Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost.an and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle!

The following has been captured from a conversation between our guest writer and one of his co-guest writers:

LunaWisker: *evil giggling and boinks lemon skittles off of your head again*
Delwynndwn Siele: *boinks a lemon off yours*
LunaWisker: *pulls out cenn's backpack and sets it to autofire*
LunaWisker: this should go at the beginning of chapter 2
Delwynndwn Siele: *multiple sweatdrops*
LunaWisker: I'm serious
LunaWisker: the lemon skittle / lemon thing
Delwynndwn Siele: *nods*
Delwynndwn Siele: it'll fit well
Delwynndwn Siele: Do it
LunaWisker: you do it
Delwynndwn Siele: no, you do it
LunaWisker: no, YOU do it
Delwynndwn Siele: no, YOU do it
LunaWisker: *grabs Josh, drags him into the back room, and does it all night long*
Delwynndwn Siele: ok, fine, I'll do it then...
LunaWisker: too late
LunaWisker: I just did it
Delwynndwn Siele: *sweatdrop*
Delwynndwn Siele: alright then...
Delwynndwn Siele: send part deux then

     Thus, Delwynndwn makes the appropriate changes, and it becomes the official opening to chapter two of Catboy the Mighty, Episode 7!

Seifer (voiceover): "When we last left our heroes and guest writers, they were having troubles completing the spring special. It seems that, even though they had wonderful ideas, plans got changed when the heart crystal belonging to Alex, other known as Warrior Saturn, was taken by Eudial, Mimmet, and Tellu of the Witches 5. Now he's randier than ever, the crew can't find clothes, and poor Irvine and myself need to babysit Alex to keep him out of trouble."

Irvine: "Seifer, who are you talking to?"

Seifer: "Quiet fool. I'm trying to to a voiceover."

Lina: "In case you hadn't noticed, the episode's begun."

     Lina gestures around to the golden haired elven male called Delwynndwn, his girlfriend Quill, the half elven mage strapped to a table called WS, and the rest of the crew sitting in the attic of Del's old house. Everyone looks like they haven't slept a wink in ages, which could be partially due to the fact that WS is ranting and raving at the top of his lungs about how much he wants Seifer and Irvine to ravage him then and there.

Seifer *blushing* "This is downright embarrassing."

Irvine: "I don't think we should include any of his dialogue for a good long time. It's getting filthier by the moment."

Zelgadis *also blushing* "Oh my. Oh gods. Is that even humanly possible?"

     Lina, Amelia, and Sylphiel all give him a death glare.

Zel: "Well, it's a valid question."

Lina: "I don't care. Amelia, hit him with a mute spell. If I hear any more of that filth I swear my ears are gonna be set ablaze."

Amelia: "Right. Umm.... We're tired and edgy and about to be violent, so please shut up and be cast into silence!"

     An energy bubble forms around WS, and as quickly as it appeared it vanishes. There is a marked improvement in the volume of his swearing and cursing, though, since the spell apparently worked wonders.

Del: "Ok. He's quiet. But the rope we bound him with won't last for long, and if he keeps moving like that his wrists won't last very long either. We need to get his heart crystal back before he dies."

Quill: "Or before he breaks free and boinks the first male he sees."

     The guys in the room look very uneasy at the mention of that prospect, most noticibly Delwynndwn, who shudders and grows pale. She takes his arm and puts her head on his shoulder in a comforting manner.

Quill: "Of course, you're my little fuzzy elf, so I'd kill him before he'd get his hands on you."

Lina: "That's reassuring?! Geeze lady, he's our guest writer. If he dies, then the plot for the rest of the episode dies with him."

Del: "Lina, back off. She's doing her best to try to keep the situation in line..."

     Amelia steps between Lina and Quill before the two can begin any physical and / or magical combat.

Amelia: "That's enough. Miss Lina, Miss Quill, we need to work together to bring those nasty witches to justice and save Mister Alex."

Lina: "Amelia's right. Truce."

     The sorceress holds out her hand, which Quill takes and pumps.

Quill: "Truce. But where do we begin looking?"

     The people in the room look at one another before they collectively shrug. Sylphiel grumbles something and the room begins to shake.

Sylphiel: "May I remind you people that at the end of the LAST episode I pointed out the location of the secret base of the Witches 5 and Professor Tomoe?! *fumes a bit more* Shall I summon a Dragon Slave to help jog your memories?!"

Lina: *face faulting and waving hands in a defensive manner* "Sylphiel, chill out. We're just a bit tired right now, ya know."

Del: "And we're being brought up to date, since we were... umm.... *blush*"

Quill: "Yeah... we were... umm... out... doing... stuff. Friend stuff. Good friend stuff."

Sadie: "So you two went and boinked."

     A stunned silence fills the room. A moment later the catgirl gets electrocuted by a random bolt of lightning. Del whistles innocently as Sadie brushes her hair back into place.

Jason: "Sadie, we can't take you anywhere, can we?"

Sadie *batting eyes innocently* "Nope."

Bekka *sighs*: "I'm gonna need an industrial sized bottle of aspirin for this adventure."

Lina: “Less chat, more action. We have a plot to save and a guest writer to fix.”

Zelgadis *steps towards the door dramatically* "To the batcave!"

     Silence falls over the room once again.

Xellos: "Zel-kun, even I know that line is too embarrassing to repeat."

Zel: "Right. Ok. We're off to go on our mission."

Seifer: "Irvine and I will stay here to keep an eye on Alex."

Irvine: "And we won't take advantage of him."

     Sweatdrops all around.

Amelia: "We're counting on you to take care of him. Mister Delwynndwn, open a portal please."

Del: "I... don't know how to open portals.... very well...."

Xellos: "Never fear. I shall take care of this."

     Xellos waves his hand and a portal to the woods opens. The cast run him over as they dash into it, and the mazoku is left twitching on the ground with one leg in the air.

Xellos: "Arigato."

     Somewhere, in a random pocket of subspace, Professor Tomoe is studying some of the latest astrological charts which he's come into possession of. He appears to be deep in his work, since a phone nearby begins to ring and isn't answered. The answering machine clicks on, and it's apparent that whoever recorded the message had a bad sense of humor.

answering machine: *clicks on, a sultry female voice purring in the background* "Hello, house of whips and chains. This is Vanessa. We can't come to the phone right now, so if you'll tell us how you want us to ravage you, we'll get back to you. At the sound of the whip crack, speak, you knave *hissss WHACK!*

Mimmet: "Hello... professor Tomoe... I think Eudial or Tellu or Kaori got to your answering machine again, since it's doing the dominatrix bit and... well... we got a heart crystal. One that holds a talisman. The coveted Star Crystal Bracer... or something like that. All we know at the moment is that it's a powerful magic amplifier, and that with it we can rule the world!"

Eudial: "Hey Mimmet, who are you talking to?"

Mimmet: "I'm just talking with the chief.... well, to his answering machine at any rate.... *click*"

     Professor  Tomoe looks up, his face cloaked in shadow. He smiles and cackles evilly, since three of the witches 5 finally did something right.

Tomoe: "With that bracer and the power of Pharoah 90 we shall rule the UNIVERSE!!!!"

     Across the universal divide, a loud BAMF echoes through the silence, waking creatures who have been sleeping for thousands of years. Two catgirls tumble out, rolling before landing on their feet. They're soon followed by a blonde elf, his girlfriend, a tall man with long blond hair and a very original hat, a chimera man, a shrine maiden, a trickster priest, a priestess of the fire dragon, and a red haired sorceress supreme. They're quiet for a short period of time... until they discover all the glowing red eyes around them. The air is suddenly filled with sounds of snarling and drooling, followed by whining and whimpering.

Sadie: "Where the flaming hell did we end up?!"

Zelgadis: "I have no idea. Ask the fruitcake *glares at Xellos*

Xellos: "Umm... well... it appears we're in the proverbial and quite literal middle of nowhere."

Jason: "Never trust a mazoku to do a decent job of teleporting."

Filia *grabs Xellos by the collar of his shirt and shakes him* "Listen up you Namagomi!! Either take us to our destination or I'll club you into the ground with my mace!!"

Xellos *face faults* "Filia-chan, you're sounding even kinkier than I remember you to be. Kiss me. Make me yours. Then let's go and have lots of kids!"

Filia: "Pervert! Idiot! MAZOKU GARBAGE!!" *whips out mace and proceeds to make good on her promise. A moment later all that remains of Xellos is a pile of purple hair, a lot of ouchies, and a very mangled cloak. Sadie arches an eyebrow and prods Xellos with her foot*

Sadie: "That... looked quite painful."

Xellos: "A...arigato."

Lina: "Ok. So that leave the original question. Where the hell are we?"

Del: "If I didn't know better I'd say we were in a pocket of pseudo space... an uncharted one at that."

Zelgadis: "Ok. That explains some of our situation. Why are we here?"

Quill: "If I didn't know better I'd say we're here to get Alex's heart crystal back."

Sylphiel: *smacks forehead, since it didn't quite occur to Quill that she explained what they were doing and where they were going quite some time ago. She looks around for Gourrigan, only to find he's not there, and that they're completely lost as well.* "Where do we go from here? And where is Dear Gourrigan?"

Lina: "Why did she have to come along?" *points at Sylphiel*

Jason: "it was either her or Naga... and I don't think we need Naga around right now."

Lina *sweatdrop* "I hate my life right now."

     The creatures in the shadows begin to advance upon the group, sending them into hasty preparations for a battle of immense proportions.

Bekka: "So what do we do now?"

Filia: "GO TO COMMERCIAL!!"

<music: Slayers TRY eyecatch>

~~COMMERCIAL~~
     The scene opens in a high school classroom where a girl with blue hair and another girl with red hair are chatting before class. The blue haired girl is obviously sucking on a lolly pop, as is her companion. Both turn to face the camera, and the girl with the blue hair pulls her pop out of her mouth, revealing it to be in the shape of Valgarv

girl 1: "I love the new bishie pops, especially those for the Slayers series. I like cherry Valgarv....

girl 2 *pulls her pop out of her mouth to reveal it to be in the shape of Zelgadis* "And I prefer grape Zelgadis...

girl 1: "There are many more shapes... and many more flavors. Find your favorite today."

announcer: "Bishie pops. Available at a novalty store near you. And now with a creamy center too."

~~end commercial~~

<music: Slayers TRY eyecatch>

 ~~~~~~ >^.^< >^.^< >^.^< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lina: "What... the hell... was THAT?!" *points at the commercial*

Del: "We needed to find some sponsors for the show, and Bishie pops is offering us.... *whispers in Lina's ear an amount*

Lina *wide eyed* "No freaking WAY?!"

Del: "Way. Plus all the bishie pops we can eat."

Bekka: "Um... guys... not to state the obvious, but *points* ONI ONI ONI ONI ONI ONI!!! *waves while pointing*

     The rest of the group turn to where Bekka's pointing, only to see several very LARGE glowing red eyes. From the shadows steps the owner of the glowing eyes, which happens to be a VERY large Brass Demon.

Lina: "Mother of the first sorceress.... that thing's HUGE!"

Sadie: "Well, they say the bigger they are, the harder they fall."

Amelia: "They also say that size doesn't matter... but right now that's utter bullshit, since we're so tiny and it's so.... so.... big."

Filia: "We should vanquish it quickly so that we can continue on our way."

Lina: "And just *how* do you propose we do that?! In case you haven't noticed, it's ten times the size of you in dragon form!"

Filia *tugs at collar* "Um... well... I... I hadn't thought of that."

all *sigh* "Oy vey."

Jason: "Damn. Ever have one of those days when you wish you just had a shotgun?"

Filia: "Yeah, and I don't even have a nail file."

     Sweatdrops form on Sadie's and Bekka's heads.

Sadie: "I'm thinking that their elevators don't go to the top floor."

Bekka: "I'd guess they're a few OVA's short of a series."

     Sweatdrops all around. A moment later another portal opens, belching out Cenn, Rune, and Tenal. Cenn stands up and brushes himself off before helping Rune to her feet. Tenal stands up and glares at Cenn, who sticks his tongue out at Tenal. Rune steps between them to keep the peace.

Amelia: "Wow, are we glad to see you guys. You wouldn't happen to have brought some weapons, would you?"

Cenn: "Well, I don't know about weapons. I could always dig through my backpack."

Del *shudders and hides behind Quill* "No... not that. Anything but that horrid thing!"

Rune *arches eyebrow at Del* "Are you afraid of Cenn's little ol' bag of tricks?"

      Del nods entheusiastically.

Cenn *takes bag off and sets it down* "Let's see what I've got, shall we?" *begins to rummage around. Pulls out a large plasma cannon, which he hands to Jason.*

Jason: "Sweeeet!" *charges up the cannon and takes aim* "Eat flaming death!!" *pulls the trigger and laughs maniacally as charged energy fills the air, striking the brass demon and knocking it back*

Cenn: "Ooh... one of my favorites." *pulls out a set of energy swords, which Quill takes before diving at the demon, delivering several blows before falling back and batting her eyes innocently*

Quill: "Wow... that was fun. What else have you got in there?"

Cenn *rummaging through* "Half an Evangelion.... half of a Gundam... part of a Goddess... geeze, why can't I find a whole mech in here? Ooh.... *fishes out a Lance of Loginous, which shrinks down for handy and convenient use*

Lina: "Lemme see that *snags the lance and charges at the brass demon* "Eat this. ELMEKIA... LAAAAANCE!!"

     The sorceress lobs the energy charged lance at the brass demon, and the demon screams as the lance enters its body and releases the magical spell contained within. Light bursts out of the demon's body, and a moment later it explodes into a shower of dust. Lina giggles and flashes a victory sign.

Lina: "Wow! Wheeeee! That was fun!!"

Zel *sweatdrops* "That's it Lina. We are definitely cutting off your supply of sugar and caffeine."

Jason: "I suggest we keep moving, lest we fall prey to anything else in this dimension that's looking for a quick snack."

Bekka *clings to Jason's arm* "Then what are we waiting for? Let's exit running!"

     Jason and Bekka start running. Sadie picks Zel and Xellos up and practically drags / carries them with her. The others sigh before running to catch up with the others.

     Meanwhile, in Professor Tomoe's laboratory, preparations have been made to acertain the exact powers hidden within the Star Crystal Bracer. The amulet's been hooked up to some complex looking machine, and the doctor, along with Mimmet and Eudial, are checking assorted readings on several display terminals.

Mimmet: "I don't know what to tell you doctor. By the looks of it this can only be used by the guy we took it from."

Eudial: "That's impossible. There must be some mistake. We can't lose our chance to bring back the pharoah simply because we can't use the damned item."

Tomoe: "Girls, please, stop fighting. I'm sure we can figure something out to further our evil plans. Didn't you say you got this from Warrior Saturn?"

     Eudial and Mimmet nod.

Tomoe: "That's perfect. All we have to do is corrupt him with the entity Master Nine and go from there."

     Eudial and Mimmet shudder.

E & M: "NOT MASTER NINE!!"

Eudial: "If you'll pardon my speaking frankly doctor, don't you recall what happened the last time we tried to use Master Nine?"

Mimmet: "I'm still having nightmares of the bondage orgy that ensued when he got loose the last time."

Tomoe: "Perhaps you're right. But still, we need him or somebody close to him in order to activate the power within the talisman."

     Alarms begin going off and Kaori Night's face appears on some of the screens.

Kaori: "We have a perimeter breach. I repeat, we have a perimeter breach."

     Smaller vid windows appear on the main screen and show Bekka, Jason, Sadie, and company racing and slashing their way through armies of darkness and mosters and droids.

Tomoe: "They must be here to liberate that talisman."

Eudial: "Professor Tomoe, maybe one of them has a talisman more powerful than that bracer we got from Saturn."

Tomoe: "It's possible. Kaori, keep me updated of their progress. Mimmet, Eudial, get Tellu and go out there. Attack them, keep them at bay, and find out if any of them have talismans worth snatching."

M & E: "Yes professor." *vanish into the shadows*

Tomoe: "Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly." *cackles evilly* "Welcome indeed. Prepare for oblitteration!!"

     Outside the compound belonging to Professor Tomoe and the Witches 5 Lina and company are running at high speed, swords and other bladed weapons lashing out to take down anything that attempts to hinder their progress, spells flashing multi colored lights around them. A particularly large demon rises out of the ground in their path, and Jason and Del leap into the air, the Oni firing a particularly powerful blast of charged particles at the elf, who absorbs the energy and directs it into his swords before slashing through the demon with multiple energy blades directed from his swords. The two land and resume running, those behind them running around the remains of the demon.

Quill: “Geeze.... is it me, or are they getting larger and meaner the closer we get to our destination?”

Sadie: “I think our luck is beginning to run out.”

Del *pats at smoking place in his hair* “I think if we try that one again I’m going to burst into flames or disintegrate or something like that. Too much energy into too little elf.”

Lina: “Just keep running. We’re almost there.”

     What appears to be a piece of the reincarnated Shabrinigdo rises up in front of them, halting them in their tracks. Around him appear Mimmet, Tellu, and Eudial, all equipped for battle.

Mimmet: “Halt in your tracks, evil doers! Go no further!”

Eudial: “And prepare to meet the Fire Buster mark Five!”

Lina *sighs and rubs her forehead* “Is it me, or are they getting desperate to use a copy of that piece of Shabrinigdo that we fought?”

Sylphiel & Filia: “I don’t think that’s a copy!”

Lina *looks up while running her fingers through her hair* “What do you....” *stops running her fingers through her hair and nearly pulls a handful out* “Oh hell! Crap! Shit! That’s the real thing!!”

Tellu *wagging her finger at Lina and company* “That’s right. We revived a part of the dark lord Ruby Eye Shabrinigdo!”

Lina *blinks a couple of times* “No problem.... Gourrigan, the sword of light please... Gourrigan... crap, he’s not with us, is he?”

Del: “Worse news... we forgot to borrow Alex’s sword of light.”

Filia: “And didn’t that battle with Dark Star seal the Demon’s Blood Talismans?”

Lina *grumbles* “Thanks for reminding just how fucked we are guys.”

Cenn: “No problem guys... I’ll just dig through my pack until I find a sword of light....” *slings pack onto ground and begins to dig through it*

Eudial: “FIIIIIIRRREEEEE.... BUSSSSSSSTEERRRR!!” *aims the cannon on her backpack at Cenn and opens fire, a high power stream of flames tearing through the air at the green haired elf*

Rune *dives in front of Cenn* “Solar Flare!”

     A wave of solar intensity fire leaps from the elven girl’s hands, spiraling through the air to meet the fire buster blast. The two streams meet in between the two groups, creating a super heated backwash around them.

Quill *ducks as a stray jet of fire nearly burns her head off* “Watch where you’re aiming, will ya?!”

Lina *begins chanting a spell under her breath* “West winds that blow have you as their source, Into my hands now combine all your force. Freeze... ARROW!”

     The sorceress sends a large crystal of ice towards Eudial, only to watch in shock as Mimmet knocks it away with her staff.

Mimmet *wags finger at Lina* “Uh-uh-uh... can’t have you doing that now, can we?”

Filia: “Anaku... ra zu omo... ranaku tsuramo... izu peko naomu... Flame... BREATH!”

     The dragon priestess waves her hands at Mimmet, grinning evilly as a pentagram of flames forms over the witch and successfully barbacues the blond to a golden crisp.

Eudial: “MIMMET! How dare you die before I can get you back for that wonderful ‘scream if your brake pedal has been eaten by acid slugs’ prank!” *turns her attention to the Shabrinigdo piece* “Lord Rubyeye, take her down!”

     Lina and company facefault and sweatdrop as the piece of shabrinigdo that stands before them begins to power up for an attack.

Lina: “Damn. Damn! DAMN! Why can’t we find a sword of light?!”

Cenn *smirks and tosses the sorceress a large pole* “This may be better than that ol’ sword of light.”

Lina *blinks and spins the pole around a few times* “What the hell is it?”

Cenn *grins* “What are the magic words to activate the sword of light?”

All: “LIGHT COME FORTH!”

     The ends of the staff glow as the ends twist and open, a large curved blade of light forming at one end, a smaller blade forming at the other end. Lina looks wide eyed at the new weapon, then turns to Cenn and smiles.

Lina: “Where did you get this?”

Cenn *smirks* “My secret.”

Amelia: “Miss Lina, hurry up and do something!”

Lina *looks to Sylphiel* “Should I?

Sylphiel *nods* “Please Miss Lina, I think only the Giga Slave can save us now.”

Sadie *pulls out memo pad and writes down what Sylphiel just said* “That’s one for the quote log.”

Lina *glares at Sadie* “If you’re done...”

Sadie *smiles* “Quite.”

Lina *holds pole arm of light and aims the largest blade at Shabrinigdo* “Ok then. Time to get this show on the road. Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night. One glowing golden lord floating endlessly upon a sea of chaos. I call upon thee and swear myself to thee! LET THE FOOLS WHO STAND BEFORE ME BE DESTROYED BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS!!”

     The light blades are immediately consumed by darkness, and grow exponentially in size, black lightning crackling through the air around the group. Eudial and Tellu blink in shock at the sorceress’ spell before vanishing into thin air. Shabrinigdo powers up some more, a globe of blood red energy forming in his mouth.

Zel: “Lina, maintain a little bit of control with that spell please!”

Xellos: “She’s not going to listen. She’s in a spell induced Trance, and that’s going to spell trouble for us.”

Amelia: “Miss Sylphiel, cast a barrier spell please.”

Sylphiel *closes her eyes* “I’m trying.. But something’s interfering with my magic.”

Del *sighs and forms a globe of electricity in his hand, which he tosses into the air* “Lightning Wall.....” *the globe expands and forms a wall between Lina and the rest of the cast* “SURROUND!” *the wall encircles them, forming a dome of protection.* “That’ll take care of our protection for the moment.”

Sylphiel: “Miss Lina, slay that dirtbag!”

Lina *smirks and leaps into the air* “Blade of light, accept this darkness, and obey my command!”

Shabrinigdo: “You are all fools for opposing me and Master Tomoe!” *releases an energy blast at the dome and the cast*

Lina: “Now we’ll see who the fool really is. Gigaaaaa... SLAAAAAVEE!!!”

     The ultimate black magic spell meets the energy blast, and all fades to white as the forces of darkness battle for supremacy.

     Back in the attic Seifer and Irvine are sitting next to the table that Alex has been strapped to, and both are involved in a game of cards. Alex is still ranting and raving about what he wants to do with anybody who gets too close to him, but neither can hear him due to the silence spell that Amelia had cast earlier.

Seifer: “So cowboy, got any threes?”

Irvine *shakes his head* “Nope, go fish.”

Seifer *reaches over and begins to fish through Irvine’s pockets, eventually pulling out a card* “This has got to be the kinkiest way to play this game ever.”

Irvine *blushes* “You liked to linger in that one spot, you know?”

Seifer *grins impishly* “yeah, I know.” *grows more serious* “How do you think the others are making out in their quest?”

Irvine *shrugs* “Hard to say. But the back of my neck is itching, which is usually a bad thing.”

Female voice 1: “Of course it’s a bad thing darling. We’re here.”

Female voice 2: “And we’re going to have some fun here.”

Seifer *stands up, knocking over his stool and the table while drawing his gunblade* “Come out and show yourselves!”

Female voice 1: “With pleasure sugar.”

     A door appears and opens, and out step Eudial and Tellu, both still armed to the teeth.

Tellu: “We’re here for your mage friend.”

Irvine *reaches into his trench coat and draws out his shotgun* “Go to hell!”

Eudial *charges up the fire buster and takes aim* “I don’t think you want to do anything that could result in harm falling your little boyfriend.” *changes the aim to Alex, who’s still strapped to the table*

Seifer *growls, then throws his gunblade down* “Ok, you got us. Don’t hurt him.”

Tellu *smirks and throws some seeds at their feet* “Oh, don’t worry. We’ll have lots of fun with him. And goodnight boys. Seed Duster.”

     The seeds open, releasing a gas that almost instantly knocks out Seifer and Irvine. Eudial cuts Alex free and uses some of the gas on the mage, knocking him out as well. The two witches make a hasty exit back to the castle, which may or may not still exist on their plane of existence due to Lina’s spell. The lights in the attic flicker a few times before all fades to black.

-To Be continued....