November 10, 1999

I just want to say thank you to all of you who responded to yesterday's entry. Okay, all two of you! As promised (lie or not??) I will be handing out $100.00 bills to those of you who took time out of your busy schedules to send me an e-mail, just my way of saying THANKS!!!

Unfortunately, this is Canada. And Canadian government, in its infinite wisdom, has made a little law. This little law states that, in order to claim a prize, the potential recipient must first answer a skill-testing, time-limited question. Ah, the intrigue that is our government. Why, you may ask, must such a task be completed before being awarded a prize?

Well, first off, we Canadians do not intend to hand out prizes to the cerebrally challenged. You must prove to us, the awarders of the prizes, that you have sufficient intelligence to accept and put to good use the prize at hand. In the case of my prize, I must ensure that you possess enough intellect to a) not fritter away your winnings on meaningless dribble b) accept the prize as awarded and indemnify the awarder of any liable and c) understand that the taking of the test is for your own darn good. Imagine the chaos if we were to be handing out prizes, willy nilly, to just ANYBODY! Perposterous, I say!

Secondly, we have to be sure that you understand the concept of time, and that you answer the skill-testing question within a preset period of time so as to not receive assistance, guidance, or support from outsiders in any way, shape or form. This would be cheating, now, wouldn't it. And cheaters don't deserve prizes.

You must also be of legal age to accept the prize. In Canada that is somewhere between 16 and 19 depending on whether you want to drink, drive, vote or drink and drive on your way to voting. I've tried the third option - I made it to the polls undetected, but when I started to weave and wobble in the extremely long P - T line, I was spotted and removed from the establishment. A pity you can't vote while intoxicated, it would surely make the whole procedure a lot easier. Ah well, that idea is for when I get elected Mayor of Kelowna (by sober voters) and pass my new bylaw: "Drinking, it's not just for breakfast anymore". Actually, that's my campaign slogan too. But I digress.

Okay, I think I've covered off the legal angle as best as a person with absolutely no knowledge of law can do. So, on with the skill-testing, time-limited question.

The Rules

1. You will be timed by a microchip clock embedded within this document.

2. You must answer the question, unaided by mechanical, physical or biological means within 60 seconds ( ONE minute ).

3. If, for any reason, our panel of judges disagree on your answer, a majority vote will prevail.

4. In the event of a tie, I will hold the deciding vote. *grin*

Okay, that's it.

You have 10 seconds to read the question. You have 60 seconds to answer the question.

If there is a FROG with a 6 inch tongue that can be propelled from its mouth at 25 inches per second, and there is a fly 10 feet away flying at 4 miles per hour with its wings beating at 70 times per second, how long will it take the fly to reach the furthest distance from the frog whereby the frog may still catch and eat the fly?

GOOD NEWS!!!!!! This is a multiple choice question!!!!

Very good! Now your answer will be sent to our panel of judges. But wait, there seems to be a little snag.

It seems that, not only do I know nothing of law, but I also know nothing of configuring a webpage to accept and transmit data. Poop.

Well then, I suppose you will have to e-mail your answer to me.

Winners to be announced as soon as the scores are tabulated. In the meantime, remember me when you go to vote for Mayor.

CENSORED

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Further information on KOPS may be obtained by writing to the e-mail address below. Thank you, and goodnight.

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