It’s a relatively peaceful day in the pocket dimension belonging to Warrior Saturn, a.k.a. Alexander West. Zelgadis Greywords, Irvine Kinneas, Seifer Almasy, and Celia Chere Briggs are sitting around what passes for a table, with the four mismatched chairs occupied by them. Zel’s drinking his usual cup of coffee. Irvine and Seifer are enjoying colas, and Celia’s having a diet soda.

Seifer: “So, just why are all of us here? Alex doesn’t normally have social calls in his apartment.”

Celia: “Dunno.... must be important.”

Zel: “Frankly I’m frightened. Do you have any idea what he has in mind for his next fic? It could be anything.”

Irvine: “Well, not to alarm all of you, but I heard a rumor that there’s gonna be a very lemony yaoi scene between me, Seifer, and Zel.”

all (minus Irvine): “IRVINE?!”

Irvine (shrugging): “What?? It wasn’t all that bad, was it?”

Zel(with sweatdrop) : “I swear you’re worse than that lemony fanfic writer we’re living with. Say, where is Alex anyway?”

     Afore mentioned fanfic writer is sitting at his laptop overlooking a lake (thanks to a bend in pseudospace that Washu made for him), giggling evilly while he works, one sport sandal under his left foot, his right leg crossed over his left, with the other sandal dangling from that foot.

Alex: “And just what should I have happen next?? Ahh.... yes.”

 He begins to type wildly as a small screen nearby plays out the scene of a little kid holding up a cookie to a large creature made of glowing red energy. “Cookie,” the child says, and the creature stands in place, not sure of what to make of the tiny life form standing in front of it, or what a cookie is.

Alex: “And then the handsome knight in shining violet armor dashed forward, diving for the child as the phantom reached for the tasty treat....”

     The door opens and in steps a rather short young woman with incredibly long pink hair. She steps down from the platform the door appeared on, the door vanishing behind her, a large cushion appearing out of thin air next to Alex. She hops onto it and glances over his shoulder.

Washu: “So.... I see you like my reality projection system.”

     Alex nearly falls off of his chair with surprise. Actually he does fall off, his laptop hanging in space thanks to a hastily cast levitation spell. He glances up between his legs to see Washu smiling and waving at him.

Alex: “Oh.. it’s you. Good morning Washu. What brings you here?”

Washu: “Cut the chitchat. It’s been forever since you actually finished a fic, and I’m here to make sure you work, work, work!”

     A sweat drop forms on Alex’s head as he regains his chair and reclaims his computer.

Alex: “I’m working. I’m working. The last fic I finished was Slayers Fantasy #4. Right now I’m working on Magical Savior Shihoko, Slayers Fantasy #5, that Gundam related fic, the Gables fic, and.... umm.... the Random Nothingness and Matrix fics, plus there’s also Crossover Wars, Endless Winter chapter 5, and other projects.”

Washu: “But have you actually finished any of them?”

Alex (face faulting): “Umm... ahh.... nope.”

Washu (sweat drop forms on head) : “I thought as much. You also started a new Gourrigan’s Island fic called ‘Genkigan’s Island’ when you haven’t even finished the spring special.”

Alex: “I blame that all on Del. His creative juices aren’t flowing.”

Washu: “Not like other juices.”

     Alex blushes. Washu looks at him and cackles maniacally.

Washu: “Piece of cake!! I got you to blush. Your mind is officially in the gutter. Now you can work on Slayers Fantasy #5.”

Alex: “Umm.... I wanted to do a yaoi remake of a classic fairy tale, but I don’t know who to feature.”

Washu: “What fairy tale?”

Alex: “Sleeping beauty. The problem is coming up with the bishounen who the handsome prince has to come and... umm....”

     Washu looks at him with full interest and attention.

Washu: “Go on. Go on. Has to what?”

Alex: “Who the prince has to... awaken... with a kiss.... but I want it to be more graphic. You know what I’m saying.”

Washu: “So who do you have for a cast to choose from?”

Alex: “Well, since it is gonna be yaoi, the bish has to be a guy, right? So I have it narrowed down to Irvine and Zelgadis.”

Washu: “And what are you going to call this fairy tale?”

Alex: “Either ‘Sleeping beauty in blue’ or ‘sleeping beauty in spurs’.”

Washu: “Why not combined it so that you have a sleeping beauty in blue AND a sleeping beauty in spurs.”

     Alex thinks for a moment and opens up a fresh window in his word processing program.

Alex: “O.K...... let’s begin.”

     Once upon a time there was a kingdom of great prosperity. The king and queen of this kingdom were blessed with twins as their first children....

Washu: “Ummm... Saturn, you’re going to have those two kissing and stuff, right?”

Alex: “Yeah, why?”

Washu: “Well, then they shouldn’t be brothers, should they?”

     Alex rereads what he just wrote and face faults.

Alex: “Oy. Great.... better edit that so we don’t wind up with the incest twins again.”

Washu: “Incest twins?”

Alex *sweat drop*:” It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you it another time. Now to fix that narration.”

     Meanwhile, in the main room of the office where the other four inhabitants of the pocket dimension were enjoying a quiet afternoon the world began to twist, turn, and warp as reality was turned on its ear.

reality: “Owww.”

Celia: “That was something different, that’s for sure.”

Zelgadis *sniffing air*: “I smell lemon.”

Irvine *pointing behind Zel and Celia*: “Well, here it comes!”

     A tidal wave of lemons wash over the group and send them spiraling off into an alternate reality.

     ....They weren’t actually twins, but were born on the same day, at the same time, in the same room. The queen was the mother of the fairer one, and her hand maiden was the mother of the other. However, the poor hand maiden died during a very complicated child birth, and the queen adopted and raised the child like it was one of her own. She even bestowed the title of prince upon him.
     They invited all of the kingdom to see their beautiful sons, and even the fairies of the forest made an appearance to bestow upon the children wonderful gifts.

<Lina, Celia, and Amelia appear, all 6 inches tall in very revealing fairy gowns and holding wands, one with a moon, one with a sun, and one with a star>

Lina: “This is so embarrassing....”

Amelia: “Miss Lina, please stick to the script. You’re supposed to bestow a gift upon the two of them.”

Lina *sighs* “I bestow upon the princes names which will reflect their personalities. One shall be called Aurin, and be as bright and magical as the great Aurora Borealis. The other shall be called Takana, and be as graceful and spirited as the mighty tiger.

Amelia: “Upon the princes I bestow the gift of magic, music, song, and the spirit of the hunt, to be divided between the two of them as they shall see fit.

Celia: “Upon the princes I bestow....”

     The festivities were interrupted by the one person wasn’t invited, and that was their wicked grandfather Rezo, who was off doing other things for selfish reasons. When he found out that he had not been invited to the festivities he appeared in the children’s bedroom in a cloud of smoke and spoke these words.

Rezo:*whispered* “Do I really have to read these lines? They’re embarrassing and unbecoming of me.”

Guile: *whispered* “you had better read them.... otherwise I have to be the bad guy, and being bad just isn’t my bag, if you know what I mean.”

Rezo: “How dare you not invite me to such a wonderful party as this?!”

Lina: *controlling anger* We didn’t think you liked parties, which is why we didn’t invite you.”

Rezo: “I’m hurt. I really am. And I have such a wonderful gift to bestow upon the princes.”

Amelia: *whispered* “This is a trap.” *to Rezo* “And what shall you give the two princes?”

Rezo: “I shall give.... I shall give...”

Celia: “Yes, go on.... what will you give the wonderful princes of this kingdom?”

Rezo *clears throat*: “I shall bestow upon them the promise of being the most beloved pair of princes that any kingdom shall ever have. They will be respected, well loved, well taught, and well learned. However, upon the eve of their eighteenth birthday your sons will prick their fingers on a mace and die. Such is the price which you must pay for not inviting me to the wonderful event.”

     He laughs maniacally and leaves. The king and queen are heartbroken. Their sons will be all that they ever wanted, and yet on their 18th birthday they would die due to a terrible curse.

Queen: “Cannot this curse be broken?”

Celia: “I don’t think I can break it. However, I have yet to give my gift, and it will be thus. They will prick their fingers on their 18th birthday. However, they will not die, but will fall into a deep slumber until a chosen one comes to the land to awaken them and defeat their evil grandfather. Thus it is spoken, and thus it shall be.”

     As the princes grew into handsome young men they had the forest fairies nearby at all times, protecting them, helping them, and lending assistance whenever it was needed.

 <Lina, Amelia, and Celia appear again, all  wearing outfits very unbecoming of a princess, a sorceress, and a vampyress. Actually Celia is enjoying it, but the other two are blushing up a storm>

Lina: “I oughta fireball Saturn for this... this... outrage. This is worse than that song and dance number we did when we met Mimi and Nene.”

Amelia: “Miss Lina, how could you. I thought we agreed never to discuss that again.”

Lina: “Sorry Amelia. I sorta forgot.”

Celia: “I Don’t know what’s wrong with you guys, but I love this outfit. It shows off my cute little abs, my lovely curves....”

Lina: “Plus your perky little butt and your large chest. We know, we know... you don’t need to rub it in. Geeze... who writes this dialogue? Disney?”

 <Lina gets whacked with the all mighty censor hammer for mentioning a large company that made a movie of the fairy tale with three fairies, but those three were more modestly attired.>

narrator: “Can we please continue with the story line? This is embarrassing for me as well.”

Lina: “Sorry. Please continue.”

     As I was saying, the queen and king feared the evil spell cast by the wicked warlock to come true and take their princes from them, and had all maces in the kingdom taken and either locked away or melted down and used for other things.

Filia: “If you namagomis even THINK of taking my mace I’ll... I’ll.... I’ll.... *transforms into dragon form*

towns person 1: “Aw crud.... this is too much. The dragon isn’t supposed to come until MUCH later in the story... like near the end.”

     Filia reverts back to her humanoid form.

Filia: “Sorry.  But you’re still not getting my mace so just back off!”

     The two grew up together, each pursuing their own thing. One liked to fool around with magic, and through a backfire with a spell, gave himself blue skin of stone, which his “brother” adored and would touch every chance he got. The other liked to be a cowboy, right down to the spurs and leather chaps, and showed a knack for marksmanship. They shared a deeper type of love than just the brotherly type, and would sleep in the same bed together, curled up in each other’s arms.

<Washu: “That’s the understatement of the century.”>

<Alex: “I’m trying to keep some of it mild. Geeze, give me some credit, will ya?!”>

     The years passed peacefully, with everyone enjoying happy days together. The two princes made it to their eighteenth birthday, and nothing which the evil warlock had predicted came to pass.... at least not at that point. That day the two were out frolicking in the woods, enjoying each other’s company.... and bodies.

Zelgadis (muttered): “Damn you Saturn. I swear I will maim you later for this outrage.”

Irvine: “C’mon Zel. Relax and let what comes naturally happen.”

     Irvine kisses Zelgadis on the lips and winds up with his hat squashed over his face.

Zel: “I told you I’m not in the mood for this....”

     A small window appears, and in that sits a chibi WS and a chibi Washu, both of whom watch with growing concern. Finally the chibi WS pulls out a palmtop and punches up Zelgadis’ character profile, giggling evilly as he makes some changes here and there. He then shuts the palmtop and slips it back into his pocket.

chibi WS: “And now for something completely different....”

chibi Washu (covering eyes): “Oh my. I can’t watch.... I really shouldn’t watch. Aww... hell, you convinced me to watch.” (uncovers eyes)

     Zel pulls Irvine’s hat off of his face, which startles the cowboy since he was about ready to suffocate. He blinks with surprise as Zel crushes their lips together and kisses him passionately. He then blushes as Zel’s tongue works its way into his mouth and starts to explore. Irvine then closes his eyes and moans softly as he gives in and lets Zel have his way with him.

     As the two princes were in the midst of their enjoyment a dark shadow fell across them. They looked up to see a cloaked figure with its face hidden in the shadows. The figure produced a large spiked mace and set it down on the ground before them.

Figure: “Have you never seen a finer mace in all of your life? Look at how the light reflects off of the spikes. See how sharp they are. See how heavy it is. I bet you want to swing it.”

Zelgadis: “I’ve never seen a weapon quite like this in all my life.”

     Zel then proceeds to lift up the mace and heft it over his head. He swings it a few times before driving it into a thick tree trunk, where it gets stuck. Irvine walks over and begins to examine the weapon, pricking his finger on one of the spikes. As blood oozes from the wound he begins to feel faint and falls backwards. Zelgadis lifts his “brother” from the ground and kisses him in hopes of reviving him. In a Romeo and Juliet type scene he turns to the mace and impales his hand upon a spike. As the blood issues from the wound the cloaked figure throws its hood back to reveal that it’s the warlock.

Rezo: “You have fallen into my trap, princes of Shinobia. Now you will die and I will claim the throne for myself!!”

      Rezo vanishes into the woods, laughing maniacally. The three fairies appear far too late to save their charges....

Lina: “Damn it all to hell! If only we had been a little faster.”

Celia: “Calm down Lina. There was nothing you could have done.”

Amelia (grabs flak helmet): “This is a Dragon Slave alert. Take cover and clear the streets!”

Celia: “What?!”

     Celia turns to Lina, who’s summoning the energy for the pixie sized spell. She face faults before grabbing Amelia and diving for cover.

Lina: “... before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hand. Dragon.... SLAVE!!”

     A pixie sized beam of energy tears through the air after Rezo, and a moment later there’s an explosion, which sends someone orbital.

Jessie & James: “Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!” *ping*

     They returned, sad and forlorn, to the castle. The king and queen, to mourn their sons losses, built a tower of ivory white to house their bodies. They placed the brothers in the same bed, curtains of lace hiding them from the world. The room they filled with their most prized objects, and they sealed the door with the family crest. The fairies, to make it difficult for people to find out about the kingdom and the tragedy, froze time by putting everyone into a deep slumber and created a thicket of thorns that surrounded the tower.

     By now Washu has become quite interested in what Saturn has in mind for the next part of the story. Saturn, on the other hand, has opened a chat program and is holding several simultaneous conversations with his friends. Washu sighs, pulls her laptop out of pseudospace, and opens up a chat window of her own.

inventorchick: “Hey, aren’t you the fanfic writer whose site hasn’t been updated for a while?”

Lunawisker: “What are you talking about? Who are you??”

inventorchick: “Oh, just a fan of your fics, but I haven’t seen any new ones for a few months and have grown concerned. When are you going to post more?”

Lunawisker: “I have some fics all set to go.... I just haven’t had the time or energy to post them.”

inventorchick: “Well, that’s why I’m here.”

Lunawisker: “Nani??”

inventorchick: “I’m here to make sure that you finish your fics and post the new ones, or my name isn’t Washu, the genius of the entire universe. Hold your applause please.”

     Alex glances over at Washu, who turns and grins at him. A sweat drop forms on his head as he signs out of the chat program and returns to the window for fic writing.

Washu: “Very good. Good boy. I’ll have you trained yet.”

Alex: “Oh brother.”

     The years passed until one day a handsome and charming prince in black leather came across the kingdom. Unsure of what to make of the situation, he dismounted from his horse and began to investigate. The three forest fairies appeared before him, imploring him for his help.

Celia: “Please, oh please gentle prince. Please help to break the spell that has been cast over our kingdom.”

Amelia: “Please help us to make things right again.”

Alex: “What do you want me to do, gentle fairies? I am but a simple prince looking for adventure.”

Lina: “Then did you ever stumble onto the right place bub.”

Amelia: “Miss Lina, that’s not in the script!”

Lina: “Hey, when in doubt improvise! Besides, Saturn doesn’t pay me enough to say what’s in the script.  Anyway, there are two handsome princes who were much loved by the kingdom. However, they’re under this spell that’ll have them snoring away the centuries until a prince, like you, awakens them with a kiss.”

Celia: “But first you must slay the evil wizard who cast the spell upon them. Then, and only then, can the kingdom reawaken and accept their princes and you into their lives.”

Alex *evil smirk* “Well, since it’s up to me, I’ll do it. No problemo. Piece of cake!”

Amelia: “Then I command the thorny wall to retreat and allow access to the castle.”

     <Amelia waves her wand about, and the wall of thorns untangles itself and opens an access path to the castle, up which Alex walks with the three forest fairies wondering if they indeed chose the right person for the job. As he walks up to the castle Rezo appears, then transforms into Shabrinigdo>

Rezo: “You’re not going to pass and wake the princes! I won’t let you!!”

Alex *draws sword* “Bring it on!”

     WS suddenly stops typing and sighs. Washu glances over.

Washu: “What’s wrong?”

WS: “The inspiration is gone. The song in my heart has suddenly come to an unexpected end.... I can’t finish this fic.”

Washu: “Oh no you don’t. You’re not gonna do that. You’re so close to the climactic finale. Your character has to fight the evil wizard and defeat him, then enter the tower and kiss the princes to awaken them and revitalize the kingdom. Besides, your friends from your downstairs are sorta stuck in the story line and won’t be able to get out until you finish the tale.”

WS: “WHAT?! What the hell are you talkin' about Washu?!”

Washu: “Built in safety protocol for the new program. An author is compelled to finish his works if someone he holds dear is trapped in the story line until he’s done.”

WS *shuffles through clutter around his desk and pulls out a deck of Clow cards* “Glad I decided to borrow these from Sakura-chan.”

Washu *looks at Cards and arches eyebrow* “Whatcha gonna do? Tell the future?”

     WS pulls out the create card and tosses it into the sky before producing a bow and notching a silver arrow.

WS: “Create card, grant me the strength I need to finish this story and save my friends. Release and Dispel. CREATE!”

     He releases the arrow, which strikes the card. The card glows and turns into a floppy disk, which float down to his hand. He looks at Washu and smiles before popping the disk into his laptop’s A: drive and opening the program within the disk.

WS: “Piece of cake. This will allow me to fix everything and finish this damned story.”

Washu *sighs* “Oh boy. Here we go again.”

 “Spirits of air, earth, water, and fire, guide my hand as I join the strife to free those trapped within an eternal spell!”

     The heroic soldier...

Alex: “Soldier my ass! I am no freakin' soldier! Hell, I avoid the army at any cost whatsoever!”

     Ach-hem. The heroic type person charged into battle, his sword glowing as he fought against the demon beast that had been the wizard who had cast the spell. The fairies could do nothing except watch from the sidelines as the hero was thrown through the air and into a tree. The mighty knight pulled himself to his feet, summoning all his energy into one final attack.

Alex: “Oh holy winds, winds that flow gently across the land, let all things be filled by your pure breath!”

     The knight’s sword glowed a blinding blue as he leapt at the demon and swung, the sword striking sure and true. The glow left his weapon and flowed into the wizard’s body, crystallizing it into ice. The momentum from his downswing shattered the frozen demon, leaving shards to melt in the sun that suddenly reappeared.

Celia: “You have done it, oh gentle knight. You have slain the wizard who imprisoned our fair princes under his nasty curse. Now you must go and wake them.”

     <Alex sheathes his sword as a set of stairs appear, and he climbs these, entering the ivory tower. He parts the curtains on the bed and gazes in, blushing when he sees how absolutely handsome the two princes are. He slips his armor off and sets it aside with his sword before crawling onto the bed. The first prince he kisses is Irvine, and they share a slow, deep, passionate kiss. When the kiss ends Irvine slowly opens his eyes. Alex then straddles Zelgadis’ legs and kisses him tenderly on the lips. This kiss is deeper than the one he gave Irvine, and the chimera parts his lips to accept a roving tongue. A moment later Alex breaks the kiss in order to catch his breath, and Zel opens his eyes. The three fairies appear, all overjoyed at the turn of events in their favor>

Amelia: “Hooray! Hooray! The evil spell is broken. The lands shall awaken from the long slumber that was placed upon them. Our princes are awake and all shall rejoice!”

     <Zelgadis wraps his arms round Alex’s shoulders and begins to nuzzle his neck as the knight nuzzles Irvine and slips his hands up under the cowboy’s shirt. Amelia and Lina blush crimson and avert their gaze. Celia watches for a little, then grabs the other two and drags them away with the excuse of leaving the boys alone for a while.>

narrator: “So, with evil wizard defeated and the princes awake, the surrounding lands awoke from their state of suspended animation. A few days later the two princes ascended to their places in the thrones beside their parents, and the heroic knight was well rewarded and offered a position as personal bodyguard to the two princes, which he gladly took. They all lived happily ever after...”

Alex: “... The... End.”

Washu: “I thought the epic battle between the knight and the demon beast would have taken a lot longer.”

Alex: “Well.... I wanted to finish at least one project, so the ending is sorta rushed.”

Washu: “Bad writer. Bad author. No cookie!”

Alex: “And just what is that supposed to mean?!”

Washu: “A writer writes from the heart. You can’t rush something and expect it to come out good. It just doesn’t work like that.”

Alex: “Well, this turned out all right, didn’t it?”

 <A sweatdrop forms on Washu’s head>

Washu: “Umm... well.... yeah... I guess. Not exactly the lemony goodness I had expected from you, but it tastes very citrussy.”

Alex: “So my friends are out of the story now?”

Washu: “Yup. They’re free and probably have some questions.”

Alex *standing up* “Good. I’m gonna go and talk to Irvine and Seifer and Zelgadis.”

Washu: “And I’ll save your data for you.”

     <As Alex leaves the room, Washu opens up a fresh window and begins to write her own story. But that’s another tale for another time>

     Back in the dining area of the pocket dimension Seifer, Zelgadis, Irvine, Lina, Amelia, and Celia are trying to figure out what the hell had happened. Amelia and Lina are puzzled as to why they’re in the apartment and not back on Gourrigan’s Island, which is where they should have been. Alex bounds into the room and is immediately met with icy stares from five of the occupants.

Alex: “Lemme guess.... living out one of my stories isn’t nearly as much fun as writing one, right?”

Amelia: “Mister Alex, those costumes were scary.”

Lina: “Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows...”

     Amelia and Celia grab the sorceress and drag her into a nearby portal, leaving Zelgadis, Seifer, and Irvine with Alex.

Irvine: “Ya know, that was actually kinda fun. I liked being a prince.”

Zelgadis: “I liked it a little bit.... but you changed my character profile on me, which I didn’t like.”

Alex: “Well, you wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

     The chimera winks at Alex.

Zel: “You’ll never know, will you.”

     Alex blushes.

Alex: “Well... um... I... I don’t know what to say...

Zel *rising from the table* “How about ‘Let’s go to my bedroom and have a little fun’. I’ve had a long day and need some sexual healing.”

     The chimera steps up to Alex, rises up a little bit to meet him nose to nose, and proceeds to kiss the mage. A deep kiss. A passionate kiss. A kiss that turned into a bit of erotic massage in the middle of the office with Seifer and Irvine watching.

Seifer: “I don’t mean to burst anybody’s bubble, but I didn’t appear in that story for an instant, and I was struck by the tidal wave of lemons like everyone else.”

     Alex stops kissing Zel and ponders for a moment.

Alex: “Ya know, you’re right. Maybe you were one of the stunt people. I don’t know. Oh well... that mystery won’t be solved tonight. C’mon Zel. Let’s go make some noise.”

     The fanfic writer leads the chimera from the room, leaving Seifer and Irvine by themselves. Irvine embraces Seifer from behind and kisses the back of his neck while unzipping his shirt.

Irvine: “I don’t care who you were in that twisted tale. I still love you.”

     Seifer blushes and moans as Irvine slips a hand down the front of his pants.

Seifer: “You keep doing things like that and I’ll love you forever.”

     And then it faded to black. The end.

*a small hole opens in the black, showing Washu still busy at the keyboard of  Alex’s laptop. She’s humming a little tune to herself while she works, and every now and then she says a few words of what she’s writing. On the reality viewer near where she’s sitting the viewer can get glimpses of Zel and Alex in the bedroom, and Seifer and Irvine in the office. She stops typing, puts her arms above her head, and leans back, several pops and snaps coming from her back. She looks at the reality viewer and giggles evilly, since she’s been toying with the writer and his male friends without them knowing.*

Washu: “A hahahahahahaha.... piece of cake!!!”

-END