Jared's Pick - Movie Reviews: Anastasia

Anastasia

I admit, I was excited to see Anastasia; I figured this was the chance I'd been waiting for to slam Disney. Sure, the mighty Mouse studios are predictable fun for the kids - with a heavy, heavy emphasis on predictable. Here are some of Walt's indispensable elements for a successful animated feature:

1) Have at least one endearing animal sidekick for each main character. Preferably two for the villain to take the edge off the surprisingly violent scenes.

2) Make the main character a woman. A strong, feisty, independent woman who nevertheless needs a lovable, clumsy, and slightly dumb man to be fulfilled.

3) Brilliant animation and eye-popping special effects.

4) Painfully schmaltzy song and dance numbers to be repeated throughout the film ad nauseum. Said songs must be written by Elton John, Andrew Lloyd Webber, or someone equally evil.

5) Basic romantic fairy tale story line liberally sprinkled with stunning historical inaccuracies.

6) End the film, at all costs, with a wedding. Multiple weddings, if possible.

7) Above all, license the characters/action figures to McDonalds or Burger King. In Di$neyland, Movie = Marketing Ploy.

The big surprise of Anastasia is not how closely it follows the Animated Commandments, but that it isn't Disney at all. It's Fox. You'd think that a young upstart studio about to jump in the fray against the undisputed King of Cartooning would feel free to take more chances, but if Coke is what the people pay for you can bet the Pepsi execs won't stray far from the same formula.

Basically, the story is exactly what you'd expect from Disney. Oh, Fox - I keep forgetting. Anastasia is the (incongruously) blue-eyed, American-slang-talking 90's kinda girl who also happens to be the princess of Russia but doesn't know it, as she was orphaned when her family escaped from the evil Rasputin. Dimitri is the fast talking con man who tries to pawn her off as the true Anastasia to the pining grand dame of the family for a hefty reward. But surprise! She is the real Anastasia. Oh, the irony. And guess what? As the two flee Russia to Paris to find her family, they bicker themselves into a relationship. Hope I didn't give anything away there.

There's not much else to say - if you live in the sort of household that would see Anastasia, then you probably already have seen Anastasia. But if your 8-year old hasn't dragged you there yet, fear not. Despite my earlier ranting, Anastasia wasn't a bad movie. As long as you don't expect any adherence to the facts of Russian aristocracy, it's a decent ride. The now-common fusion of computer and hand drawn animation is excellent (although spotty - breathtaking vistas and action sequences are followed by slipshod, Saturday-morning character animation).

Christopher Lloyd provides the voice for the semi-dead, decomposing zombie villain Rasputin, and although he takes a backseat role to the romance between Dimitri (John Cusak) and Anastasia (Meg Ryan), his scenes provides the most fun. Some of this character's actions are a little frightening for the kiddies, but what's a full length animation without a few nightmares? I'm still trying to get over the lime-green fire belched forth by the briar-dwelling dragon in Sleeping Beauty.

Suffice to say that Anastasia meets the standards of a Disney feature, with all the pros and cons thereof. You already know what to expect, and that's what you'll get. Mindless fun, few surprises, and don't forget to stop at BK on the way home to pick up your timeless collectable action figure.

- Jared O'Connor

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