for Roni?”
”Yeah.”
”Chris,” JC stepped closer and raised a hand to Chris’ shoulder, “it takes a strong and smart individual to do what you’re doing.” He looked between the two rooms. “Which room are you going in first?”
”Well,” Chris scratched his neck, “I was going to go into Roni’s.” He paused. “And I couldn’t think of anyone else but you who should be in Mari’s room. She deserves to see the face of someone who loves her the right way when she waked up. Plus, we left each other on bad terms.”
”What do you mean ‘someone who loves her the right way’?”
”JC, don’t deny it. Joey told me the truth. You go sit with Mari.” He looked behind him.
”Go.” JC pushed Chris’ shoulder. “Go be with her. I won’t keep you. I have somewhere I should be too.”
”Thanks.” Chris turned, but faced JC again when he reached the doorway. “JC, I’ll understand if you’ll be mad at me for a little while. I deserve it.”
JC smiled. “We’ll take it as it comes, Chris.”
Chris nodded and made his way to Roni’s bedside. He pulled a chair next to the bed and sat. He slid his hand into hers and kissed her wrist. He laid his head beside their joined hands and listened to the sound of the machines doing their jobs.
He propped his chin up and stared at her as a brief history of their times together flashed though his mind. As the images came to him everything began making sense. He remembered how when he was younger there was nothing he’d rather do than to make Roni smile and laugh. He remembered the fights he got into with his friends when he spent more time with Roni then with them. Chris cringed when the image of a four year-old Roni lying in her front yard covered with blood entered his brain. He remembered forgetting about the rest of the world the moment he saw her and nothing else mattered to him until she was all right.
Next Chris remembered telling Roni about his moving to Florida. Out of everyone in his life she was the one he was dreading telling the most. He knew how much she depended on him, and he’d admit it now. He needed her too. She was the person he was most afraid of disappointing if he did something wrong. He always needed to make sure he did right by her.
Chris smiled as the memory of Roni’s trip to Florida entered his mind. He laughed as he remembered the moment he met Joey. Chris kissed the back of Roni’s hand.
”It’s funny, Ron. I’m credited with starting this group, but without you I wouldn’t have known Joey. You should be given the credit.”
”She should, shouldn’t she?”
Chris turned and saw Joey, Justin and Lance in the doorway. He waved them in. Justin placed his hands on Chris’ shoulders.
”How she doin’, man?”
Chris shrugged. “Same. I guess.”
”We’re sorry, Chris,” Lance consoled as he placed his hand over Chris’.
Chris turned back to watching Roni. “We’ve all been touched by both women.”
”But, Chris,” Joey joined the group by the bed, “you’ve loved them both.”
”No,” Chris shook his head, “I’ve only loved one. I let myself believe I was in love with the other. Mari’s a great woman, but I don’t think I ever really loved her. If there was no Roni, maybe, but…”
”But there is,” Justin finished.
”Oh yeah,” Chris moved his chair closer to the bed, “there is a Roni. And-” he gulped, “and I love her so much.”
”We know Chris.” Lance stepped back and watched his friend with the woman he loves. “We’ve always known.”
”Yet one of you decided to go out with her anyway.”
”We never technically went out,” Joey defended.
Chris smiled. “Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night.”
Lance yawned. “I think I’m going to check in on JC.”
Chris bit his lip. “How she doing?”
Justin looked at the other two. “Not too good, Chris.”
”We’ll find out more in a few minutes,” JC’s voice interrupted as he leaned against the door jam. “The doctors are with her now.”
Silence took over the five friends as each retreated to their thoughts. The only noise in the room was the machines and the breathing of its six occupants. Chris sat in his chair staring blankly at Roni while Lance, Joey and Justin looked between him and JC, whose eyes were closed as he leaned in the door way. A few minutes later two doctors joined them. JC opened his eyes as their bodies walked past him.
”So…,” Justin prompted the doctors.
”Well,” the taller doctor started, “she’s still in the same condition she came in with.”
”And that’s?” this time Lance prompted. They all knew JC and Chris couldn’t speak.
”And that’s in very critical condition. We seem to have the internal bleeding under control. She lost a lot of blood. We’ll see how she’s doing in a few hours and take it from there.”
”Is that it?” Chris seemed to find his voice.
The doctor looked at the chart in his hand while the other picked up Roni’s. “Yup. I’m sorry I can’t provide you with more information. When we examine her again we’ll know more.”
Chris nodded and moved from his seat when the other doctor wanted to look at Roni’s wrist. He walked to the other side of the bed so he could hold her non-hurt hand. He slid the chair with him and sat as the doctor slid his stethoscope beneath Roni’s hospital gown. Chris quickly turned the other way until Roni’s gown was back in place.
”Well she seems to be improving on the inside, but still hasn’t joined us yet,” the second doctor told Chris.
”So,” Chris started nervously, “is she getting better?”
The doctor nodded. “It seems that way. Now we’ll just have to see when she’ll decide to wake up.”
Chris nodded. He grabbed Roni’s hand.
”Oh, Mr. Kirkpatrick,” Chris focused on the doctor, “your friends have made arrangements for you to stay in Ms. Da’ Cord’s room tonight. Now, we don’t always do this. Your security is outside for your protection.”
Chris looked outside the room and waved at the bodyguard. He sighed and laid his head on the bed. “All right. Thank you so much.”
The doctor nodded. “If there is anything else you need, just let us know.”
Chris slightly smiled and turned to Justin, who was now in the door way. “Hey, man. Where did everybody else go?”
Justin nodded behind him. “Mari’s.”
”I know I should go in there, but…” Chris slid a hand down the back of his neck.
”We understand, Chris. We’ll tell Mari you’re thinking of her when she wakes. You need to stay with Roni. From what it seems she’ll wake up just as soon as she decides to. Stay here with her. I’ve heard talking to unconscious patients can help.”
Chris waved to Justin and concentrated on Roni now that he was alone with her again. He pulled her hand close and kissed her palm. He grabbed her hand in both of his and squeezed tightly. He noticed her hand going white and he loosened his grip. He shook his head and kissed her hand again.
”Hey, Ron. I hope what Justin says is right. Talking to unconscious patients help. I think I’m going to be talking a lot while we’re here.” He sighed and sat back in the chair. He thought for a few minutes before leaning back toward her. “As bad as this whole accident is and has been one thing has come out of it. I’ve realized something, Ron. Something I’ve been denying for over a year at least.”
Chris sat up as Roni’s head moved. He held his breath until she was still for a few moments.
”Ron?” He paused again. “I guess you’re not ready to come back to us. I’ll be here until you’re ready. I promise you that. I always want to be here, Veronica. I love you, Roni. I really do. I mean I’m in love with you. That’s what I’ve realized. I think I always have been. I just have been waiting for you to grow up, and you’ve grown, Ron. Boy have you.” Chris paused again as he stared at her face, trying to think of what to say.
”I really wish you’d wake, Ron. We all want to know about the accident. Mari’s worse than you. The doctors say we’re just waiting for you to come back to us. Why won’t you come back? I need you to wake up, Ron. For me won’t you please wake up?” Chris dipped his head next to their hands. "You want to know when I first realized you had grown up? It was at Joey’s surprise party last year. You remember that? That was the day I found out about you and Joey and the summer after you graduated high school. I guess I didn’t know everything like I thought I did. I found out the rest when you graduated this past December."
Chris shook his head against the sheets. “Getting back on topic. I remember that day clearly. I still remember dipping you in the far corner of my living room and just not being able to look away from your eyes. That was the first time I remember that happening and feeling so drawn to you. That’s not right. I’ve always been drawn to you, Ron. Always. My life wasn’t complete when you weren’t in it. Damn, girl, that year and a half without you was the worst of my life. Professionally, the group was taking off, but personally I was dying. I didn’t have my Roni. My Roni. It’s always been like that, hasn’t it?”
Chris stared at their hands as Roni’s moved slightly. He watched them for more movement; no more came. He sighed. He really wanted her to wake up. He silently urged her to open her eyes. He continued to beg her to wake up.
”Come on, Ron. I know you’re stubborn, but this is ridiculous. Let those beautiful brown eyes open. I want to see them; I need to see them. Please, Ron. Okay,” he took a deep breath, “I’m just letting you know I don’t think I’m going to shut up. I need to keep on talking or I’ll go insane in here.” He squeezed her hand. “JC made me see something else I’ve been denying. The real reason I didn’t like Tim. He had you and I didn’t. I was jealous. One night, Thursday or Friday I believe, I woke up in the middle of the night on the couch. I hadn’t slept there for a few nights and I thought it was weird. I was also covered with a blanket, which meant you were home. I went into your room to get stuff to get ready for bed and I saw something that made my heart stop. You weren’t alone in bed, and I wasn’t the one with his arm around you. It’s always been me next to you when I’m there. I haven’t told anyone this, and when you’re conscious I’ll deny this, but after I saw that I went into your bathroom and cried. At the time I didn’t allow myself to see the meaning in the tears. Now I know. I love you, Ron. I don’t know how it happened, nor do I need to know. I just know I do and I don’t think I can stop. I think I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you and I may until the last time I see you. You’re my world, Ron. It’s taken me 23 years, but it’s true. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t think I can. Please don’t make me start now.”
Chris lifted his head to kiss her hand again. He stood and stretched. While he was standing he decided to kiss her forehead. Roni let out a low breath, but nothing else. Chris didn’t have time to think about her deep breath. As soon as he began to doctors began rushing outside the room. Chris looked up as he heard his friends’ yelling in the hallway. He heard four voices in the hall. He squinted in thought. If they were all in the hallway, who was in with Mari? He dropped Roni’s hand and walked quickly to the hallway. He became scared as he saw JC leaning against the door jam to Mari’s room watching doctors work on Mari. He heard the flat line of Mari’s heartbeat and his stopped as well. He stepped up to Justin’s side and put a hand on the startled young man’s shoulder. The two embraced. After a moment Justin looked up, tears streaming down his face.
”How’s Ron?”
”Okay. I’ve been seeing little movements here and there. She’ll be all right, I think. How’s Mari?”
”You can hear.”
”I was afraid so.” Chris left Justin to walk behind JC. He looked over JC’s shoulder. “She’ll be all right, Jace. She has to be.”
”Chris, please don’t take offense to this, but I really do not want to see or talk to you right now.”
”I understand. I’ll give you some room.” Chris retreated again and turned to stand in Roni’s doorway. He stood like that until he heard something that caused all five men of *N SYNC, and Lily, to stop breathing, a time of death. He turned and couldn’t move. He could see Lily and Joey trying to hold each other up. Lance and Justin were trying their best not to break down. JC on the other hand couldn’t control himself. Chris found himself following JC into Mari’s room and helping the doctors pull JC’s body away from Mari’s body. “Come on, JC.”
JC pushed Chris off him. “I thought I told you I don’t want to see or hear you. Chris, right now it’s taking all my strength not to turn to you and just go off and say how many ways this could be your fault. I’m only going to be thinking this rationally to nicely tell you to back off for a few more seconds so I suggest you back away.”
Chris nodded and left the hospital room. He walked over to Lily and Joey and took Lily in his arms. “This isn’t your fault, Lil.”
”I wish I could believe that, Chris.”
”Please believe that. You’re getting married in a few months. You don’t need the unnecessary stress of something that wasn’t your fault.”
”I’ll try, Chris.” She hugged him close again. “This wasn’t your fault either.”
”That’s not how JC sees it.”
”Chris, JC just lost the woman he loves. A woman he could never have.”
”Because of me.”
”Oh, Chris.”
Chris let Lily put her head on his shoulder and stayed silent. That wasn’t long lived when some of the same doctors ran back down the hall, this time running into Roni’s room. Chris’ eyes widened and he started dragging Lily toward the room. Joey’s arms wrapping around them both stopped him.
”Let me go, Joe.”
”No, man.”
”Roni’s dying and I need to be by her side.”
Joey held on tighter. “She’s not dying, Chris. Listen. None of the machines are going off. She’s awake, Chris.”
Chris stopped. “She’s awake?”
”Yes. Now if I let you go will you calmly go into Roni’s room?”
Chris nodded and took a deep breath. He quickly moved into Roni’s room and stood in the corner as doctors surrounded Roni. He moved his head in attempts to catch a glimpse of Roni’s face, but didn’t advance any more. He bit his lip as most of the doctors and nurses left. He saw a drowsy smile on Roni’s face when she recognized him. He ran to the other side of the bed and grabbed her free hand. He kissed her palm and looked in her eyes. He saw the questions, but knew now wasn’t the time to answer them. He kissed her hand again and sat in his chair.
”Chris?”
”Hey, Ron. You decided to join us in the land of the living.”
”I guess.” She looked around and noticed the crowd in the doorway. “Hey, guys.” She tried to smile as Justin, Lance, Joey and Lily filtered around the bed. She counted the people in the room. “We’re missing someone.”
Joey cleared his throat. “JC had to take a walk. I’m sure he’ll be by later.”
”Okay.” She yawned. “I’m tired.”
”Well,” Lance approached and kissed her cheek, “the doctor told me you need to stay up for a little bit.”
Lily patted Roni’s leg. “Yup.” She looked at Chris. “Knowing Chris I’m sure he’ll have no problem keeping you up.”
”I’m sure he has enough to talk to you about.” Joey shot Chris a look.
Chris nodded. “Yeah, I think I can keep her occupied."
”We’ll be back.”
The four said their good byes and left the two friends alone. Silence entered the room as Chris stared at Roni.
”Do I have snot on my nose or something, Chris? You’re just staring at me.”
”I- I’m just so glad you’re awake.” He hugged her. As he pulled back he stopped inches from her face. He couldn’t make himself back away any more. Suddenly he found himself leaning into her, his hands sliding from her shoulders to her face and hair. Chris tilted his head and placed his lips on hers. He added more pressure as she laid still, stunned. When Roni regained brain power Chris felt her push against him with both arms.
”Oww. Damn.”
Chris pulled back as she cursed in pain. “Oh damn. I’m so sorry, Ron. I-“
”You don’t know what came over you. I got it. You were just happy I was awake or something.”
”No, that’s not it.”
Roni raised her eyebrows. “You’re not happy I’m awake? What? Did I interrupt something between you and Mari when you got the call from the hospital?”
Chris pulled back even more as she mentioned his former girlfriend. She’d have to find out at some point, but not now. He sat in the chair he claimed. “No. Actually we broke up this morning, and Joey got the call because you were in his car."
”Oh I’m sorry, Chris.” Sympathy entered her voice and face.
”I’ll be okay eventually. JC’s going to be worse.”
”JC?”
”Yeah. It ended up he was in love with her. What a difference an hour makes.”
”I’m sorry, Chris.”
”Thanks.” Chris nodded. He took her hand again as their eyes met. “Ron?”
”Yeah?”
”That wasn’t it.”
She rolled her head a few times. “What wasn’t it?”
”The reason I kissed you. It wasn’t just because you woke up.”
”Huh? Chris, I’m not thinking too clearly and you’re not helping.”
Chris sighed and looked away. When he looked back she was licking her lips and bit her bottom lip. “Roni, I love you.”
”I love you too, Chris.”
”No,” Chris stood and paced, “you don’t get it. I love you, Ron.”
”I understand. You’ve been telling me you love me for as long as I can remember.”
”Roni!” Chris yelled in frustration. He grabbed her head and forced her to meet her gaze. “I know I’ve been telling you I love you for years, but this time it’s different. This time I’m telling you I’m in love with you. Not like I’ve been claiming for years. After today I just can’t lie. Life’s too short. I love you, Roni.”
”Huh? What?”
Chris looked between Roni’s eyes and lips. “Roni, I’d like to kiss you again. I waited years for that last one and if you don’t give me permission I just might anyway, but I wanted to be polite. Roni, may I kiss you?”
Roni’s eyes widened. Her mind filtered back to the dance they shared at the after party. Damn, she didn’t even know what day it was. Her eyes met his and she saw the emotions pouring from them. They were the kind she’d been dreaming about since she was a little girl. She couldn’t help it. She nodded her assent. She felt Chris’ slight smile as his lips covered hers. This time she let her instincts take over. It wasn’t that hard. It had never been so easy to return a kiss as the one Chris was giving her. She surprised both of them as she deepened the kiss and sighed against his body. All of the confusion over the accident she was told she was in took a back seat. She smiled as he pulled away. Chris ran his thumb over her bottom lip.
”I can’t believe we actually just did that.”
”Well, we just did.” Roni smiled uncertainly. “Is that what you were trying to say?”
Chris blushed. “Yeah, it was.” He grabbed her hand and sat beside her. “Roni, I don’t think I have the energy to deny it any more. Sometime I fell in love with you. I don’t know if you feel the same, but I just had to tell you.”
”Oh, Chris.” She squeezed his hand. “I- I…I love you too.”
”As in a brotherly way?”
She shook her head. Chris kissed her hand.
~~~~~~
”So is JC going to go after Mari now? Does he have your permission?”
Chris gulped and looked around the room, trying to think of what to tell her. “No.”
”No what?”
”No, he’s not going to go after her. He did have my permission.”
”Chris, please say this as easy as you can.”
”Ron, how did the accident happen?”
”You’re changing the subject, Christopher, but I’ll let it slide.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t remember much. I remember a squirrel running in front of the car and when I swerved slightly to avoid it something in the car stuck and I lost control of the car.”
”So you weren’t upset or anything?”
”Upset? Why would I be upset?”
Chris shook his head. “It’s just some notion Lily had. She’s been feeling so guilty.”
”I’ll tell her later not to worry. Anyway I seem to be okay. I’ll heal. It’s not like I died or anything.” Roni waited for Chris to agree, but he didn’t. “Chris, I’ll be fine. Is there something you’re not telling me? If there’s something else just tell me. Did I hit another car or something?”
”Yeah.” Chris hung his head.
”What…What happened? Is everyone else okay?”
Chris shook his head.
”What happened, Chris? There feels like there’s some big clue of a mystery I’m not being told.”
”Ron, I don’t know how to say this. I probably shouldn’t tell you until you’re a little better. Maybe tomorrow.” He stood again.
”Chris, just tell me. I can’t forget about it now.”
Chris stopped pacing and faced her. “Roni, you did hit another car. You hit Mari’s car.”
”What?” She lifted a hand to her mouth. “I hit Mari’s car? What? How? Is she okay?” Chris’ silence scared her. “Chris, tell me she’s okay.”
Chris saw the outline of JC’s body through the little window in the room’s door. “I wish I could, Ron.”
”Oh no.”
”Roni, I’m sorry to have to tell you this. Mari didn’t make it. She passed right before you woke up.”
”No,” Roni screamed.
Roni’s scream brought the rest of the group running into the room. They found Roni sobbing into Chris’ shoulder. Joey walked up to the couple.
”Chris?”
Chris shushed him. “I just told her about Mari.”
”Oh my,” Lily said as she joined the group.
Roni pushed everyone away and held her arms open to JC. JC entered her embrace and broke down again.
~~~~~~
Roni smiled at Chris as she was lowered into a wheel chair. She was finally being released after three days in the hospital. Chris walked beside her as a nurse wheeled the chair.
”Ron, are you sure you don’t want to stay with me? I want to take care of you.”
Roni shook her head. “As tempting as that is I don’t think that’s the right thing, Chris. You know we’re going slow. With the whole accident and everything that comes with it neither one of us is ready for what may happen if I stay at your house.”
”I know.” He grabbed her hand. “I can’t believe your internship was demolished.”
”Me neither, but it did come at a good time. Now you and the guys are going to be around much more. Plus, Lily will have a roommate when Joey’s out of town.”
”You do know you won’t be able to get rid of me, right?”
Roni smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Chris smiled as she kissed his hand. He helped her out of the chair and moved the release forms to in front of her. “Here you go.”
”Thanks.”
Roni signed the papers and followed Chris to where Joey was parked. She nodded her thanks as Chris closed the door after she slid in. Chris sat on the other side of the back seat. He grabbed her hand.
”I love you.”
”I love you too.”
The car was silent the rest of the way to Joey and Lily’s house. After a light lunch Roni excused herself to her new room to take a nap. Chris helped clear the table and went to her room.
”Knock knock.”
”Come in.”
Chris opened the door and smiled at the sight of her laying on her covers. “How you doing?”
”Tired.”
Chris nodded and walked to the empty side of the bed. He stared at the bed. “This is weird.”
”What?”
”Now that I have every right in the world to lay next to you it feels awkward.”
Roni smiled. “I understand. Now come on. I need to take a nap and I could use a song.”
Chris smiled as he slid behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. He kissed behind her ear. “This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on, my friends. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends. It just…”
Roni closed her eyes and after a few verses she was asleep. As light snores escaped her Chris smiled at the sight in his arms. He now allowed himself to think about how she felt in his arms. He was now allowed to admit his confused feelings regarding his relationship with the young woman next to him. He kissed behind her ear again.
”I love you, Roni.” Chris snuggled into a more comfortable position before singing again, this time changing the words. “This is the love that never ends. It just goes on and on, my friends. Some people started feeling it, not knowing what it was. And they’ll continue feeling it forever just because this is the love that never ends. It just goes on and on, my friends. Two people started feeling it, not knowing what it was. And they'll continue feeling it forever just because this is the love that never ends...”