The Big Hit
Mark Wahlberg, fresh off his critically acclaimed (if ever so slightly overrated) performance as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, apparently wanted to take a break from the dark drama of that film and make something fun. And I'm sure he had a blast making The Big Hit - he gets to bungee off the side of a building while the top explodes (can you say Die Hard?), shoot powerful guns and scowl, make out with attractive scantily clad women and, here's the kicker, still be a Nice Guy. Hey, pay me a few million and I'll do the same.
But like getting completely loaded, this stuff is only fun if you're the one doing it. Watching is another matter entirely. I felt like the designated driver, sitting in the theatre bored and irritated by the characters on the screen who were having fun without bothering to include me. Although I wonder how much fun they were really having making The Big Hit, as the actors often looked stiff and uncomfortable playing out the pitiful storyline. You could see them mentally berating their agents for getting them this career-crushing gig.
The violence, and there's plenty of it, is low-rent Hong Kong action mixed with the pre-teen sensibility of a director who has spent far too much time playing Doom. The dialogue is straight out of the Pulp Fiction how-to handbook, with all of the irrelevance but none of the wit. Two hit men stand outside a door with guns and coffee while another is inside plugging bad guys. One hit man turns to the other and asks, "Non-dairy creamer?" "Sure", the other replies over the din. Ah, comedy.
Wahlberg is Melvin Smiley, a killer with a heart of gold who wants everyone to like him, so does free hits for his friends while his two girlfriends suck him dry for all the cash he makes pulling contract jobs. He knows he should dump them, but can't because of his sweet nature and need to be loved. This is what passes for characterization.
There's a kidnapping, the beautiful Japanese daughter of a bankrupt movie mogul, only Smiley and his inept crew don't know he's bankrupt. Said daughter falls in love with Smiley. There's more shooting. Et cetera. Walhberg should have found a better vehicle for his buff bod and passing talent, Lou Diamond Philips should have left his career in ruins where it was, and Antonio Sabato Jr should have stuck with the Calvin Klein underwear ads. He's much better when he shuts up and flashes that winning grin than when he tries to speak.
The Big Hit wins my award for the most ironic title of the year thus far. Don't see it unless you have a penchant for real stupidity. Stay home, rent Time Indefinite and be deeply moved. (It's at Atlantic Video. Trust me - look it up.) If you must visit the cineplex, wait till next week - He Got Game looks to be excellent, Two Girls and a Guy shows real promise, and even Deep Impact could be a solid thriller. I'll keep you updated. Until then, here's a capsule review of all the current movies I have not yet seen and don't intend to.
My Giant. Sight gags hardly work for five minutes in a Saturday Night Live sketch, never mind for two hours.
Lost in Space. Any movie that mines an old televison show for inspiration is suspect, especially one that stars Yet Another member of the cast of "Friends". What is it with these ubiquitous kids?
The Odd Couple II. Beware of unasked-for sequels. Even with the outstanding talents of Neil Simon, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, it still looks dumb. There's been a negative buzz about this one - believe it.
Black Dog. In the grand tradition of Road House and Point Break, Patrick Swayze does his take on Speed in another desperate attempt to make everyone forget he's just a ballet dancing pansy who got the hots for a 17 year old in Dirty Dancing. Avoid at all costs.
The balcony is now closed.
- Jared O'Connor
MOVIES
All Content © 1997, 1998 Jared O'Connor and Michael Baker