[He screams]
[Credits roll]
[Space]
[Freaky music plays. A ship that looks like a mini star destroyer heads to earth.]
[Earth. The bus stop]
[The space ship lands. An alien that looks like the "big scary black monster" steps out.]
[The school bus runs him over]
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny get out.]
Stan: I wonder why Cartman wasn't in school today
Kyle: He probably just ditched to avoid that spelling test.
[Cartman walks up wearing a beard.]
(Evil) Cartman: Hey guys, how's it going?
Kenny, Kyle, and Stan laugh
Kyle: Oh nice costume dude, who're ya supposed to be, Luke Perry?
Stan: Cartman, how come you weren't in school today?
Kyle: Did you eat to many pork-rinds last night?
They laugh again
(Evil) Cartman: You guys, you're so funny. No matter how I'm feelin' I can always count on you guys to lighten me up.
[Kenny, Kyle, and Stan stare at Cartman.]
Stan: What?
(Evil) Cartman: I had to stay home today because my mother wasn't feeling
well. She has the flu and I wanted to take care of the house so she could
stay in
bed.
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny are stunned and freaky music starts to play]
(Evil) Cartman: I just wanted to catch you guys to see if we were assigned any homework tonight.
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny are stunned again and freaky music starts to play again]
Kyle: What the hell are you talkin' about Cartman?
Stan: Stop screwin' around dude. We're all gonna go meet at the store later to buy pumpkins to carve.
(Evil) Cartman: Oh, then we can enter the carving contest. I'll run home and get money from mother, do you guys need some to?
[freaky music plays and the frame switches back and forth between Evil Cartman and the other three boys]
Stan: Dude this is creepy.
[Stan's House]
Sharon : Stanley look who's here, Aunt Flo.
Aunt Flo: Hello Stanley, remember me?
Stan: Hi Aunt Flo.
Sharon : Now Stanley, Aunt Flo only visits once a month. Be nice.
Aunt Flo: Hey Stanley, I brought you and Shelly presents
Stan: Wow really! Hey I love aunt Flo.
Aunt Flo: OK Shelly this one's for you.
[Shelly pulls out a huge entertainment system, that is assembled already, with one hand]
Aunt Flo: It's a television, CD player, surround sound home theater.
Stan: Wow!
Sharon : What do you say Shelly?
Shelly: Thank you Aunt Flo.
Sharon : OK Stanley, your turn.
[Stan rips open a present to reveal a box with holes in it]
Aunt Flo: Your very own fish!
Sharon : What do you say Stanley?
Stan: I don't know?
[The goldfish stares at him. Frame switches between the fish and Stan]
Aunt Flo: I think he likes it. C'mon Shelly let's hook up your home theater.
Shelly: OK.
Sharon : How do you like your fish Stanley?
Stan: I don't like it. It's spooky.
Sharon : Oh now what's so spooky about a cute little goldfish. Go put him in your room.
Stan: Do I have to?
Sharon : Yes you do.
Stan: Dammit!
Sharon : Language!
[Barbara Streisand face rushes over the screen]
[Bus Stop]
Kyle: Where've you been dude?
Stan: Dude my mom's having her monthly visitor.
Kyle: Aunt Flo?
Stan: Ya. Every time she shows up my mom turns into a total bitch.
Kyle: Where's Cartman? He's said he was gonna bring money for us to buy a pumpkin.
Stan: Ya I wonder why he's being so nice.
Kyle: Here he comes.
[Cartman walks into frame with no beard]
Stan: Hey Cartman did you bring us money from your mom?
Cartman: Heh. Ya right you guys can kiss my black ass.
Kyle: You said you could get us money Cartman.
Cartman: Man you guys are hella-stupid. If I had money I wouldn't give it to you ass holes.
Kyle: Well at least he's back to normal.
Stan: Ya but we can't get a pumpkin so we can't enter the carving contest.
Kyle: It's OK. Kenny said he could get one.
Cartman: Oh how's Kenny gonna get one. He's hella-poor.
Stan: Why do you keep saying hella fat ass?
Cartman: 'Cause I'm hella-cool that's why.
Kyle: That's not cool!
Cartman: You guys are just hella-jealous.
[Stan's House. It's lightning outside]
Randy: Good night Stanley. We'll-a see you in the morning.
Stan: Can you leave the light on dad.
Randy: Well it has to be off or your Aunt Flo will complain about wasting electricity.
Stan: I wish Aunt Flo didn't have to visit now.
Randy: Ya, me too, but she only visits your mom for five days or so. I'll be out sleeping on the couch.
[Randy turns off the light. Spooky music starts to play again]
[Stan stares at his fish. The frame switches between Stan and his fish.]
[Stan tries to sleep without any luck]
[Lightning strikes and the fish is missing]
Stan: Where'd he go?
[Stan looks under his bed]
[The fish is seen floating in the fish bowl again]
[Stan sighs]
[He picks up a shirt and walks over to the fish bowl and covers it and walks back to his bed]
[Kenny's House]
[Kenny, his brother, and his mom are under a blanket]
Kenny [grabs blanket from Kevin]: Give me this.
[Mrs. McCormick whacks Kenny]
Kenny: Hey Mom!
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny you share that blanket with your brother!
[Someone knocks on the door]
Mr. McCormick: Who the hell could that be?
[Outside Kenny's house]
(Evil) Cartman: Hi there folks. This is a heck of a storm out here.
Thought maybe you could use some provisions. There's some candles and food
in there. Ain't
much but it should get you through the night. Take care folks I've
got other houses to get to.
[He walks out of frame]
Mr. McCormick: Kenny wasn't that your fat, racist, foul-mouth friend Eric Cartman?
Kenny: Uh huh.
[Stan's House.]
[Lightning flashes]
[Stan wakes up to see his goldfish staring at him]
Stan: Hey, where'd the shirt go?
[Walks over to the fish bowl]
Stan (to fish): I covered you with a shirt, where'd it go?
[The fish looks at the floor where the shirt is lying]
Stan (running to his bed): Yaaahhh!
[Stan covers his head with his blanket then uncovers it]
Stan: I'm not gonna look.
[He looks and the fish bowl has come closer]
Stan: It's not closer. I'm just seeing things.
[The fish bowl is now at the foot of his bed]
Stan: Yaaahhh!
[He closes his eyes tight then opens them]
[The fish tank is now on his blanket]
Stan: Aaaaahhhhh! (Runs out of his room) Mom! Mom!
Sharon: Stanley settle down.
Stan (Pointing at the fish bowl): Look he's gonna kill me mom.
Aunt Flo (Walking into the room): Is there a problem?
Sharon: Oh, no problem Aunt Flo.
Aunt Flo: Do you not like your goldfish?
Stan: No!
Aunt Flo (Starts to sniffle and cry): I'm sorry I'm a bad Aunt
Sharon: There, there Aunt Flo. Stanley loves his goldfish.
[Stan just stares at her]
[Later]
[Frame between Stan and his fish]
[The fish is rubbing something onto the inside of the bowl]
[Stan gets out of bed and walks over to the fish bowl]
[The fish breathes onto the side of the bowl and it spells: KILL]
Stan: Aaaaaahhhhh!
Sharon: Stanley, what are you doing?
Stan (Pointing to the fish bowl): The fish! But...
Sharon: Stanley I am in no mood for this not when your Aunt Flo is in town.
[Shelly walks in]
Sharon: Oh look you woke your sister up.
[Shelly walks over to Stan and smacks him in the head]
Sharon: Go to sleep Stanley!
[Stan jumps back into bed]
[Later]
[Lightning strikes]
[He gets out of bed again]
[He walks over to the end of his bed and a pool of blood can be seen]
[The fish looks down and so does Stan. A dead body can be seen]
Stan: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Mom!!
Sharon: Alright Stanley I have had enough of...
[She sees the body]
Sharon (worried): Oh Stanley what have you done baby? What have you done?
Stan: Mom, I was just sleeping and the next thing I knew...
Sharon: Shh, It's OK hun it's OK. Your such a good boy, mommy's little angel.
[She kisses him on the head]
Sharon: Now don't worry Stanley mommy's gonna hide the body. Nobody's gonna take my baby away.
[Drags the body away]
Sharon: I've got such a handsome boy, such a good boy.
Stan (to the fish): You're not gonna get away with this.
[The fish writes something. He breathes and it spells: Yes I Will]
[Stan looks surprised]
[Later]
[Lightning Strikes]
[Stan is looking out the window]
[Sharon is digging a hole]
[She throws the body into it and fills it in]
[Downstairs]
[Sharon walks in and is covered in dirt and blood]
Aunt Flo: Sharon!
Sharon (Surprised): Ah! Aunt Flo, what are you doing up?
Aunt Flo: Look at you with your little shovel, just like when you were twelve.
[Stan's Room]
Stan: Mom what are you doing?
Sharon: Shh. It's going to be OK Stanley.
Stan: Mom, you think I killed that guy. It was the fish. He says I'm next.
[She looks at the fish]
Sharon: You get some sleep baby mommy's taken care of everything.
Stan: But mom...
Sharon: Shh. (Singing) Hush little baby don't say a word, mommy's gonna
buy you a mocking bird. If that mocking bird don't sing mommy's gonna bury
it in the
back yard.
[Morning]
[A rooster crows]
[Stan wakes up and gets out of bed]
Stan (Sees another dead body): Mom!!
Sharon: What is it honey?
[Sees the body]
Sharon: (Gasps) My baby's killed again!
Stan: No Mom...
Sharon: What are we gonna do baby? What're we gonna do?
[Drags the body out]
Sharon: I've got such a handsome boy such a good boy.
[Stan watches her bury the body]
[Cartman's House]
[Kenny walks in]
Kyle: It's about time Kenny did you bring the pumpkin?
Kenny: Uh huh.
Cartman: Well where is it?
[Kenny pulls out a squash]
Cartman: What the hell is that?!
Kenny: It's all I could afford.
Cartman: It's all you could afford? Who ever heard of a squash-o-lantern Kenny. That's hella-stupid.
Kyle: Stop saying hella Cartman. How are we gonna win the contest with a squash?
[Stan walks in]
Kyle: Whoa Stan you don't look so good.
Stan: I haven't been sleeping so well.
[Cartman cuts open the squash and dumps out 3 seeds]
Cartman: God I hate you Kenny. I have to get another knife this one's hella-dull.
Kyle: God will you shut-up!
Stan: Kyle, You know how some people are murderers and stuff?
Kyle: Ya.
Stan: Do you think animals could be murderers too?
Kyle: I don't know.
[Cartman walks in with a beard on]
Kyle: Oh great he's got that stupid beard on again
(Evil) Cartman: No Kenny, you should cut with the blade facing away from you. Your gonna your yourself.
[Faces the blade away from Kenny]
(Evil) Cartman: There you go. Isn't this fun you guys. Carving pumpkins for Halloween.
[He starts to sing]
(Evil) Cartman: You guys are my best friends, through thick and thin
we've always been together. We're four of a kind having fun all day, pallin'
around and
laughin' away. Just best friends, Best friends are weeee! (Stops singing)
I love you guys.
[Stan and Kyle are stunned]
[Bus Stop]
Kyle: You seem tired Stan.
Stan: I haven't been sleeping well.
Kyle: Why?
Stan: My pet goldfish killed another random person last night.
Kyle: Oh, that sucks dude.
Cartman: Hey dudes. Man it's hella-cold out here.
Kyle: Cartman?
Cartman: Who'd you expect Moury Povich. God you're hella-lame.
Stan: What're you doing?
Cartman: What do you mean what am I doing? I'm just standing here. Jesus, mellow out you guys.
Kyle: You can't be standing their Cartman.
Cartman: Why the hell not?
Kyle: Because you're standing over there.
[Cartman sees Evil Cartman]
Cartman: Ah, son of a bitch!
(Evil) Cartman: Well you don't see this every day.
Cartman: I can't believe what I'm seeing.
(Evil) Cartman: It's like I'm looking at a mirror.
Cartman: Dude, this is hella-weird.
[Stan's House]
Barbrady: Dum da dum dum dum da dum...
Sharon: Oh, Officer Barbrady, wh-what a surprise. What can I do for you?
Barbrady: Well there's been a report of a few missing people.
Sharon: Is that so?
Barbrady: Ya, no biggie but I was wondering if you've seen any of them?
[He shows pictures of the two dead guys and some other guy]
Sharon: I've never seen any of those men, Officer Barbrady.
Barbrady: No, I didn't think so. Mind if I look around the backyard though?
[Spooky music starts to play]
Sharon: Why would you want to do that?
Barbrady: Well I'm checking everyone's back yard. Missing people usually end up hiding in someone's bushes. May I?
[He walks in the house]
[Out Back]
[There are large mounds of dirt on the ground]
[Sparky digs up an arm]
Barbrady: Well this all looks all...
[Sharon hits him over the head with a frying pan]
Barbrady: Did I miss anyone?
[He falls to the ground]
[The Basement]
Sharon: Nobody's gonna take my baby away from me. Nobody!
[Officer Barbrady is chained to the wall with no pants on]
Barbrady: OK Ms. Marsh. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.
[School Cafeteria]
[Chef is dressed up like a Witch Doctor]
Chef: Hello there children.
Boys: Hey Chef.
Chef: All ready for a Halloween lunch. Today I've got spooky spaghetti with freaky French fries...
Kyle: Uh Chef?
Chef: ...or haunted hashbrown...
Kyle: Chef?
Chef: ...and a creepy cookie and monstrous milk...
Kyle: Chef?
Chef: ...and a terrifying napkin.
Kyle: Chef!
Chef: What?
Kyle: We have problems.
Chef: Well, what's the first problem?
Stan: Chef, I have a goldfish that keeps killing people.
Chef: Oh. Well, uh, don't worry Stan I'm sure it'll work out. No what's the other problem?
[Kyle points to the two Cartmans]
Chef (scared): Oh No. Oh dear God no!
[At a Table]
Cartman: ...and I showed up at the bus stop and this son of a bitch is standing there.
(Evil) Cartman: I'm sorry, I've caused so much trouble. This is very strange to me too.
Chef: Exactly what do you remember?
(Evil) Cartman: Well, I was just standing around and Stan and Kyle were being really mean as usual and Kenny had just bought a new car.
Chef: Of course, that's it.
Stan: What?
Chef: Don't you see children? This Cartman is from an evil parallel universe where every thing exists as its opposite.
Cartman: He's my evil twin? But he doesn't even look that much like me. He's all fat and stuff. He's hella-lying.
Kyle: Will you stop saying that word!
Stan: Of course. My pet goldfish must be from the evil opposite universe too
Chef: Children, somewhere in South Park something has created a door to the evil parallel universe
(Evil) Cartman: This is amazing. I can't believe how nice you are Chef.
Chef: How do you mean?
(Evil) Cartman: In my world, you're a skinny, white insurance salesman.
[Chef looks stunned]
[Stan's House]
[Stan puts his goldfish on a corner table near his couch]
Aunt Flo: Oh. Hello boys I'm Stan's Aunt Flo.
Kyle: Whoa, what's wrong with your head? Why are you shaking like that?
Stan (hits Kyle): Dude that's not cool. She's got Parkinson's Disease.
Cartman: Ah sweet.
[Sits on Aunt Flo's lap]
Cartman: Weeeeee. Hey guys check it out you don't even have to put a quarter in her.
Stan: Cartman!
Cartman: Dude this is hella-cool.
Stan: Aunt Flo, where did you get this goldfish?
[Cartman hops down]
Aunt Flo: Ooh. I got it from the pet store, Stanley.
Stan: Do you remember what pet store?
Aunt Flo: Lets see. I believe it was called the Indian Burial Ground just outside of town.
Stan: Where?
Aunt Flo: I know I have the address written down somewhere. Let me look.
Stan: That's it dude. We gotta to take the spooky fish back to that pet store.
Cartman: Who's we. Got a turd in your pocket. I'm goin' home I'm hella-hungry.
(Evil) Cartman: I'll help you Stan.
Cartman: Shut your goddamn mouth, fat ass.
Kyle: Dude, are you sure that fish is a murderer. It seems like a normal fish to me.
Stan: Just help me take it back c'mon.
[The boys walk into the living room and Aunt Flo is on the floor in a pool of blood]
Stan: Did you find the address Aunt Flo...Aunt Flo!
Sharon: Stanley no! Not Aunt Flo!
Stan: It was the fish!
Sharon (Drags Aunt Flo's body away): What a good baby. What a good son I have
Stan: Now we'll never know where that pet store is.
[Stan's fish pulls Kenny into the bowl]
Kyle: There can't be that many pet stores in South Park dude.
Stan: Aunt Flo isn't from South Park. That pet store could be anywhere between here and Denver.
[Fish begins to murder Kenny]
Kenny (In background): Oh no no!
Kyle: Well we better get working. Cartman, you go home and call all the pet stores in the phone book.
(Evil) Cartman: Can do.
Cartman: Screw you.
[The fish throws Kenny's body out of the bowl and he is full of holes]
[Sharon walks into frame]
Sharon: It's all taken care of Stanley.
[Sees Kenny]
Sharon: Oh!
[Drags Kenny away]
Sharon: I've got such a good boy, such a handsome boy.
Stan: C'mon, we're running out of time.
Randy (tries to go into basement): Say, why is the basement door locked?
[Basement]
Barbrady: ...crack corn and I don't care. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. My mouse has gone away.
[Silence]
Barbrady: Jimmy crack corn and I don't care...
[Cartman's House]
(Evil) Cartman: I don't see any pet stores called Indian Burial Ground.
Cartman: Shut up, dude. I'm trying to watch TV.
TV Announcer: And now back to the Terrence and Philip Halloween special.
[Terrence and Philip are dressed as ghosts]
[Fart]
Philip: That fart was absolutely ghoulish Terrence.
[They begin to stab each other and laugh]
Cartman: Ha ha. Man this is hella-funny.
(Evil) Cartman: What's so funny about that?
Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No Kitty that's my pot pie!
Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: NO KITTY! THAT'S A BAD KITTY!
[Kitty jumps up next to Evil Cartman]
(Evil) Cartman (Singing): Who's my kitty? Who's my mister kitty? My fluffy old pal. Yes, that's it, that's my mister Kitty. Ya.
[Kitty purrs]
[Silence]
Cartman: DON'T PLAY WITH MY KITTY! Ha ha heh. You suck dude.
[Stan's House]
Sharon: Stanley, Kenny's mother is here. She's wondering if you've seen Kenny.
[Sharon is mouthing no and waving her arms]
Mrs. McCormick: You saw him didn't you? You saw my boy.
Stan: Ya, my goldfish...
Sharon: Ya, Stan just got a new goldfish and he wanted to show it to Kenny, but Kenny never came over.
Mrs. McCormick: My Kenny used to laugh and play. He was eight years old just like you my Kenny was.
Stan: I know.
Mrs. McCormick: You gotta tell me what happened to him. You have to know somthin'.
Sharon: Mrs. McCormick, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You've been drinking.
Mrs. McCormick: That's right, I'm a little drunk. You'd be drunk too if you lost your boy. My Kenny used to sing and dance.
[Evil Cartman walks in]
(Evil) Cartman: You guys I found the pet store.
Stan: C'mon let's go.
[Stan walks up to Sharon with the goldfish]
Stan: Mom, I know you think I did all this but I'm gonna prove to you that it was this fucking fish.
Sharon: I believe you sweetheart. (To Kyle and Evil Cartman) Run from him boys. Run and don't stop.
[Indian Burial Ground Pet Store]
[Lightning strikes as Kyle, Stan, and Evil Cartman walk in]
Attendant: Can I help you boys?
Stan: I want to return a fish.
Attendant: Dammit!
Kyle: What?
Attendant: That's the ninth return I've had this week. What's wrong with it. Oh, let me guess, it killed a bunch of people right?
Stan: Ya dude.
Attendant: Dammit! Just like all the other returns.
[Pans out to show a bunch of animals with glowing red eyes. Switches from animal to animal.]
Kyle: Dude, why is your store called the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
Attendant: Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it
Stan: So you just built your store on top of Indian burial ground?
Attendant: Oh, hell no. First I dug up all the bodies, pissed on 'em, and buried them again upside down.
Kyle: Why?
Attendant: Why? I don't know. I was drunk.
Stan: We think that when you did that, you opened up a door way to an evil parallel universe.
Attendant: Well, that certainly would explain a lot.
Kyle: Like what?
Attendant: Well like this.
[He opens a door and reveals a swirling vortex]
Attendant: I've been wondering what the hell this was.
[Stan's Basement]
[Randy walks down into the basement]
Barbrady: Hello Mr. Marsh. Top of the evening to you.
[Randy stares at him and walks up the stairs]
Barbrady: OK. Boy then.
[Kitchen]
[Sharon is cutting out star cookies]
Randy: Sharon?
Sharon: Yes hon?
Randy: There's a policeman being held prisoner in our basement.
Sharon: Yes hon, I had to restrain him so he wouldn't find the bodies in the backyard and take our baby away.
[She continues cutting cookies]
Randy: Why'd you take his pants off?
[Silence]
Randy: Sh-Sharon why'd you take his pants off?
Sharon (Covering her eyes): Oh Randy I just don't know what to do any more.
Randy: What is it?
Sharon: I just...I can't believe Aunt Flo is gone, that she won't be visiting me ever again.
Randy: Oh, well don't think of it as an end, think of it as a new beginning.
Now could you fill me in on the dead bodies and the captured policeman
stuff real
quick?
[Indian Burial Ground Pet Store]
[Lightning strikes]
Stan: Look pal, this is very simple. All I want to do is return this fish.
Attendant: I can't give you your money back.
Stan: I don't care dude I just want the fish away from me.
Attendant: No, I won't take it back.
(Evil) Cartman: Listen friend, you just can't sell people pets like
this. You have to have a sign that says: Warning! These pets are from an
evil parallel universe.
Now it's not our fault you disrespected the bodies of this land's native
people, but, by golly, you're gonna take this fish back.
Attendant: Alright, you win.
Stan: Wow. Thanks Evil Cartman.
(Evil) Cartman: And sir, can I make a suggestion. Move your store and let these great people of the Wampanoa rest in peace.
Kyle: You kick ass Evil Cartman
Stan: Ya!
Kyle: And you know what I like best about you? You don't say hella like our Cartman does. I swear, if he says that one more time I'm gonna kill him.
(Evil) Cartman: No Kyle, murder is never an answer.
[Attendant puts the fish bowl on a shelf and the portal opens again]
Attendant: What the?
[Two figures that look like Kyle and Stan with beards appear]
(Evil) Stan: He was here. Cartman was just here.
Attendant: Who are you?
(Evil) Kyle: We're looking for Cartman. The trail ended here.
(Evil) Stan: Where is he?
Attendant: I don't know who you mean.
(Evil) Kyle (Pulls out a baseball bat): Maybe this will jar your memory.
[Evil Kyle starts to smash open the cages]
Attendant: No, stop you don't know what you're doing. Those pets are evil.
[Super friends type scene change]
[Street]
Stan: I'm sure glad that's over with. Now I can sleep at night.
(Evil) Cartman: Hey you guys we still have time to enter the Pumpkin Carving Contest.
Kyle: Hey, ya. I almost forgot.
(Evil) Cartman: C'mon. I bet that together, we can make the best pumpkin ever.
Stan: You know Evil Cartman, I like you better than our Cartman.
Kyle: Ya, you're cool and you don't say hella.
(Evil) Cartman: Eh thank you guys. I certainly like you more than in my evil parallel universe.
[Evil animals attack and kill some guy in the background]
Kyle: So when are we gonna buy a pumpkin to carve?
(Evil) Cartman: Let's use Kenny's squash.
Stan: Ya. You know, I never thought it was such a bad little squash. It just needs some tender, loving care.
[Cartman's House]
[Cartman is still watching TV]
Terrence: Boo!
Philip: Aaahh!!
Cartman: Ah man. This movie's hella-scary.
[Evil Kyle and Stan come into his house]
(Evil) Stan: Ah hah! There you are Cartman.
Cartman: Nice costumes you guys. What'd do spend, about a buck fifty on those.
(Evil) Kyle: We're here to take you back goody two-shoes.
Cartman: Oh. I got a better idea. Why don't you two go fuck yourselves?
(Evil) Stan: Hey, what's wrong with you Cartman?
Cartman: What's wrong with me? Let's see, um I hate you guys, you're hella-stupid...
(Evil) Kyle: C'mon Mister Wholesome, we're taking you back to our universe.
Cartman (Punches Evil Stan): Don't touch me!
(Evil) Stan: What the hell's goin' on, Cartman never hits us.
(Evil) Kyle: Alright just stand there Cartman. This gingerfication gun will send you back to our universe.
Cartman: Oh wait, you guys are from the evil parallel universe?
(Evil) Stan: Yes.
Cartman: Oh, well it's about friggin time you showed up! You don't want me you want that imposter. C'mon I'll show you.
[Pumpkin Carving Contest]
Mayor: ...and the winner is...squash-o-lantern by Stan Marsh, Kyle Broslofski, and the Evil Eric Cartman from a parallel universe.
Stan: We won, dude.
(Evil) Cartman: Hooray!
Mayor: You boys win the Halloween chocolate ball.
[Cartman, Evil Stan, and Evil Kyle are walking through the audience]
(Evil) Cartman: Oh no. Stan and Kyle have come to take me back to my world. I don't wanna go back.
Stan: Don't worry Evil Cartman, you're staying with us.
[Cartman and the other two how up]
Cartman: Now zap his hella-ass back to your...hella-universe.
Kyle: Stop saying hella, Cartman.
(Evil) Stan: Thought you could get away from us, huh Cartman.
(Evil) Cartman: Please.
Kyle: Leave him alone butt hole
(Evil) Kyle: Shut your trap kid.
Stan: Why don't you guys take our Cartman back. He's more like you anyways.
Cartman: Hey! You back stabbing sell-out.
(Evil) Stan: It's time Cartman. Prepare for Gingerfication.
(Evil) Cartman: Well, goodbye you guys. It's been fun.
[The evil animals start to slaughter the audience.]
Mayor: Oh, what now?
Kyle: It's the evil pets
[A bird knocks the gun out of Evil Stan's hands.]
(Evil) Stan: The Gingerfication gun.
Stan: Get to the stage.
[The boys run up on stage.]
[Stan's fish grabs some guy by the throat]
Sharon: Oh dear. It really was Stan's fish that killed all those people.
(Evil) Stan: Give me that gun kid.
Stan: Up yours evil twin.
[He fires the gun hitting Evil Stan]
(Evil) Stan: Nooooooooooooooo...
[He shoots Evil Kyle]
(Evil) Kyle: Nooooooooooooooo...
Cartman: Alright now you just got to send this bozo through and the whole mess will be over with.
Stan: Sorry Cartman. We like Evil Cartman better. See ya.
Cartman: What!
Kyle: We can't deal with you saying hella anymore Cartman. You're going to the other universe.
[Cartman attacks Evil Cartman and pulls his beard off. They look the same now]
Kyle: Which one is the good Cartman?
Cartmans: I am.
Stan: Stop wasting time Cartman. We got to send one of you back to the universe.
Kyle: Ya. Now, which one of you is the Cartman we can't stand?
Cartmans: He is.
Cartman: Time is running out you'll have to destroy us both.
(Evil) Cartman: What!?
Cartman: It's the only way you can be sure. We have to both go for the good of the world.
[Stan zaps Evil Cartman back to the other universe.]
(Evil) Cartman: Noooo! Screw you guys.
Cartman: How did you guys know?
Stan: Our Cartman would never say anything like that.
Cartman: Ha ha ha ha. You guys are hella-stupid. I knew you would fall for that.
Kyle: Oh no, dude.
Stan: You tricked us Cartman.
Cartman: That's right I did. You guys are hella-stupid, you guys are hella-lame, you guys are hella-dumb, Hella hella hella.
Kyle: Dammit!
[The street]
Randy: I'm sorry my wife held you captive Officer. She's been upset over Aunt Flo isn't gonna visit anymore.
Barbrady: Oh I understand I remember when my wife stopped getting her monthly visitor.
Randy: Well, do you want your pants back?
Barbrady: No. Just leave me with my dignity. Ok people, move along nothing to see here.
[End]
Transcribed by Chuck Jones.