Mageman's Digidating Service - A guestfic by Warrior Saturn.

(caption for pic: Zoe: "Don't get any ideas Takuya. I know you love me, but I love....." Takuya: "You love who?" Zoe: "..... I love...." Takuya: "Who?" Zoe: "Tommy."



narrator: "When we last left Warrior Saturn and Rika Nonaka, they were on their way to their date. Not just any date, mind you, but one that would determine the future of the Digidating service run by MasterMage."

Rika: "Will ya cut to the chase already? I'm gonna throw up if I have to stay in this dress any longer!"

narrator: "And on with the fic."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Scene opens outside of a rather reputable ramen shop in a quiet corner of town near the waterfront. A portal opens in space, and from that step Rika, who is arm in arm with Warrior Saturn / Alex.~~~~~~~

WS: "We're here."

Rika: "Finally. What the heck was that place we were in for so long?"

WS: "Subspace. It's sort of between here and there. It's other name is 'between'."

Rika *grumbles* "Nice explanation. Maybe for an eight year old, but I'm quite a bit older than that."

WS *sweatdrops* "Oy vey."

    Rika walks up to the counter of the ramen shop and looks at the menu. WS follows and studies the menu as well.

shopowner: "What can I get for you fine folks tonight?"

Rika: "I'll have an order of Miso ramen, extra vegetables, and can you add a couple of fried dumplings to that?"

shopowner: "With pleasure, little lady. And for your older brother?"

WS *colors lightly* "I'll have an order of miso ramen as well, double veggies, extra strong miso, dumplings, and maybe a fried shrimp or four."

shopowner *mops a little sweat from his brow* "You want fried wontons with that?"

Rika & WS: "No thanks. The ramen will be enough."

shopowner *sweatdrops and begins to concoct the two orders of ramen* "They'll be ready in a moment. Why don't you find a place to sit and I'll bring 'em on out."

Rika *fumes a little as she follows WS over to the dining area* "Lemme teach that guy some manners for referring to you as my older brother."

WS: "I'm not gonna get into any discussion reguarding age right now."

Rika: "Just how old are you anyway?" *narrows eyes*

WS: "Old enough. Now will you pick someplace to sit, milady?"

Rika *looks around at the tables and finally chooses one in the middle of the room* "That one. It's out in the open and if people are spying on us then they'll have a nice view."

WS *shrugs* "You're the boss."

    Rika waltzes over to the table, pulls her chair out, plunks down, pulls it closer to the table, and glares at WS, who is totally confused at the unladylike behaviour displayed by his date.

WS *sighs and shakes head* "She's no lady. She's a dragon in girl's clothing."

Rika: "Hurry up and sit down!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in MM's office~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...... everyone's seated in front of a big screen TV, watching the date in progress. When they see how Rika's acting all shudder, recoil, and bow their heads.

Mimi: "I think we should have taken some time for proper manners for a young lady."

Yolei: "No kidding. She's acting the way she normally does."

Kari: "Well, that's Rika for ya. She's such a tomboy."

Davis: "Yeah, but would we have it any other way?"

all *sigh and shake heads* "Nope."

MM: "I just hope that doesn't ruin anything. Remember, the future of the digidating service rests upon the outcome of this date."

Takuya: "Can we get a DUH for the headman? We know everything rests on the results of this date man, so just chill out. This isn't the Doom Tree saga on Sailor Moon, ya know! You don't have to tell us every five seconds that the service's future depends upon a favorable outcome to this date."

Kouji *sighs* "Can we just resume watching to see what happens? It's just getting good."

JP: "I've got more popcorn and chocolate and other goodies."

Zoe *snags a couple of chocolate bars and a bowl of popcorn* "Thank you JP. You're so thoughtful."

JP *blushes*

MM *sweatdrops* "Oy vey.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ back at the ramen shop ~~~~~~~~~~~~~


...... the shop owner has finished the preparation of two large steaming bowls of Ramen and has delivered them to the dating duo, who take a moment to pray (or whatever) before digging in.

Rika: "Not bad. Why did you choose this ramen shop?"

WS: "Recommendation from a friend of mine who likes Ramen and told me about this place he went to."

Rika: "Really? How facinating."

WS *smirks* "Sarcastic, aren't you?"

Rika *smirks back* "What gave me away?"

    A shadow falls over their table, and both look up to see what appears to be a person with a very big butt. As their eyes adjust to the sudden darkness they realize that the person really *is* a giant butt.

Rika *stands up suddenly, knocking her chair over* "What the heck?!"

WS *sighs and rubs his temples* "Oh hell, it's buttzilla!"

Rika *glares at him while almost falling over her overturned chair* "Can we say that?!"

WS *shrugs* "You tell me. It *is* a giant, mega sized butt after all."

Rika *sighs* "Why the hell did that have to show up *now*?! *pulls out digivice* "Renamon..."

    Renamon melts out of the shadows, awaiting Rika's command.

Renamon: "Yes Rika, I'm here."

Rika *smirks* "Walk all over them."

Renamon *smiles* "With pleasure." *leaps into the air, curls up into a ball, and summons a silvery white cloud of energy* "Diamond Storm!" *The cloud forms a large cluster of diamond type explosives, which the digimon sends screaming at Buttzilla.*

    All three watch with a mixture of shock, awe, and horror as the explosions have zero effect on their oversized adversary.

WS *facefaults* "Rika, it's not working."

Rika *growls* "You got any modify cards on you?"

WS *arches eyebrow* "Modify cards?"

Rika *grabs WS by the collar, drops him onto his butt, and begins to rifle through his pockets* "You must have a card or two on you. Almost everyone does. Even Suzy had one or two, and she was only five years old, if that."

Renamon *picks the two up and leaps into the air* "You two need to pay more attention to your enemy and less to each other."

    WS and Rika look down in time to see their table destroyed by the giant butt. WS grumbles and curses under his breath as he watches the two bowls of ramen fall to the ground and shatter, sending their delicious contents streaming across the pavement.

WS: "My food.... that was my food. Dill  Brand!"

    he snaps his fingers, triggering an explosion that propells the butt into the air.

WS: "Megabrand!"

    He snaps his fingers again, sending the now freefalling butt even higher into the sky.

WS: "Arc Brass!"

    A hail of lightning bolts strike the butt and fry it to an extra tasty crispy cinder.

Rika *arches eyebrow as Renamon sets them down* "That was interesting."

WS: "Gold level mage from the Order of Inverse."

Renamon *holds temples* "Rika, what is your command?"

Rika *looks through her pockets* "Aww crud! I don't have my cards on me."

WS *looks fearfully at the giant butt that had crashed their party, been fried to a crisp, and is in the process of recovering* "I don't even have access to my full powers, and my power up item is in my other pants."

Rika *looks at Renamon, then at WS, then at the now enraged Buttzilla, and finally at the camera* "I know you guys are watching our date, so send some help PLEASE!!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~back at MM's office~~~~~~~~~~~

.... the supporting cast has gone into a state of panic and shock over the events of the past few minutes. Cody and Tommy are both hiding behind a couch, traumatized by the appearance of Buttzilla. Mimi, Sora, and Zoe are blushing up a storm. Davis, Takuya, and Tai are falling over themselves laughing at the shape the latest monster chose to appear as.

Davis: "Oh man... a giant.... a giant.... a humongous...."

Tai *wipes a tear from his eye* "I... I can't stop laughing... it's too much...."

Takuya: "Geeze..... man.... I'm gonna bust a gut or something."

    Matt, Kouji, and TK look at the three who are laughing hysterically and sigh.

M,K,TK *sigh* "Pathetic."

Takato: "Hey Henry, think they'll get out of it without our help?"

Henry *shrugs* "To quote Terriermon, Momentai."

Takato: "I never understood what the heck that meant."

MM: "It means 'No Problem', and I'm sure they'll escape from this thing without our help, no problem."

Kazu: "I sure hope so. I want to take Rika out on a date next."

Kenta: "No way. You're not cool enough to go out with the Digimon Queen."

Ryo *sighs and bows his head* "Now you see what I put up with."

all *nod in agreement* "Yup."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ back on the battlefield ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.... Rika and WS are running for their lives, with Renamon bringing up the rear to cover for them.

Renamon: "You two run on ahead. I'll catch up when I can."

Rika: "You're my partner and I'm your tamer. I'm not going anywhere without you."

WS: "You're my date. If you're gonna stay and make a stand, I will too."

Rika: "Suit yourself buddy. Renamon, you need to digivolve!"

Renamon: "I don't know if I can do it without the help of a modify card."

Rika *looks at WS* "Are you sure you don't have a modify card or two in your pockets?!"

WS *rifles through his own pockets and pulls out a small deck of Digimon TCG cards* "You mean these?"

Rika reaches for the cards, which WS fans out for her to look at.

WS: "I don't know if there's anything there that'll help, but you can look."

Rika *snags a couple of cards and smiles* "You have Frozen Wind, Crystal Fire, a couple of Digivolution cards, Hyperwing, Speed, and a couple of cards that I've never seen.... Aqua Tower, Frozen Jet, and Diamond Dust."

WS *smiles* "Glad that I have something you can use."

Rika *turns around and flips the cards up so that she can scan them with her D-reader* "Renamon, I have some powerups for you."

Renamon: "Hurry. The giant butt is almost upon me."

    WS and Rika facefault when they realize just how large Buttzilla really is.

Rika *slides the first card through* "Digimodify! Speed Activate!" *slides the second card through* "Frozen Wind Activate!" *slides a third card through* "Diamond Dust Activate!"

Renamon *feels a sudden energy charge and moves faster than the untrained eye can follow* "Thank you Rika!"

Buttzilla *grumbles* "Hold still and let me sit on you!"

Renamon *smirks* "Why don't you chill out. Frozen Wind!"

    A powerful blast of arctic wind leaps from Renamon's hand, striking buttzilla to push it away and give it freezer burn.

Renamon: "And how about a taste of Diamond Dust!"

    Shards of ice join the arctic wind, cutting into buttzilla. The giant butt isn't offenseless, though, since it turns around and lets loose with its own offensive wind.

Rika *turns green* "Guh-ross." *slides a fourth card through her D-reader* "Digimodify. Hyperwing Activate!"

    Renamon suddenly gains angel wings, and takes to the air before the offensive cloud can injure her. She looks down in time to see everything in the path of the gas cloud either wither and die or melt into a puddle of useless slag.

WS: "Aren't you glad I had those modify cards?"

Rika *smirks a little* "Yeah. Renamon, it's time for the finale."

Renamon: "With pleasure Rika."

Rika *slides a fifth card through her D-reader* "Digimodify! Aqua Tower Actiavte!"

WS *facefaults* "You do realize you just equipped her with quite a number of water and ice based attacks."

Rika *looks up at WS and smirks* "I know. Renamon, let him have it!"

Renamon: "Frozen Diamond Tower!!!"

    Renamon arches her back, summoning all of the modify powers into one attack. A ginormous silvery white cloud forms, and out of that rises a tower of ice. When the tower is the size of a small sky scraper Renamon moves out of the way, dropping the tower onto Buttzilla, who just happens to be directly below her. The tower crashes down upon the annoyance and shatters, unleashing the Diamond Storm, Diamond Dust, and Frozen Wind that were hidden within. Rika and WS shield their eyes as Buttzilla is reduced to nothing more than a bad memory.

Renamon *lands near Rika and WS, the angel wings vanishing* "He has been defeated."

Rika: "Good job Renamon. Thank you."

Renamon *bows* "It was my pleasure Rika." *vanishes into thin air*

WS *whistles at the amount of damage incurred by their battle with Buttzilla* "Wow. I'm just glad I'm not paying for that."

Rika *shrugs* "Yeah, I suppose you're right." *hears her stomach grumble* "Think the old guy will give us free replacements? I'm hungry."

WS *shrugs* "We can go and find out." *holds his arm out to Rika* "May I accompany you, milady?"

Rika *looks up at him, smiles a little, and wraps her arm around his* "Sure. Let's."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ back at MM's office ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.... the rest of the supporting cast have passed out from exhaustion, since watching the battle with buttzilla has taken quite a bit of energy out of them.

Tommy *looks out from behind the couch* "Is it over?"

Cody *peeks out as well* "That was the scariest thing I've seen since... well, since we fought against Malamyotismon."

Tommy: "Malamyotismon? We had to fight the Royal Knights and then three or four forms of Lucimon before we saved the digital world."

Takuya: "Ahhh... such wonderful memories."

Zoe *whaps Takuya with a pillow* "Takuya! Stay focused upon what's happening in the here and now!"

Davis: "And what's wrong with reminicing upon the past?"

Yolei: "There's a time and place for that. Right now Rika and WS need to finish their date."

Takuya: "And here we go with the 'the fate of the service' rests upon the completion of this date without further trouble'. Am I close?"

    Yolei, Zoe, Sora, Kari, and Mimi throws Pillows at Takuya

all girls: "YES!"

Takuya *blocks the best he can* "You girls are ruthless, you know that?"

Koji: "Don't irritate them Takuya. They outnumber you at the moment and can easily make your life miserable."

Takuya *is still being beaten by pillowS* "I surrender. I give. Stop. Please."

all *sigh and resume watching the tv*

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ at the ramen shop ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.... the shopkeeper has replaced Rika's and WS's dinners, with extra noodles to boot. Both tamer and warrior are deeply involved in eating when another quake begins to shake the area.

Rika *sighs* "Oh for crying out loud. What's happening now?"

WS *looks up and snarfs broth* "Oh hell. It's back!"

Rika *look as well* "What.... what the heck?!"

Buttzilla: "You can call me Tokagin, and I will be your slayer tonight."

Rika *pulls D-reader out of her purse* "This may or may not give us some idea of what we're fighting." *clicks one of the buttons on the side of the digivice* "Tokagin.... mega level.... attacks include vine whip and seismic crush."

WS *sweatdrops* "This isn't gonna be easy, is it?"

Rika *stands up and pulls out some cards out of her purse* "Renamon, let's teach this guy not to ruin our date."

WS *stands up as well and produces his transformation wand* "Looks like we're going to be doing this the hard way. Saturn Cosmic Power... Trans FORM!"

    Stars and rings of energy swirl up around WS, changing him into his warrior form. He looks at Rika and gives her a thumbs up.

Rika *narrows eyes at WS* "I thought you said your transformation wand was in your other pants."

WS: "I thought you said all of your cards were at home."

Rika *smirks* "Touche."

Tokajin* "How sweet. Two of you holding still for me to crush."

    Tokajin leaps into the air, his body changing from flesh to stone. He flips forward and prepares to belly flop onto the two people below.

Rika *flips D reader onto its side and spins a couple of cards around in her fingers* "Time to end this battle for good. Digimodify..."

WS *pulls out his own digivice and a few cards as well* "Time to show off what I'm capable of. Digimodify...."

both: "Matrix Digivolution Activate!"

    A darker version of Gatomon jumps from some nearby bushes and leaps into the air, data for a digivolution surrounding it. At that same moment Renamon leaps into the air and is surrounded by digivolution data as well.

Renamon: "Renamon, digivolve to......"

D. Gatomon: "Dark Gatomon, digivolve to....."

    The data from the digivolutions surrounds the two digimon like eggshells, peeling away the outer data while leaving the core program in tact. Additional data is pressed over the core data, enabling the digivolution to take effect. The eggshells burst, revealing the new forms for the digimon.

Renamon (now digivolved) "Kyubimon!"

D. Gatomon (now digivolved) "Leigarmon!"

Rika *glances over at WS* "Since when are you a tamer?!"

WS *shrugs and smirks* "My secret ability."

Rika *sighs and rolls her eyes* "Prepare for round two of digivolution."

Kyubimon: "Kyubimon....  matrix digivolve to...."

Leigarmon: "Leigarmon..... matrix digivolve to...."

    Globes of data surround the two digimon, changing them into even more powerful forms.

Kyubimon (now digivolved) "Taomon!"

Leigarmon (now digivolved) "Metal Leigarmon!"

    The two human type digimon land in front of the two tamers, Taomon erecting a shield as Tokagin bellyflops on top of them. The digimon winces as the shield and its occupants are pressed several feet into the pavement from the impact. Metal Leigarmon glances up at Tokagin, a snarky smirk crossing his lips.

M. Leigarmon: "Hey Alex, why not give me a bit of a powerup?"

WS *smirks* "Thought you'd never ask." *flips a couple of cards around his fingers* "Digimodify! Area Steal activate!"

    metal Leigarmon vanishes from the bubble, reappearing outside and behind their enemy. WS takes that opportunity to slide the second card through his D reader.

WS: "Digimodify! Rose Rebellion activate!"

Rika *arches eyebrow as rose vines wrap around Tokagin and effectively lift him off of their bubble* "Where the heck are you getting your cards?"

WS *winks at her* "You recall when you and Henry transformed ordinary cards into special blue cards?"

Rika *nods* "Yeah? What about that?"

WS *grins* "Radiant Faith."

Rika *raises both eyebrows* "Radiant Faith?"

WS *holds up a card that has a picture of a glowing angel on it* "Radiant Faith."

Rika *looks up at Tokagin, who is now unable to move* "Renamon.... I mean Taomon, it's time to teach him a lesson."

Renamon *drops the shield* "With pleasure Rika." *pulls a large paintbrush from one of her incredibly large sleeves* "Talisman.... of light!"

    Taomon swipes the paintbrush through the air, drawing a kanji symbol that glows like a thousand suns. The symbol flys through the air and presses against Tokagin's chest, returning him to flesh from stone. The vines holding him begin to glow as their special ability is triggered. A moment later all that remains of Tokagin is a shrivled up husk, which is sucked into the inside of a rosebush that blooms blood red and black roses.

Rika *picks a rose from the bush* "Wow..... the ultimate goth colored rose."

WS *blushes and scratches the back of his head* "A hahahahahahaha.... you could say that."

Taomon *glows and changes back into Renamon* "We did it without having to biomerge."

Metal Leigarmon *glows and changes back into black Gatomon* "That was a rush and a half. Gonna have to keep that in mind next time we get into trouble."

Renamon *nudges Black Gatomon* "I think they have a date they need to get back to."

D. Gatomon *looks up at Renamon, then at Rika and WS, and nods* "Yup. I'd say our work here is done."

    the two digimon vanish into the shadows as WS holds his arm out for Rika to take. Rika looks up at WS, nods, loops her arm around his, and allows herself to be led back to the restauraunt, where their dinner is still waiting for them. And the camera fades to black.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~ back at MM's office ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.... those watching the date are wondering why the camera has suddenly cut out. A yellow fox face and a black cat face appear in the middle of the screen, both smiling.

D. Gatomon: "Sorry folks, but the rest of the date is kinda boring, ya know?"

Renamon: "Besides, Rika needs some time away from the camera."

    The TV shuts itself off, and the digidestined all look to MageMan, who shrugs.

MM: "Well, when he gives his review, I'll know whether or not to close down the site."

Yolei: "Well, I suppose that is fair, but I'm dying to know how it ends."

    A portal opens in the center of the office, and through that step WS and Rika, arm in arm, both smiling.

Takato: "Rika, how was the date?"

Rika *glares at Takato, then does something very out of character for her - she smiles happily* "It was all right. I give it a 9.... a 9 and 1/2.... heck, I give it a ten plus!"

MM: "But... you were attacked by two different butt monsters. How can that make a date wonderful?"

Rika: "What can I say? I like combat and action on a date, not mushy movies and romantic crap like that. And he knows where to take a girl for a decent bowl of ramen or soba or whatever type of noodles I'm in the mood for."

Henry: "So Kazu and Kenta...."

Rika: "Still won't have a snowball's chance in a volcano of winning me over. And neither will Ryo, for that matter."

Ryo, Kazu, Kenta *sigh* "Way harsh."

MM *looks at WS* "So.... was the date favorable?"

WS *nods* "Yup. It was all I had imagined it would be. Rika's an amazing person who knows how to have fun, even in the heat of battle. I give the digidating service my full recommendation."

Mimi *smiles from ear to ear* "And we all know what a favorable review means, don't we?"

all: "THE SERVICE IS SAVED!! WOOOHOOO!!!!"

voice: "Wark wark!"

all *stop woohooing and look around* "What the heck?"

voice: "wark wark!"

    Silence fills the air for a little while as the warking becomes more intense. Everyone looks over at the TV, where Dark Gatomon is playing 'Final Fantasy VII' and is raising chocobos.

voice: "Wark wark."

D. Gatomon *jumps into the air with chibi fists to the sky* "WOOHOO!!"

WS *sweatdrops* "I'm not even going to approach that subject right now. Come along Dark Gatomon. It's time to head for home."

D. Gatomon *look up at WS and pouts* "But I just produced a golden chocobo."

WS *sighs* "Just save your game and we can head for home."

D. Gatomon *pouts, sighs, and saves her game* "All right. Let's head home."

    WS waves his hand and both tamer and digimon vanish from the office, leaving the room rather quiet in their wake.

Rika *sighs, grumbles, and heads for the girls' bedroom* "I'm changing out of this dress, letting my hair down, and taking the rest of the night off to enjoy a bubblebath. I'm exhausted and stuffed."

Takuya: "So the date was good?"

Rika *turns and glares at him* "Listen up gogglehead, yes, the date was fun. Yes, it was excellent. Now I'm tired and don't want to be disturbed for the rest of the night!" *storms out of the room and slams the door*

Mimi *looks at the other girls and shares a smile with them* "Mission accomplished."

MM *plunks down at his computer and reopens the website* "Well, let's hope that I can get some business in the near future."

Yolei: "And that.... is a wrap. Cut to credits."

-End

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